chapter 13 INTENTIONS
He was gone for too long. Hermione was losing her mind as she waited, locked in the bedroom. At first she felt proud of herself for winning in a fight with him, for finding his weak spot and using it against him, but with each passing minute she was more and more nervous. Something was wrong. There was no way of her knowing what the time was, but she was positive that he was gone for a couple of hours. He never left her alone for that long. Hermione's intuition was growing stronger with passing each day. She could tell that it was night or evening at least without being able to see. Something inside her told her that the day was coming to an end and she couldn't explain it.
If only her intuition could tell her where Lucius was and what was he doing, what was going on in his head. Maybe he was in his study and was planning a painful punishment for her. Hermione shuddered at that thought and pushed it away. Why was she wondering where he was anyway? He could be laying dead somewhere and she wouldn't care. She was trying to convince herself that, but it wasn't working. She didn't want him dead. After all he had done to her, she wanted to see him suffer, but she didn't wish for him to die.
She bit her lip in frustration at being kept in the dark. She needed to know where he was and why was he gone for so long.
And as if he heard her thoughts, the doors opened not even a second later. Hermione pulled herself to her feet immediately and raised her head proudly. She expected him to punish her, because there was no way he would let her dis-respectfulness pass. He never let anything pass. He just wasn't that kind of a man.
Hermione's legs were buckling as the uncertainty of what to expect became too much to bear.
Her breathing was the only sound in the room and just as the silence turned into a unbearable torture, he spoke.
"You never should have mentioned him," there was something almost soft in his tone, but it was gone before Hermione had a chance to analyze it, "I specifically prohibited you and you deliberately ignored my commends," his voice was low and dangerous.
Hermione sensed something foreign in it. Something was wrong.
"I-" she paused to find words, but then proudly raised her head:"I can say whatever I want. You are not my master."
"See now that's where you're wrong. I've told you that many times before, but it doesn't seem to have the effect," he drawled, "Maybe I should show you."
"What do you mean?" Hermione found herself asking, a hysterical edge to her voice.
"Crucio!"
Pain. She completely forgot how much that curse could hurt. Her legs couldn't hold her anymore and she hit the floor hard. Her bones, her skin were on fire and electricity was shooting through her body. She screamed at the pain, hoping her screams would do something, anything. Her body was trashing on the floor until suddenly the curse was lifted. But that didn't take the pain away. It was still present, burning her from the inside.
Hermione took a shaky breath and held the tears back. So was so sick of the tears. She wished to be stronger, mentally stronger so that she wouldn't break down crying every time Lucius tortured her. She felt so disappointed of herself and her strength.
"I never get tired of seeing you on the floor," he sneered and then walked over to her and pulled her to her feet.
Hermione struggled desperately against his grip, not caring what he would do to her. She didn't care about anything at that moment.
He pushed her violently back, until she hit the wall. His body was pressed against her, his hand holding both of her wrists above her head. Hermione whimpered from the pain he was causing in her wrist. It was still hurt from when he roughly pushed her to the floor a few hours ago. Hermione felt it burning and she suspected it was sprained, if not broken.
But that didn't stop her as she trashed around and tried to kick him with her leg. But he was faster, pressing his thigh against her legs, making it impossible to move.
His cold laugh filled the room:"When are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours, Mudblood? You can't hurt me nearly as bad as I can hurt you."
To emphasize his statement he tightened his grip on her right wrist as if he knew where it would hurt her the most and Hermione started to feel nauseous because of the intense pain that shot through her.
And at that moment she realized something. With his body pressed against hers, she could clearly smell the sickening smell of Firewhiskey on him. And it was strong. He always smelled of Firewhiskey, but this time it was different.
Intense fear started to build inside Hermione at that realization and she stopped with her fighting, waiting motionless for him to back away from her and release her as he always did when he won.
"Surrendering already, are we?"
But this time he didn't let go of her and Hermione could just feel that something was wrong. Lucius was acting very strange and it frightened her.
"Your skin," he whispered, "It reminds me of someone. So pale and soft."
His free hand glided over her arm and Hermione sucked in her breath, not daring to move.
His hand traveled down her body, slowly as a snake, until it stopped on her thigh. At that moment Hermione didn't know what to do or say. She was completely lost for words.
"I tried to cover it with bruises, but it didn't help," he murmured quietly, lost in his thoughts.
He then pushed the material of her nightgown up, until he could touch the soft skin of her thigh, making Hermione tremble with horror. He had never touched her that way before.
