chapter 24 BLOOD
Hermione could not remember when she fell asleep. It was strange, because she couldn't even remember being sleepy. It was as if someone knocked her out. She opened her eyes and was confused at what she saw.
Darkness. Nothing else.
She wouldn't let herself to start panicking so she blinked a few times, but it did not help. She brought her right hand up, closer to her face, but she saw nothing. Only darkness.
No...please, not again.
Not able to control herself any longer, panic took over her and Hermione let out a piercing scream. Without thinking she threw the blanked off of herself and crawled out of the bed, reminding herself to stay calm and controlled. But her nerves were too much to handle and she ran towards the door, almost tripping over the chair in the process. Her sense of orientation was completely off, she found herself unable to tell where the doors were. When she touched the wall, she slowly moved along it until her hands found the door. Grabbing the handle, she realized the doors were locked. That only made her more furious. She screamed and began hitting the doors with her fists, kicking them with all her strength.
"Lucius!"
It would be impossible to not hear her, but obviously he decided to ignore her screams. Or maybe he wasn't at home. He had obligations after all. He wasn't like her, who wasn't allowed to leave the room.
Eventually she forced herself to calm down, realizing that she would achieve nothing by acting crazy. She slid to the floor, shaking with unexpressed emotions. Anger, fear, hurt, disappointment, terror.
Even through all her shock she knew what had happened and the reason behind it. It was too obvious and Hermione was too smart to ignore what was happening. He was afraid to lose her. That had to be it. Why else would he make her blind again? There were so many other ways if he wanted to torture her, so many curses that he could use on her if he wanted to see her screaming in pain. But making her blind again and with that forcing her to depend on him again was something completely different. He did not want her hurt or in pain. He wanted to take her independence away from her again. But why? Why did it bother him so much that she wanted to get away from him and that she was not under his control anymore? It was not as if she could run away from him. It was impossible now. She knew that. After what he had shown her, all her hopes of a different, better life vanished.
As she sat on the floor with her back against the door, she realized one thing. And it sent shivers down her body.
Lucius Malfoy wanted her to want him, to need him. He could have had her as his prisoner, held inside his Manor against her will. For the first months that was the case and it did not seem to bother him. But something changed. Now he wanted her to depend on him. He went even to such extremes as making her blind again and risking revealing his true feelings to her. Lucius was not foolish. He had to know that Hermione would figure it out why he took her sight. But still he went through with it. And now he was no where to be seen. He was probably too much of a coward to face her after what he had done. He knew that he would be forced to defend himself against her accusations. What would he say? What lie would be good enough?
Hermione shivered as coldness passed through her body. She was scared. She forgot what it was like to be lost in the darkness, not able to see anything, having to rely on your other senses to know what is happening around you. Hermione feared that even though her other senses have sharpened while she was blind, it all weakened in the time she had her sight back.
Oh God.
She felt even more horrible as she remembered something. How could she attend to her period while not able to see anything? At that moment she felt sick. Maybe she already dirtied her nightgown, but couldn't see it? Her cheeks blushed at the thought of the beautiful white nightgown dirtied by the red stains. What would Lucius think? He would probably be completely disgusted by it.
Good. He deserves it.
It occurred to her that she could dirty his bed on purpose, his clothes, his towels. She could use her blood as a weapon against him. Maybe she could even cut herself and drip blood all over his room. She would like to see his expression at the sight of his magnificent and clean room, dirtied by a Mudblood's blood. He probably would not want to sleep in it ever again.
Hermione knew she should get up, but somehow she just stayed on the floor, not moving. Only her eyes blinked every few moments and her chest moved up and down, but other than that Hermione Granger gave no indicator that she was even alive.
ooo
Hours. It must have been hours since Hermione woke up and realized that she could not see a thing. Maybe a whole day passed. Maybe even a night. What if it was the other day already? It was hard to tell without being able to see if it was light or dark outside. Where was he? Why did he not come to the bedroom already? Why making her blind again and than avoiding her? Maybe he just needed to pull himself together and think of a few good excuses for his acts. But than a thought came to her. What if he was not even thinking about her? Why would he lose his time thinking of what to say to her? He was superior to her. Why would he feel the need to defend himself against her accusations?
What if he was with her? His lover, his whore, enjoying and having a great time? Somehow that thought upset her more than it should. Just the thought of him in the arms of another woman made something inside her burn. She could imagine his hands moving up and down her body, worshipping her, not bruising or hurting. Of course he would not hurt her. She heard him talking to her that night and his voice was soft and gentle. He...loved that woman. Who ever she was. Maybe she was not a whore, a prostitute. Hermione found it difficult to believe that Lucius would allow himself to feel something for that kind of a woman. He was classier than that. What if that woman was a respected witch? A Pureblood who he thought was worthy of his affections. Someone who he treated with respect and wanted to please her. Someone better that her, Hermione Granger, a Muggleborn. A Mudblood.
