In The Dark

by the-shiny-girl

What is worth fighting for when you are lost in the darkness and at the mercy of a man who has lost everything? How to find a will to live?

22. Hermione Granger

chapter 22 Hermione Granger

He had nothing to say?

How could he just-?

Hermione literally could not take a breath as she watched in horror how easily Lucius looked away from her. It was as if she wasn't worth even a second of his life.

Her eyes traveled from Lucius to the other Death Eaters standing around them. They were all just standing there, not bothering to even throw a glance at her. Everyone's attention was on their Master. Except his. Severus Snape was looking at her. It wasn't a normal look, because his eyes were too intense. It was as if he was trying to tell her something. But Hermione couldn't care less about her former Professor or his thoughts. She was about to die and nothing was more important than that.

She took a deep breath and forced herself to look at Voldemort's cold face. He was completely still, as if he was thinking hard about something.

It occurred to Hermione that ways to kill her were probably passing through his head. It was a hard decision. How to kill someone? Would he use the Avada Kedavra curse? No, that would be too easy. She was a Mudblood who caused them all too much trouble. She deserved to suffer. Maybe it would not be Voldemort himself to take her life. What if he passed that honour to someone else? Some other Death Eater?

Hermione shivered as she realized that she was thinking about her death. But maybe that would be her salvation. She would finally be free. No more Lucius, Voldemort, pain, guilt. She would see Ron and Harry again.

"Interesting," Voldemort commented after a few minutes of deadly silence.

Suddenly anger started to build inside Hermione and it surprised her. Who the hell did they think they are? What gave them the right to decide who was worth living and who wasn't?

She wasn't stupid. There was no way she could do anything to survive, but she sure as hell was not going to make it easy and enjoyable for them. She was about to die. What else could they do to her?

At that moment a decision was made.

She will welcome death with her head raised proudly. She will not beg or cry. They will not see her that weak.

"Do you have something to say?" Voldemort suddenly turned to her.

Hermione's heart seemed to stop for a second but she recovered soon. She met his eyes and hoped she showed no fear in her look.

"You will all get what you deserve. Sooner or later," she forced through her teeth.

Voldemort's lip curled into a smirk, but other than that he did nothing. It seemed as if she was entertaining him. And that enraged her even more.

"You are quite amusing," Voldemort said to her, "Do you have something to say to Lucius?"

Lucius. She could not even look at him. She felt so betrayed by him and at the same time she felt disgusted with herself that she even dared to hope he would save her. What reason would he have to risk his life for her? She could easily be replaced with more obedient slave.

"The last months of your life were spent with him,"Voldemort added with interest, "Is there nothing you wish to tell him?"

Thousands of thoughts were traveling through Hermione's mind. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, so many things she wanted him to know, but at the same time she could not think of a thing she could tell him. At least not in front of the others. But why would she even spend words on him? He was not worth it.

It was sad. Just as she thought she might have some kind of a future with him, it all ended. Just as she learned to trust him, he betrayed her.

Lucius Malfoy. The man who destroyed her life. Who changed her completely. The man who took her pride, innocence and dignity and turned it into ash without a remorse.

What could she say to him?

And he had nothing to say to her. He simply decided to ignore her. And that hurt the most. He could at least look at her for Merlin's sake! It was impossible that he felt nothing. Was he truly that cold on the inside?

"I-" Hermione started, than paused for a moment. He still wouldn't look at her. She was talking to him and he would not even look at her!

"Yes?" Voldemort asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity.

"I have absolutely nothing to say to him," she finally said, keeping her voice strong.

"Interesting."

Hermione could no longer stand it. Why was he stalling? The feeling that you'll be dead in a few minutes was the most horrible feeling in the world. The certainty that there is nothing you can do to stop it. That your life is in someone else's hands.

"Lucius,"Voldemort drawled slowly, "You will be the first to hit her with a spell."

Oh god. It is is really happening. I am going to die.

Sheer despair and horror filled her at that. Never again will she see the sunrise or the sunset. Or even sunlight. Never again will she feel the wind on her face. Never again will she see Ginny.

A feeling of guilt formed inside of her as she realized that she was somehow betraying Ginny. She had promised to her that she would never give up, that she would keep on fighting, searching for a way out. She gave Ginny her word.

But… she broke that promise a long time ago. She betrayed Ginny and the rest of the people she loved the moment she let Lucius touch her.

"I am waiting, Lucius,"Voldemort said quietly, but there was something commanding in his voice.

Hermione looked at Lucius, whose face was hard. He was thinking about something, it was obvious. At least to her. Maybe the others did not notice, but Hermione had learned to recognize his thoughtful and worried face. After all he was the only person she was allowed to see for months.

It is going to be Lucius after all. He is the one to end my life.

