Cursing done with.
Check.
Crying done with.
Check.
Favourite poem remembered.
Check.
Not gotten killed by a stray shot.
Check.
Ashley ran, but this wasn't Eden Prime, she wasn't running in panic. Nor was it one of the airless rocks she'd been running over in another charge at Michael's side. She was running for cover...but felt utterly calm as shots whizzed past her to the point that her surroundings disappeared in the energized air.
She leapt, vaulting the low boulder ahead and ducked behind it even as a blast sent pieces of it flying as a shot struck it a second too late to hit the intended target.
She was panting, sweating, adrenaline still flowing...and she wouldn't have it any other way.
She grinned at her foolishness, after all, what did it matter how one died, shot or blown apart, in bed or running...as long as one did it proudly?
Still...it felt good to go the way she'd always wanted.
The assault rifle in her hands hissed with overheating and Ashley gently placed it in her lap as she rested the back of her head against her cover, content to rest as explosions racked their position.
Prayer for my soul...check...no last rites from a priest but I doubt the big guy will mind in this case.
She grinned, then laughed, there was a grim hint of madness in it, but she ignored it, for in the end...she felt quite content, at peace.
Wonder if my sisters will be okay? There was a pang of grief at the thought, but she shrugged it off, feeling sure about the answer. They'll grieve, then join the Alliance anyway, to make me proud...and I will be.
Tears prickled her eyes...and Ashley blinked them away, quietly chuckling at herself for still being afraid to show weakness with so little time of her life left.
Huh, maybe dying like this will clear the Williams name...that would be a nice gift to my sisters... A sardonic smirk stole its way to her lips at the thought. If the battle here is declassified of course...heh...damn politicians always ruining my death...
Fuck it.
Jumping to her feet she spun, a cry escaping her mouth as her assault rifle swept from right to left, forcing the advance of the dozens of Geth to falter as they instead turned their guns upon her.
A duck...and her cover began to shake with impacts...impacts lessening, enough for Ashley to hear the machines stutter in quick communications. Sensing the bomb blowing eh? Good.
Then Kirrahe dropped down next to her, the Salarian panting like mad, his left arm a green mess of torn armour and shredded flesh. The Captain still held a pistol in his right hand though, his black eyes surprisingly clear and calm as he glanced over their cover. "I believe they have stopped firing...and are looking back..." A smile on the Salarian's lips that even as Ashley watched grew wide, nearly reaching his large eyes. "...he did...all I can ask, damn fine work, wish I had met him earlier."
"You and me both." Ashley muttered, smiling at the Captain's shredded arm, feeling oddly proud about the way the Salarian didn't even seem to notice the injury. "But hell, I'd say we did good too, what was that manoeuvre you pulled on that one Krogan? Heh, never saw it coming."
"It was a good one wasn't it?" Kirrahe grinned at her...and she grinned back, the two sharing an understanding...and Ashley suddenly wished she'd brought a drink to share.
Well...at least now I can screw protocol. Ashley's hands moved up, unclasping her helmet and pulling it off before simply dropping it into the water, hands moving up...and her hair came free. Ahhh...much better.
When she looked back she found Kirrahe staring, making her blink. "What?"
There wasn't a hint of embarrassment, nor derision, in Kirrahe's voice: "You humans look so...strange."
Ashley laughed...feeling the ground under her shake with the detonation that would rend apart a large chunk of a continent...and shook her head in wonder: "This coming from the little green man..."
A small snort...and Kirrahe rose, the pistol dropping from his able hand as he offered it to her, a calm smile on his lips: "A fair point...shall we?"
Ashley looked at the offered hand, so alien, so strange...and so inviting. Letting her assault rifle drop into the water next to her helmet she reached up, gripping the offered hand as she got to her feet. "Yes, why not?"
They got up, turned...and watched.
Before them the Geth were turning, weapons lowered, mechanical eyes looking up at the large mushroom-cloud of grey and brown dust rising up. And ahead a massive wall of dust and fire grew, bellowing out like an unstoppable wave of destruction as it swallowed water and mountains alike, vaporizing all.
She felt it on her face, a prickling pain...and knew worse was to come...but it was okay.
Kirrahe's hand squeezed hers.
And she squeezed back.
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Two empty seats.
Tali couldn't help but stare at them, as if able to will the occupants back into them.
