chapter 17 FIRE
The moment she came to, she wished to be dead. Such pain. Much worse than Crucio. Not that she remembered how much pain a Cruciatus Curse could cause, but she somehow knew it couldn't be this painful. It felt as if her whole body was on fire, but death never came. And it seemed to be worse as seconds passed. It was impossible to think clearly while burning. Hermione couldn't prevent the screams to escape her throat and it didn't even matter to her who heard her. She was beyond caring.
"Mudblood?"
She heard his voice and concentrated on it. It was the only thing that she could hold on to at that moment. Even if it was avoice of her enemy.
Please, help me. Stop this.
The words were clear in her mind, but when she tried to speak, she found it impossible to.
"What do you feel?" he asked, his voice showing that he was angry and upset, "Answer me."
His voice was all she had beside the pain and she wished he would never stop talking. She wanted him to insult her, to scream at her, do say anything, just as long as he spoke.
"Talk to me!" he demanded angrily.
Hermione felt his hands on her shoulders, shaking her roughly. She wanted to answer him, but she couldn't. And she didn't want him to move his hands away. It made her feel safe and somehow comforted at the contact of another human being. Even if it was Lucius Malfoy.
"Stop screaming!"
That surprised her. She wasn't aware of the fact that she had been screaming out loud. She thought it was all just in her head. But if she managed to form screams, that meant she could form words as well, right?
"What do you feel?" Lucius asked again, impatient, "If you do not tell me, I will not be able to help you, Mudblood."
Help her? He wanted to help her? A small hope formed inside of Hermione as she gathered all her strength and tried to form a word.
But it seemed as if the fire inside her body became even more painful each time she tried to say something. Suddenly panic overtook her. Maybe there was no salvation for her. She was unable to say anything and that meant that Lucius wouldn't know what was wrong with her. He wouldn't be able to help her and make the pain stop.
"If you are faking it, I swear you will wish you've never been born..." he threatened.
Hermione felt his hands on her face, slapping her, not hard, but just to get some kind of reaction from her. Then he stopped, but his hands didn't move away. They stayed on her face for a long moment, just touching her skin.
"You are burning up," he realized with shock and removed his hands.
Hermione couldn't describe the relief she felt at his statement. He knew what was wrong with her, which meant he would find a way to help her. Unfortunately, the relief only lasted for a couple of moments, before the excruciating pain took over her again.
Why is this happening to me? Who did this to me?
Those questions stayed in her mind as short screams escaped her mouth. Before she even realized what was happening, she felt herself being pulled up into someone's arms.
She was being carried, but where?
"Hold on," Lucius said to her, "Hold on to me."
The last sentence was said quietly, but Hermione heard it. What did he mean by it? Was he going to help her?
Hot. Hot. Hot. Hot.
Hermione never thought it was possible to be burning with fire, but never die. She had never before came across such a spell. Probably Dark Magic.
Then a realization hit her. A spell. Someone had cursed her. But when and why? No even a moment later, she remembered him. The same Death Eater that took her eyesight. She clearly remembered that he muttered something to her, but she didn't pay attention to it.
Then suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by a horrible feeling of coldness. She realized she was being lowered into a cold water. Not a pleasant feeling. The fire in her body didn't react well with a freezing water and she started shaking uncontrollably. It did take away some pain, but not all. Her insides still felt like they were on fire, but the cold water cooled down her skin at least.
Her teeth started chattering as tremor took over her body, but then she felt Lucius move behind her and pull her back against him. As she leaned against his strong chest, she didn't care that it was Lucius Malfoy who was holding her. All that mattered to her was that it made her feel better and she was thankful for that.
She could imagine the position they were in and it surprised her that Lucius would allow himself to touch her that way. She was still dressed in a robe, but as she slowly became more aware of her surroundings, she realized that Lucius wasn't wearing a shirt and that she was leaning against his bare chest.
Only soft moans left her mouth as her breathing became slower and she relaxed against strong body behind her. A small voice in her head was whispering to her that she should be ashamed. She was leaning against a Death Eater, Lucius Malfoy. Her body should be disgusted at his touch, but instead it was completely relaxed.
