chapter 15 TO BELONG
Hermione didn't need her sight to know that Ginny was confused. As she pulled her hands away from hers, she could sense the younger witch's body tensed up.
"You will help me, right?" Ginny asked again, suspicious this time.
"You don't know what you're saying, Ginny."
"I do know. Malfoy deserves to be punished."
Hermione whispered, feeling her throat close up:"You're not thinking clearly."
"Why do you keep saying that?" Ginny asked, getting slightly angry, "Is there something I should know?"
Hermione took a deep breath:"I just don't think it's such a good idea. Think about it, Ginny. What will happen to you if you succeed in hurting Luc- Malfoy?"
"I don't care about that! I don't care if they kill me, I have nothing to live for anyway," Ginny confessed, her voice becoming hysterical.
Hermione didn't know what to say. Shame overtook her as she realized that she was completely different than Ginny. After everything that had happened she still wanted to live. Did that make her stronger then Ginny, because her spirit wasn't completely destroyed? Or did it make her weaker than Ginny, because she was afraid of death?
Hermione didn't have the answer to that question, but she knew that there was no doubt that she was a traitor.
"Ginny," she started calmly, "You can't talk that way. What would your family think if they heard you? Do you think they would want you dead?"
"Most of them are dead. Thanks to Malfoy and his kind," she hissed, then added:"And besides, maybe Snape would protect me."
Hermione narrowed her eyes in surprise:"What do you mean? Why would he do that?"
"I..I don't know. I just have this strange feeling around him. He doesn't want me dead."
Sighing, Hermione nodded:"That may be true. And your blood status could save your from death, but what about..." then she forced the word out, "me?"
"I don't think you'd miss Malfoy that much, Hermione," Ginny replied sarcastically.
"You know what I mean," Hermione's voice grew stronger, "Even if you don't want to hear it, I am alive only because of him."
"Hermione, you know that's not true. He made you believe that just because-"
She cut her off:"It is true. I would be dead long time ago if Malfoy hadn't chosen me."
"I don't believe that."
It seemed as if Ginny was refusing to see the horrible truth and everything that was happening around her. Hermione could be blind, but she knew exactly what was happening outside and she didn't try to cover her eyes. She wasn't a coward in that aspect at least.
"We lost the War, Ginny. Death Eaters rule the world," Hermione spoke with strong voice, "They destroy, they kill, they torture and..." she stopped herself before went to far. Ginny was still a child and didn't need to know about all those horrible things that were happening in the world.
"People are dying, Ginny. Simple as that," Hermione said quietly.
"Don't you think I know that?"
By the sound of Ginny's voice, she was barely controlling her tears and Hermione felt guilty for making her feel that way.
"I'm sorry, Ginny. I didn't mean what I said," she smiled weakly.
"Please, say you'll help me," the younger witch insisted, "I'll do anything. I'll ask Snape to take you as his award after Malfoy dies. You won't be in danger."
Hermione could smile at Ginny's innocence. The red head witch had no idea what would happen to Hermione if Lucius really was out of the way. Dolohov, for instance. He would be more than glad to make her pay for everything she had done to him and finish what he had started. No one would save her from that. Not with Lucius around to protect her.
"Please, Hermione. You have to help me. Don't leave me alone in this," Ginny pleaded and Hermione knew she had no other option than to comply.
For Ginny's sake she had to promise to help her, even though that was the last thing she wanted to do.
"You can count on me, Ginny," Hermione said through her teeth, not believing what she was saying.
"I knew you wouldn't leave me!" Ginny thanked her with a hug and for the first time Hermione didn't feel like hugging her. Still, she wrapped her arms around the small witch and forced a smile.
"I already have a plan on how to-" Ginny started explaining, but Hermione stopped her with a false yawn.
"Ginny, I'm really tired. Can we talk about this later or tomorrow? Please?"
She wasn't really tired and she used that as an excuse to protect herself from Ginny and her plans. She was curious about what had happened to Ginny since they last saw each other and if she had heard of any of the other survivals, but now she was unable to ask about that. All Ginny wanted to talk about was how to stick that knife inside of Malfoy and just the thought of it made Hermione sick.