Tears formed in her eyes as all those thoughts crossed her mind, but she ignored them. What was wrong with her? Why was she crying? Was she...jealous? No, it was impossible. It had to be the hormones. She was just really upset and emotional at that time of the month. Yes, that was all.
ooo
Finally the doors opened. The noise brought Hermione back into reality and she sat up in the bed, her eyes wide open, waiting for him to speak. But than she realized that there were too many steps for just one person. In a second her body froze in horror. What if it wasn't Lucius? Every time the doors opened she just asumed that it was Lucius and she completely ignored the posibility of someone else walking in. But who could it be?
"Miss Granger," the dark, silky voice said.
Immediately she recognized it and relaxed. It was Snape. Even though he was a Death Eater, he never gave her any reason to fear him.
"What are you-" Hermione wanted to ask, than confusion showed on her face,"Where is he?"
There was no doubt in who he was. Lucius Malfoy was the only man in her life now.
"Lucius is rather busy at the moment," Snape answered calmly.
Hermione could not get rid of the feeling that someone else was in the room as well. She could hear soft breathing. Was it Lucius? No, why would he want to hide he was in the room? But than who-
"Hermione," a gentle, feminine voice said.
"Ginny?"
Shock. Confusion. Fear. Happiness. Those were all the feelings that formed inside Hermione as she heard her friend's voice. Or ex-friend's voice. She could still remember what happened the last time they were together. Just the memory of it made her feel like a traitor.
Ginny is here. Why is Ginny here?
Hermione had so much questions on her mind, but was unable to form words. She could imagine how stupid she probably looked with her mouth open, but no sound coming out of it.
"Ginevra is spending a few days here," Snape explained.
"Why?" was all Hermione could manage to say.
"I am needed somewhere and would not like to leave Ginevra unsupervised."
Something was wrong with his story. Hermione could feel he was not telling her everything. There were so many unexplained things. Why would Lucius accept Ginny in his house? After she tried to stab him, he swore she would never set a foot in his house again. Hermione could clearly remember that he told her she would never again see Ginny. And now Ginny was in her room? Why?
"But Lucius-" Hermione started.
Snape interrupted her, speaking with a cold and decisive voice:"Do not ask questions, Miss Granger."
"Why not?" she demanded to know,"I want to know what is happening! Where is Lucius?"
"That does not concern you."
"Is he-" she struggled to find an appropriate question,"Is he alright?"
Snape sighed before answering:"I assure you that Lucius is in a perfectly good condition."
Before Hermione was able to ask another question, he changed the subject:"Ginevra will not be staying in the same room as you. She just wanted to talk to you."
Hermione could hear someone take a few steps closer to the bed, assuming it was Ginny.
"I will be going now," Snape announced, than turned his attention to Ginny,"Ginevra, I will come back in a few days."
Hermione noticed the way he spoke to her. It was...strange. He was gentle, his voice was soft and there was no arrogance or sarcasm in it as usual. It was as if he was afraid to speak to her in his usual manner. Something was different between the two of them.
"Lucius will come to escort you to your room in an hour," Snape told Ginny, but the redhead did not say a word to him.
It surprised Hermione that there were no complaints from Ginny. And it was strange that Snape did not seem the slightest bit surprised by her blindness. After a few seconds, Snape walked out and closed the doors, locking them behind him. Hermione figured that Lucius probably ordered him to.
There was a strange energy in the room. Everything was tense. Hermione did not know what to say. The last time she saw Ginny, the younger witch was screaming at her, telling her that she hated her and that she never wanted to see her again. But now she was in her room and according to Snape, she wanted to talk to her. But than why wasn't she saying something?
After a few long moments of silence, Hermione decided to start first.
"Ginny, I don't know what to say to you," she admitted quietly.
"I-" the redhead started, "Hermione, I..."
Nothing. The long moment of silence was too uncomfortable, so Hermione decided to end it.
"I didn't expect I would have a chance to talk to you again," she admitted, her hands in her lap.
"Hermione, I've missed you," the younger witch's voice broke and Hermione knew she was holding in her sobs.
"I've missed you too, Ginny," a sad smile formed on her face and she extended her hands and only a second later Ginny was hugging her tightly, her body shaking with tears.
"Shh, why are you crying?" Hermione asked while rubbing Ginny's back, trying to comfort her. She did not expect her to cry. Hermione would rather see her yelling at her again, insulting her, accusing her, but not this.
"So much has happened, horrible things have happened," Ginny spoke through sobs.
"What do you mean?" Hermione spoke calmly, worrying about Ginny sudden outburst. What happened to her to make her act like that?
Ginny broke the hug and took a deep breath before continuing:"I'm sorry."
That confused Hermione even more. How she wished she could see the emotions on Ginny's face. Maybe that way she could understand better what Ginny was trying to tell her and why was she so upset. But Lucius took that away from her.
"I'm sorry for the way I've acted. What I said to you-" Ginny admitted, taking Hermione's hands in her own.
"Don't be," Hermione smiled weakly, "I am the one who should be apologizing."
Ginny shook her head:"I was immature. I wasn't thinking. But than Snape explained everything to me."