His wet hands touched her cheeks and her forehead in an attempt to cool her down. Hermione found herself leaning against his cold touch, even though her mind was telling her that she was disgusting. She was allowing him to touch her with the same hands with which he had killed Ron and so many others.
It surprised her how gentle his touch could be. He almost caressed her with the same hands that had hurt her so many times in the past.
"Luc-" she whispered, "Lucius."
She could feel him stiffen at the mention of his name and his hands disappeared from her face immediately.
"How do you feel?" he asked, speaking into her ear.
"C-Cold."
"And before?"
She let herself relax, attempting to relieve some of the tension from her body. The cold water soothed her aching muscles as she finally took a calming breath and leaned her head back. Lucius tensed even more at that and Hermione knew they weren't supposed to be this close, but she didn't care. All she cared about what that the fire was slowly leaving her body and taking the pain with it.
Lucius repeated the question:"What did you feel before?"
"Fire," she winced at the memory of burning pain in her body.
"Who did this to you?" Lucius demanded.
It was strange hearing his voice from behind her and his body pressed against her. For a moment she thought she felt his heartbeat, but she quickly pushed that thought away.
It was probably very difficult for him to be this close to her, to touch her that way, but if he didn't hold close her to him, she would probably slide down and drown.
"Who was it?" Lucius asked again, this time with more anger.
"He...from the party," she said, not able to remember the name of that Death Eater.
"Philix? The one you had that incident with? He was the one who did this?"
Hermione managed to nod her head, letting the calmness to overtake her body. But the next moment she was being moved and pulled out of the water.
"No..." she weakly struggled, but Lucius ignored her as he dried them both and then carried her back into the bedroom. The moment she was on the bed again, she felt her temperature rise again and her heart almost jumped out of her chest with sheer panic. She couldn't go through such pain again.
"I will go find him. He will have a lot of explaining to do," Lucius said to himself and before he could walk away from her, Hermione grabbed his arm.
"Please, don't leave me here! It's..it's coming back! The fire..." she babbled as the fire started burning inside of her again.
"I have to go, Mudblood," he said firmly, not showing any emotion.
It surprised her that he didn't pull away from her or push her hand away.
"Put me back into the water...anything..please! I can't take it!" panic was evident in her voice as her temperature rose with each passing second.
"I cannot stay with you and I cannot leave you alone in there, because you are too weak to even keep yourself above the water," he explained and made an attempt to move away.
Hermione gripped his arm more tightly, but said nothing as tears rolled down her cheeks.
Lucius sighed desperately:"What do you want me to do?"
"I-" she started, but didn't finish her sentence. She bit her tongue to stop herself from screaming in pain because of the fire that returned. It felt even more painful than before.
"I will find out what curse he used on you," Lucius said firmly, then moved away and out of Hermione's grip. Her hand fell lifelessly beside her body. She could hear him walk across the room, towards the doors and her throat closed with fear.
"I-I don't want to die..." she whispered quietly, fighting back the tears.
He stopped for a moment before speaking in a confident voice:"Do not worry. You will die when I decide so. No sooner, no later."
With those words he left the room, leaving Hermione alone in a quiet room.
A silence lasted for only a few minutes, until Hermione couldn't keep the screams of pain inside anymore. She didn't even try to control herself, because she knew no one could hear her.
*****
She wasn't sure when the fire disappeared and knives replaced it. Of maybe it was still fire and she was just starting to lose her mind. It felt as if knives were ripping her from the inside and she found it impossible to not move. She was trashing around in the bed, but it didn't help.
It will pass. It will pass. It will pass.
She tried to think about other things, but pain was always present in her mind. It was impossible to ignore the pain. Anyone who said you can control pain with your mind will was either lying or under the Fire whiskey affect.
Hermione always considered herself strong, but with everything she had been through really made her doubt in herself and her abilities.
Maybe she would be better off dead. What was the point in living anymore? Why was she still trying to live? Would Ron and Harry choose life or death if they were given an option?
