In The Dark

by the-shiny-girl

What is worth fighting for when you are lost in the darkness and at the mercy of a man who has lost everything? How to find a will to live?

23. The Dark

chapter 23 The Dark

No one is unbreakable. Every person has his limit and Hermione just reached hers. She had been through too much. Lucius had put her through hell. There were moments when she thought that she could no longer take it, but then another morning came. And another and another. The end just never came.

Months. She had been living with Lucius Malfoy for months, enduring his torture, trying to make the best of her life. In one naive moment of her life she thought that maybe she could make a life out of what she had left. Maybe Lucius could change. He did change. She couldn't deny that. He just didn't change enough.

Hermione still remembered her first days at the Manor. He was truly a monster than, punishing her for every word, humiliating her until she could no longer recognize herself. Forcing her into things that made her hate herself. The insults, the beatings and the mind torture. Lucius truly hated her.

But not anymore. Hermione wished it would still be that simple. But something changed and she wasn't exactly sure when. Maybe it was the first time he saved her, or healed her bruises and cuts. Maybe it was when she saved him from Ginny, even though he deserved to die. The first time that she willingly chose him over her friends. Something had to change than. She wasn't the same Hermione Granger anymore. The old Hermione Granger would never risk her life to help a Death Eater.

He changed her. He took everything away from her. Even her personality. It took a few months, but it happened, as he said it would. In her first days with him he kept saying that he would change her, that he would make her realize what she truly was. She resisted as long as she could, but eventually he succeeded. It was a shame, but Hermione could no longer lie to herself. Lucius changed her. But in her defense- she changed him too. Even though he would never admit it to her or even to himself. He was not the same Lucius Malfoy as before. His beliefs were still the same and those were impossible to break. But something had changed. And it was his attitude towards her. Nothing in the world could convince Hermione otherwise. She could clearly remember when she was just a Mudblood, when he was disgusted to touch her and he only used his hands to cause her pain. He treated her like she was an animal, forcing her to sleep on the floor next to her bed and not giving her food for days if she misbehaved. As weeks passed by he was slowly changing. Hermione was not sure when the change happened exactly, but he was slowly using his hands to heal the bruises and cuts he himself caused. She could still remember one night when she was pretending to be asleep and he was caressing her cheek, softly touching her skin. She never asked him about that. It wasn't as if he would tell her the truth. And than he did something Hermione never thought would happen. He allowed her to sleep in his bed. That fact worried her, not knowing what his intentions were, but who was she to ask questions? She did not have the right to question him or his actions.

And soon after that it happened. Something Hermione had been successfuly avoiding ever since she was chosen as his award. He...they..

Hermione still could not pronounce it. Not even in her head. What they did...what she did..it was too shameful to even think about it. But it happened and Hermione would be a real coward if she acted as if nothing happened.

We slept together. I allowed him to take me.

That event was crucial, because everything changed after that. Nothing was the same after she allowed him to touch her.

She crossed the line she had set for herself. No matter what they did to her, no matter how much torture they put her through, she would still be herself. No one would be able to take that away from her. Her pride, her beliefs and dignity. But Lucius Malfoy did just that. But what was even more shocking was that he did not take it from her. She had given it to him. She was given a choice and she chose him. She chose staying with him and enduring everything her decided to put her through.

It was unbeliveable how much they both changed. But it was still not enough for both of them to live together.

He went too far this time. If there was a small chance that Lucius might feel something for her and that she could somehow stay with him until the destiny decided otherwise, it was all destroyed in a few minutes. Those minutes that made Hermione feel like a victim. She had never felt like that before. It was hard to believe, but it was true. When they fought with words, Hermione felt they were somehow on the same level. She could hurt him as badly as he could hurt her, if not even more. When he hit her or tried to punish her, Hermione felt weak, but she never felt like a victim. Because she always had a choice. She could submit to his will or annoy him until he killed her in his rage. She always had a choice and she chose to live. But what happened now was...brutal.

She had absolutely no choice. Lucius was stronger that she was, there was no doubt, but he never in the past used his physical power like that. It was never like that. She had no chance to defend herself. She could not even move as he pushed her against the wall and took what he wanted, not caring how much her hurt her body and soul.

Hermione cried until there were no more tears. She did not cry only because of what he did to her, but because all her hope was destroyed. She realized how foolish and naive she truly was and that there was no way she could change a monster like Lucius Malfoy.

Everything hurt. The pain the cuts on her back were causing, the pain between her legs, the pain in her heart. Hermione took a shaky breath in an attempt to calm herself and than slowly got up, using the wall for support.