What was he doing?
"Let go of me," she said firmly, hoping to sound strong. But she knew that her every emotion was clearly evident on her face. She wasn't as good in hiding her feelings as he was.
"No," was his only answer.
"Why are you doing this?"
He tightened his grip on her wrists in anger:"Because you deserve it," then he almost whispered:"And because I can do with you what I please. You have no idea how tempting it is to have you in my room."
"T-Tempting?" at first she wasn't sure if she heard right. Lucius never seemed to be tempted by her.
"I've lost my family and you like to bring that up every chance you get. Wouldn't you agree that I deserve a compensation?" his voice was low and dark with so much anger hidden in it.
Hermione suddenly felt courage building up inside her and she forced the words out:"Compensation for what? You probably felt nothing when they died. You're not capable of feelings."
He slapped her with the back of his hand hard across the face, and Hermione could picture how pale his face probably was from fury. The vehemence of the blow could throw her to the ground, but he was still holding her wrist and not letting her move.
"I have discovered something quite interesting, Mudblood. Do you want to know what?" he asked, composed and slightly calmer now.
Hermione could feel her cheek burning and she kept her mouth closed, fearing that otherwise she wouldn't be able to control herself and tears would spill down her face.
Lucius only sneered:"It seems that your talkativeness has left you, but you will answer my questions. Is that understood?"
Hermione nodded and then screamed from the intense pain as he tightened his grip on her injured wrist.
"You will treat me with respect and that means speaking when you are required to," he demanded coldly, authoritative tone showing through his words.
"Yes, I understand!" Hermione answered quickly, not able to stand the pain in her wrist.
At her answer, he loosened his grip on her slightly, making the pain bearable.
"You're learning. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Do you want to know what I have learned about you?"
The only thing Hermione wanted at that moment was to kick him and scream at him, but she simply didn't have the strength to do that. She was still hurting from the Cruciatus Curse and she was using all her energy just to stay on her feet.
"Yes, I want to know," she answered through her teeth, trying to ignore the feeling of his hand on her bare thigh. Hermione could feel something in the air, some kind of a tension. Sensualtension. He was acting almost like Dolohov, but there was still something very different about Lucius' actions. Hermione realized with horror that she would rather have Lucius torture her and even take her if that were to happen. All logical thinking had left her as she couldn't explain to herself why did she see Lucius as lesser evil.
"Good girl," he purred in her ear, before moving completely away from her, releasing her wrists and removing his hand from her thigh, "It appears that usual methods of torture have not convinced you to be submissive. You deliberately go against my orders, speaking of things that are absolutely forbidden for you, and I think it's time for me to do something about it."
Hermione tried to keep her breathing steady, but it was hard with all the fear she was feeling. There was something in Lucius' words that seemed to fill her with horror. He was planning something and that wasn't a good thing.
"I didn't want to do this, but you left me no other option, Mudblood," he said quietly, his voice filled with anger and..hunger?
Hermione tried to move away from him, but before she made a first step, he grabbed her at her waist and lifted her into her arms.
Hermione pushed against his chest, struggled with all her strength but he ignored her.
A scream escaped her lips as he threw me onto the bed and crawled on top of her.
"Maybe this will teach you a lesson," he growled and only a second later Hermione heard the unmistakable sound of his shirt being removed. Her left hand made contact with his bare chest as she tried to hit him, but it was pointless. He only let out a cold laugh at her pathetic attempts to push him away.
"You said..." Hermione said through her sobs, "You said I disgust you!"
"You do," he barked back with disgust, "But I will make this sacrifice. You have to be punished."
When she heard him start to unbuckle his belt, the seriousness of the situation finally hit her and she let out a shriek. She felt she would explode from all the anger, fear, pain and humiliation.
His tall form seemed to crush he as he leaned over her and whispered:"Shh, kitten. Having to do this disgusts me more that it will hurt you."
Before Hermione had a chance to say something, he pressed his lips against hers. It was completely unexpected and Hermione closed her eyes, wanting to ignore everything that was happening. The kiss was less rough than with Dolohov, but that didn't make her feel any better. And why was he kissing her? He should be disgusted with her, but his body showed no resistance as he trailed his hands all over her body. At that moment Hermione realized that he was under the influence of Firewhiskey and that she was in serious danger if she didn't do anything.