God, she missed them so much. With everything that was happening to her it was easy to not think about her two best friends. But when she was alone, the image of Ron and Harry always made it's way into her mind. She clearly remembered their laugh, their smile, but.. no matter how hard she tried she couldn't remember their voice. How did they sound like? It terrified her that she couldn't remember how her two best friends sounded like. Maybe it was because all she was allowed to listen to was Lucius and his voice was the only one in her mind at that moment.
Hogwarts.
She would give anything to go back in time. To be Hermione Granger, the brightest witch of her age again. She didn't want to be a slave, an award, a Mudblood.
She even wished to see Draco again. She would do anything to hear him throw childish insults at her. She even missed Draco Malfoy.
But...if she missed him then how would Lucius feel? He was his father. Hermione never thought of Lucius that way. He was always just a murderer, a sadist and a Death Eater in her eyes. Was it possible he had another side? A soft side? How was he like with Draco? Was he cruel and cold towards him as well? Draco always used to talk about his father with admiration in his eyes. There had to be love between them as well. Even though Lucius was a Death Eater, he was still a human being, no matter how hard he tried to hide that. The loss of his child probably hurt. He would truly be a monster if he didn't feel anything at losing his son.
Her thoughts were interrupted as someone walked into the room.
Hermione bit hard onto her tongue to stay silent and prevent the cries to come out.
"Good girl, you are still alive."
It was Lucius. Her heart was racing as she heard him approach her.
"Drink this potion."
Trying helplessly to calm down and stop the shaking of her body, she failed miserably.
Sighing in annoyance, Lucius sat next to her and pulled her body up into a sitting position. He wrapped his arm around her waist and grabbed her hands, while her brought the potion to her mouth with the other hand.
"Drink," he ordered and Hermione did as she was told. It had no taste at all, but at that moment Hermione would drink anything as long as it would make the pain go away.
"Well?" he asked after a moment, "How do you feel?"
Hermione took a deep breath as she felt the fire slowly fade away. She was laid back onto the bed and a strange feeling of calmness took over her.
"Thank you," she said before she could stop herself.
"Don't thank me," he hissed at her, "I didn't do it for you."
His words cut through her like a knife, but she said nothing. She didn't even know why she thanked him. What was she thinking? He would never care for her.
"Rest," he said to her coldly, then got up from the bed and walked out of the room, closing the doors behind him.
Hermione let out a breath and relaxed as she felt her strength returning to her.
She tried to fall asleep, but something was on her mind constantly.
How did Lucius get the potion for her? How did he find out what curse was thrown at her? Did he really go to Philix and demanded an explanation? Why? He said he didn't do it for her. But what was the reason for his behaviour then? When they were together in the tub, she could swear she heard a flicker of worry in his voice. And the way he held her against his chest was almost..caring. But why was he acting that way?
And she wasn't stupid. He would not be able to fool her with his 'you are my possesion' excuse anymore. He was acting suspiciously and Hermione wanted to know the reason behind it.
The potion probably had sleeping affects as well, because her eyelids felt heavy and she yawned, closing her eyes. She would only rest, she told herself. But after a few moments she was already asleep.
******
Voices. Yelling. Shouting.
Hermione's eyes flew open as she was awaken from her deep sleep. For a moment she thought she only dreamed it, but soon it became clear to her that someone was really arguing. She blinked a few times and concentrated on the voices.
Male voices. They were angry. Two men were arguing. Both voices sounded familiar to her, but she couldn't name them.
She needed to come closer, to hear what they were arguing about. Slowly she got up from the bed, noticing the pain and the fire were completely gone.
She made her way across the room and stopped when she reached the doors. She could hear the words more clear, but it still wasn't enough. Her hand gripped the doorknob and pulled. To her surprise the doors opened without any resistance. After everything that happened in the past, Hermione was positive Lucius would lock the doors behind him every time. Obviously she was wrong.
But just as she was about to open the door, she remembered what happened the last time she left the room without his permission. She caused a lot of trouble and was then punished by Lucius. She didn't want to go through that again.
