chapter 4 LOSING HER PRIDE

Hermione leaned against the wall, breathing as quetly as she could and waited. She didn't know what she was waiting for, but she knew she couldn't escape whatever Lucius has planned for her. If she had her eyesight, things would be much more easier. She wouldn't be so defenceless and completely at his mercy. The expression on a person's face could tell you a lot about their thoughts and emotions. She could read his face, the look in his eyes and that would give her some power. But without being able to see that, she was completely clueless and confused by his actions.

All she had was his voice. It was easy to recognize if he was angry or calm, but that wasn't exactly helpful.

Her stomach rumbled painfully. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink since when the War started. If she'd have known that was to be her last supper, as it were, she might have appreciated it a bit more.

How she hated the feeling of ignorance. Of not being able to tell if he was looking at her or if he was even in the same room. He was really good at standing completely still and making no noise. Not even his breathing could be heard. That made her feel uncomfortable. Just the thought of him looking at her, observing her like a predator sent shivers down Hermione's body.

After a few minutes of silence, Hermione couldn't take the pressure anymore:"I know you're here,"she stated calmly.

Soon she was rewarded by his answer:"So you're not as dumb as you look."

By the sound of his voice she could tell he was standing on the other end of the room. Hermione opened her mouth to reply to his insult, but she quickly closed them again, realizing it was probably not a good idea to anger him when she wanted answers.

Lucius noticed that:"I see you are slowly learning your place. I thought it would take a bit longer than just one day."

Knowing it was not wise to fight with him, Hermione ignored his insults and asked what she wanted to know:"Why am I here? You could have chosen some other survivor to be your award. There were a lot of purebloods. Why me?"

"I have my reasons,"he drawled coldly,"Soon you will learn some of them."

"Is it because I'm a muggle?"Hermione suddenly asked, her voice strong and proud.

She could hear him take a step towards her, then he stopped in his tracks. She gasped as she suddenly felt a stinging slap across her face, although he has not touched her. She swallowed sharply, but showed no pain as she raised her head proudly in his direction.

"You will restrain yourself from asking questions. You are to speak only when spoken to. Is that clear?"he asked, only warning in his voice.

Hermione felt like screaming. If she could see him, she would jump at him and show him just how submissive she was. He took the right to speak away from her. Who did he think he was?

But deciding to play his game to see where he was going with all of this, she took a deep breath and nodded.

"Now,"Lucius continued,"I would like to explain something to you. You are not a muggle. You are a mudblood."

"I'm not a mudblood,"Hermione shot back before she could stop herself.

Again she felt the a slap across her face, but this time she was expecting it, so she made no sound.

"You seem very slow to learn that I am not the slightest interested in your opinion," his voice was growing dangerously quiet.

Hermione realized she must be starting to annoy him. And that somehow made her feel good inside. Pleased with herself.

"I'm not a mudblood,"she repeated again, suddenly feeling the need to anger him. To show him that she has the power to annoy him, to awoke the rage in him. If not anything else, she can disobey him and prove him that she's not afraid. Even if underneath her strong appearance, there was a scared girl, who would do anything just to be left alone.

She heard him walk over to her and she tensed, expecting him to hit her again as he did before when she disobeyed him. But he stopped before her, she could feel warmth from his body and that didn't seem right to her. He was evil, he was a Death Eater, a murderer. He should be cold on the outside as he is on the inside.

"Maybe I heard you wrong,"he said smoothly, though there was so much hate and fury hidden in his tone. He was mocking her, playing with her, like a cat plays with its prey,"Repeat what you just said."

Hermione took a shaky breath and let out a whisper:"I'm not a mudblood."

She waited for his reaction and at first there was a compleete silence. Hermione didn't dare to breath, but she cried out in surprise when she felt a burning pain on her wrist. It was a feeling as if someone was cutting her skin with a razor. She used her other hand to touch it and found a deep cut on the inside of her left wrist. It didn't stop, it was just becoming deeper and deeper. At first it felt like a scratch, but with each passing moment it burned more and more.

"What...Ow!"Hermione let out and then gritted her teeth, not wanting to show weakness in front of Lucius.

"Hurts, doesn't it?"he asked calmly, not affected by her pain.

Hermione was starting to feel sick as the invisible force cut through her skin and she could feel warm blood slowly leaking through the cut. He was cutting her wrist and he wasn't stopping. Slowly she could feel her veins being cut and she pressed her right hand over it, hoping to stop the bleeding. Warm, hot blood running out of her wrists, over her skin and fingers. It was a disgusting and painful feeling. He slashed her wrist.

Hermione bit her lip, tears of pain and horror coming to her eyes before a sob of horror escaped her lips.

Legs couldn't hold her anymore and she fell down, her knees banged painfully on the ground. Tears pulled themselves up to her eyes as she started to sob. She cradleed her ruined hand to her chest, as if that way she could protect it from him.