That caught Hermione's attention. She never imagined that Snape would say something to her defence. With each passing day she was more and more convinced that there was more to him that meets the eye.
"What did he say?" she asked sceptically.
"I was...furious when you saved him," Ginny struggled with words, "But when Snape explained it to me...I understood why you did it."
Hermione listened carefully, her eyes narrowed in confusion. Snape knew why she did not want Lucius to die? How? Even she herself found it difficult to understand why she saved Lucius that day.
"He opened my eyes...regarding the world outside. He told me what would happen to you if Malfoy..." Ginny stopped mid sentence, than sighed in sadness, "Getting rid of him would not help you in any way."
That was right. But it was only half of the truth. Hermione was afraid of what would happen to her if Lucius was out of the picture, but at the same time she did not want Lucius hurt because... Because what? She cared for him? What the hell was wrong with her? Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? He had such strong influence on her, making it impossible to push him out of her thoughts even when he wasn't around. But she couldn't tell that to Ginny, could she?
Hermione decided to change the subject, not wanting to destroy her reconciliation with Ginny. It meant so much to her that she had her friend's support once again. Somehow the world did not seem that lonely place anymore.
"Ginny, what about you? How are you...dealing?" she asked, sensing that Ginny was more broken than she was the last time. There was something odd in her voice. Despair, depression. Did the life after War did that to her? Did it succeed in changing her that much? It accrued to Hermione that maybe she herself sounded that way as well.
"I don't think I can do it anymore," Ginny whispered, her voice tired and weak.
"Do what?"
After a few long moments of silence, she decided to answer:"This. All of this. Being here. Living."
Hermione forced a smile and shook her head, trying to appear strong. "Nonsense, Ginny. Of course you can do this."
"How?" the younger witch asked, than slowly added, "How can you- What gives you the strength to go on? To insist living in this pathetic world."
Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but found herself unable to. It sent shivers down her spine that her first thought was Lucius. What was happening to her? Lucius could not be the reason Hermione did not want to die. He could not be. But then what was? Was she that afraid of death? What was keeping her from killing herself? Even though she was blind again, she could find a way to end her life. Or maybe even force Lucius to do it for her. He would not mind or care. But why didn't she do that?
"Ginny, you can't even be thinking about that," she finally said, avoiding the previous question.
"I am," she confessed quietly.
"But-" Hermione started, than her voice trailed off. She did not know what to say to Ginny to comfort her. She could not use the phrase 'Everything will be alright'. She could not lie to her like that. Ginny knew what was happening outside and what kind of people the Wizarding World was ruled by. It would be childish and unfair to lie to her and promise her something that would never happen. Hermione accepted the truth long time ago. A few months ago when Lucius informed her that they destroyed the Resistance, all her hope disappeared. And it never returned. She knew the Light had no chance in destroying Voldemort. Everything was lost. But somehow she still didn't want to die. Why?
"You could never understand me, Hermione," Ginny sighed and pulled her hands away.
"Than explain it to me."
She was becoming slightly irritated with Ginny and how she surrendered to despair. If anyone should be thinking about how unfair and horrible life was, it should be Hermione. Ginny could never understand everything that happened to Hermione since the War ended. There were so many horrible things. Insults, the violence, mind torture. Ginny's life was much better. From what she'd heard, Snape never touched her, never insulted her. He barely even spoke to her. Why was she complaining?
"I lost my family," that was spoken so quietly that Hermione almost didn't hear it. But she did and it broke her heart.
Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, she nodded:"I know."
"That's right. You know that I lost my family. But you don't know how it feels," there was slight anger in Ginny's voice this time. It was as if she was preparing herself for a fight and Hermione didn't want to do that. But at the same time she did not know if there was any way to avoid it.
So she forced herself to stay calm as she said gently:"I know how it hurts. Ron and Harry were my best friends and the Weasleys were just like my true family."
Somehow that seemed to enrage Ginny even more. Hermione had a feeling that it didn't matter what she said, Ginny would react badly to everything.
"Your family is still alive!" she raised her voice, "Their body parts are not lying around on the Battle field, being eaten by worms!"
Hermione literally felt sick at that, but she had to admit that Ginny was right. No matter how much she missed her friends and the Weasleys, she could never feel the pain Ginny felt. Hermione's parents were still alive, because Death Eaters still did not attack the Muggle world. Yet. A horrible shiver ran down her spin as she realized that someday it will happen. Voldemort wanted absolute power and why would he stop just by corrupting one world when he could have both? Despite their technology, Muggles had no chance against Death Eaters.
"Ginny, calm down," Hermione tried, "Do you think your family would want you to give up?"
That question seemed to confuse the redhead, but at least she calmed down a bit. By her breathing Hermione could tell that she was still upset, but anger seemed to be replaced by sadness.
"Hermione, you don't know what happened," she said quietly, but her voice had a trace of disgust in it, "A few nights ago Snape...came home drunk."
That surprised Hermione, she always imagined Severus Snape as a man of discipline and control. Drinking somehow seemed below him.
"It wasn't the first time, but..." Ginny trailed off, lost in her memories.