And than she saw it. She blinked a few times to clear her sight and than she saw that the doors were open. He hadn't closed the doors behind him. How and why? Did he forget? He did seem a bit stressed and confused when he left, but it was completely out of character for him to do such a thing. Was he that shaken by what he had done? Was he-

Hermione mentally slapped herself for thinking about his motives again. She should not think about Lucius Malfoy and his reasons for acting the way he acted.

As she stared at the open doors she realized something. Maybe that was the sign. A sign from someone, somewhere. Maybe that was the chance she was waiting for, hoping for. She had to do something. She couldn't spend the rest of her life feeling sorry for herself and waiting until Lucius decides to get rid of her. She was a Gryffindor after all.

So she took a deep breath, grabbed the doorknob and opened the door completely. She did not care if she was caught, she wasn't afraid of Lucius anymore. What could he do to her to hurt her even more? There was only one thing he could give to her now. Death. And that did not frighten her as it used to.

Hermione could feel everything spinning around her as she slowly walked down the long hallway, her hands touching the wall, supporting her because she had a strange feeling she would pass out any moment. Too many emotions were inside of her and her body could not handle it all. But her stubbornness helped her to reach the stairs. Than she stopped.

The stairs.

The place where she risked her life to fight Phillix and save them both. The place where she could had easily died because of him. But he did not care about that. He never even mentioned it. After a few moments she pulled herself together and made her way down the stairs. She had no idea where she was going or where the doors were or what would await for her once she got out. But strangely she did not care about any of that. Hermione was not used to doing things without making plans first. She wasn't like Ron and Harry who were impulsive and reckless. She had a habit of over-thinking and researching everything before making a move. But it was not like that this time. She walked down the stairs without knowing what would await for her once she reached the end. Deep inside her she knew that the chance of her escaping was very small. But she felt as if she would never forgive herself if she did not try something.

Even if she was caught, she could at least die knowing that she tried. It was much easier to die fighting than to die doing absolutely nothing to save yourself. At least Hermione felt like that.

Once the stairs were over, Hermione took a few moments to look around. It surprised her that there was no one. Not even a House Elf. The Manor was even larger than she imagined it. There were beautiful and magnificent paintings on the walls with strange statues in the corners. Everything just screamed Lucius Malfoy at her. His house was just as elegant and cold as he was. And she needed to get away from it.

Front doors. It wasn't hard to find them, but Hermione feared she might not be able to open them because they seemed large and heavy and Hermione wasn't exactly in her best shape at that moment. But still she walked right to the doors, grabbed the doorknob and pulled. It wouldn't move and Hermione was slowly starting to panic. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the doorknob with both hands and pulled harder.

It opened with a loud noise, but Hermione hardly heard it. She was too distracted with what she saw outside. It was dark, but weak light illuminated everything outside the Malfoy Manor. Hermione could see trees and the fountain with the statue of a snake. She froze as her eyes landed on a beautiful garden near the fountain. She couldn't help but wonder if that was the garden that Lucius took her to when he gave her the choice. The choice of being thrown out of the Manor or sharing his bed. Was that the garden where she made the decision to abandon her beliefs and her dignity? Was that the garden where the old Hermione Granger died?

Not wanting to think about that, she carefully ran down the stairs until her feet finally touched the cold ground. The feeling of freedom started to build inside of her and a weak smile formed on her face. She gritted her teeth together and ignored the pain she was feeling as she nervously made a few steps away from the Manor. Just as the feeling of triumphant was starting to settle in, a voice from behind her made her froze in shock.

"Exactly where do you think you are going, Miss Granger?"

It wasn't his voice. Hermione let out a sigh of relief, but she was still completely tense and frightened at being caught. As she turned around her eyes widened as she recognized Snape standing not far away from her with a puzzled expression on his face.

She was completely speechless. What could she say to him? How could she escape from him? He was a man and he had a wand. Still, she would not accept that everything was lost. Maybe she could still somehow... But as adrenaline was starting to disappear from her body, pain started to return and Hermione realized that she was seriously injured.

"Snape, I-" she started, but was cut off by him.

"I do not know what is happening, but I am sure you are not allowed to walk around here, Granger," Snape eyed her suspiciously.

"Please," she whispered, despar showing on her face.

Snape was anything but stupid and there was no way he would believe her if she decided to lie to him. Telling him the truth was the only option Hermione could see at that moment.

"Shouldn't you be resting? Hasn't Lucius healed you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at her, his face confused.