Ginny was ready to become a killer, but Hermione wasn't. And she didn't care if that made her weak. She had seen and experienced so many horrible things in her life that she felt dirty, tainted. The last thing she wanted was to dirty her hands with someone's blood. She wanted to remain clean at least in that matter.
Ginny took a deep breath:"I understand you're tired. I can imagine living with Malfoy isn't exactly..." she didn't finish that sentence, "You can rest here. Sleep and I'll wake you up when Snape comes for you."
"He will come for me?" Hermione asked confused, but then she understood, "We're not allowed to be together in the room for too long."
A couple of minutes later Hermione was laying in the bed, hugging the blanket tightly around herself. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of Ginny and her plan. Their plan, she corrected herself. Whatever Ginny was going to do, Hermione was a part of it now.
Without even realizing it, her thoughts flew off to Lucius. She couldn't help but wonder where he was and what was he doing. Was he killing people again?
She shuddered at the thought of him torturing a person at that very moment, without regrets or guilt. Was he really completely without emotions?
That wasn't true, she reminded herself. A lot of times he had shown anger towards her and that was an emotion, right? Maybe there were other kind of emotions hidden inside of him. Was it possible that such a cold monster was truly mourning after his son? Why else would he want to avenge his death?
But what bothered her the most was the reason why she didn't want Lucius dead. It wasn't just because of the fear of being alone and without his protection. Hermione had to confess that it was something deeper. Was Lucius right when he said that she had became attached to him? Could it be possible that she was starting to develop some kind of feelings for him?
Hermione closed her eyes tightly at the thought of that. No, it wasn't possible. The only thing she could feel for him was hate.
Pretending to sleep soon turned into something more as all thoughts left Hermione and she drifted off to dreamless sleep. Sleeping was something that Hermione always took for granted, but in her time with Lucius she learned to appreciate it more. One would think she'd have nightmares about the War because of all the horrible things she had seen, but luckily her sleep wasn't disturbed. The only nightmare Hermione remembered to have was the one about Dolohov, but at least it didn't last long.
"Hermione?" a soft voice called.
Hermione made a face as she woke up, feeling disoriented. It took her a few long moments to remember where she was and what had happened.
"Ginny..." she murmured, yawning, "What is it? Has Snape came for me?"
"No, not yet. We still have a few minutes. I just thought you'd be hungry."
Food. It's funny how one can forget about food when other important things are happening. Hermione couldn't remember when was the last time she ate, but it seemed that her body was already used to not getting food regularly.
"What would you like? A soup and-" Ginny started.
Hermione interrupted her, shaking her head:"A sandwich would be fine."
"A sandwich?" the younger witch asked with doubt, "Is that what Malfoy is feeding you with?"
"That's the only thing I can eat..by myself," Hermione explained quietly.
There were some things that she had learned to cope with without her sight. It took her longer than normally, but she had already learned how to take a bath. And walking wasn't as difficult as it was at the beginning. It just took practice. But because of her disobedience most of the days she wasn't allowed to eat, which explained the fact that she didn't know how to eat. Maybe she could do it properly if she tried, but the last thing she wanted was to seem helpless in front of Ginny. So she decided to eat the food she was capable of eating alone.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. But maybe I could help you-"
"No," Hermione replied, a bit harder than she intended, "I don't need help with eating."
Ginny nodded in understanding, not saying anything more. Hermione tensed when she heard the small 'pop'.
"It's alright. It was only the House Elf. He went to bring us food."
The next few minutes were spend in silence. Hermione didn't know what to talk about and it seemed that Ginny noticed that, because she kept her distance as well.
When the Elf returned with food, they started to eat and Hermione found herself wishing that Snape would come for her soon. The atmosphere in the room was not pleasant.
Hermione tried not to think about Ginny's plans, but couldn't keep the thoughts away. She tried to distract herself with food, but it didn't help either.
After they finished eating, Ginny broke the silence.
"Hermione, what is wrong?" she asked, sighing.
What could she say to her? Telling her the truth wasn't an option. Ginny wouldn't understand why Hermione didn't want Lucius dead. Even Hermione herself couldn't understand it.
