Hi guys! So I was kind of disappointed by Catherine's response to Japril in the show. This is how I imagined it to be. It is a long chapter, and it's basically the conversation between Jackson and his mom in which he tells her about the wedding and stuff, the conversation we didn't get to see on the show. So, here you go!

Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's. Surprise.

Also: I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes or typo's, I'm not a native!

"I ruined her wedding, mom."

"You did what?"

Jackson pulled his phone away from his ear as the sound of his mother's shrieking voice painfully shot through his ear. He wasn't surprised by the very evident angry tone in her voice. On the contrary, he completely expected a reaction like that from her. The question was not whether or not she would get angry at him. The question was how long it would take for her to calm down and really listen to him. Hopefully then she would understand him, but Jackson knew that that was a very unlikely thing to hope for.

"Mom…" Jackson breathed, a weak attempt to calm his mother down.

"I did not raise you like this, Jackson Avery! I did not raise you to become a wedding wrecker! I did not raise you to-"

"Mom, I did not plan to ruin April's wedding. I did not plan to-"

"Why the hell did do it then? What did you do?"

"I… I told her I loved her-"

"You love her?" Catherine Avery interjected once again, not allowing her son to finish one single sentence properly. There was a tone of surprise in her voice, the good kind of surprise though. Jackson thought he even sensed a hint of happiness in her voice, but he wasn't sure. He knew his mom has always deeply appreciated April in a special way, in a different way. The anger seemed to have disappeared from her voice completely, however, Jackson knew he had a lot of explaining to do.

"Yes, yes I love her. I always have," he confirmed as convincingly as he possibly could. He was waiting for his mom to interject him once again, but she remained silent. No angry words escaped her mouth, no words at all even: Jackson had left his mother speechless - which was a first for Catherine as far as Jackson knew.

"Mom?" Jackson asked carefully after a few moments to make sure his mom was still there. He wasn't sure whether or not this silence meant something good or something terribly bad. Either way, he preferred his mom screaming at him. This radio silence only made him more nervous.

"How?" she asked weakly. How? Jackson wasn't sure what his mom meant by that. How could he have been such an idiot to only wait until the very last possible moment to tell her? Or how could he have been able to just deny his love for April for so long?

"What do you-"

"I knew it! How couldn't I have seen it. How could I've been so blind all this time? Of course you love her. You've loved her all this time," she clarified, more towards herself than towards her only son. Jackson was kind of surprised by this. Did his mother already suspect his feelings for April before he himself did? If Jackson was able to hide his feelings for his best friend convincingly enough that even he himself believed it, how had his mother been able to see through it?

"I've noticed it a few times before, the way you looked at her. And the way you protested my meddling when it came to her," she continued, her tone somewhat playful now. Now that Jackson thought of it, he indeed hated his mom's constant meddling. Back then, Jackson thought that he hated his mom for it because it was embarrassing and completely out of line, but if Jackson had been really honest with himself then, he would've recognised that these negative feelings derived from plain jealousy and possessiveness and nothing else. If any of his mom's attempts to meddle had really worked out, Jackson would've hated to see April with someone else. He remembered the feeling of seeing April kissing Matthew for the first time. Jackson couldn't help but frown whenever the sight resurfaced in his memory.

"Since when?" His mom asked softly. Jackson inhaled a deep breath. He knew that he had to explain the whole story from the beginning until the end. But where was the beginning? Since when did he really started to have feelings for April? Was it after San Francisco, after he had really passed the friend zone? Or was it even before that, before their first night together when they were still 'just friends'? He has had feelings for April even during Lexie, Jackson thought. He remembered the unrepresented anger he had felt when he listened to April cry about Karev's unsuccessful attempt to sleep with her. He had never felt as disgusted and angry before. Who did Karev think he was? Jackson felt his heartbeat rising once again at the thought. It seemed as if the memory would never really lose its infuriating effect. Jackson decided that there was no clear starting point as to when his feelings for her began. However, there was a very clear starting point as to when their more-than-just-friends kind of relationship commenced.