Hermione waited patiently, but at the same time she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what Ginny had to tell her. She had a feeling something awful happened, causing Ginny to lose her will to live and insist in this world.
"He started kissing me, running his disgusting hands over me," Ginny remembered, her voice almost breaking, "He kept calling me Lily, but when he came to and realized who I was, he immediately let go of me and left."
Hermione opened her mouth in shock at what happened to her friend. Almost happened. No one deserved that, espacially Ginny who was still a child. Anger boiled inside Hermione. How dare Snape lay a hand on her in such a manner? Maybe he was no different than other Death Eaters. The fact that he was drunk did not make his actions any less disgusting.
"Ginny, I-I'm sorry."
"We are not in the same rooms anymore. He took care of that the next day," Ginny explained, taking a deep breath, "But that still doesn't change the fact that I'm scared."
Hermione found Ginny's hands and squeezed them, trying to comfort her. It surprised her that even though she knew Snape was evil, he killed Dumbledore after all, it still shocked her to hear Ginny's words. She always imagined Snape to be more sophisticated and controlled than to get himself drunk and try to force himself on someone.
"I'm in my room the whole day," Ginny continued, bitterly, "I'm scared to go downstairs for meals, I feel uncomfortable in his presence."
What Ginny was talking was not something new to Hermione. She knew exactly what it felt like when you are forced to live with a person you are scared of. But in Hermione's case was even harder, because she did not have her own room. Lucius made it impossible for her to try and avoid him. No matter what he did to her, Hermione was forced to sleep in his bed every night, she was forced to feel his presence, to be dependent on him.
Ginny laughed bitterly:"At least you don't have to worry about that, Hermione. Snape told me that Malfoy would never lower himself enough to touch you."
Hermione felt as if all air was pushed from her lungs at Ginny's sentence. Lucius did a lot more than just touch her. But could she tell that to Ginny? And could she tell her that she allowed it to happen because she was afraid of being alone? Apparently her face showed enough emotions for Ginny to notice that something was wrong.
"Hermione," she asked carefully, as though she was afraid to hear the answer, "Did he-?
So many thoughts were in Hermione's mind, but she could not open her mouth to answer. Should she tell her the truth? Should she admit to Ginny that she allowed Lucius to touch her with the same hands with which he had killed Ron? That those hands made her cry out in pain and even moan in pleasure she never knew was possible? Or should she lie and tell her that Lucius never did anything more than hit her?
"When?" Ginny demanded, shocked, "When did it happen?"
Hermione should not have underestimated the younger witch. Of course she would figure it out what happened. Hermione was hesitating with her answer and that was all Ginny needed to see the truth.
"That disgusting bastard!"
Hermione shook her head and tried to calm her down:"He's not worth it. Just forget it."
"Forget it?" Ginny could not believe what she was hearing, "Hermione, open your eyes! You can't be that passive about everything!"
Maybe she was right. Maybe Hermione really was too calm about everything, but she had a reason for that. She somehow accepted everything. She accepted the world they lived in, she accepted that Lucius owned her. In her first few weeks she screamed and fought back. She was acting the way Ginny was at that moment. But she soon realized that acting like that would not get her far. Lucius did not appreciate it when she screamed at him and she was always punished for it.
"How can you be that calm?" Ginny was still upset, "He raped you!"
Hermione flinched at the word. She always did. Maybe it was because deep inside of her she did not agree with it. At least not completely. Lucius was the one to blame for everything, but he always gave her a choice. Always, except... the last time. And she always chose him. She still clearly remembered the night when she willingly kissed her and pulled him closer to her. She tried hard to erase that out of her memory...but she couldn't.
Ginny stood up, anger and disgust still clearly in her voice:"You've been completely corrupted! You can't even distinguish right from wrong anymore!"
That striked the nerve and Hermione stood up as well, angry expression on her face. She wished she could see so she would be able to look Ginny straight into her eyes.
"Don't talk about things you don't know about, Ginny!" she warned the younger witch.
"But you are acting as if-" than she stopped and after a few long moments of silence, she finally spoke again, "He didn't force you, did he?"
Hermione bit her lip in frustration and shame. She honestly did not know what to say. Everything was complicated, too complicated for Ginny to understand. Or anyone else for that matter. Her relationship with Lucius could not be described in a few words. And even if she did want to explain it, she wasn't sure Ginny would want to hear it.
"You-" the redhead forced out, "How could you? Snape was wrong. There is something between the two of you. It's revolting!"
"Ginny, don't! You don't understand-"
"Than explain it to me! I'd love to hear why you let a murderer touch you! Ron's murderer!"
"I don't know!" Hermione screamed, all her emotions exploding. For too long she tried to ignore who Lucius truly was. But now it was all thrown into her face as she was confronted with the facts.
"You have to know something!" Ginny insisted, anger completely taking over her. She felt shocked, betrayed, disgusted. She could not believe what was happening and she desperately needed an explanation.
"I couldn't stop him! I had to do what he said-" Hermione tried to explain.