That fact did not make her feel any better. She could act tough and strong, but she did not want to die. If she knew it would save her life, she would even be willing to beg. But somehow she knew it would be pointless and she would only embarrass herself with it.

"First spell, My Lord?" Lucius asked after a long moment of silence.

What? First spell?

At first she did not understand what Lucius meant with it, but it soon became clear to her. She realized with horror that they were not planning on killing her quickly. How could she be so naive to even think that they would end her life with a simple Avada Kedavra?

Tears started to build, but Hermione brushed them away with an angry hiss. She would not cry. She had decided that she would not cry. But why were her eyes not listening to her? Why did they keep insisting on forming useless tears?

She felt so alone and lost. And afraid. Is every Death Eater going to have his turn with her? Just the thought of it terrified her.

Please, just kill me.

"Yes, the first spell," Voldemort answered, a cruel smile on his face, "Something that will hurt her, but not kill her. I myself want to do that."

Hermione started shaking and her eyes traveled from one Death Eater to another, searching for something, anything. Salvation maybe?

Her eyes landed on her former Professor for a long moment. Maybe he would be merciful enough to end her life.

But soon it hit her that she was stupid. Why would Snape be merciful towards her? She annoyed him for years and he will probably enjoy punishing her for that.

"As you wish, My Lord."

Lucius. That was his voice.

Hermione looked at him and found him staring deeply into her eyes. It gave her no comfort. She knew it meant nothing for him. Just another Mudblood who was about to be tortured by him. Nothing new. But why wasn't he smirking? He was just serious. Why?

"Turn around, Mudblood,"he ordered her, showing absolutly no emotions.

"W-Why?" she managed to ask, her fear growing stronger with each passing second.

"Speak only when you are spoken to!" Lucius raised his voice and Hermione flinched. She did not expect him to yell at her. It made her feel like scared little girl. His voice always had that kind of an impact on her. But she tried to stay untouched by it, not wanting to show how scared she really was.

"I will not turn around," she said to him, looking directly into his eyes.

Rage showed on his face for a moment, but than he calmed down. And that scared her the most. When he was calm and controlled she never knew what he was thinking. That was more terrifying than when he was angry.

"If you know what is good for you, you will turn around," he spoke in a low voice, "Trust me, you do not want that on your front."

That? What? What is he talking about? And why is there a warning in his eyes?

"Obey, Mudblood," Voldemort spoke coldly. There was no fake kindness in his voice now, only coldness and pure evil.

Before she knew what she was doing, Hermione turned around, waiting in fear for something to happen. She was no longer able to see Lucius or Voldemort. The feeling of pure fear caused her body to start shaking uncontrollably. And it didn't help that the temperature in the room was very low. Or maybe she only imagined it? Those were the longest and the hardest moments in her whole life. It seemed like eternity when it probably passed only a few seconds.

Than she heard him. Lucius. He said something, a spell, but before she could even register what he said, a burning pain hit her back.

It felt as if someone had slashed her skin with a knife. She fell on her knees with a piercing scream.

It burned and ached. She could not help but to cry out. It felt as though a sharp sword was slicing her back, ripping pieces of skin.

"Well done, Lucius," she heard Voldemort's voice. He was pleased with what happened.

Not wanting to be weak in front of them, Hermione covered her mouth with her hand, holding back her sobs. She wanted to scream. It burned and it did not stop.

Blood.

She noticed her robe was bloody. Blood from her back. So it wasn't just a spell to cause you pain. It was a spell that actually cut you.

Sectumsempra.

It had to be that spell. But why were they always whispering spells? Like they did not want her to hear anything. She had to be kept in the dark.

"Lucius," Voldemort started, "I am pleased with that I have seen. You may leave now and take the Mudblood with you."

The words didn't make any sense to Hermione. What? What was he saying? Did she lose her mind, causing her to hear what she wanted to hear?

But she could not think about anything. It hurt too much. Did he rip her skin? Just the thought of how her back looked made her sick.

She could not stand it anymore. But she would not cry or scream. She would rather die than give them the pleasure.

"My Lord?"

Lucius was confused. It could be noticed in his voice.

Hermione wanted to turn around and watch the conversation between him and Voldemort. Maybe that way she could understand what was happening.

"You have proved that the girl is nothing more than a slave for you and that our cause it the most important to you," Voldemort explained, "I only hope your attitude does not change."

"I won't, My Lord," Lucius nodded, "I understand my priorities."

"I truly hope you do. We all remember what happened the last time you put something ahead of our cause."

Hermione tried to concentrate on the conversation and ignore the pain, but it was too much. She was biting the inner side of her cheek to distract herself from the burning feeling on her back.

"I regret that Narcissa had to pay for your behaviour," Voldemort drawled and that sentence caught Hermione's attention.