So she decided to lie:"It's nothing. I'm just tired."
Ginny wasn't fooled that easily. Just by the sound of Hermione's voice she could tell that something was wrong.
"Hermione..." she started carefully, "What do you feel towards him?"
Breath caught in her throat as she thought about her answer.
After a long moment of uncomfortable silence, she forced the words out:"Ginny, it's not what you think. I'm not trying to save his life. I'm trying to save you."
Ginny seemed to believe it as her voice softened:"I have already decided, Hermione," she said slowly," Tomorrow when he returns for you, he will get more than he bargained for."
"Ginny..."
"A knife stuck in his gut."
A horrible image formed inside of Hermione's mind and she felt her throat close up with the thought of wounded Lucius. His pure blood, the blood he was so proud of, slowly running over his pale skin, covering his chest, his stomach...
Would Ginny really be able to do it? Was she ready to become a murderer?
"How are you planning on..doing it?" Hermione forced the question out of her mouth, "I doubt you'll be able to get close to him that easily."
"I know. And that's why I need you."
Hermione's eyes widened in horror, but she tried to hide it.
"What do you expect me to do?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.
"Distract him. Say something to him. Two seconds are all I need," Ginny explained, emotionless, "Will you be able to distract him?"
It seemed to Hermione that Ginny still didn't know what she was getting herself into. Hate had completely taken over her and it was evident that she wasn't thinking clearly.
"I-" Hermione started, but was interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door. Ginny let out a frustrated sigh, but said nothing.
Not even a second later, the doors opened and Snape's voice could be heard.
"It's time," was all he said.
Hermione was thankful that he had came for her and somehow saved her from Ginny. She quickly stood up and turned towards Snape's voice.
"Come, Miss Granger," he took her arm to guide her.
"Good night. I'll see you tomorrow, Hermione."
Hermione only nodded and forced a smile, then let herself be led out of the room. She wondered where would Snape take her. Maybe to a dungeon? He wasn't like Dolohov, but he still thought that she was a Mudblood. And Mudbloods didn't deserve a clean room for themselves.
But to her surprise, he led her into a warm room, only a few steps away from Ginny's.
Once they were inside, he released her arm and spoke:"You will sleep here. There's a bathroom on your right," he explained, then smirked, "I advise you not to lose your time with searching for a weapon or anything like that, because you will not find it."
"Don't be so sure," she shoot back, causing silence to fill the room.
"I am not accustomed to having my orders disobeyed," he said at last, very slowly.
"And I am not accustomed to obeying orders," she retorted fiercely, though her lips were trembling.
"I thought Lucius already took care or your attitude," Snape replied, amused.
Hermione decided to ignore his statement as she asked:"Will he come for me tomorrow?"
Snape took a deep breath as if he was considering something, then answered:"I cannot be sure."
Hermione insisted:"But you do know something. Where did he have to go?"
"Why so impatient, Miss Granger?" Snape couldn't keep the grin out of his voice.
"I-I need to know. Will he come back?"
Hermione hoped she wasn't acting too suspicious. The last thing she needed was giving Snape a reason to suspect something was happening. She wouldn't want to do that to Ginny.
"Of course I think he's going to come back," Snape answered after a moment, "I doubt he's finished with you."
A thought accurred to Hermione. Maybe she could tell Snape what Ginny was planning? He would stop her and then nothing would happen to Lucius.
Hermione felt disgusted of herself at that thought. When had she started to protect him? What was wrong with her?
Finally, she decided to remain silent. Not being able to think of betraying Ginny and getting her in trouble, she kept her mouth closed.
"Get some rest," Snape said to her before leaving the room and locking it.
Even though she acted rebellious in front of him, Hermione decided to listen to Snape's advice and get some rest. But she couldn't get rid of the horrible thoughts in her head and the result of that was tossing and turning in bed, not being able to find sleep. There was nothing she could do to kill time, except thinking.
