Chapter 3

Hey Guys! Thanks for the reviews! This is kind of a filler chapter, but there is more to come! Please let me know what you think :) I apologize once again in advance for any errors as English is not my native language. Oh and ofcourse a disclaimer: i do not own any of the characters or storylines of Grey's anatomy.

Jackson watched her with full adoration as she inhaled deep breaths. Her sleeping figure displaying nothing but tranquility, peace. The dark curtains of his room did not allow much of the sun's early rays to illuminate his room, however, it was just enough for him to study her features closely. He loved every single thing about her. Her lips, her hair, the small freckles that covered her nose: Jackson concluded that she was the closest thing to perfection he knew and he felt a sense of pride wash over him as he realized that this amazing woman was lying in his arms. Very softly and very carefully he started to trace random patterns on the white skin of her arm. He was afraid to wake her up, to pull her out of this peaceful dream world she was in now. Jackson pushed away his anxious feelings about how he would have to face his colleagues in just a few hours after everything that happened the day before: a day that was supposed to be a perfect day, a day that was meant to symbolize the love between April and Matthew from that day onwards. Instead, Jackson had turned it into an irreparable mess. He noticed that he did not feel sorry anymore - as much as he thought feeling apologetic seemed to fit the situation- he just could not feel any regrets for making a mess of yesterday anymore. Jackson felt slightly bad about this, but he did also credit himself for the fact that April's warm body was sleeping serenely in his arms. It seemed as if she had washed away any regret that had been eating him alive as soon as she showed up in his front door. He was extremely sure that she was right for him. He did not need anyone to prove that to him. However, that he was right for her was something he needed to prove to the rest of the world. To the rest of her world, including her parents – which, Jackson thought, might be a mission impossible.

Jackson could feel April's body starting to stir and a few seconds later, her hazel brown irises met his ocean green ones. April's lips curled up into a small smile. "Hi," she greeted him, her voice a typical morning voice: low and rough. "Hi," Jackson replied, a very evident smile on his face. April reached out to touch Jackson's face.

"Is this real?" she questioned, barely above a whisper, her thumb brushing over his beard. Jackson inhaled deeply.

"It is." April's happiness did not last long, a deep frown starting to form on her face ad the smile on her lips slowly faded away. Jackson could sense that she was scared as hell. Scared for all that was to come. He squeezed his eyes shut, not able to witness the misery on her face any longer, knowing that her distress was completely attributable to him.

"Stephanie," April breathed. It is then that Jackson's eyes shot open again. He had forgotten about her. Completely. Her name had not crossed his mind once since he had left the barn. Not once. Stephanie. The girl that was technically still his girlfriend, Stephanie. How the hell could he forget her? Jackson hung his head as he felt another rush of guilt cut through his bones. You are a terrible person, Jackson Avery was the thought that went through his mind. All that had occupied him were the thoughts of April, of the damage he had caused her. Not once did it cross his mind that he had left a broken-hearted girl there in the barn after she had come to know that he had feelings for another woman in the least classy way. Stephanie, a girl he never even ever deserved. And if Jackson had to be completely honest with himself, he knew that she was falling for him right from the start of their relationship. And he knew he would never feel the same way for her in return. As painful and cruel as it may sound; she was nothing more than a mere distraction to him, a way for him to deal with this empty space in his heart that always had April's name on it. Stephanie had been a way for him to convince himself and others that he could move on from the redhead. But mostly, to convince the redhead herself that she had not left him heartbroken as she did, that he was indifferent about her moving on as well. All of this was just one extreme form of denial; a denial that – as the process of refuting continued - Jackson had started to conceive as the truth. He started to believe the lie he was living in. He started to genuinely believe that he was over her until the reality hit him right in the face yesterday as the woman he loved, dressed in white, was about to commit herself to someone else.

"She deserved better," Jackson stated, his voice hoarse because of the sudden dryness of his throat.

"He deserved better," April mirrored Jackson's words, not permitting herself to think any longer about the miserable state that Matthew must be in since she left him at the altar, knowing that she might break down if she did. Jackson noticed April's gaze staring into the black mass of darkness in his room, and he figured that she was haunted by the same mortifying guilt as him.

"What did you mean by blessing?" Jackson asked, kind of out of the blue. Her eyes shot back at his.

"What?" she asked softly, clearly confused.

"Why did you want my blessing? I never quite understood why you said that." Jackson clarified.

"Because… because I wanted your blessing. I just… I wanted to be sure that you were okay with it. I wanted to be sure that… there was absolutely no chance of you and I together anymore. And the look on your face when you said I had it – your blessing… I was convinced. I was completely convinced that you and I were over for good," April explained, her voice low but firm, her hand travelling soothingly up and down Jackson's bare chest. Jackson pulled her closer and planted a soft kiss on top of her head.

"Let's go," Jackson proposed, as much as he never wanted to leave his bed. "We can do this," he affirmed. They needed to be at Seattle Grace in less than an hour. He felt April's head nod softly in agreement.

Alright guys, just a few more days and we are finally over this stupid hiatus! Can't wait :o