Lucius' wife? Did Voldemort had something to do with her death? She had so many questions and thoughts, but the pain was too strong and that was all she could think about at that moment.

Voldemort continued:"She was such a lovely lady."

"Believe me, My Lord, that no one regrets what happened more than I," Lucius spoke calmly and politely.

"I do not wish to have such incidents in the future. Is that clear, Lucius?"

"Perfectly."

"Good, I would not want to take the Mudblood reward away from you, " Voldemort's voice was disgusted as he added, "Remove the girl from here. She is bleeding on my floor."

Was that it? She was saved? She still could not grasp the idea that she was safe. She will not die. At least not tonight.

She groaned as she was pulled up from the floor by Lucius. His touch was not gentle, but at least he did not touch her wounded back. For a second it seemed as if he was trying not to touch her there, not wanting to hurt her.

But than she realized how foolish she was by thinking that. He could not care less if she was in pain. He himself hurt her with that spell. Why was she always defending him, looking for reasons to justify his behaviour?

They were both silent as they walked out of the room. Every now and than a hiss of pain escaped Hermione' s lips, but nothing more.

When they came to a right place, Lucius gripped her arm tightly before they disappareted.

ooo

When Hermione recognized the bedroom, she finally let her true emotions show on her face as she groaned and doubled over in pain. She would be on the floor if Lucius hadn't supported her.

Hermione wanted to push him away, because his touch angered her, but she had to admit that at the moment she needed his help.

"Lie down," Lucius instructed her, gripping her arm and helping her to the bed.

Helping her? What Hermione hated the most about Lucius were his mood swings. She could not believe how cold and evil he could act one moment and only a minute later he could be almost gentle and caring. Almost.

When they finally reached the bed, all Hermione wanted was to lie down, but she could feel that Lucius was hesitating.

Why was he stalling?

Of course. The blood. It was understandable that he did not want her blood on his bed. It disgusted him. She disgusted him.

Hermione said nothing as she waited, but anger started to build inside of her. He was the one who was responsible that she was bleeding and now he was having troubles with it.

A few moments later, Lucius finally moved and he helped her to the bed. It didn't escape Hermione's attention that he let out an annoyed hiss.

Without a word she laid down on her stomach and took a shaky breath. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm down, but she immediately opened them as she heard the doors close. Looking around the room, she noticed she was alone.

Where did he go? Was that it? He just dropped her on the bed and took off. Tears started to build in Hermione's eyes again as she realized how naive she was to expect anything else from him. The man was willing to just stand by and watch her die. Why would he dirty his hands by helping her or healing her?

At that thought fear and sheer panic took over her. She couldn't exactly see, but she could tell that the cuts on her back were deep. She could easily bleed to death. Did he really leave her alone?

Not even a minute later she heard the doors. Turning her head immediately, she let out a breath of relief as she saw Lucius with a few bottles in his hands. She noticed that he was avoiding eye contact with her and it annoyed her. Why was he ignoring her again?

As anger took over her, she turned her head away from him and shut her eyes. But when she felt him sit down onto the bed next to her, she couldn't help but tense.

"Do not move," he said to her.

Hermione did her best to stay still, but when he touched her, she jerked away from his touch, sending more waves of pain through her body. The material of the robe was stuck on the cuts and Hermione didn't even want to think about how painful it would be to take the material away.

"Stay still," Lucius ordered again, a bit annoyed this time.

"No! Don't touch me," Hermione almost shouted at him, rejecting his touch.

"Enough with the drama," his voice had something icy in it.

"I don't want you touching me."

Only a few minutes ago he was signing her death sentence and it was understandable that the last thing Hermione wanted were his hands on her.

"The wounds on your back need to be taken care of," he explained, remaining calm.

"Bastard," Hermione muttered under her breath, not caring if he heard her. Deep inside her she even wanted him to hear her, to know what she thought of him.

Even if Lucius heard her, for some reason he decided to ignore her insult. Without a warning he muttered a spell:" Scindo materia."

Hermione could hear how the fabric of her robe ripped down the middle. She protested, trying to move away from Lucius, but her stopped her, gripping her shoulders and causing her to cry out. His hands were too close to the burning cuts.

"Do stop moving or I will be forced to bind you," Lucius warned her and released his grip on her.

Hermione realized she had no other option but to let him….do what he intended. She still could not believe that he would actually help her. It would not surprise her if he decided to rub salt into her cuts.

"Good girl."

Hermione tried to stay calm and relaxed, but when he pulled her robe apart, revealing her bare back she tensed and took a shaky breath. The anxiety was killing her and she wanted to see what he was doing to her.

"Why are you so tense?" he noticed, "Don't you trust me?" sarcasm was evident in his voice.

"I will never trust you," Hermione whispered back, trying to sound strong, even though she wanted to scream and cry at the burning pain.