When the morning finally came, Hermione was a complete nervous wreck. She expected Ginny to burst through the doors and continue explaining her the plan, but she never came. Hermione concluded that she probably wasn't allowed to leave the room or accept visits in her room. She could image how angry Ginny was because of that. The younger witch probably wanted to talk with her about their plan again.
Hermione ate her breakfast alone in her room, thinking how it could be her last meal. With that thought in her head, she started to appriciate those two sandwiches more.
Before she even finished eating, the doors opened. Immediately the sandwich was dropped from her hands back onto the plate as she waited for that person to speak.
"Congratulations, Miss Granger. Your wish came true," Snape's voice drawled.
"What wish?"
"Lucius is back. He's waiting for you in the study."
Hermione couldn't hide the horror that passed her face at that information. She quickly tried to hide it, but it didn't escape Snape's attention.
"Why that face, Miss Granger? One might think you are not glad about the news."
Hermione could hear her heart beating in her head. It was so loud she was surprised that Snape couldn't hear it. She didn't expect Lucius to come back in just a day. She thought she had a few more days to think through what to do about Ginny and her plans.
"You look better with your mouth closed, Granger," Snape said, annoyed.
Without another word he took her arm and guided her out of the room. Once they were in the hallway, Hermione hesitantly asked:""Professor Snape, can I ask you a question?"
He sneered:"That was already a question."
"Where's Ginny?"
"I believe that is none of your concern."
Hermione let out a breath she'd been holding at his answer. Ginny was probably still in her room, locked and not allowed to step outside. Everything would be solved by that. If Ginny stayed in her room, she wouldn't be able to hurt Lucius.
When they entered what Hermione assumed was Snape's study, she held her breath and waited for any sign that Lucius was in the room. Those few moments of silence were pure torture.
"I hope you didn't miss me too much, Mudblood," Lucius' voice cut through the silence.
Relief flooded through her at the sound of him, but she didn't have the time to reply as she was interrupted by someone.
"Hermione, you're here!" Ginny exclaimed, entering the study.
"Ginevra, I don't recall giving you permission to come here," Snape hissed at her, releasing Hermione's arm.
"Did you really think I would let Hermione go back without saying goodbye first?"
"You crossed the line this time-" Snape started, but Lucius cut him off.
"Calm down, Severus. I don't see a problem if young Miss Weasley wants to say her goodbyes to the Mudblood," then he smirked, "After all, it is probably the last time they see each other."
Snape let out an annoyed sigh:"Alright. But do not think that your disobedience will be tolerated forever."
A moment later Hermione found herself in Ginny's arms. The younger witch hugged her with all her strength, but didn't say anything. Hermione expected her to whisper something to her, but not a word left Ginny's mouth. That made Hermione wonder if maybe Ginny abandoned the idea of stabbing Lucius. She prayed that she was right. But then something hard poked Hermione in her back at the place where Ginny's hand was. Immediately she knew what it was. A knife. Ginny probably hugged her like that because she wanted Hermione to know that she had it in her sleeve and that she planning to carry out her plan.
"How touching," Lucius replied sarcastickly, "Now come here, Mudblood. We should go."
"Don't forget my words, Hermione," Ginny said as she let go of her.
Hermione felt like everything was spinning around her as she slowly walked over to Lucius' voice. She took her time, counting steps in her head.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
She stopped counting as her hands touched Lucius. Tension could be felt in the room, or maybe Hermione only imagined it. She knew Ginny was waiting for her to speak, to say something and distract Lucius.
But no words left her mouth. It was as if someone had put a Silencing spell on her. Her heart was beating so fast she thought it would actually burst through her chest. Absolute terror flooded her veins and breathing became almost an impossible task.
"Hermione," Ginny called, impatience showing in her voice.
At that moment Hermione felt Ginny's stare burning her and she made a decision.
Slowly turning towards Lucius, she hesitantly asked:"Where were you? D-Did Voldemort send you to one of your missions again?"
She could tell that Lucius turned all her attention towards her as he spoke:"It is not your concern where I-"
Hermione could hear that he was talking to her, but his words made no sense to her. All she could concentrate on was listening for any kind of sound that would come from the other end of the room. As Lucius spoke, nothing happened. A small hope formed inside Hermione that maybe, just maybe Ginny had changed her mind the last moment.
