A/N: This chapter is Rated M. I needed to explore Puck's feelings a little and this story kind of has mind of it's own. If you dont want to read M stuff, skip the italics.

I do not own Glee.

Puck threw down his backpack and flopped on his bed. He'd had a crap day. A crap year. A crap life, really. He didn't know when it started. Probably when his dad left, although his vague memories of his parents shouting and his mother crying herself to sleep, make him think it's never been a happy house. Last year, when Quinn had showed up on his doorstep, after Rachel had told Finn the truth, he hadn't wanted her to stay. He'd begged her to go anywhere else, but she didn't have anywhere to go. His house was nothing compared to hers. Shabby, run down, in a bad part of town, not good enough for her. He slept on the couch, so she could have his room. It was a weird state of things, like he was walking on egg shells all the time. He'd wanted to help her, support her, he'd wanted to love her, but he didn't know how to do any of it. He still wants all of that. But she just crushes him.

He's always saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, being the wrong thing. He's angry too. He's angry that he put them in that situation and angry that he couldn't step up and help her. He's angry that she made all of the decisions without him. He's angry that she made the right decisions, even though they've left him with a gaping wound he's not sure will ever heal. No one would believe it, but he cried all summer. And when he finally got sick of crying, he did stupid things, like pick fights, so someone would hit him or knock over an ATM, just so someone, anyone, would remember he still existed.

They don't remember though, she doesn't remember. It's like she's taken a sharpie and blacked out everything they had together, everything that was. And he can't deal with that. Because he remembers. He remembers everything.

*flashback*

He rolls over again and bunches his pillow beneath his head. He can't sleep. There's a million things running through his mind, but mostly, what a big screw up he is and how he's moved on from just screwing up his own life to fucking up other people's as well.

She's just down the hall. She spends a lot of time in there, hiding from him, hiding from everyone. And she's crying. He can hear that too. She thinks shes waited until everyone is asleep to let it out. She doesn't know he can't sleep. He wonders how often she does that, as he turns over again. He hates to hear her cry. He hates it.

He doesn't think about the reasons why he should just leave her alone as he creeps down the hall. He ignores all the warning bells, as he softly pushes her door open. He can barely remember his own name as he sees her curled into herself on the bed, her blonde hair spread across the pillows, looking like a fallen angel in the moonlight.

She flinches when she feels the weight shift, as he lays on the bed. But he's pulling her into his arms and murmuring, it's ok, baby, its ok, its ok. And she presses into him, needing the safety of his strong arms, and soaking up the sensation of his fingers trailing softly down her back.

He doesn't know when it changed, when the gentle kisses he'd pressed to her forehead turned into more passionate ones on her lips, when his I'm sorry's turn into I want you, I need you.

He tightens his grip on her waist, touching the soft skin under the hem of her tshirt, hearing the hitch in her breath as he traces his fingers up her side and across her breast. He stills and looks at her, wondering how far she'll let him go. His gaze never leaves hers as he flicks his thumb across her nipple. She moans a little and pulls his lips back to hers, tongues dueling, he slides his hands back down, over her hips and around her thighs. His fingers graze the edge of her panties and then he boldly slids one underneath and strokes her core. She's so wet. He wonders for a mintue if he's still dreaming, but then she's lifting her hips, so he can slid her panties off.

He slides kisses down her neck and across her shoulder. He rubs his lips across her breast, loving the way her skin goosebumps in his wake. He slides a hand across her swollen belly and down between her legs and she bucks her hips, as he presses her in a gentle rythymn. He can feel her breathing harder, biting her lips as she tries to keep quiet, and he increases his speed alternating strokes and swirls, until she falls to pieces in his arms.

She looks at him lazily, all traces of her previous tears gone, and he can't tell what emotion is in her eyes, but it makes him lose his breath. She tugs on his boxers and he slides them off, not quite believing what's happening. She sits up and leans over to kiss him and he pulls her across him so all of her heat is right where he needs it. She slides across his length, back and forth, until he thinks he'll die if he can't be inside her. He runs his hands over her hips and lifts her up, setting her back down, gasping as he slides into her. He tries to slow her, he wants, he needs this to last forever. But she won't be held back and she feels so good and his world is exploding and he's holding her so tightly and kissing her so fiercely.

He has to hold on, he thinks, because this may never happen again. And he's right, because the next day she comes home from school and tells him she's moving in with Mercedes. He nods, because they are a mess and no good for each other. He doesn't know how to tell her needs her. And he never finds the words. So he lets her go, and he doesn't fight her when she breaks up with him that summer either. Because he's just not good enough for her.

*Glee*

Finn was laying in bed, when he heard his phone buzz.

Thanks for calming me down today. I was kind of a mess. I love you.

He smiled.

Love you too, Rach. Good night.

He was almost asleep, when it buzzed again.

so...the mailman. Our first kiss, in the auditorium...

He groaned. She was never going to drop this. He should have known not to let her know she had that much power over his body.

yes, Rach. Good night.

She was going to be completely unbearable after this.

A/N: Sorry for the detour into M. Hopefully the rest of the chapters behave. Next up is Regionals! There will be a bit of a delay, I have some other projects I've been neglecting this week!