"I never expected you to trust me," he smirked and than removed the blood from her back and closing the wounds with his wand. Hermione gritted her teeth together at the uncomfortable feeling, but otherwise showed no discomfort.

She could hear Lucius smirking, probably amused by her attempts to hide the pain.

A shriek of surprise escaped Hermione's lips, when Lucius' hands finally touched her skin, but than she bit her tongue and remained silent, ignoring the pain as he rubbed some kind of ointment on her back, gently touching the cuts. Hermione whimpered as suddenly the skin on her back felt cold.

"Why so quiet, Mudblood?" Lucius asked, "One would think you'd have a lot of things to say after this evening."

Hermione said nothing to that as she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on his voice, ignoring everything else, trying to stop her mind from thinking and her body from feeling.

As a punishment for ignoring him, Lucius rubbed one cut harsher that he should causing Hermione's eyes to swell up with unwelcome tears and a low sob to erupt from her mouth.

"You do not have to act tough with me, girl," he muttered, "I have already seen you at your worst."

"I'm not acting," Hermione forced out, grabbing the sheet underneath her.

"It is amusing how you insist on thinking you can lie to me," he explained with interest.

Hermione decided to ignore his statement:"Are you done?"

As an answer Lucius removed his hands from her and sighed:"You ought to show more gratitude."

Hermione almost laughed:"You are unbelievable."

"Would you care to explain that statement?" he asked as he got up from the bed.

It was hard talking to him without being able to see him, so Hermione turned her head towards him as she sent him a look of anger.

"You actually do not realize what you're doing?"

Lucius only raised his eyebrows quizzically, waiting for her to continue.

"You deliberately put me in situations where I need your help, you hurt me until I need you to heal me," she paused to take a breath, "And when you help me, you expect gratitude."

Lucius' lips curled into a smirk and than he took a step closer to her, looking deep into her eyes:"I am a Pureblood, you are a Mudblood."

He said nothing after that sentence, as if it explained everything. Hermione had a feeling if she asked him why he killed that many people, he would simply answer 'I'm a Pureblood.'

As if that excused every horrible thing he did.

"Being a Pureblood does not give you the right to-"

Lucius cut her off, serious expression on his face:"You should be grateful that I even let you live. You should cherish every breath you take."

Hermione could feel her face burning up with rage, completely pushing away the pain from her back. She felt furious at that moment, not caring about consequences. Lucius truly thought that he owned her life and that she should bow in front of him.

She might have humiliated herself because of him, cried because of him, betrayed her beliefs and her friends, but she would never accept that he truly owned her. There was a moment in the past when she believed that she belonged to him, but not anymore. He could not care less for her. He would be willing to watch her die without attempting to help her and with that he lost any kind of ownership over her.

"What if I told you that I no longer wanted to live?" Hermione carefully asked.

Lucius' eyes flickered for a moment as if he did not expect that question, but he quickly composed himself.

"That does not matter. Your wishes are irrelevant."

His voice was hard and cold, but Hermione was already used to it. She had heard that speech a lot of times already and it did not have the same effect on her anymore.

"I know that," than she added,"But what if I was daring you?"

Confusion passed Lucius' face as he narrowed his eyes:"What do you mean?"

Hermione took a deep breath, not sure what she was saying. But as she gathered the courage, she forced out:"I dare you to kill me."

Silence that filled the room was terrifying. Hermione could not even hear Lucius breathing and that worried her. She never thought he would take her request seriously, but as she saw the expression on his face, her heart beat accelerated. He looked serious, thoughtful.

"Your time will come," he finally spoke, something dark in his voice.

Hermione could not find words to express how she felt, so she remained silent. She did not know what she was supposed to think or feel. He refused to kill her, but he indicated that sometime in the future she will die. And there was no doubt that it would be by his hands. Or his wand. It did not matter.

"Rest."

That was the last word he said to her before he left the room. Hermione took an angry breath, gritting her teeth together. It angered her how easily he dismissed her. She wanted answers from him, but he simply left the room. She could no longer live like that. Their….relationship was going to end bad. Hermione could just feel it. Death, despair. All that was ahead of them if something didn't change.

No more games. Hermione had to know exactly what Lucius was planning with her. She already knew he could not care less if she died. Than what was stopping him from getting rid of her? Were his hate and grief really that strong that he could not let her go?

With those thoughts in her mind, Hermione closed her eyes eventually, drifting into sleep after such exhausting day.

ooo

Severus Snape walked into his study, letting out a tired sigh as he sat in his armchair. He conjured himself a Firewhiskey, but before he could take a sip, the doors flew open as Ginny burst into the room.

"Snape, what happened?" she asked, worry evident in her voice.