Of course neither would arrive. Kaidan was still in the medical bay, in too critical a condition to be moved... Tali shuddered at the memory, her recovered concussion making it feel as if what she'd seen had occurred in some horrific nightmare, but she had seen him back there, she knew it hadn't.
As to the other chair...Tali swallowed, feeling the loss of Ashley far too keenly. A mix of guilt, shame and horror swirling within her head as she tried to imagine it. Tough, confident Ashley, an invincible woman that had – despite the painful turn of their relationship – been a good friend...gone.
It was difficult to grasp.
Yet not, it was, in the end, a wonder more chairs weren't empty...
Tali's own injuries were rapidly healing, direct injections of medi-gel to the damaged areas had done much to fix the – in comparison to the others – small injuries. The concussion was gone, though her rib still ached...and her right arm was in a sling, she could move it...but Chakwas had told her not to until further notice.
With the empty chairs on her right Wrex was the one closest to her, the Krogan too looking well, though more due to his species ability to regenerate then due to his injuries being light. Back when they had pried the ruined armour off him...it had been a horrifying sight. But now he sat there, no worse for wear, chin leaning on neatly folded claws and elbows against his knees as he observed the two in the centre of the room.
Tali didn't want to look at the two though, didn't dare...instead her gaze moved over to Garrus, wincing at the sight.
The Turian was a mess. His armour was gone from the waist up, instead it looked like he was wearing a tight shirt over his chest and arms...even his neck, but it wasn't a shirt, just bandages, thick, many, white...except for the few places where blue blood was beginning to show through. She had seen him without the bandages though...and the Turian's chest had literally been riddled with holes from the many Geth firing at him...
He sat stiffly on his chair, clearly in pain...but noticed her stare and shot her a comforting smile...and Tali let herself calm, more for his sake then her own.
Then two more empty chairs, belonging to...Tali couldn't help but to look, to move her gaze to the middle of the comm-room...
Liara was...pale.
At first glance her wound hadn't looked so severe to Tali, but Chakwas had, the moment Kaidan had been somewhat stabilized, rushed to the Asari's side, prying the then grey rather then blue Asari's hands away...and showed organs pushing through the wound as the flood of blood slowed to a trickle. It had been close...every bit of Asari blood in storage had been used...but Liara had pulled through...though judging by Chakwas shaky breathing it had been a close call.
Even now the Asari was more grey then blue...and though her eyes were black with the melding there was a very present pain in her stance...the Asari swaying even as she dug within Michael's mind.
And Michael...
Keelah...
He wasn't actually in that bad of a shape, at least not compared to Kaidan, Garrus or Liara...in a way it wasn't surprising, the injuries, despite the blood they'd drawn, had been surprisingly superficial...compared to those of the others that is. So in body he was...well...he could wear his shirt for one, and though there were many bulges of bandages underneath it they seemed...beneath his notice, too insignificant to him now that he'd had fresh blood pumped into his body.
Though why the injuries were so easily ignored was painfully clear...
As Tali watched the melding ceased...and Michael's shoulders slumped. Not with exhaustion, weariness or relief...they just...slumped. His eyes, now focusing back to the present...were dull, not the calm iciness of battle, nor that confident smile on the Normandy, just...dull.
Everything in the way he stood, his shoulders, his arms, the way he held his head...it was all...empty.
She could still see the pain, something overbearing, overpowering...like a great shadow covering the man like a cloak. Yet it was but an echo of what she for a fraction of a moment had seen in him when the doors to the Normandy's cargo bay had closed, whisking them away from Virmire and Ashley.
And now it was draped around him, and he didn't even seem to notice it, the grief going ignored by a mind that had retreated far enough for it to no longer think itself able to feel.
He exuded defeat.
And it was a horrifying sight.
"I...Commander...Michael..." Tali glanced at Liara...and noticed how the Asari had gone even paler as she shook where she stood, grief written in her being. "I...didn't realise you...I'm so sorry..." As usual between the two the words were only half a conversation...but Tali understood, Liara had seen pain in the melding, more then ever before...
Tali grimaced. What else is there to see?
Before her Liara reached out...her being emanating a mix of horror and sympathy...and Michael didn't flinch away, the man too gone to even feel the hand on his cheek, too unwilling to care.