Hermione flinched at the mention of Lucius, memories of the attack returning to her. She didn't know what to say, all she knew was that she did not have a lot of time. Lucius could go to her room and see that she wasn't there. She had to get away. It hurt to know that she could be caught when she was that close to escaping.

"Help me," Hermione finally forced through her teeth, her body shaking with anticipation. She could hear a clock in her head and she knew she didn't have a lot of time left.

Snape looked deep into her eyes as if he could find an explanation there. Than he made a step closer to her and spoke quietly:"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Hermione whispered to him, feeling surprised that Snape was even speaking to her. She expected him to grab her and take her back into the house without giving her the chance to explain herself.

Snape sent her a suspicious glance, than he looked around:"Where is Lucius?"

"I don't care where he is," Hermione spat with disgust,"Please, let me go. Pretend you didn't see me..."

"Granger, you know I cannot do that," he spoke calmly, but he too seemed to be nervous.

Hermione let out a desperate cry, not knowing what to do. All she knew at that moment was that Snape was not going to take her to the house that easily. She was ready to fight him if she had to. It was her freedom they were talking about. She was not blind anymore and she could survive in the world after the War.

"What have I done to you?" she asked, shaking her head,"Did I annoy you that much in school that you feel the need to punish me now?"

"Don't be foolish!" he snarled at her.

"Than let me go!"

Hermione wasn't sure if her legs would hold her any longer and she could feel the burning pain the cuts on her back were causing. Snape cursed under his breath than stepped closer to her, looking directly in her eyes:"Granger, believe me when I say that this will all be over soon."

"W-What?" she managed to say, not understanding what he meant.

He spoke quietly as if he was afraid someone might hear him:"Be patient and strong. It will get better soon."

Hermione narrowed her eyes in confusion:"What are you saying? I don't-"

Snape grabbed her arm:"Let's go inside."

"No!" With her remaining strength Hermione pulled herself out of Snape's grip and stepped away from him.

"Granger, we've come too far for you to now jeopardize the whole situation," there was a warning in Snape's voice.

Hermione had no idea what he was talking about and she didn't have the time to ask him about it. She recognized that what he was talking was serious and any other time it might interest her, but all she could think about at that moment was to get away. She didn't care what plans they had or what she was about to jeopardize.

"I can't stay here!" Hermione raised her voice, than added quietly,"He will end up killing me."

It was dark and she couldn't see clearly, but for a second it seemed as if Snape's face softened. But it was impossible. Snape would never care about what happened to her, right?

"He wouldn't do such a thing," he said to her, his voice strong and convinced. Hermione found herself wanting to believe him, but at the same time she couldn't. Not after what happened not only half an hour ago.

"I don't want to listen to you," Hermione shot back and turned to run away, but Snape was faster, grabbing her hands. But than he stopped, frozen.

"What happened to your back?" he demanded, still not releasing her and not allowing her to face him.

Hermione almost laughed at that:"You were there. Don't you remember?"

Snape took a deep breath, than spoke calmly:"I am going to release you and you are not going to try to run away. Understood?"

Hermione gritted her teeth, but eventually nodded, realizing that he could easily put a Petrificus Totalus spell on her. When he let go of her, she turned to him and was surprised when she saw confusion and slight anger on his face.

"Why is your robe cut and why your wounds are not healed?" Snape asked slowly.

"He healed it," she answered coldly, looking down.

By Snape's silence she knew he was expecting her to explain everything. But she couldn't. How could she explain everything to him? She did not want anyone to know what happened.

"Care to explain why the cuts on your back are still bleeding?" he asked after a few moments of silence.

Anger shot through Hermione and she looked at Snape:"Why don't you ask him?"

"Severus!" a voice called from a distance.

Hermione froze as she recognized it. Lucius. Pure despair took over her as she realized that she was caught. She made her last attempt to run away, but again Snape caught her arm and would not release it. The more Hermione struggled the more his grip tightened until it was too painful.

Hermione's eyes shot towards the house and she saw Lucius walking towards them. She couldn't see his face and she wasn't sure if she wanted to see it. But when he reached them, she could clearly see him. But he merely threw a glance at her, before turning to Snape.

"What happened here?" he asked, his voice calm.

Hermione barely held her tears in. She felt desperate, angry at herself for not succeeding.

"I think the girl just tried to escape, Lucius," Snape answered, emotionless, than smirked,"You ought to be more careful with her."

"Get her inside," Lucius ordered coldly, still not looking at Hermione. She was somehow grateful for that because she could not stand his look at that moment. She noticed he was dressed differently. He probably changed his clothes after he left her room, not wanting to have her scent on him. He probably cleaned himself to get rid of any evidence of what happened, of what he had done. Hermione wished she could do the same, but she was not like Lucius. Not even a boiling water would make her feel clean again.