But it was not worry for him, but for Hermione. In a moment of weakness Snape had told her that the Dark Lord demanded to see Hermione and since that moment the nerves were killing her. Even though she was still angry at Hermione, she could not stand if something happened to her. That would mean that she truly was completely alone in this world.

"Talk!" Ginny demanded.

Snape sighed and than looked up at her:"Granger is still alive."

Ginny relaxed at that, but than she waited for Snape to continue and explain what happened. When he said nothing, she took a step towards him and raised her eyebrows impatiently.

"What happened? Tell me!"

"I have already told you everything you need to know," Snape said calmly, taking a sip of his Firewhiskey.

"You should not be drinking," Ginny commented in a quiet voice.

Snape sneered at her:"You are here for two months and already you started ordering me around."

"You are different when you…drink," she said quietly, looking at her hands.

She still remembered what happened when he came home drunk a few nights ago. In her time at the SnapeManor she discovered that Snape had a habbit of coming home drun .at least twice a month. And when that happened, he was not a pleasant company. The first time she did not expect it, but when she saw the state he was in, she decided the smartest thing would be to leave him alone. She was brave, but she did not want to be faced with a drunk Death Eater, no matter how civilized Snape appeared to be.

"Go to your room," he said to her quetly, looking through a window.

Since that incident a few nights ago she got her own room. Snape himself decided so the next morning when he was sober.

"I am not going to my room," Ginny shot back, "I want to know what happened at the meeting."

"I will tell you tomorrow. Now I need to be alone. Go," Snape said without even looking at her.

"Will you look at me?" Ginny almost screamed, hating the fact that he was almost ignoring her.

He was acting like that since that night. At first Ginny was furious at him, not wanting to even be in the same room with him, but as days passed she realized how much it bothered her that he would not even look at her.

Snape's black eyes connected with hers and she found absolutely nothing in them. They were empty.

"Ginevra," he warned her before looking away again.

"Why are you acting like that?" she demanded, raising her voice.

It did not affect Snape at all as he stared impassively at something:"Like what?"

"Why-" she paused, than asked,"Why are you angry at me?"

He was the one who was responsible for everything that happened that night. Why was he punishing her and behaving as she was the one to blame?

Ginny flinched as memories of that night came flooding back to her.

It was in the middle of the night. Ginny was alone in their bed, waiting nervously for him to return. When he left after dinner she was positive he went to a Death Eater meeting, but soon she realized she was wrong. He probably went to a pub, because she could smell Firewhiskey on him even though she was at the other end of the room. When he walked into the bedroom, she noticed his walk was strange, but it was only after she smelled him that she realized what happened.

But the fact that he was drunk did not frighten her. He had come drunk a few times already and he just went to sleep, without saying a word to her. Of course it annoyed her, but it was his life and she had no right to tell him how to live.

Ginny expected it to be the same this time as well, but she couldn't be more wrong.

When he approached her something inside her told her that she was in danger. But before she could do anything or even say something, he pushed her onto the bed and crawled on top of her, pressing his lips to hers.

Ginny started panicking, trying to push him away, but he would not move.

"Lily," she heard him whisper.

Ginny bit his lip until she could taste blood in her mouth. With a hiss he pulled himself away from her and Ginny tried to get away, but he was still holding her.

"Lily," she heard him mutter again, stronger this time.

His voice was so full of pain and grief. Ginny had never before heard him talk in such a manner. He was always calm and controlled.

"Ginny!" she screamed, "I'm Ginny Weasley!"

"Lily…"

"P-Professor, please!" Ginny tried, her own voice shaking with terror, "I'm Ginny Weasley!"

Snape stopped moving and than he released her immediately and removed himself from her. It was dark, but Ginny could see confusion, than disgust and anger show in his face before he got up from the bed and left the room without a word.

Ginny was too frightened to even close her eyes that night, but he did not come back. She saw him the next morning at breakfast.

"I apologize for-" he said to her in a hard tone without even looking at her.

Ginny blushed as he mentioned that event and she remained silent, not knowing what to say.

"From now on you will have your own room, next to mine," he informed her, briefly throwing a glance at her before losing himself in the Daily Prophet.

Since that day he never talked to her, unless it was really important. The first time he actually looked at her was when he told her that his Master wanted to see Hermione.

"You are such a coward!" Ginny insulted him, "Why are you acting as if I am responsible for that night?"

"Do not call me a coward!" Snape raised his voice and meeting her eyes.

Now she saw anger in them, but it disappeared quickly, shame replacing it. Shame?

"I am sorry if my behavior made you think that you are the one to blame for the events of that night," he said quietly, "It was not my intention."

Ginny was taken aback by that, not expacting it.

"But than why are you angry at me?" she asked, narrowing her eyes in confusion.

"Angry at you?" he shook his head, sighing, "Why in Merlin's name should I be angry at you, girl?"