She felt his hands pushing the straps down from her shoulders. He stopped kissing her, pulling her nightgown completely from her body, leaving her in nothing but her knickers.
Hermione shivered when the cold air hit her exposed body, but she didn't dare to move. Maybe if she ignored him, he would go away?
He leaned over her again and Hermione tried to move, feeling extremely disgusted at the feeling of her bare breasts against his chest.
Why wasn't he disgusted?
"You are responsible for this," he murmured quietly, "You forced me to do this."
Hermione's eyes flew open at that and she wanted to scream at him how wrong he was, how sick he was, but only a gasp of surprise came out of her mouth as she felt his hand on her breast. It made her sick. She blushed with embarrassment as she realized that this was the first time he touched her there. He had seen her naked before, but he always claimed to be repulsed by her body. And now there he was, touching her. She sucked in her breath as his hand closed around her breast, fingers skimming over her nipple. It sent shivers down her body and her trembling only worsened.
"You hate me," she whispered, "I disgust you! Why are you doing this?"
"I told you why, Mudblood. You need to be punished," he repeated emotionless.
Hermione felt something hard lightly pressed against her thigh, increasing her fear immensely.
"If you only knew how much pleasure I feel by seeing you so humiliated," Lucius hissed, pressing his hand firmly against her breast, "So helpless, so defenseless under my touch."
Her fear was choking her and she bit her tongue hard, feeling blood in her mouth. She hoped that it would stop him from kissing her. If her body didn't disgust him as he said it did, maybe her blood did.
She closed her eyes again, gritting her teeth together and convincing herself that she needed to be strong. Everything that Lucius did to her only made her stronger and maybe the same will happen after this event.
'I will be stronger. I will survive.'
She kept repeating it in her head, but didn't quite believe it.
His hand now left her breast and was moving over her stomach and further down, his fingers lightly gliding over the material of her knickers.
At that moment Hermione's eyes flew open and she almost chocked on her tears as she saw something other than darkness she was used to see. Her vision was blurred and the image before her was unclear, but she could see the form of a man leaning over her and his long blond hair falling into his face. Hermione blinked a few times and it was hard to see anything clear through her tears. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again, she was faced with darkness. It all happened in a second and Hermione didn't have the time to think about it or analyse it as she felt his hand start to slip beneath her knickers.
"Stop!" she screamed as her fear took over control.
She trashed underneath him and her mind was working quickly, trying to find anything that would make him stop what he was doing. It crossed her mind that she should again mention Draco, but that was very dangerous because of the state he was in.
So she let out the first thing that came to her mind:"I remind you of her! Is that it?" she screamed at him, her voice shaking.
He removed his hand immediately as if he was burnt and the next second it was wrapped around her throat, almost choking her.
"What are you talking about, Mudblood?"
"You said I-I remind you of someone. Is it your-your wife?"
Hermione knew how much she was risking her life by suggesting such a thing, but at that moment she would say anything just to make him stop.
The silence that filled the room after that seemed to last forever. Hermione was expecting him to slap her or kill her, but he did none of that.
When he finally spoke, his voice was low and filled with disgust:"You are completely out of your mind, girl."
Then she felt his weight being lifted off of her as he got up from the bed. Hermione didn't waste any time as she quickly covered herself with a blanket.
He was silent for a few moments and then he sneered:"You think you know everything. If you only knew how stupid you really are."
His words stabbed her like a knife and she felt a strong urge to yell at him. She always felt that way when someone insulted her intelligence.
"Tell me- how could a filthy Mudblood such as yourself remind me of..my wife? Please, enlighten me," he demanded coldly.
"You said...my skin-"
He cut her off:"I said it reminded me of someone. I could have meant the corpse I dumped on Hogwarts ground yesterday."
She cringed at his words, disgust showing on her face. She almost forgot what kind of a man he really was. A Death Eater who does unspeakable horrors, tortures, kills.
It was a good thing he reminded her, it was only making her hate him more easily and the image of him as her protector was slowly drifting away.
"Maybe I should give you to another Death Eater for this punishment and then come back for you," he threatened evilly, "So you wouldn't suspect that you remind me of my wife. Antonin would be glad to see you again."
Hermione shuddered at that thought, but she said nothing. She wouldn't beg.
When he slowly made a step towards her, panic flooded her mind and body. She didn't want to be close to him. All she wanted was to take a bath and wash his scent off of her.
Gathering her courage, she sat up and tightened the blanket around her body.