And then she heard it.
The steps. The unmistakable sound of someone running towards her and Lucius.
Before she could stop herself, Hermione grabbed Lucius' arm and the words flew out of her mouth:"Lucius!"
After that everything happened in a second. She was pushed to the floor and the sound of struggling could be heard. Then more angry steps. Snape.
Hermione's body shook with adrenalin as she remained on the floor, trying to figure out what was happening by listening.
"Let go of me, Malfoy! Get your disgusting hands off of me!" Ginny screamed in rage, struggling to get free.
As Lucius' cold laugh filled the room, Hermione knew that he wasn't injured. It horrified her that she felt somehow relieved because of it.
"Did you really think you stood a chance against me, you silly girl?" Lucius mocked her, "Even if you'd succeeded in stabbing me, what real damage would that small knife do to me?"
"Let me show you that!" Ginny shoot back.
Snape hissed angrily at her:"Ginevra, that's enough!"
Hermione could tell by the noise that was coming from them that Ginny was being pulled away from Malfoy.
"Go to your room, Ginevra. I will deal with you later," Snape's voice had a murderous tone in it. He was really angry this time. Even though Ginny told her that Snape had never hurt her, Hermione didn't want to be in Ginny's place at that moment.
"That's not good enough, Severus," Lucius growled, "This is the second time your little slave had disrespected me. I think I deserve an apology at least."
Hermione knew there was no way that Ginny would apologize to him. As she sat on the floor, unnoticed, she realized it was only a matter of moments when Lucius would turn his attention to her and that terrified her.
"You're mental! I will never apologize to you!" Ginny screamed, fighting back tears of despair.
"Will you allow her to get away with that, Severus? Punish her for her actions," Lucius insisted, then added: "There are rumors about you. Some are saying you've gone soft."
Hermione jumped with shock as she heard the unmistakable sound of a slap. A hard slap.
Then Ginny's crying and it broke Hermione's heart. She knew that the younger witch wasn't crying because of the pain the slap had caused her, but because of the anger and humiliation.
"Did that convince you, Lucius?" Snape asked without any kind of emotion, "Or maybe I should do it again?"
Lucius smirked:"By all means-"
"Please, stop! Don't hurt her! She didn't know what she was doing!" Hermione screamed, her voice shaking.
"You should keep your mouth shut, Mudblood," Lucius hissed at her, "You will get your turn soon."
His cold voice caused her breathing to quicken, her heartbeat accelerating unbearably. She tried to gain control over it but the fear that was running through her veins, the terror that seemed to fill her blood was stronger.
"Leave her alone, Lucius. It's not her fault," Snape said calmly.
"I didn't know that you suddenly have a soft spot for Mudbloods."
"If you want to admit it or not, the Mudblood has just saved you."
Lucius said nothing to that and Hermione was dying to see his face at that moment. She desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.
But Ginny's quiet sobs interrupted her thoughts and the feeling of guilt settled in.
"Ginny? I'm sor-"
"If you apologize to me, I will kill you, Hermione," the younger witch forced through her teeth.
There was so much anger and hate in her voice, that it sent shivers down Hermione's body.
"I didn't want this to happen, Ginny," she said apologetically as she rose up from the floor.
"Don't even talk to me! Traitor!"
"I'm sorry..."
"How did he get you on his side? Is he that good in bed?" Ginny spoke with disgust.
Hermione blushed at that question and anger started to build inside of her:"You don't know what you're talking about."
"Stop saying that! Just because I'm younger doesn't mean that I don't understand how things work in this world!"
Lucius laughed coldly:"You really are entertaining, Miss Weasley."
"Ginny, it's not what you think! I would never-" Hermione insisted, raising her voice.
"I realized now what you are, Hermione. A slut. You call him Lucius, you save his life. What have you turned into? I've never expected it from you."
Snape stepped in, talking with an authoritative voice:"Ginevra, stop with the nonsense. Lucius, I think it would be for the best if you leave now."
"But it has just gotten interesting, Severus."
"Ginny..." Hermione didn't know what to say anymore.