"So he did force you, Hermione!"
"No! At first yes, but than..." she trailed off, not knowing what she wanted to say. How could she explain everything that was happening? Even she herself did not understand it.
She took a shaky breath:"At first I hated what he was doing to me! I hated him! But than everything changed! Ginny, you don't know him as well as I do."
"And I do not wish to know him!"
Hermione ignored her comment and continued:"Maybe it was all a part of his game, but he saved me a lot of times. He risked his life because of me! I know that he hates me, but sometimes his actions prove me differently. And I know that I should hate him with all my heart, but I can't, Ginny! He's like a disease! I can't get rid of him and I can't stop thinking about him! Sometimes I even think I can't exist without him."
Hermione covered her mouth in shock as she stopped talking. She could not believe what she just said. Where did it come from? Did she really mean it? Was that what she truly thought and felt, but was never brave enough to admit?
The room was filled with dead silence. Hermione could hear Ginny's rapid breathing, but no words came from the younger witch. She couldn't stand the silence. She wanted Ginny to talk, to scream at her, to tell her what she was thinking. Anything, but silence.
"Ginny-"
"I think I need to use the bathroom," she said quietly and before Hermione could say another word, she heard the doors slam.
Completely exhausted, Hermione threw herself on the bed, closing her eyes and trying to ignore what just happened. What she just said to Ginny. Somehow Ginny awoke all those feelings and thoughts that Hermione tried to hide, even from herself. Now she was forced to face it, but she hurt her friend in the process. Ginny was never supposed to hear those things. It was supposed to stay deep in Hermione's mind and soul, hidden from everyone.
Suddenly there was a noise, coming from the bathroom. It sounded as someone broke a glass or a mirror. Hermione stood up, alarmed:"Ginny, what happened?"
She waited a few moments, but when she got no response, she decided to check on her. There was a strange feeling inside of her. As sixth sense. Something wasn't right. She somehow made her way to the bathroom and opened the door. She expected Ginny to scream at her to get out, but there was nothing.
"Ginny?"
Hermione walked in the bathroom, her arms extended in front of her. But than she tripped over something on the floor and landed hard on her knees. She shrieked from the pain that jolted through her body. Realizing with horror that she landed with her knees and palms onto the fragments of the broken mirror. It had to be a mirror. Nothing else in the bathroom could be broken that way.
Ignoring her own pain, Hermione's hands found Ginny's body lying next to hers. She was not moving and Hermione shrieked in sheer panic. Without another thought she grabbed Ginny's shoulders violently, shaking her, but got no reaction.
"What did you do?" she screamed, her voice shaking horribly. Her hands traveled down Ginny's body, trying to understand what the younger witch did. When her hands reached her wrists, she froze in shock. There was some kind of a liquid there and Hermione immediately understood what happened.
Oh God. Oh God.
She pulled herself to her feet and ran out of the bathroom, bumping into the dressing table as she tried to reach the doors. The panic was making her lose her sense of orientation. When she finally made her way to the doors, she found them locked.
"Help! Please!" she screamed and started hitting the doors, just like she did this morning when she realized that she could not see. Or maybe it was yesterday morning? It didn't matter at that moment.
Hermione could not believe what was happening. In her mind she could clearly see Ginny's blood dripping from her wrists rapidly. Every second mattered. But what could she do to help her?
"Lucius!" she screamed, hoping he was in the house and he would decide to come and see what was happening.
"Please, Lucius!"
She was shaking uncontrollably and her heart was beating so fast as if it was trying to jump out of her chest. Hermione could hear seconds passing by in her mind. The doors suddenly opened and the force with which they were open almost pushed Hermione to the floor.
"What the hell is happening?" Lucius asked, angry.
Hermione ran towards him, gripping his arms, not caring that she was touching him. Shock took completely over her and she had trouble speaking.
"G-Ginny-"
"What happened to you?" Lucius demanded as he noticed her hands were covered in blood. He pushed her away from him so he could take a good look at her.
"Ginny's done something to herself! She's in the bathroom! Please-"
She felt Lucius push her to the side as he hurried to the bathroom. Hermione tried to follow, but she stopped by the doors, not daring to enter. At that moment she was glad that Lucius took her sight. She wasn't sure she'd be able to stand the sight in front of her. She could swear she smelled the blood and just that made her sick to her stomach.
"Foolish girl," Lucius muttered.
Hermione could hear him mutter some spells, but still she did not hear anything from Ginny. Was it already too late? Did Ginny-? No, it couldn't be.
Hermione's eyes were wide open as if she was observing the scene in front of her, even though all she could see was darkness. There were no tears, only shock. She was somehow numb. Her mind was completely blank.
"Pippy!" Lucius called and not even a second later the elf appeared with a 'pop'.
"Levitate her to her room," he ordered, than Hermione heard him stand up and make his way towards her. She was confused and did not understand what was happening. Was it over? Already? What did he do to her? Did he help her? He did not have to save her, but he ordered the elf to take her to her room. That meant she wasn't dead, right?