"You're lying," she said quietly, as she suddenly realized something horrible. Everything connected in her mind. Lucius' words, his actions.... everything suddenly made sense to her. But she prayed that she was wrong.
"I'm lying about what, Mudblood?"
"When you said I disgust you. It was all a lie," her voice got stronger then, "You're just ashamed of the fact that-that..."
"Finish your sentence," he demanded dangerously.
Hermione took a shaky breath, then forced the words out:"That you want me. And you knew how wrong it was, so you tried to hide it."
"You filthy...."
She cut him off, suddenly more confident as she spoke with a strong voice:"Why else would you give me that nightgown? If you see me as filth, I should be dressed in a filthy robe. And that day when you pulled my straps down...I couldn't understand why were you touching me that way."
Anger showed in his words:"Shut your mouth or-"
Hermione continued talking as if she didn't hear his warning:"And when you wanted to make sure that I do a decent job of washing myself... Those were all excuses! You're hiding your true thoughts behind the mask of hate and disgust."
"You have lost your mind, Mudblood," he said it so convincingly that for a moment Hermione thought she was wrong. But even if she was completely off track, she continued talking, because at least he wasn't trying to rape her. She stopped him and not with her strength, but using her brains. Slowly she was learning Lucius' weak spots and how to use them for her own good.
"You want me," she repeated, "That's why you gave me a potion to stop my...period. You've been planning this night. You wanted to-to..." she couldn't finish that sentence, but she knew he understood.
He just sneered at her:"You are far too innocent and naive for your own good. Believe me, if I really was planning this night, your little problem wouldn't have stopped me."
Disgust showed on her face at his words:"You're sick."
She had said that so many times before that it didn't have the same effect on him. And the same happened to her. He had called her a Mudblood so many times already, that she didn't even notice it anymore. It became almost her second name. 'Hermione' sounded strange to her now, almost like it wasn't her name anymore.
"So you've come to a conclusion that I'm attracted to you? That you remind me of my wife?" he asked calmly, but at the same time it was clear that he was mocking her.
When those words left his mouth, Hermione realized how stupid it sounded, but it all seemed believable in her head.
She nodded, pretending to completely believe in her theory:"Yes."
He let out an exaggerated sigh:"Well, that leaves no choice but the prove how wrong you are."
"You won't convince me. I've figured you out, Lucius," Hermione couldn't help but to feel satisfied at the power she had over him. They still weren't on the same level, but at least she didn't feel so helpless and useless anymore.
Without a warning he grabbed her arm and pulled her up from the bed. Hermione shrieked in panic, thinking that maybe he decided to continued with her 'punishment'.
But then he flicked his wand and she was again dressed in her nightgown.
"I will enjoy convincing you how wrong you are," he said smoothly and then dragged her out of the room. Hermione didn't know if she should struggle or not. But she was sure that wherever he was taking her was better than being in his bedroom with him. So she tried to keep up with him as he strode down the hallway.
A moment after she found herself almost breaking her ankle, because he didn't warn her about the stairs. But she knew she was safe from any kind of injury as long as he was holding her arm. She would be hurt only he decided so.
After stairs there was again a long hallway and when they finally stopped, Hermione noticed how cold it was. Much colder than it was in the bedroom.
The doors slowly swinged open with a horrible grinding sound and then she was pushed through the doorway. Lucius let go of her and because the ground was uneven, Hermione tripped and her hands and knees connected with hard stone underneath her. Immediately she knew where she was. A cell.
"Why have you brought me here?" she asked as she pulled herself to her feet.
"I have explained it to you. You will stay here until you get that crazy idea out of your head," he drawled in a bored voice, as if he was disinterested.
"No..." Hermione felt panic rise in her body as horrible memories came back to her. The smell, the sound and the feeling in the cell reminded her of her time with Dolohov. She felt like she was once again in his dungeon, waiting for him to return, to hurt her more.
"Haven't you done enough to me?" she asked, her voice shaking.
"Do you take back your previous words?"
"No," she said firmly.
Lucius smirked:"Well, evidently I have not done enough. Enjoy your time here, Mudblood and don't expect me to come back soon."
With that he turned to leave, but Hermione's words stopped him:"You can't keep me cooped up here for the rest of my life," she whispered.
Interest showed in his voice:"And where would you like to go? In case you've forgotten, we won the War."