"Get out! I don't ever want to see you again!"
At those words, tears spilled down Hermione's cheeks. Never before had she felt that alone. Not even that night when they lost the War and she was laying on the ground soaked with blood. She still had friends and people who loved her. Everything was different now. She was alone. Choosing Lucius over Ginny was the ultimate betrayal.
Not wanting to defend herself against Ginny's accusations anymore, she remained silent.
Not even tensing as Malfoy grabbed her arm, an unfamiliar feeling washed over her. A feeling of complete despair. At that moment she truly wanted to die.
"Get out! Leave!" Ginny screamed, shaking with rage.
As the feeling of Apparition took over Hermione, she could still hear Ginny's voice and her words in her mind.
She felt completely numb, not noticing anything that was happening around her. When she came to, she was already in Lucius' bedroom and he released her arm.
She waited for him to speak, to punish her, to do something. What she hated the most was when he only stared at her, observing her without saying anything.
"What are you playing at, Mudblood?" he finally asked and there was suspicion evident in his voice.
"I don't understand," Hermione replied, wiping the tears away.
"The first day or two you fought. You couldn't stand my touch. You flinched and jerkad away," he drawled, observing her as he spoke. Hermione could feel his stare on her and she just wanted to hide.
He trailed his incredibly warm hand up her arm, his fingers gliding over her skin, watching her with amusement as she shivered.
Hermione didn't know why she was shaking under his touch, all she knew was that she was unable to stop it.
"What has changed? Why don't you flinch anymore?" he asked, lost in his thoughts.
At that moment Hermione remembered something. Lucius was playing with her as cat plays with its prey. Instead of granting you a quick death, they're enjoying your fear before finally, they rip you into shreds.
"When you were done with fighting you begged. Do you remember? Our every fight ended with your begging me to stop."
Hermione clenched her teeth together at the memory of that. It was humiliating to even think about it. Why did he bring it up?
"Your physical attempts at stopping me were pathetic, and being a smart girl as you are, you finally realized that you could not fight me off physically. So you begged," he said smoothly, moving closer to her.
"Where are you going with this?" Hermione demanded to know.
He continued talking, completely ignoring her question:"Soon after the begging, you gave in. No longer did you fight against me and my orders."
There was a long pause, filled with tenson.
"Why did you warn me, Mudblood? You could have left that Weasley girl to try to stab me. Why didn't you?" he asked calmly, almost purring into her ear.
"I don't know," was her only answer.
"You do know," he insisted, "You are just too ashamed to admit it."
"No."
"No?" he asked mockingly, "It's incredible what a complete isolation can do to a person. You are the perfect example of how living for long periods of time in contact with only one human being can link you to that one person. You and me."
"You're wrong," Hermione said to him, but it sounded unconvincing. Deep inside her she knew that she was slowly losing her soul to him. He was all she had now, and she was slowly giving herself over to him in his possesion without even noticing it.
"You were mine the moment I saw you on the battle field, but that wasn't the same as truly owning you. I could have your body, but it wasn't enough. I wanted you to truly belong to me. With your mind and soul, Hermione."
The use of her name confused her for a moment, but she pulled herself together as she spoke confidently:"Never. You will never own me and I will never belong to you."
"You already do and there is nothing you can do to change it," his voice was a low, dangerous growl, "You know what I'm talking about. The feeling that I'm all you have left now. You will never be able to escape from that feeling. And you will never be able to escape from me. Never."
Hermione wanted to object, to shout at him that he was wrong, but no words came out. He had said it all. Everything she would say, would be a lie.
"And what terrifies you the most is that you are not scared of that. You would like to belong to me, Mudblood."
Hermione fought back tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. It seemed as if Lucius knew all her thoughts and it terrified Hermione how good he knew her. But what literally sent shivers down her body was the fact that he was somehow right. Loneliness was the most horrible thing in the world. And Hermione didn't want to be alone. It was bad enough that she was lost in the darkness. Deep inside her she did want to belong to him.
So sorry for not updating sooner. I just had a lot of work and not a lot time. I hope you like where this story is going. Thanks to all of you who read and review. :)