Hermione lost herself in her thoughts for a moment, but when Snape made a step to go back inside the house, she started struggling.

"No! I'm not going back there!" she screamed, not caring who would hear her or if it would anger Lucius. She could not accept that she was that close to escaping and did not make it. There was a horrible burning feeling inside of her, telling her that she should had been be more careful, faster.

"Mudblood," Lucius said to her, finally meeting her eyes. It surprised her that there was no anger inside of them, only coldness. It was as if he was trying to hide everything he was feeling behind a mask. He was not the same man as half an hour ago. He was an animal than, but now she was looking into the eyes of a elegant, sophisticated man, who had himself completely under control.

"Stop calling me that!" she screamed at him, "I'm Hermione Granger!"

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she stopped struggling. She noticed Lucius nod to Snape to let go of her.

"She cannot go anywhere now," he said to the Potions Master.

He obeyed, but Hermione did not care about the fact that he wasn't holding her anymore. She had so much things bottled up inside her and she needed to get it all out, not caring if she was surrounded with two Death Eaters.

"I am the brightest witch of my age and I go to Hogwarts," she started talking through her sobs,"I have friends. Ron, Harry, Ginny, Neville, Luna."

She met Lucius' eyes and realized he was looking at her. Truly looking at her. Not smirking or rolling her eyes. His look was intense and emotionless, but for some reason he listened to her.

"I have my parents," her voice broke at the mention of them,"I didn't get to tell them how much I love them the last time I saw them. I didn't expect I would never see them again."

Ever since she was captured she was trying not to think about her parents, because she knew she would break down at the mere thought of them.

"And I don't know if they are alright, if they are alive. Are they worried about me? Do they know what happened to me?"

Wiping the tears away, she continued with a weak smile on her face:"I used to fall asleep with a book next to my head. I lived for school and learning new things."

She stopped for a few moments, but strangely not Lucius or Snape said anything to her to make her stop talking and wasting their time. They were probably amused by her outburst, enjoying the show.

"And now everything's changed. Suddenly I am treated like an animal, like I am nothing but dirt...just because...because my blood is not pure."

Lucius' lips formed a thin line and than he stepped closer to Hermione, but she immediately backed away from him, disgust on her face. She felt like an injured animal, afraid of every move around her.

"This is the world we live in. The faster you accept that, the easier it will be," Lucius said to her in a dark tone.

"We should move this inside," Snape stepped in.

Hermione's lower lip trembled as a realization hit her. It was over. She was about to be taken back inside the house. Back to him. Taking a deep breath, she gave in. She was not stupid and she could not lie to herself that there was still a way. She couldn't escape, not with Snape and Lucius surrounding her.

"You need to have those wounds healed," Snape said to her, but Hermione ignored him. She was in her own world, barely awknowloging what was happening around her.

"Wounds?" she heard Lucius ask in surprise.

She did not move as Snape motioned Lucius to take a look at her back. She just hugged herself with her hands and waited, her mind blank. No fear, no pain, nothing.

"I healed those, Severus," Lucius said to his friend, quietly.

"Than what happened-"

Realization slowly downed on Lucius' face and when he spoke his voice was hard as if he was having trouble talking about it:"I will explain everything later. Now we should go back inside."

"I'm hungry," Hermione suddenly said, making both men look at her with a confused expression.

"She's probably in shock..."

Everything that happened after that was unclear to Hermione. She remembered walking back into the house, she heard voices of Snape and Lucius, but she couldn't understand what they were talking. Before she even realized what was happening, she was laying in the bed, on her stomach and waiting for something, not sure what exactly.

Someone gave her something to drink. At first she fought, but than her thirst took over and she drank what she was offered. After that she couldn't remember anything more.

ooo

Hermione opened her eyes, but she closed them right away, blinded by the sunlight from the window. It took a few long moments for her to remember everything that happened. She had a feeling as if she had been in a dark room and now she awoke from it. But at the same time she couldn't remember the last time she slept that well. All the pain from her back was gone, there was only a slight ache between her legs, reminding her of what happened. But otherwise she was completely relaxed. With a sigh she turned onto her back and than she noticed him.

Lucius.

It startled her when she saw him sitting on a chair in the corner of the room, looking at nothing specific. She sat up and immediately all the anger and disgust returned and her face hardened.

"We need to talk," he finally said to her after a few long moments.