He just stared back at her...and she might as well have been a wall.
Silence.
"So...what did you see?" Garrus finally tried when it became clear Michael wouldn't say anything, the Turian's voice hoarse and thin.
"The beacon clarified much...information that I find interesting but..." Liara took a breath, biting her lower lip as the scientist in her was kept at bay. "...isn't much help for you. However, the Conduit is on Ilos, which we can reach via the Mu Relay...but also somewhere else."
"Somewhere else?" Wrex echoed, one large eye narrowing in question.
Liara shrugged, looking confounded even as she swayed with blood-loss. "It's hard to understand, the Conduit...it's a real conduit of sorts...it is hope...in a Prothean's mind, but also defiance...these things are difficult to explain. It is safe to say however that Saren intends to use the Conduit to somehow reach the Reapers."
"Then let's get him." Garrus shrugged, managing a struggling smile. "I mean where else does he have to go? Nowhere we know of. And with the losses he's suffered I'm sure he has no choice but to go there right away or lose his chance."
Silence.
Many eyes turning to Michael...
Who just looked down at the floor, empty eyes staring at it, not really seeing anything.
Keelah...please...don't.
For every moment the cloak of grief seemed to close tighter around the man, making him tense...even as he refused to acknowledge it, refused to feel it...
And Tali could see the cracks in him as if they were physically there...a glass ready to shatter.
Finally Wrex rumbled, the Krogan a bit awkward, experienced, but also knowing he wasn't supposed to make the decision: "And even if he doesn't go there we can beat him to it, set an ambush or simply destroy this Conduit thing."
Silence.
Echoing, horrible, silence.
No orders, no direction, no fire or even need...
Nothing.
And they all felt lost without it.
Finally Garrus broke the silence, the Turian coughing curtly before nodding to himself: "Well it's clear then..." He glanced up at Michael, as if feeling guilty to tread on the man's command...and Tali couldn't blame him. "...we head for the Mu Relay and get to Ilos."
Silence.
It hurt.
Then Wrex managing a solemn nod. "Yeah, a fair plan."
More silence.
It was agony.
Liara was inching away from Michael, the Asari looking away, her contorted face smoothing with an effort of will even as her body screamed with sympathy for the man she'd just melded with. Her voice but a whisper: "That seems logical yes..."
Tali didn't know what to say, feeling the others eyes upon her, what could she say? She wasn't a commander, she had never wanted command...and now even speaking felt like intruding on Michael...
The silence dredged on...
Then a whisper: "No."
A shudder ran through the gathered team, all staring at Michael, bodies tensing, waiting to spring at his command.
As it should be.
Yet...Tali watched his face, the utter blankness in it, the way his body tensed with grief he refused to feel...and felt her heart sink.
His voice was low, and only because none dared to move or even breathe they heard it: "We will not go to Ilos..."
Silence.
Then Garrus, voice careful but confused: "Then...where?"
Silence.
Michael shrugged. "The Citadel."
They stared at him...and Tali felt her own horror be mirrored in the others as they saw the depth of what had happened as well.
Another tiny shrug: "The council needs their report, we go there..."
You want to be judged...sentenced...discarded...
Tali's heart...it was like something black and burning was tearing into it, sharp burning claws shredding it...
Keelah no...
He was so close...so close to shattering...
Silence.
Then Garrus, the Turian hesitating as he raised a finger, awkwardly leaning forward as he muttered: "Erm...is that really-"
"DO AS I SAY!"
All jumped back in their seats, even Wrex, as Michael whirled to face them, stance low and eyes blazing even as his body shook with a tension he hadn't even begun to unravel.
There was madness in those eyes...and none but Tali dared to look back into them...horrified.
For she saw what lay beneath...and felt only pity.
His gaze moved to her...and she felt her back stiffen as she forced herself to look back into his eyes, knowing that even a pitied beast could rip you apart...
Michael was tense as a bow...
And Tali forced herself to stay outwardly relaxed...
Then a slump...and Michael looked away, the moment of near-shattering easing back, if only for the moment...
He turned, walked, head hanging and hand waving dismissively: "Back to your posts..."
All sat fast to their chars, stunned, too afraid to move.
All but Tali, who darted after the man, too afraid to stay.
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Thanks to Abydos Jackson for managing to get through this one.