But she wanted to know what was happening. It crossed her mind that maybe Snape was right when he called her the insufferable know-it-all. She really was curious and wanted to know everything.
She opened the doors just a bit and realized that the voices were coming from downstairs. And if Lucius was downstairs, he wouldn't be able to catch her out of the room.
With that thought in her mind, she took an encouraging breath and stepped out of the room. She only made three steps away from the doors, when she stopped and listened. She could hear the voices clearly now.
"...went to the Dark Lord because of that? You really are an idiot, Philix."
Hermione recognized that voice as Lucius'. He was fighting with Philix? Why?
"You better be careful, Lucius. There is a lot of suspicion about you," Philix said threateningly.
Lucius showed no worry:"I do not care what some of your minions have to say about me. I have the Dark Lord's trust and that is more that enough for me."
"I wouldn't be that confident of I were you."
"Luckily, you are not me, now are you, Philix?"
"I will discover what you are up to with that Mudblood and when I do, I will go straight to the Dark Lord."
Lucius said mockingly:"Be my guest."
"You can act as untouched as you like, but your actions speak for themselves," Philix muttered dangerously, "I still wonder why you decided to kill Antonin. What was the real reason behind that because I didn't buy your whole story about him not being dedicated to our cause."
Hermione covered her mouth to stuffle a gasp of shock. Dolohov was dead? Lucius killed him?
She knew she was not supposed to be listening to this conversation, but she was unable to move from the spot where she was standing.
Lucius' tone grew darker:"Who are you to demand explanations from me? Need I remind you that I am on a higher position that you and that I'm one of the Dark Lord's most faithful followers? You should know better than to oppose me."
"Of course," Philix said calmly, "We all know what happenes to those who oppose you."
Lucius remained silent at that, but Hermione could imagine the murderous look in his eyes.
"You have something with that filthy Mudblood and I will discover what. Why else would you barge into my house and demand to know what I did to her."
"She is mine, Philix. That is all you need to know," Lucius hissed at him.
"I wonder why you insisted I give you the potion to stop the curse, when I told you that the curse would disappear on it's own in a matter of days," he spoke, "You couldn't stand to watch her in pain, could you, Lucius?"
Hermione felt tears stung her eyes as she stood completely still. She was in shock and was refusing to believe everything she had heard.
"You will leave my house now or I will make you curse the minute you even decided to come here," Malfoy said, so lowly it was barely even spoken.
Hermione didn't need to hear anything else. She had heard more than enough for a lifetime. She quietly made her way into the bedroom and closed the doors behind her.
Everything started to spin around her and she leaned against a wall for support. At that moment she understood everything. She was wrong when he had accused him of being attracted to her. She couldn't be more wrong, because he wasn't attracted to her. It was something much more deeper. It wasn't love, because creatures like him were not able to love. But it was something. It was affection. He felt something for her. He wanted her.
Never before had she been that scared. Just as she thought she finally came to know him, she realized that she knew nothing about him. All her theories were destroyed in a moment.
He did not hate her. He did not despise her. He...he wanted her for himself. But why?
Philix accused him of killing Dolohov for her. He didn't say it directly, but Hermione could recognize it in his words and his voice.
Lucius killed Dolohov because of her. For her. But why? Because Dolohov opposed him and touched his possession? If that was the reason, Lucius would not hide it from her. He would have no reason to hide it from her. Knowing him, he would even brag about that and the power he had. He would describe the way he killed him and would enjoy every second of it.
But he hadn't done any of those things. He never said a word to her about that as if...as if he was ashamed of it. As if it was a secret.
Oh god.
Hermione couldn't believe what was happening. Ever since she was captured she was afraid of Lucius' anger and his hate towards her.
But he didn't hate her. Or maybe he did? Maybe he hated her, but still wanted her.
Hermione's head was full of unanswered questions and it seemed as if it would explode.
She was only sure of one thing. She could not live wondering about his motives anymore. She would find out what was he planning with her or she would die trying.
Luckily, she didn't have to wait long. Her sixth sense told her that it was evening or maybe even night and that meant he would soon have to go to sleep.