She felt Lucius take her hand and lead her to the bed. He seated her down without a word. Hermione did not complain, she said nothing. Her brain was still trying to understand what just happened. She never expected Ginny to do something like that. She did seem desperate and upset, but Hermione never imagined... Than she understood everything. It was all her fault. She was the one who pushed Ginny over the edge.
"You will wait here while I check on that Weasley girl," he said to her in a firm voice that left no room from arguments.
"Is she-" Hermione asked, her mind still completely blank.
"She lost a lot of blood," Lucius explained emotionless, than added, "She was smart, cutting both her wrists and her throat."
Hermione's hand flew up to cover her mouth, afraid she would throw up. It surprised her that Lucius gently grabbed her hand and pulled it away from her face.
"You will need to clean yourself," he said to her, without any emotions.
Hermione could feel blood drying on her hands and dozens of sharp tiny fragments in the sensitive skin of her palms and knees. It was than that Lucius noticed it too. He took her hands in his and it was as if his stare was burning her palms. He pointed his wand to her wounded hands and Hermione stiffened as tiny fragments of the mirror removed itself from her skin. Than he muttered something else, probably closing the cuts on her skin. Hermione did not care what kind of spell he was using. Her mind was elswhere. Shouldn't he be helping Ginny? Maybe it was already too late to help. Or maybe she would be alright and he did not have to go to her room. Maybe the elf was taking care of Ginny while...while Lucius was taking care of her.
His hands slowly left her hands and than he gripped her knees, performing the same spells and healing her. But than he froze. His right hand slowly traveled up to her thigh and stopped there. Hermione could hear him take a slow breath and she wondered what made him act that way.
"Are you-" he paused, than tried again, "Are you on your cycle?"
Hermione could feel the heat in her head as she blushed at his question and at the thought of why he decided to ask her that. Was she bleeding? Were there blood stains on her nightgown? Oh God, he would kill her. She dirtied the nightgown and probably the bed as well with her dirty blood.
"Why did you not tell me?" he demanded, but there was no anger in his voice.
"I-I don't know."
Lucius sighed in annoyance:"You should have told me. Why do you always insist on making things harder for yourself?"
Hermione recognized it as a rhetorical question and she remained silent. She felt so dirty. All she wanted was to take a bath and clean herself. She could not stand the smell and the feeling of blood. Ginny's blood. Her blood.
"Take a bath. The potion for your problem will be waiting for you on the nightstand," Lucius informed her and than walked in the bathroom. She could hear him exhale angrily, than probably clean the blood and the shards with his wand.
When he returned to the room, he stood in silence for a few seconds as if hesitating about something. Hermione heard him open the drawer and than close it again.
"Your new clothes," he said to her and than placed something on the bed.
Without saying anything else to her, he left the room. Hermione sat there, not moving, for several minutes after he left. Than she finally forced herself to stand up. Her legs were shaking, probably the aftershock of what happened with Ginny. She took the clothes that Lucius chose for her and realized it was another nightgown. But this time he did not conjure it,but he took it out f the drawer. There was no doubt who it belonged to. His wife. It had to be. And he gave it to her, a dirty Mudblood.
She hurried with the bath, rubbing her skin, especially on her hands. But no matter how much she tried, she could not get rid of the feeling that Ginny's blood was still on her. But at the same time she did not want to be in the bathroom, knowing what happened there not long ago. When she was finally back in the bedroom, her hair still wet, she could finally calm down and take a deep breath.
The potion Lucius left for her was in her hands, but she hesitated at first, not entirely sure she should accept any kind of help from him. After some serious thinking she decided to take Lucius' advice and she drank it. Why make things harder for herself?
Than the full weight of what happened crashed onto her. It seemed so surreal. She never imagined that Ginny would do something like that. But what was bothering her the most was the guilt. There was no doubt why Ginny decided to cut herself. Hermione knew that if she did not spill out all her deepest secrets to Ginny, the redhead would not do something so drastic as taking her own life. She could only imagine how Ginny felt. She was alone in the world. Hermione was the only remaining friend she had. And that friend was telling her that she was having strange feelings about the man that practically killed her whole family. What the hell was she thinking telling her that?
But Ginny somehow forced her to open up to her. Ginny herself brought out all those thoughts in Hermione.
How is she? Is she going to be alright? Is she even...alive?
Lucius had to save her. But what if he didn't? Why would he? Just because she asked him to? Ginny was nothing to Lucius. She insulted him in his own house, spat on him, tried to kill him. Lucius was not a man who could forget those things that easily. Or forgive for that matter. But surly he would not let Ginny die in his house? If anything he would save her to avoid problems with Snape. Hermione would never forgive herself if something happened to Ginny. That would be something she was not sure she'd be able to put behind her and move on. There was no way she could live, knowing that she was responsible for Ginny's death.
Hermione' s mind was filled with thoughts that contradicted each other. She could not sit still. It accured to her that she could call for Lucius, but she abandoned that idea. If he left, that meant he had some work to do. Maybe it was connected to Ginny. He probably had to inform Snape of what happened as well.