"I-"

"I am angry at myself," he confessed, looking away from her, "I am disgusted with myself. Not you."

"Oh," was all Ginny could say. It was the first time the red-head witch was completely speechless. For a moment she thought he was playing games with her, lying to her, but he could not fake the serious expression on his face, could he?

Snape sighed, looking at the glass of Fire Whiskey in his hands:"You should go to your room, Ginevra."

It took a few moments for Ginny to compose herself,"I-I don't…But what about Hermione?"

"She is safe for now. I will tell you everything you need to now. Tomorrow."

Ginny noticed that there was something dark in his voice. It was not a good idea to fight him when he was in that mood.

She nodded and turned to leave the room, but then she stopped and looked at him again.

"Who's Lily?"

That question was in her mind ever since that night, but she did not dare to ask him. And it was not like she had the chance, because he was avoiding her.

Snape's eyes became even darker and a muscle in his jaw twitched. He looked lost in his thoughts for a few long moments until he finally came back into reality.

"Go to bed, Ginevra," he said to her and poured himself another glass, not even looking at her.

Curiosity was killing her, but Ginny just nodded and left the room. It was not the right time or place to ask about such things. But she was stubborn and determined to discover who that Lily was and what she meant to Snape.

As she walked to her room, Ginny could not help but wonder who Severus Snape really was. Everything was confusing and complicated.

At the beginning Snape was just an evil bastard who killed Dumbledore. A murderer who was responsible that they lost the War and that her family was dead. A Death Eeater who took her as his slave.

But than he confused her. When he wouldn't touch her or even insult her. When he did nothing to punish her the first day as she stabbed him with a letter opener. When he went to visit Hermione when she asked him to.

She could not understand him at all. Was he playing some kind of a game? He did not even hit her once, except that day when she tried to stab Malfoy.

Ginny shook her head in confusion. Nothing was making sense anymore. She was with a Death Eater, she could be covered in bruises, but she was…alright. Than suddenly an image of Hermione appeared in her mind. Broken, bruised Hermione. Ginny did not even want to imagine what kind of life Hermione was having with Lucius.

ooo

Hermione woke up with a yawn. Blinking and looking around, she realized it was dark outside. She was completely lost, not knowing what time it was, but she knew it had to be the middle of night.

She licked her lips and realized she was incredibly thirsty and hungry. She needed water and she could not wait for Lucius to come back. She did not want to drink the water from the bathroom and she could have an excuse to leave the room. Calling for the House Elf proved to be useless in tha past, so she slowly got up from the bed. Her back did not hurt at all. She could feel that she had cuts, but other than that no pain.

And as her feet touched the floor, she realized with surprise that her ankle was healed. Did he heal it while she was sleeping? Why?

She was too thirsty to think about Lucius' motives so she slowly walked towards the doors, hoping it wasn't locked.

As her hand touched the door knob, the doors easily opened. Without thinking Hermione stepped out of the room, not actually knowing where to go or if she was even allowed to step out of the room.

Maybe she could just call his name? If he was in the house, he would hear her.

"Lu-" she started, than covered her mouth with a hand as she heard voices.

She listened carefully and discovered it was coming from the room across the hall. She had never been there and had no idea what was in it. She made a few steps towards it, than stopped.

It was Lucius' voice. It was no doubt that it was him, but he sounded different. He never talked to her with such soft voice.

Hermione listened harder and than she tensed as she heard a female voice. That fact bothered her more that it should. Who was she?

Than it became clear to her. Of course. A whore. Or maybe not a whore. Maybe he actually had a lover. She herself had suggested to him that he should visit other women to satisfy his needs. But she did not mean that seriously and she did not want him to bring them to the Manor.

At that moment Hermione felt like crying, but she could not explain to herself why. Why was she feeling so betrayed and hurt?

Without thinking she made a few more steps until she could hear the words more clear.

"….you are still the only one," Lucius' voice was gentle.

"I hope so, Lucius," the woman said.

"No one will ever take your place."

Hermione did not need to hear more. Turning around she ran back into the bedroom and slammed the doors shut. She was angry and hurt and betrayed. And she was shaking. Hermione looked down at her hands and took a few deep breaths to calm herself, but it didn't work.

He has another woman.

Than she almost laughed at herself and her own stupidity.

Another? As if I am his woman. I am only his reward. Nothing else.

A moment later Lucius burst into the room with an angry expression:"What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing. Leave me alone," she barked, blinking to push the tears back in.

"I demand an explanation. Why did you slam the doors?"

Hermione ignored him as she took a deep breath.

"Well, Mudblood? I'm waiting."

"I want to leave," she said, quietly.

"I beg your pardon?"

Hermione looked up at him and repeated:"I want to leave. Let me go."

Lucius' eyebrow rose in interest:"I thought we already covered that subject."