Hermione could not understand how he managed to be that calm and controlled after... Maybe Lucius simply pushed the things that he did not want to remember out of his mind. She felt as if she should say something, but her mind was empty at that moment. She did not expect him to want to talk to her and she wasn't prepared for it.

A few minutes passed in silence and Hermione looked up at him, confused. He said that they had to talk, but now he was silent. Lucius wasn't looking at her, he seemed lost in his thoughts and Hermione couldn't help but wonder what was on his mind.

"I cannot imagine what you were thinking," he said to her a few minutes later,"The house is warded, there is Dark Magic placed onto the surroundings of the house. You could not have gotten far."

Hermione blushed at that, feeling foolish for thinking she could escape that easily. Of course that everything was warded. But at that moment she wasn't thinking clearly, all that mattered to her was escaping from the house, from him. She was a Gryffindor. And they are known for 'do now, think later'. Completely opposite from Slytherin.

Hermione remained silent, but she noticed Lucius was looking at her with his grey eyes. Avoiding his gaze, she looked down at her hands, noticing she was dressed in a clean white nightgown. Suddenly she tensed, feeling extremely uncomfortable at the fact that someone healed her and changed her clothes while she was sleeping. Shame overtook her as she realized that maybe Lucius was the one who did that. Or maybe it was Snape. But somehow she did not feel better knowing that her former Professor saw her without clothes, even if it was to help her.

With a sigh, Lucius stood up and walked over to the bed. Hermione wanted to stay calm and brave, but she could not help but flinch away and pull the blanket around her, looking up at him with wide open eyes. There was probably a lot of fear in them, no matter how hard she tried to keep a brave face.

"I am not going to hurt you," he said to her quietly, probably noticing the emotions in her look.

Hermione narrowed her eyes in confusion at that sentence, but she did not relax. It wasn't that easy to forget or ignore what he did to her a few hours ago. It was easier for him to close his eyes and forget what he had done, but it was different for her. She would never forget.

He kept his hands visible as he slowly sat on the end of the bed, leaving a safe distance between them.

"I am-" he started, his jaw twitching as if he was fighting with himself, "What happened last night..."

Hermione's eyes shot up at him and her breathing quickened, waiting for him to continue. Though she wasn't sure she wanted him to continue. The last thing she needed at that moment was to talk with him about what happened.

"I should never have done that," Lucius finally said, meeting her eyes. Hermione lost herself for a moment in the depth of his grey eyes and she could swear she saw something different in them this time. Shame, maybe slight anger. It was only a few seconds later that his words made their way into her mind. She could not believe that he was confessing he was wrong. It never happened before. Lucius Malfoy was always right.

"What have you done to me?" he asked quietly, his face completely disgusted.

Hermione opened her mouth in shock and anger, but it took her a few long moments to put words into a sentence:"What have I done to you? Are you mental?"

"I do not hide what I am. A Death Eater. I have never been ashamed of my actions," he barked, "Until last night."

"What? You-" Hermione started, but he cut her off.

"I do not see myself as evil. There is no good or evil. There is only power," he drawled, his eyes boring into hers,"That is something you will never understand."

"There is good and evil," Hermione corrected him, convinced in what she was talking,"I know. I have seen evil."

Lucius did not break eye contact with her, but he only raised an eyebrow, daring her to continue.

"There are a lot of faces of evil," she said quietly, than added,"I am looking at one right now."

Lucius' face hardened and his look became even more cold, if possible. He took a deep breath through his nose, than lost himself in his thoughts again.

"I have always had myself under control, in which I was different from my fellow Death Eaters. I do not take pleasure from acting like an animal, completely controlled by my emotions or my needs."

Hermione did not want to listen to him, but she had no choice. What could she do? Leave the room? Cover her ears and her eyes?

"But never in my life have I felt like you made me feel last night," he said through his teeth, "You made me act like an animal.

Anger shot through Hermione. She could not believe what was happening. Once again he was blaming her for what he had done.

Rage showed in her tone:"Do you have any idea what you did to me? How I felt?"

His face was completely pale and when he finally spoke, it was almost as a whisper:"I did not want it to come to that."

"But it did!" she screamed, "You made it happen!"

Lucius raised his voice as well:"You shouldn't have spoken about my family! You know well enough that it is prohibited to you to even use their names."

Hermione shook her head, disgust still clearly on her face:"What I did is not an excuse for what you did to me."

"Last night was the first night something like that happened," he said, but when he noticed Hermione's look of disbelief, he added,"I have used violence in such a manner before."

"I thought as much," she barked at him.

Lucius put on a cold mask as he spoke:"I have tortured and raped before. But it was always with a cause, I always had a valuable reason. I was always very strict about it, professional. It was never out of fun or boredom."