"The boards, San Francisco" Jackson answered simply, hoping he wouldn't have to go into further detail with his mom about that night. Jackson smiled a little at the memory of their first night together. It had been so different from all the other times Jackson had made love to a woman. It had felt so natural, as if it was predestined to happen. And even though it was her first time, it wasn't awkward at all. If he hadn't known any better, he wouldn't have believed it was her first time. She was so extremely confident that night, it had really blown Jackson away. He still remembered every single detail: the smell of her hair, the taste of her lips and the way her almost porcelain skin reflected the little amount of moonlight that the window of their hotel room allowed to escape.

"But that was ages ago!" Catherine exclaimed disbelievingly, "Why didn't you tell me?" she then asked, hurt evident in her voice. Jackson was never really a person who felt the necessity to share all the details of his life with his mother, however, about these kind of events he normally did enlighten his mom. April wasn't just some random fling, she was his best friend. In a certain sense, April had been like a daughter to Catherine, a daughter she never had. At the time, Jackson had been very aware of the fact that he left out this huge detail of his life to his mom, just because he wasn't really sure himself how to label the thing between him and April. Were they friends with benefits? Were they dating? Were they even still friends? At that time, Jackson was very confused himself so the easier choice was to not tell his mom. Also, he knew his mom would've killed him if he had told her since she also knew April was supposed to save herself.

"Because… Because it was complicated. We… April and I, we were complicated," Jackson tried to explain, albeit knowing this somewhat weak answer wouldn't satisfy is mother.

"Complicated? Son, you need to elaborate further. I am still really confused," his mother then said.

"We weren't really sure what we were, what we felt for each other," Jackson tried to clarify.

"Jackson Avery! You slept with her during the boards, didn't you!" Catherine stated accusingly. Jackson sighed in frustration. How did his mom always read through his words?

"I-"

"Don't even think of denying it, son. You slept with her even though you knew about her principles and then you left the poor girl confused about your friendship," Catherine continued, the accusing tone of her voice increasing. Jackson was frustrated by his mother's words. April had left him confused as well, with her constantly making him feel guilty, making him feel like he took advantage of her.

"No, no it wasn't like that. She felt guilty about it one moment, and the next she-"

"So you did sleep with her?"

"Yes! Yes, I slept with her!" Jackson answered, frustration thickening his voice. His mom always tricked him into confessing stuff he didn't want to confess, "But I didn't take advantage of her! It wasn't like that. She wanted to. And then she felt guilty about it because of her vow to Jesus. And then I felt guilty." Jackson explained, his voice loud. He still remembered the morning after, when he saw the guilt written all over her face as she was waiting to start the boards that she would unsuccessfully finish.

"As you should've!"

"And then the plane crash happened, and I was going to Tulane, she had failed her boards… Mark was dying. He told me something not too long before he died that made me want to tell her I had feelings for her. But then she was gone. We were supposed to meet up at Joe's before she left for Moline, she promised me she would come but she never showed up… I didn't call her or anything in the time she was in Moline, I didn't know what to tell her. And then all of the sudden she was back again. She was back in Seattle again and I-"

"Coward! You should have called her! No - you should've gone there and tell her in person-"

"Mom, it wasn't that easy. I was still confused about my feelings for her and… I mean, would it have made a difference? How were we supposed to work? She was in Moline, I was in Seattle…" his voice faltered. The distance wasn't really an excuse. He was too much of a coward and that's why he didn't call her or text her or something like that in the time she was in Moline. He heard his mother sigh on the other end of the line.

"And then?"

"Well, when she came back, she was 'reverginizing', and well, things were weird between us. But then… err…"

"You couldn't keep it in your pants?" Catherine finished her son's sentence, annoyance and disappointment dripping from her voice.