Hermione kept pacing up and down the room, slowly so that she did not bump into anything. It was strange how she got used to the darkness that quickly. But with everything that was happening she did not have the time to mope and feel sorry for herself. More important things were happening.
ooo
A few long hours passed, and than he finally came back. Hermione held her breath as she waited for him to say something. But at the same time she was horrified of what he could say to her. If Ginny...did not survive, Hermione would run into the bathroom and did the same thing as she did. Lucius was breathing calmly, there was no sign that he was upset. And that was a good thing, right? But even if Ginny was dead, why would that upset Lucius? Even after he killed that many people, his sleep never seemed to be disturbed.
"It looks good on you," he commented coldly, but there was something forced in his voice.
It took Hermione a few moments to understand what he was talking about.
"Oh," was all she could say. What else was there to say? Should she thank him?
He exhaled deeply and than approached the bed. Hermione tensed when she heard him sit down. She was leaning against the wall, her arms around her in a protective manner. So much has happened in the last few days, but she still did not forget what he did to her against that wall. It would not disappear from her memory. Only an Obliviate would make her forget that event and she would be thankful for it.
"Care to join me?" he asked, "The conversation we are about to have will be anything but short."
"I'm fine," she barked at him harsher than she intended.
Thankfully he did not fight with her, because there was no way Hermione would sit beside him on the bed. She just could not stand his presence.
"How is she?" Hermione asked as she could no longer wait for him to begin that subject.
"She will live," was all Lucius said to her. No emotion, nothing that would show he actually cared about what almost happened in his house, in his bathroom.
Hermione closed her eyes in relief and let out the breath she's been holding. A weak smile sneaked onto her face.
"Thank you," she whispered and she meant every word. Lucius did not have to save Ginny, he did not have to come to Hermione when he heard her screaming. He did not have to do any of those things. Many in his place wouldn't.
"You do not need to thank me," he replied as if he was defending himself, "I did not do it for you."
Of course he didn't.
"Than why did you do it?" Hermione could not help but ask.
"I don't think Severus would appreciate if his reward died in my house," he said, than added, "You were returned to me alive and healthy. I am expected to do the same for his possession."
Possession. There was that word again. Hermione loathed it. At first she could not understand how could Lucius describe a person as a possession. No one could posses another human being. But as months passed by, it became clear to Hermione that she was slowly becoming Lucius' possession. And not because of him, but because of her. She allowed it to happen by surrendering herself to him completely. The fact that she was completely dependent on him, made him her owner.
"Why did you do it?" she suddenly asked, needing to hear his answer.
"I already told you-"
She cut him off, shaking her head:"Not Ginny," than she pointed to her eyes, "This."
Lucius exhaled slowly and it was as if he did not know what to say. He always had a clever remark or a sarcastic response. But as moments passed, he still said nothing.
"I know it was you," Hermione added, "Why, Lucius? Why was this necessary?"
"Because you would leave," he finally let out. It was as a whisper, but Hermione heard it. And she couldn't believe what she heard.
"Leave? Where? How?" her voice was becoming stronger and angrier.
"I cannot let you leave. Never," he said in a low and dangerous tone.
Hermione could not understand him. She could not leave, even if she was no longer blind. Where would she go? She had no wand, nothing. Even though a few days ago she seriously considered running away, she had to admit to herself that she would not survive.
"I would never leave," she murmured, more to herself than to him.
That seemed to catch Lucius' attention as he stood up and approached her. Hermione pushed herself against the wall, wanting to disappear.
"Explain that to me, Mudblood," he said in his most silky voice. It was as if he was playing with her.
Hermione shook her head, her breath caught in her throat:"I don't know."
"Well, let me help you," he offered and it was impossible to miss a smirk in his tone, "You are starting to feel something for me and those feelings frighten you."
Hermione froze. Her face become completely pale with shock. It was as if someone had drained all of the blood from her. A horrible shiver ran down her spine at hearing Lucius' words.
"You cannot stop thinking about me. I'm under your skin," he drawled, obviously enjoying himself, "And my favourite part-"
"Please, stop," Hermione whispered, feeling completely humiliated and exposed. She could not believe what was happening.
"You cannot live without me."
The silence that followed was pure torture. All Hermione wanted at that moment was that the Earth would open and swallow her. She could hear her heartbeat in her head and it felt as if her whole body was vibrating with it. Maybe Lucius could hear it as well, considering that the room was filled with dead silence.
"Were you listening to my conversation with Ginny?" Hermione asked when she gathered enough strength. The question was stupid though. Of course he was listening. How else could he know all her secrets? All the thoughts and feelings she never wished for him to know?
"You insult me, Miss Granger. I am not a person who eavesdrops," Lucius paused, than smirked,"Miss Weasley was the one who told me everything. How nice of her."
"G-Ginny?"
"Yes," he nodded, "She was not quite awake, but that did not stop her from talking, accusing me of brain-washing you."
Hermione remained silent, trying to keep on a strong face, but she could feel her eyes stinging with unwelcome tears. Now he knew everything about her. She had no more secrets from him. She was all his to mock and insult.