Hermione got chills just listening to him. It was unbelievable to her how he managed to talk about such horrible things with so calm and silky voice. It seemed as if it was all just a job for him. How could he talk about destroying other people's lives that easily?

"Violence was something I never used without a valuable cause," Lucius continued, "Everything was planned out, organised."

Hermione had trouble believing his words, having suffered so much under his hands. And without a good reason. Even though he blamed her for the death of his son, he had to know deep inside of him that she was not responsible for what happened to Draco. But he still chose to make her life a living hell.

Lucius' tone grew darker as he met Hermione's eyes:"Last night I was an animal, uncontrolled. You managed to anger me that much. No one has ever had that power over me. No one."

A strange feeling formed inside of Hermione. She was confused, not knowing if she should be proud at herself or angry. She managed to get through to him, but at the same time it cost her so much.

"I could have killed you last night," he confessed, taking a deep breath, looking into distance as if he was remembering that event,"I saw nothing except you. I needed to hurt you, punish you. I had to-" he stopped mid sentence, getting a hold of himself.

"You were lucky I realized what I was doing in time," he looked into her eyes and Hermione found it almost impossible to look away from his intense eyes.

After a moment she blinked and licked her lips hesitantly. That was the most normal conversation she ever had with him. He never before let her know that much about him or his thoughts. But there was one question on her mind and she needed to ask him. She needed to know.

"Are you..." she started, but stopped, unsure of if she should continue.

Lucius raised an eyebrow at her:"Am I what?"

She took a deep breath and gathered her courage before she looked into his eyes and quietly asked:"Are you sorry for what you have done? Do you...feel regret?"

So much depended from that answer and she held her breath, waiting for him to speak. She couldn't explain to herself why it mattered that much to her if he regretted it or not, but she needed to know.

Lucius got up from the bed, clearing his throat, before he looked at her:"I am sorry for what I- For what happened."

Probably hope or some other emotion showed in Hermione's eyes, because he quickly added in his silky voice:"But not out of the reasons you think."

Hermione tried to keep her face emotionless, but she was not as good at that as Lucius. She couldn't hide if someone hurt her or if her hope was destroyed in a second. But it wasn't that horrible anymore, because she was already used to being disappointed.

Lucius made his way towards the door and than turned to her, for a moment just observing her broken on the bed.

"You have food on the nightstand. Eat," with those words he wanted to leave the room, but Hermione stopped him.

"What happened while I was asleep?" she demanded from him, not even looking in his direction.

"Severus closed the cuts on your back and...healed your other injures," he spoke with difficulty as if he was ashamed of the wounds he himself caused her.

Hermione bit the inside of her cheek, feeling uncomfortable:"And...um...who cleaned me and dressed me in-" she pointed at the nightgown she was wearing,"This?"

Lucius was caught off guard with that question, but he quickly composed himself, speaking with a hard voice:"I did not want you to dirty my bed."

Hermione blushed, but Lucius added with a half smirk:"I cleaned you using magic."

That calmed her down a bit, knowing he did not put her in the bath and dress her up using his hands. The last thing she wanted was his touch, even if she was unconscious during it.

He left the room, this time closing and locking the doors behind her. Hermione somehow knew she would never again get the chance she had last night. She would never again be that close to escaping.

She got up from the bed, slowly moving to the mirror. She still wasn't used to looking herself in the mirror, not liking what she saw. Hermione was never that confident, not liking her bushy hair, or her too big teeth. Luckily her teeth were now a normal size, but she still did not like to look at herself. Especially with everything that happened to her, everything she had done. It was as if she couldn't recognize herself anymore. When she looked at herself in the mirror, it felt like she was looking at another person.

Suddenly she felt the need to look at her back. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the nightgown down, revealing her bare skin. Than she turned around and looked at herself in the mirror. The sight took her breath away. Her once perfect back was now covered in long, dark red cuts. They were only closed, not yet entirely healed. Hermione let out a silent moan, her face making a grimace. The scars would probably never go completely away. That fact bothered her more than she wanted. It wasn't as if any one would ever see her back. Except Lucius. A small voice in her head said.

With a sigh she pulled her nightgown up again and wanted to walk away, but it was than that she noticed how beautiful the nightgown was. The material was probably silk, it was that soft and the colour was pure white. She did not bother thinking about the reasons why Lucius decided to dress her in that or where he got it. Instead she walked back to the bed and ate the sandwiches he left for her. As she ate, something occurred to her. The Gryffindor in her was screaming at her to throw the sandwiches away or to wait until Lucius came back and than throw it at him. But she couldn't. She could not escape and she did not want to die. So she had no other option but to stay alive and that meant eating to preserve her strength.