"Something like that," Jackson admitted shamefully. He remembered genuinely trying to distance himself from her, to keep himself from having his way with her. But he failed miserably, not even 24 hours after seeing her for the first time in a long time, he couldn't help but get sucked into this inevitable chemistry between them. Really, he was just too weak to resist her. She had this power over him that made him lose all the control he had over himself. "Then… well then…," Jackson's voice slowly faltered. He tried to continue to the next part of their story: the pregnancy scare, his proposal… It is his least favourite part of the story as it is the part in which April had hurt him in a way no one else ever had. Jackson didn't think he had ever felt as heartbroken as he felt when he heard the relief in April's voice when they learned she wasn't pregnant. Thank god, now we don't have to get married! This sentence still felt like a knife cutting straight through Jackson's heart. At that very moment, he didn't expect to ever feel that hurt because of his feelings for someone. He didn't think he was the kind of guy to get his heart broken like that. Frankly, he didn't think he was the type of guy to be truly committed to someone, to be completely and willingly monogamous. He imagined there would be one point in his life in which he consciously chose to settle, to start looking for 'the one' - a term in which he refused to even believe in at that time. But his love for April, this unique love that he would only experience once in his life, the love of his life, happened all of the sudden. He didn't choose to start settling for one woman, it just happened.

"Honey?" Catherine asked hesitantly, reminding Jackson that he was actually in a conversation.

"Yeah, well then… April was over time. We thought she was pregnant, so we did a test. She thought that I wouldn't be ready… That I wouldn't want to be involved. But I'm not that guy. I am not an asshole that just walks away from his responsibilities. And to make her absolutely sure I was not planning on leaving her, I… I proposed. I told her we would be able to do it. I told her we would buy a house together for our kid to live in, I promised her the perfect wedding…" Jackson explained, a certain bittersweetness in every single word that described their almost-wedding.

"Wow…" Catherine breathed, completely blown away by this sudden, very big twist in the story.

"It wasn't an impulse decision, it wasn't something I did just because it was something I was supposed to do. I did it because it felt right. It felt like something… natural. Like it was meant to be or something like that," Jackson quickly clarified. He needed his mom to know that his proposal at the time wasn't something conditional, depending on the results of April's pregnancy test at the moment or something rash. He needed his mom to know that in order for her to understand his following decision, one that Jackson had regretted ever since.

"Well? What happened then?" Catherine asked impatiently, curious to know how this story would continue, how this wedding never actually took place.

"That same day we got the results of her pregnancy test. We learned together that April wasn't pregnant. I don't know how, but one way or the other I was kind of disappointed by that. But then… She was so relieved, mom, so extremely relieved that our previously decided plans for the future weren't in the picture anymore. She thanked God that our wedding wouldn't be realized anymore… I don't know why, but her words just hit me right in the heart, I didn't see that coming. I wasn't used to feeling like that, and honestly, I wasn't keen on the idea of feeling like that ever again."

"So you broke it off?" Catherine asked, sympathy as well as disappointment lacing her voice.

"Yeah.. Yeah I did and it is the stupidest thing I've ever done…." Jackson thought about his words, but quickly changed his mind, "No. Not the stupidest thing," he corrected, obviously raising curiosity with his mother.

"Care to explain?" Catherine asked, somewhat scared for what was next to come. Jackson breathed in deeply before he continued:

"Well, then we just kind of… stopped and avoided each other. Things were kind of weird because we were trying to be friends but obviously these unresolved feelings kept creating this weird tension between us. Then Stephanie happened-"

"Your rebound," Catherine interjected sharply and disapprovingly. Jackson never really understood his mother's dissent with his former girlfriend, but it didn't bother him that much anymore. He didn't turn out to treat the girl any better than his mom did. So he just decided to ignore his mother's statement.

"And for April, Matthew happened. I never took it quite seriously, I didn't think they would last long, or at least I hoped so. But then, all of the sudden, the guy had organised a whole flashmob, got on his knees, revealing a ring and then…"

"Shit got serious," Catherine finished.

"Yeah… Shit got far too serious." Jackson remembered April's gaze falling on his face briefly as she was hugging her freshly announced fiancé, almost looking at him for permission. All he could do was smile at that moment and nod, not fully realizing what his "blessing" at that moment would imply for the future.