"Please, stop! Why are you doing this to me?"Hermione screamed out, not being able to stand the pain.

She could hear him from above her. His voice was completely untouched by what he was doing to her.

"Because you are a mudblood,"he answered coldly.

"I'm a human being!"

"A mudblood," he repeated as if he were a broken record. He saw her as nothing more than a scum, a trash.

Pain and torture and agony tore through Hermione, ripping her to shreds and hurting her, making even breathing painful and difficult.

"A seventeen year old girl,"she whispered, hoping to make him realize just how wrong his actions were.

For a moment Hermione thought he isn't going to answer her, but then he finally spoke. And at his tone fear went surging through her like a wave of nausea.. His tone was dripping with hatred, rage and...a trace of grief?

"My son Draco was seventeen."

In all her distress, Hermione didn't notice at first what he had said. All her mind could concentrate on was the blood that was running out through her wrist like a huge, sticky river and the pain it was causing.

Then she realized it.

Not being sure if she had heard him right, she sceptically asked:"W-Was?"

"Admit what you are and I will heal that wrist for you,"Lucius demanded, completely ignoring her question.

Hermione insisted. She felt she was getting closer to something he did not want her to know.

"You said 'was'? What happened to Draco?"she asked with a strong voice, but almost afraid to hear the answer.

When those words left her mouth, she felt something cut deeper into the cut on her wrist. Through the flesh and the veins, almost through the bones.

She let out a loud cry of pain:"Don't...Please!"

Begging was never Hermione's favourite thing, but at that moment she didn't care. All she could feel was the pain, the excruciating pain. She couldn't think, her mind was revolving only around the pain.

"You know what you have to do to make it all stop,"he was now calm and relaxed with no trace of worry in his tone. It seemed as if he was certain in his victory over her. As if he knew he's going to win in this argument and it was only a matter of time when Hermione would do what he ordered her to do.

"Is refusing to say one word worth this agony? I could stop it right now. I have the power to make it all go away if you do what I told you to. Just tell me what I want to know."

"No,"was her only response, but it didn't sound convincing.

"Perhaps I should do something a bit more convincing," he drawled and at that moment Hermione felt the familiar burning feeling on her right wrist to.

"No! Stop!" she immediately cried out, panic taking over her. She couldn't stand the same pain on the other wrist too.

"You know what you have to do,"he stated calmly,"Do a smart thing for once in your pathetic life."

Hermione let the tears of hummiliation run down her cheeks as she accepted what she had to do. If she said that word, than everything would be alright. There would be no more pain...no more pain, no more pain... no more the disgusting feeling of blood running down her skin...

"A..a mudblood,"she said so quietly she almost couldn't hear herself.

"I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that,"he said cruelly and Hermione somehow knew there was an evil smile on his face. She could almost see it in front of her.

"I'm a mudblood,"she repeated, more loudly this time.

The moment she said that sentence she felt the cut on her wrist heal itself and all pain was gone in a second. Letting out a sigh, she heard Lucius' hard voice again.

"Oh, dear,"he sighed heavily, exaggeratedly,"I see your mind will can be broken quite easily. What would your friends say if they saw how quickly you've broken?"

Hermione stayed silent, not knowing what to say. She was ashamed of how easily she's given up. Her mind was screaming at her, telling her she should have been more stubborn, but everyone breaks under pain. No one can stay untouched by it.

"Now that we are on the same side, regarding what you are..."he started, but Hermione's anger took over her as she cut him off.

"I'll tell you what you are! An evil, pathetic bastard!"she screamed, and as soon as she said that, she heard Lucius hiss in anger. The second later, she was lifted up into the air and then she flew backwards, slamming into the wall across the room. Pain shoot through her, crushing all of her back, and she fell to the floor, gasping in agony.

She stayed on the floor, not daring to even move her head up. Now she's really pissed him off. She could tell by the way he was breathing. Closing her eyes, she waited for another punishment. But nothing happened. She had expected pain, caused either by his wand or his hands.

"No food for you today. Again,"Lucius's voice was once again controlled,"Unlike you I have things I have to do today. I will return in the evening and then we can continue with our session."

She heard him walk over to the doors and opening them, then he spoke again:"Oh, and mudblood? I will not be so merciful with you again. Ever."

With those words he walked out of the room, closing and locking the doors behind him.

Hermione curled up in a ball, pulling her knees up to her chest, wanting to sink into endless darkness, where there is no more pain.

She started to sob. The tears rolled down her cheeks and her nose burned. She cried and cried, with no-one to hear her. What did she do to deserve this kind of life? Why did Lucius hate her so much? Her blood status can't be the only thing. A person can't hate another person just because of their blood, right?

Somehow Hermione knew there was more to Lucius than he let her know. And she was slowly discovering what his reasons for taking her really are... She was determined to find out, it was just a matter of time. The thing that worried Hermione was- is she going to stay alive 'till then?