After she ate everything, she went to the bathroom. But when she used the toilet, she discovered something horrible.

No. Please, no. Not now.

Was it one month already? Hermione had a feeling less time had passed since her last period, not a month, but she was never that regular. Her heart was beating too fast and she had to take a few long breaths to calm dawn. She hoped that somehow a miracle occurred and that she would not have to deal with her period while she was Lucius' captive. But she was not that lucky. But than she realized something. She and Lucius were together two times, if she didn't count the last night. It would be completely possible if she...

Oh god.

At that moment she couldn't be more glad that her period came. A shiver ran down Hermione's spine as she realized something. After two times there was a big possibility for her to become pregnant. Thank Merlin she wasn't, but just the thought of it made her sick. She was just seventeen years old, maybe eighteen, she didn't even know what month it was. She did not want to be pregnant, she did not even want to sleep with Lucius. She was positive she wouldn't be able to handle the feeling of something of Lucius growing inside of her. Though it probably would not last for long. She was sure that once Lucius found out that a Mudblood was carrying his child, he would find a way to end it immediately.

But..he was a grown man, experienced in such things. Shouldn't he take precautions to prevent anything like that from happening? Hermione didn't know about the protection in the Wizard world, but she assumed it was a potion or something like that. But that was Lucius' responsibility, not hers. He was the one to drag her into the adult world and he was responsible for anything that would grow out of their...relationship.

Out of his rapes. A voice in her head said, but Hermione quickly pushed it aside.

She wasn't pregnant and that was the only thing that mattered. Now she had a bigger problem. How to deal with her period? She would never go to Lucius and ask him for help. Not after last night. And even if nothing happened last night, she would still be too embarrassed to talk to him about that. She still remembered how it was the first time when her monthly visitor decided to come. She did not know how to tell Lucius, but thankfully he figured it out himself, saving her from the embarrassment of having to admit to him that she was on her period. The way in which he handled the whole situation was better than she expected. But what did she expect him to do? Cover his ears and run away or turn completely red at the mention of something that was completely natural? He was a grown man, not some immature teenage boy. He even gave her the potion to stop her cycle and she was really thankful for that. But there was no way she could ask him for that potion now. She did not want him to help her. She wanted him to hurt her even more so that she could hate him and feel no guilt about that. She just had to somehow survive the next few days without dirtying his bed or the beautiful white nightgown. Why did it have to be white? It didn't exactly help her in the situation she was in and white colour represented something pure and innocent. Something that Hermione wasn't quite a long time. Because of him.

With a tired sigh she realized that toilet paper would have to do for now. Until she found something else.

ooo

Hermione was resting, trying to get some sleep, when Lucius walked in the room, carrying a dark robe in his hands. Hermione noticed he was dressed as if he was going somewhere. She had hoped he would leave her alone the whole day, because had had a lot of problems and did not need him as well.

"I would like to take you somewhere," he said to her in a firm voice, "Come here."

Hermione sent him a suspicious look and she did not move. The last thing she wanted was to go somewhere. Where could he be taking her? To Voldemort? Probably not, otherwise he would be nervous and upset as the last time. As she carefully observed him, she noticed that he was completely calm. Maybe he was taking her to Snape's? She would see Ginny again. And maybe Ginny had something that would help her with her period.

"I don't like to repeat myself," he said, annoyed,"Come here."

Hermine carefully got up from the bed and approached him, never taking her eyes off of him. Lucius suddenly moved his hands and Hermione flinched away from him, but he only wrapped the dark robe around her body.

The moment he was done, Hermione stepped away from him, looking at the robe she was wearing.

"Are we going out?" she asked, surprised. If he was taking her to Snape, he wouldn't give her the robe to cover herself. The only option was that they were going out.

"Last night you wanted to escape from here," Lucius drawled, "I am curious to know where you would go."

Hermione nervously bit her lower lip, not being able to give him a smart answer. Last night she was upset, hurt, emotional and all she cared about at that moment was to get away from him, from the Manor, not having the slightest idea where to go when she would be past the gate.

"Anywhere," she finally answered, avoiding his eyes.

Lucius smirked at her, probably amused by her foolishness or lack of planning. He, being a Slytherin, could not imagine doing anything without making a plan first. Acting reckless was not something Slytherins were famous for.

Hermione looked up at him and noticed that he was hesitant, but than he simply said:"I have to Apparate us there."