Not even ten minutes later, he came into the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, she waited until he spoke.
"I see you are feeling better," he said to her, then paused for a moment,"What is it?"
Hermione could imagine what expression she had on her face at that moment, but she could not change it.
"Why did you help me?" she asked quietly.
"I thought you would figure that out yourself, Mudblood," he drawled, "I-"
"Don't," Hermione interrupted him.
That caught Lucius' attention as he moved closer to her:"Don't what?"
"Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth for once."
"How interesting," Lucius let out a cold laugh, "Well, what do you think why I helped you? Please, enlighten me."
"Why can't you tell me?" Hermione asked, keeping her voice calm and quiet.
"I would like to hear your ideas first. It's entertaining, Please, share your theories with me," Lucius said amused.
Hermione nodded, then spoke:"Because you care for me."
His emotionless laugh filled the room and Hermione tensed as she waited for his words.
"I thought we already covered this subject, Mudblood. I could never be attracted to a filth-"
"I'm not talking about attraction," she said to him.
"Then what are you talking about?"
Her silence was an answer to him.
"You cannot be suggesting that," Lucius' tone was more serious this time.
"What do you think I'm suggesting, Lucius?"
"Do not play games with me, girl," he warned her.
Hermione nodded:"Fine. Let's stop playing games."
"What happened while you were alone?" Lucius wondered.
She decided to ask directly:"Why did you kill Dolohov?"
His silence was a complete torture. If she could only see his face at that moment. She wouldn't need words, his eyes would tell her everything.
"Why didn't you tell me you killed him? Why?" Hermione demanded with stronger voice.
"Who told you that?" he was completely serious, but Hermione wasn't scared.
"Don't change the subject and answer me. Why did you kill him?"
"It is none of your business. Tell me, how do you know-"
"I overheard you conversation a few minutes ago," she answered, "I was left completely speechless."
By his breathing Hermione could tell he was upset. But she didn't stop asking and demanding answers.
"You killed Dolohov for me. You gave me the potion for the curse, when you knew it would disappear by itself in a few days. Why did you do that, Lucius? Why?!"
"Don't you dare raise your voice! And what I do or do not do is none of your concern. You are just a slave here. I don't have to tell you anything regarding my behaviour," Lucius hissed angrily, barely controlling his temper.
"You don't need to. I already know why you don't let others to touch me or why you were acting strangly."
"Oh really? You think know everything?"
"I know you care about me. You want me. Maybe it's some kind of affection-"
"Affection? For you? I would rather die that feel anything for filth like you!" Lucius' rage showed in his voice.
"Tell me the truth for once!"
"You want the truth?"
"Yes!"
He grabbed her arm roughly and pulled her with him. He said nothing to her as he dragged her out of the room and down the stairs. Hermione struggled and screamed, but it didn't do any good.
"Where are you taking me? Stop!"
"I will show you just how much I care for you," Lucius mocked her as he kept dragging her down the long hallway. Hermione's hysteria reached its peak, but she couldn't do anything.
Suddenly she heard a loud noise at the huge doors opened. She was dragged though the doors, then roughly pushed down. She prepared herself for the hard floor, but was met with a soft grass.
At first she couldn't believe it, but when she touched the ground beneath her, she recognized the feeling of grass and dirt. She was outside of the Malfoy Manor. She could feel her hair move with the wind and she realized that this was the first time she was outside since the Final Battle.
"What is the meaning of this?" Hermione asked after a few moments, pulling herself from the ground.
"I will show you just how much I care about you. I care about you much that I will let you leave my house," he spoke calmly, but there was something in his voice.
Hermione could sense that he wasn't as calm as he seemed to be.
"Leave?" she asked with disbelief.
"Yes. You are free. Go. Run."
"What are you playing?"
"Nothing. I am giving you back your freedom," he said innocently.
"But-"
Lucius interrupted her:"Of course, how impolite of me! I should bring you back where I found you."
He moved towards her and pressed her against himself.
"No!" Hermione screamed and pushed him away from her.