She heard him take a step towards her and she could feel the warmth from his body. It bothered her. Monsters like him should be cold on the outside as they were on the inside. As he stood so close to her, Hermione stiffened, but didn't move, not wanting to give him the pleasure of knowing she was terrified of his presence.
"Could you imagine?" he asked, "What do you think would happen to you if I gave you back your freedom? What would happen the moment you stepped out of the Malfoy Manor?"
"The resistance. Surely…" she paused, trying to gain composure. "Surely some of them are still…"
"Alive?" he finished for her, "Please, you don't actually believe that."
His hand moved to her neck and his fingers slightly brushed against her skin as he whispered:"I killed them one by one with these hands."
Instantly Hermione moved away from him:"Don't touch me."
She leaned against the wall panting, her heart threatening to break free from her ribcage. There was nothing he could say to make her more disgusted with him.
After a few moments of silence, he finally spoke:"Just say the words," he said, his voice no louder than a murmur.
There was a long pause, nothing but the sound of choking and her pounding heart in Hermione's ears.
Lucius sighed in annoyance as he noticed the determination on her face.
"I will never understand why do you insist on making things harder for yourself. Are all Mudbloods like this?" he asked, clearly irritated with her behaviour.
"You will never understand," she replied breathlessly.
His voice got that aristocratic tone as he spoke:"Of course I will never understand. My blood will never be as dirty as yours."
"I'm not talking about the blood!" Hermione snapped, "You will never understand why I make things harder for myself."
"Why don't you explain it?"
Hermione was surprised at his words. It wasn't typical for him to be interested in her thoughts or opinion.
"Would you betray your beliefs and say something you really don't mean just because it would be easier than to stand up for what you believe?" she asked, even though she knew the answer. They were somehow alike in that aspect. They would both rather suffer under torture than to betray their Cause. But Hermione was positive that Lucius wouldn't break under the pain as she did so many times.
And as if he heard her thoughts, Lucius laughed coldly:"But you've betrayed your beliefs so many times before. I feel the need to remind you of your weak mind-will," he paused for a moment, "Or do you not remember how you broke and called yourself a Mudblood? Or how you begged me to stop or how you chose me over my fellow Death Eaters. Do you remember that? You begged me to take you-"
"You don't have to remind me of that," she said through her teeth, feeling ashamed at all her weak moments being brought up.
"Then why should this be any different? All you have to do is to apologize to me and take back all those words you said," he made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world, but Hermione knew different.
"No," was all she said.
Lucius sighed with false disappointment:"Pity."
Hermione heard him walk over to the doors and she felt her throat closing up with panic at being left alone in the cell.
"Your pathetic friends would probably say you lost a penchant for survival," his cool voice drawled from the doorway,"Well actually they wouldn't say anything because they're all dead."
With those words he left the cell and the doors behind him closed with a loud thud.
When she was completely positive that she was alone, she let out a shriek full of rage and pain. She had so much emotions bottled up inside her that she felt she would explode if she didn't do anything. It scared her how much she wanted to hurt someone, or even herself, only to somehow ease the pain she was feeling. Her fingers were ripping at her hair, ignoring the physical pain in her wrist because the emotional torment was so much worse.
When she calmed down, she took a steady breath and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.
Then she remembered something and that brought hope back to her. Her thoughts wondered back to Lucius' attack on her and what happened in the middle of it. Her sight returned. It lasted only for a moment and it was pretty unclear and blurred, but it still happened. And that was a good thing. Hermione was already used to the darkness, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't want to see again.
And after happened with Lucius in his bedroom, she realized that she needed her sight back. Were her suspicions true? Was Lucius really attracted to her and was trying to hide that by torturing her every chance he got? She shuddered at that thought and pushed it away. Her life was difficult enough as it was and she didn't need more problems.
How she wished to be able to take a hot bath, to wash Lucius' scent and the memory of his touch off of her body. She could still feel him on her body, smell him, feel his skin or hers.
She realized it was stupid to think that a bath would solve any of her problems. And she was sure she wouldn't be able to wash herself for a long time. He would keep her in a cell until she takes back her words about his wife and his intentions. Hermione didn't want to be weak in front of him again, but she knew she wouldn't last long in the cell.
And she couldn't decide what was a better option. Being alone in a cold cell without food and bathroom, or being in a warm bedroom with Lucius without being sure of his true intentions?
Hey guys! I really appreciate your reviews and I want to thank to all of you who read my story and to those who take their time to review! :) I hope that this chapter made Lucius' motives more clear. Tell me what you think.