"Please, let me go."

"Where would you go?" he asked, it seemed as if he was having fun.

"Away from here," she answered, her lower lip shaking,"Apparate me anywhere. Diagon Alley. I don't care."

"And where would you go from there?" he was pretending to be serious, but it was evident that he was mocking her, playing with her.

"Why do you care?" Hermione almost shouted at him,"You once gave me a choice. Either I go or I stay here and…share your bed."

Lucius nodded:"I remember. And I also remember that you already made your decision."

"Well, I'm changing my mind!" Hermione tried to convince him,"Let me go. I want to leave."

"No."

His face was hard and serious. Just by looking at him, Hermione knew he would not let her leave. Not ever. She was damned. Never will she be free of him. Never. All the despair and hurt came crashing down onto her and she fell onto her knees, realizing what terrible life awaits for her.

"I can't stay here anymore," she mumbled barely above a whisper,"Please…I want to leave."

Lucius kneeled down next to her, his expression serious:"What is this all about, Mudblood?"

"I can't live like this. I thought I could, but…it's killing me," she could not even explain to herself why was she talking to him, saying those things to him.

"What is killing you?" Lucius asked, "You could have had it much worse, Mudblood."

He did not understand. He could never understand the anguish a conscience can cause someone. He would never understand how horrible she felt, because she was sleeping with the enemy, betraying her loved ones. He would never understand how lonely she felt and how desperately she needed someone. Even if that someone was him. He would never understand how it hurt her knowing that he did not feel anything for her. Not even compassion. Because he was not able to feel anything besides hate.

"You are killing me, Lucius," she whispered, looking into his eyes.

He sneered:"That is the main idea, Mudblood. Have you forgotten the reason you are here?"

"Draco," she answered automatickly. She noticed that Lucius tensed and his lips formed a thin line, but he said nothing to her.

Hermione continued:"Do you think he would appreciate what you are doing to me?"

"Do not talk about my son, Mudblood," he ordered.

"I knew Draco, maybe even better than you."

"How dare-"

She cut him of:"He didn't like me, but I know he would not agree with what you are doing to me."

"You know nothing about my son," Lucius hissed venomously.

"Maybe...maybe this all isn't about Draco. Maybe you simply needed to take your anger out on someone and I was just convenient."

Lucius stood up and Hermione followed, not breaking eye contact with him.

"You will stop talking if you know what is good for you," Lucius warned her, a murderous expression on his face.

But Hermione didn't stop. She couldn't. Something inside her was hurt and she needed Lucius to be hurt as well.

"And why did Voldemort kill your wife?" she threw the question on him, observing how his expression went from angry to furious in a moment.

Lucius grabbed her arm and pushed her into the wall, his eyes were filled with a terrifying rage, his face completely pale from fury.

"Do not say a word about Narcissa," he muttered threateningly.

"Than let me go!" Hermione screamed, "I'm not blind anymore, I can take of myself."

"Do you still remember that you are my prisoner here? And I will never let you go."

Hermione's stomach turned over and over again, her lower lip starting to quiver from the horrible realization. He was serious. He would never let her leave.

"I know what happened," Hermione said after a few moments, lost in her thoughts.

Lucius' chest was heaving with anger, but he said nothing to her.

Hermione continued, everything suddenly making sense in her head:"Your wife probably did not want Draco to be a Death Eater. She did not want her son to be like his father."

Lucius pushed her violently back, until she hit the wall. In a moment his body pressed against her, his hand holding both of her wrists above her head.

"You will regret your words, Mudblood," he said to her in a dark voice.

"Let go of me!"

She struggled, but his grip was too strong and every time she moved, her back rubbed against the wall, causing her to hiss in pain.

"You talk about things you have no knowledge of," he whispered and Hermione hesitantly looked up at him and instantly she wished she hadn't. His eyes were the darkest shade of grey she had ever seen and full of emotions that are too terrifying to comprehend.

But she could not stop talking. He was her enemy. He showed her that she meant absolutely nothing to him and Hermione would explode if she did not hurt him as well. She was furious at him and she knew his weak spots.

"Is it not true? Have you treated your wife the way you treat me? No wonder she-"

She could not finish the sentence as Lucius tightened his grip on her wrists, almost breaking it.

"Stop, you're hurting me…" she whimpered, hoping he would let her go. At that moment she realized that maybe she went a bit to far. Maybe she crossed the line, because Lucius' face was pale from pure rage.

"I haven't even started, Mudblood."

His voice terrified her, because it did not even sound like him anymore. He seemed so distant, as if he was lost in his thoughts and did not even realize what was happening around him.

"Lucius, let go!" Hermione tried again, but he would not let go of her.

To her shock, his other hand traveled down and panic completely overtook her as she heard him undoing his pants.