He opened his arms, but Hermione had trouble coming close to him. Just the thought of his hands on her again was making her uncomfortable. But she had no choice. Besides, she wanted to see where he would take her.

So she put on a strong face and stepped closer to him. When his arms wrapped around her, barely touching her, she could not help but tense. It was strange, being that close to him again, feeling his warmth, smelling him. He as well seemed to be tensed. Hermione had to remind herself to breath, but before she could take a breath, her body felt as if it was pulled into all directions as they Disapparated.

ooo

Hermione kept her eyes closed, waiting until everything around her stopped spinning. When she was sure it passed, she quickly removed herself from Lucius. She turned around to see where they were and all air was pushed out of her lungs at the sight of everything around them. They were in the Diagon Alley. Hermione immediately recognized the shops, the houses. Memories of happier times came flooding back to her, stabbing her into her chest as a sword. She half expected Ron or Harry to show up and run towards her.

Even though Hermione immediately recognized the place, it was completely different from what it used to be. Most of the shops were destroyed, there weren't a lot of people walking around. Only few and they walked with their heads down, not looking around. Hermione could feel the fear from them and the negative energy and evil in that place. No talking was heard, only weak whispers.

"You see?" Lucius asked from behind her.

Hermione found herself unable to talk and than she noticed an old woman, hurrying past them. She threw a glance at them and then her look stopped on Lucius, her eyes widened in horror and in a less than a second she was gone, disappearing around the corner.

Hermione could not believe what had happened. She was not that naive. Of course she did not expect the world to be as if the War never happened, but she did not expect this. Complete destruction. Death. Silence. The smell of Death Eaters and Voldemort was in the air. Where were people? Were they all killed? Or caught? Or were they hiding in their homes, afraid to step on the street? Where was the resistance? Shouldn't they be fighting? Was there even a resistance?

Hermione felt sick, too many thoughts were on her mind, the sight in front of her was too depressive.

"This is the world," Lucius drawled, his voice dark, "There are no more attacks from the resistance. There is nothing and no one that has the power to stop us. To change this world."

Hermione closed her eyes and listened. There was nothing she could say.

"I wanted you to see this," Lucius continued, "There is no place for you outside the Manor. Where would you go? What would you do?"

I don't know.

"Take me away from here," she whispered, her voice betraying her.

This time she was in too much shock to flinch when Lucius' arms wrapped around her, pressing her close to his body. She barely felt it. The next thing she knew was that she was in the bedroom again.

Lucius gave her a few moments to catch her breath, than he stepped in front of her .

"Do you now understand how foolish you were yesterday?" Lucius asked, his eyes boring into hers.

After a moment, Hermione nodded,"Yes. I-I didn't know."

She could swear she saw Lucius' lip curl into a satisfied smirk, before he wiped it away. Of course he was satisfied. He proved her that she had nowhere to go and that she would have to spend the rest of her life with him. He was telling her that ever since she was captured, but she did not believe him. She always had that stupid hope that somehow someone would save her, stop Voldemort and change the world to the way it was. But now she finally realized how naive that was. There was no salvation for them.

"I know that there is nothing out there for me anymore," she said quietly, than she met his eyes,"But I will never accept that you are my only option."

Lucius' face hardened and anger showed in his eyes, but he said nothing. He obviously did not expect her to be that rebellious any more.

"I am not blind anymore. I don't need you the way I did before," Hermione spoke, her voice strong, "I don't need you."

She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince him or herself, but it didn't matter because he believed her. A muscle twitched on his jaw as his gaze lingered on Hermione.

"Do not be so sure about that," he warned her before leaving the room and slamming the doors behind him.

Even though Hermione felt desperate, the fact that she let him know she did not need him anymore, made her feel slightly better.

He did not sleep in the bedroom that night. Hermione was glad about that, but it still somehow hurt when she thought that he was probably with her. The other woman. His lover. The one she heard him talking to the other night. He seemed to be angry and tense when he left the room and he went to her to relax and satisfy his needs. It hurt to think about that, but she was thankful that he left her alone. She could not stand his touch anymore. He himself was responsible for that.

As she tried to get some sleep, the images of the Diagon Alley kept returning into her mind. It was shocking to see the aftermath of the War and how much everything changed. There was no hope. Not for her, not for the good people.

A/N: A new chapter after two weeks! So sorry! But the updates will be slower, because it's summer and I'm not in the house that much. I will do my best to update as fast as I can, but no promises. Thanks for the reviews! They inspire me to write more and faster! One question: would you like to see Lucius and Hermione together at the end of the story? And is that even possible? I already know exactly how to end it, I'm just curious. :)