"What is wrong? You don't want to go to the Battle Field? Maybe I should Apparate you to the Diagon Alley?"
Hermione shook her head:"No!"
"You forced me to do this, Mudblood. You insist I have feelings towards you and I feel the need to show you how wrong you are. There is no other way," he said smoothly and made a step towards her. When his hands touched her again, she took a step back.
"Don't."
"You surprise me. I never thought you wanted to stay with me," he chuckled coldly, no doubt enjoying his dominance over her.
"How can you expect me to-to go outside? There are Death Eaters everywhere," her lower lip trembled, "You know what would happen to me."
"I do know," he said quietly, "But it's all your fault. Now, give me your hand so I can Apparate us-"
"Please."
"I beg your pardon?"
"Please," she repeated stronger this time, humiliation making her blush.
"What do you want now, Mudblood? You have wasted enough of more time already," Lucius drawled in a bored voice.
"You know I can't go outside."
"You can. You just know that it's not a very good idea, considering everything that is happening outside," he then took a deep breath, "What do you want me to do?"
"Let me stay here."
Hermione couldn't believe her own words. Who would have thought she would end up begging him to let her stay with him? How things change.
"Why would I do that, Mudblood?"
"Because...." she didn't finish that sentence, not knowing what to say. What could she offer him to make him change his mind?"
"You being here has been nothing but trouble. And I cannot stand trouble."
"Please," she started again, "I will...I-"
"Yes?" he teased her.
"What do you want from me? I will do anything," Hermione whispered, feeling tears in her eyes again. She hated herself at that moment. She hated him for making her that way.
"Well, you do have some attributes that I would find...pleasurable," he said in a silky voice, but it sent shivers down Hermione's body.
"What do you mean by that?" she asked and hugged herself with her arms.
He made a step closer to her and leaned down to her:"You are old enough to know what I mean."
He didn't mean that, did he? He couldn't be...he said he would never touch her that way.
"But you said," Hermione started, her voice shaking, "You said you would never lower yourself enough to have anything with me in that way. That I don't have to be afraid, because you wouldn't ever force yourself-"
"That's true. I said I was not like my colleagues and that I would never rape you."
Hermione winced at that word, but said nothing. It was unbelievable how he managed to speak about such disgusting things with such a soft and silky voice. It just made it more intimidating.
He continued:"And I always keep my word. I am not forcing you into anything. It is your decision to stay here or leave."
Hermione's throat started to close up, but she managed to ask:"To stay and..share your bed?"
"It will not be bed all the time, Mudblood," he mocked her, "I tend to experiment. Sometimes it will be on the floor or against the wall-"
"Stop!" Hermione swallowed hard, then took a shaky breath, "I can't...I can't take this."
"Decide, Mudblood."
"I-"
"I am warning you- If you choose me, you will have to show your appreciation tonight."
Hermione's head was dizzy and it felt like everything was spinning around her. It was too much, but she had no time to think. She had to decide.
Decide between death or being a slave for Lucius' needs?
She didn't want to die. She was terrified of death, but she couldn't do that with Lucius Malfoy. She didn't know how and maybe it was worse than being dead.
But what is she wouldn't die? What if some other Death Eater took her once she'd be left alone in the Diagon Alley?
She had to confess that Lucius was the best option. And maybe he wouldn't be too brutal.
"Well? I do not have the whole day. It's already quite late."
"I would like to stay here," she finally let out, hoping Ron and Harry weren't observing her from somewhere and hating her.
"You do realize what comes with that, Mudblood?" he asked, serious.
"I do."
After a moment of silence, he nodded:"Good. I hope you realize this was your first and last choice of leaving from here. You will not get it ever again."
Hermione said nothing, she was too busy with fighting back tears.
"Now, I believe we have some things to do this evening," he said almost seductively and took her hand.
Hermione silently followed as he took her back into the house. Somehow it seemed to her as if she was leaving all her innocence and childhood on that garden.
Hey, guys! I've written this chapter in one day, because I promised you wouldn't have to wait two weeks until the next update. I hope you like how the story's progressing. Review!