"What are you doing?" she asked desperately, her voice breaking.

"Giving you what you deserve," Lucius answered and Hermione felt him push her robe up to her waist.

Oh God.

She screamed and tried to free her hands, but it was useless. She was completely caught between the wall and Lucius.

"I once promised you this," he said smoothly, "Do you remember?"

How could she forget? His cold words were stuck in her head, but she never thought it would actually come to it.

Hermione could not understand why was he doing this to her. He had a mistress in the room across the hall, waiting for him.

He parted her legs with his knee and than the pain hit her as he pushed in her. Hermione let out a scream, but that did not stop him. He was not Lucius anymore. Hermione could not recognize the man in front of her. There was absolutely nothing human in his eyes. His look was dead, dark. He was looking into her eyes as if he wanted to see every emotion that crossed her face, but at the same time it felt as if he was not actually seeing her.

He was hurting her, tearing her. He was never this violent. Hermione realized that he could kill her at that moment and he probably would not even care.

She tried to keep her screams inside of her, but with his every thrust he roughly pushed her against the wall and Hermione could feel her wounds opening again.

Screams were easy to control, but tears were not. Her cheeks were wet and so was Lucius' shoulder. Once again she dirtied him by his tears, Hermione thought.

"Hurts," she whimpered quietly, more to herself than to him. But suddenly he stopped moving. Hermione's legs could no longer hold her and surrendered completely to Lucius' support.

Is he finished?

No, he can't be. Why did he stop?

"Oh God," she heard him mutter in a pained voice.

Pained? What does he have pain in his voice? He was not the one hurt.

Slowly he removed himself from her and Hermione slid to the ground, moving away from the wall and Lucius.

She did not dare to look up at him, fearing what she would find. She covered her mouth with a hand, trying to muffle the crying. She was humiliated, hurt and betrayed. He has taken her against her will before, but it was never like this. This time it was animalistic, dirty. He used his physical strength, knowing she had no chance against him. It was pathetic. He was pathetic.

"Mudblood," he started and this time it was him.

Hermione could recognize his normal voice, though he seemed to be a bit shaken and upset.

"D-Don't," she forced out, keeping her head down. She did not want to look at him. Never again.

"I-" Lucius hesitantly started, but he didn't finish the sentence.

What could he say? He said everything with his actions and no words could repair the damage he did.

A few long moments passed and he just stood there, not saying a word, only observing her. Hermione could feel his eyes on her and all she wanted was to crawl into a corner and hide from him. Never before had she felt so used and dirty. Those two times in the past when she let him take her to his bed it was easier, because it had a purpose. The first time she had to choose between death and him, and the second time she desperately needed to feel something. But this time…

Why was he still standing there, torturing her?

Just leave, please…and let me pick up the pieces of my dignity.

"Leave me alone, please," Hermione whispered and than met his eyes for a second before she looked down again. But she almost looked at him again, confused by what she saw on his face. He had hummiliated her again and she expected to see a satisfied smirk on his face. But there was nothing that would show he was having fun. He almost looked ashamed or shocked. But at what? Hermione could not believe he was sorry for what he had done. He was Lucius Malfoy, he never regretted anything, why start now?

Before Hermione could look at him again, he left the room.

She could not live like that anymore. Something needed to be changed. Either he goes or…what? She goes? Where and how? There were moments in the past few days when Hermione actually thought she might have a life with Lucius. She would never be more than a Mudblood to him, but at least he was starting to show he felt somethingfor her. He would never say it out loud, but his actions were speaking for themselves. He rarely hit her or tortured her. He protected her from Philix, he ended the spell that Philix cast on her. He killed Dolohov for her. He had said it himself.

But it all meant nothing. Now that she was sitting on the floor, broken and hurt, she realized that there was no life for her with Lucius Malfoy. It was either escape or die. And she decided.

Lucius would not be the end of her. She was still young, she still wanted to live, even though the world was ruled by Voldemort. She would not drown together with Lucius. He was a broken man with so much anger and grief inside of him. If she stayed with him, she would end just like him.

Escape.

That word formed in her mind. She wasn't blind anymore, she could do something. Even though Lucius would never admit it to her, he trusted her more than at the beggining. He even gave her his wand. She could use that trust and…escape.

Somehow, some day.

But she would not allow Lucius to turn her into nothing, into an empty shell. She was Hermione Granger. The name sounded so strange in her head. But she would have to get used to it again.

Hermione Granger. She was Hermione Granger, not his Mudblood.

A/N: Hey, you guys! This chapter was supposed to show that Lucius cared deeply for his family and he reacted badly when Hermione insulted them or doubted in his loyalty to his wife and son. Only three or four more chapters to go! I already know how the story is going to end, but I'm curious to how you would like it to end. Tell me in a review!