"And then, our friendship got kind of easier. I started to deny my feelings for her, therefore accepting the fact that April and I would never really happen. Things between me and Steph got better as well. But there were still these moments in which I just didn't know how to deal with this friendship between April and I." Jackson still remembered how every smile she flashed him made his stomach hurt a little and how every time she touched him made him experience some kind of merciless regret. But what made him feel even worse: every time Matthew made her smile or when his hands were touching her lower back, it literally made Jackson feel sick.

"Then there was the night of the storm-"

"When you threw yourself in front of an exploding bus," Catherine added, obviously still not amused with this somewhat irresponsible but heroic action by her son despite Jackson's various attempts to explain to her that what he did wasn't that irresponsible since it is his responsibility to save other people's lives after all. However, Catherine remained very (and a bit disproportionately if you asked Jackson) worried for her only child. Jackson simply rolled his eyes at his mom's previous words.

"Well, yes, that night, April told me she… she told me she wanted me and that she was willing to stop her engagement if I wanted her too," Jackson explained, receiving a gasp from his mother in return.

"She told you she wanted you… instead of Matthew?" Catherine asked.

"Yes, yes she did," Jackson clarified, dreading to tell his mom the next part of their story, "And, well.. I blew her off."

"Jackson Avery!" his mother then exclaimed, clearly not amused with the way he had reacted to April's confession, "I don't understand!"

"It's… I just didn't think she really felt that way for me. I thought it was just a spontaneous, rash thing she said simply because she was shocked about what had happened with that whole bus explosion. I mean, after the way she had blown me off, that time that we had the pregnancy scare… I just knew and kind of feared that I had feelings for her that went way beyond just friendship. So… I don't know. I got mad at her for confusing me again. I was just starting to settle with the knowledge that April and I would never ever be together. I was just starting to be able to look April in the eye without feeling like shit. She.. She was just starting to be so happy again, and then… then she just had to mess it all up!" Jackson said, his voice loud and still full of frustration. Partially with April but mostly with himself. How could he have said to her what he had said? How could he have hurt her like that? How could he have referred to their relationship as nothing more than 'a bang in a bathroom', as if it was just that?

"Oh baby," Catherine said after a short silence. She felt sorry for her son and she could definitely sense that he was still very much struggling with this very complicated history between him and his red headed best friend, "You should stop beating yourself up over this. You have both made mistakes, because your are both so damn stubborn!" Catherine continued. Jackson just hummed in response, not fully agreeing with his mom. He should be beating himself up, and he didn't think he would ever stop with that. He and April have lost so much time, and he couldn't help thinking it was his fault.

"Well, what happened after that?" Catherine asked curiously.

"We kind of became friends again… or sort of. Things remained weird. The wedding was coming up, and I really didn't want to go. But she really wanted me to, saying that she needed 'my blessing' or something like that," Jackson said, remembering his talk that he had with April not too long ago about this 'blessing'.

"Alright…" Catherine then said, still processing the word 'blessing' and what April could've meant by that.

"And then, then there was the wedding. I really didn't think I would just ruin it, it was never my intention," Jackson quickly explained before he continued, "But… I saw her walk down the isle, and it just felt… wrong. Like she didn't belong there. Everything in me wanted to stop her, grab her and pull her out of that barn as far as possible. I didn't know why I was feeling like that, I thought it was just some kind of natural protectiveness every guy has for his female best friend right before she is about to get married to some guy you don't really know. So I let it slide. I mean, I saw the smile on her face as soon as she saw Matthews lovestruck face and… I told myself that she belonged with him. But then… the feeling didn't go away. It only got worse. Then the minister asked for our promise to support their wedding… I just couldn't. I couldn't say it," Jackson explained, his voice strong.

"I understand. So then…?"

"Well, then… It hit me. Why I felt like… like I couldn't breathe, like I was going to throw up any second, like I would never be truly happy if I let her go. I loved her. I always had. So I stood up… twice actually," Jackson continued.

"Twice?" his mother asked, clearly confused.

"Yeah, the first time… Once I stood, I saw all the faces of her family… I remembered what I was about to do… what I was about to do to her and her family and what I was about to ruin. So I sat down again, but that felt even worse. So I stood up again," Jackson explained.

"What did you say?" Catherine asked.

"I said… I said I love her and I always had. I said I loved everything about her, even the things I don't like," Jackson heard his mom chuckle on the other side of the phone at that, "I told her I wanted her with me. And then I told her once more I loved her and that I thought she loved me too. And then I asked her if she did… if she did love me." Jackson still remembered his nerves eating him alive at that moment, his sight refusing to leave April's eyes. He remembered having a hard time reading the expression on her face, other than shock obviously.

"After a long while she told me to go away… so I left."

"What? Wait… What happened since?" Catherine asked, disappointment and some kind of sadness dripping from her voice.

"I felt… terrible. I felt terrible about what had happened. I felt like an idiot. I felt like I made a huge mistake and that I had lost her once and for all now, all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. So I just sat at home, and I drank…" Jackson's voice faltered as he remembered the horrible feeling that was cursing through his body that night. Catherine remained silent, waiting for her son to continue.

"I didn't know what to do, how to deal with work when I would come back, how to deal with seeing the disgusted look on her face anytime she would look at me. I was even thinking of just… leaving to somewhere, anywhere. But… that night, her wedding night, she showed up at my front door," Jackson then explained, and he could almost hear his mother smile on the other side of the line, " And well, ever since we are together," Jackson then happily concluded.

"What? Wow! So… she chose you! She never got married to that…"

"Matthew," Jackson filled in, "And no, she never got married to him. She left him at the alter, something she still feels terrible about though. And I feel like an ass for what I did to Stephanie."

"I understand, as you should be. You should have never gotten involved with that girl. She obviously developed feelings for you whereas you knew you would never be able to return them," Catherine pointed out.

"I know, I know, mom. I feel terrible enough already, no need for you to rub it in my face," Jackson grumbled.

"Alright… I just… I can't believe this all happened! How has work been? Have you seen Matthew?"

"Yeah… Well, April and I decided to keep our relationship a secret at work, just for a little while. We thought it would be better for Matthew and Steph, and mostly because we weren't ready for the big confrontation yet. But, well, we couldn't really keep up with pretending like we were avoiding each other, so it came out eventually. And well about Matthew… The first time I saw him, he decorated my face with a nice shiner," Jackson answered, "the guy was furious. He yelled some pretty nasty things to April he shouldn't have."

"I guess you had that one coming, baby, you kind of stole the guy's bride. I hope April doesn't feel too bad about what had happened though."

"Well, she did, but now… we're doing really good. She actually moved in with me a couple of days ago," Jackson said, kind of proud that she was his now and that they were living under the same roof.

"I am coming to visit soon. And don't worry, I won't be the terrible mother in law if that's what you're worried about," Catherine announced before her son could protest.

"Fine," Jackson gave in.

"I am happy for you, Jackson. You were very brave for what you did," his mother said, her words full of honesty and even pride. Weirdly enough, Jackson really needed to hear that. All he has been getting is crap for what he did. He expected his mom to give him crap too, but luckily she didn't.

"Thanks mom, I appreciate it. I guess I'll see you soon then."

"You will. Don't forget to give April a hug from me," Catherine quickly said before she hung up the phone. Jackson felt a small smile playing on his lips as he felt relief run through his body. She was on their side. His mother was on their side. And if Jackson was honest with himself, he could really use someone on his and April's side right now. He really needed someone to remind him that what he did wasn't an act of cowardice, but rather one of bravery. He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the familiar sound of April's silent humming as she entered their apartment. He couldn't wait to tell her about his call with his mom.

Oh, don't forget to review if you have time! It really makes my day and motivates me to write :)