"My question is," he drawled slowly, "What is it that you feel for me?"
Hermione blinked a few times, chewing her lower lip and blushing horribly. Why was he asking her about that? Wasn't it enough what he already knew about her? She licked her lips hesitantly and shook her head.
"Answer me," he demanded, more forcefully this time.
"It's not fair," Hermione barked at him.
"What isn't?"
He was not fair. Everything he did was unfair. Their whole relationship was unfair.
"You demand I tell you everything, but you never reveal anything about yourself," she did not want to be the centre of his attention anymore. She did not want to talk about her feelings.
Lucius let out a cold laugh at hearing that:"I think you are starting to imagine things. We are not in a relationship and I am not required to tell you anything."
"I couldn't agree more with that."
She bit the inside of her cheek and turned her head away, not wanting to talk to him anymore.
"My, you certainly are behaving as if you were my mistress," he noticed with interest, "And you are still failing to realize that your wishes do not matter to me. When I ask you a question, you will answer."
"How could I forget that?" anger flashed through Hermione's eyes, "I remember what happened two days ago when I refused to play by your rules. Do you remember, Lucius?"
She could hear him take in a breath, slowly, as if he was controlling his temper. When he spoke, his voice was completely cold:"I already told you that it will never happen again."
Hermione nodded, then smiled sadly:"Of course. You would not want to lose control like that again. Act like an animal. Especially over a filthy Mudblood."
He said nothing to that, but Hermione somehow felt that his expression was angry. She knew him that well by now that she could predict the way he would react to her words. That was her strongest weapon against him.
"Do you ever think about how I feel?" Hermione asked, lost in her thoughts.
"Of course not," he replied immediately.
Hermione narrowed her eyes in suspicion. His answer came too quickly, it was as if he was convincing himself, not her.
She continued:"Do you know how horrible it is to be alone in the darkness?"
"I do know," he answered quietly, than added in a sharp voice:"My life has not been fairytale, Mudblood."
"What do you mean?" she dared to ask, though it was little possible he would answer her or give her a truthful answer.
She got nothing from him for a few long moments. And just as she was about to give up, he decided to speak.
"I was in a dark cell for a few days. No food, no water," he said in a dark tone.
Hermione hesitantly took a step closer to him, surprise on her face. She could not be completely positive that he was telling her the truth. He could be just lying to her, playing with her. She was sceptical, but she decided to find out more about what he just said.
"When?"
"Before the War," he answered, "I did not want Draco to fight, but the Dark Lord insisted that he should go, saying he was old enough."
Hermione tensed at the mention of Draco. Lucius never talked about him and he never allowed anyone else, especially her to talk about his son. She tried to breath as quietly as she could, not wanting to disturb Lucius while he talked. By his voice he was lost in his memories, barely realizing who he was talking to.
"I did not want to expose my family to the risk. I myself was more than willing to fight in the War, but I did not want my wife or my son anywhere near it."
As Hermione listened to him, for a moment she could almost pretend that Lucius was just a normal man, a father who wanted to protect his son and his wife. But he wasn't. He was a Death Eater who caused too many deaths and that fact could never be ignored. But the way he talked, the sorrow and grief in his voice completely surprised Hermione. He actually stood against his Master to protect his family. She never expected Luicus to admit that to her.
"How did you come out of the cell?" Hermione asked, hoping she did not cross the line with the question.
"I realized that the Dark Lord was right," he said with a stronger voice, "He is always right. I never should have doubted his decision."
Hermione opened her mouth in shock and disgust at that statement. Under Voldemort's orders Draco went into the War and died. And Lucius was still completely fateful to his Master and their cause. It was too shocking to believe. Was getting the world rid of the Muggles more important to him than his own family? Could he be that cold-hearted? Still, something in Lucius' voice was strange. It was as if he was forcing the words out of his mouth. Was he lying? Why?
"And what happened to..." Hermione paused, not sure if she should ask that question.
But than she took a deep breath and tried again:"What happened to your wife?"
As he snapped at her, Hermione knew that the old Lucius was back and that she should not have mentioned his wife.
"That is none of your business!"he warned her, "You already know too much, Mudblood."
Hermione took a step back from him, hugging herself with her hands. She knew that his wife was dead and she was positive she did not die natural death. Something awful had to happen to her and after her conversation with Lucius, Hermione could bet that Voldemort had something to do with it. And that fact made her even more disgusted and shocked. How could Lucius still worship the man who was guilty for his son's and probably wife's death? There had to be something wrong with him.
Or maybe there was something wrong with her. Maybe he was right and she was wrong. What if his logic was the correct one? Should one forget his family in order to achieve his goals?
Hermione shook her head, not believing what she was thinking. He was making her doubt in herself and her beliefs.
"I will be out for the night," he informed her in his usual cold voice. Nothing in his tone showed that only a few minutes ago they had a conversation about his family. He truly was a master in turning off his emotions. But then it hit her what he just said to her.
"Where are you going?" she asked, her face burning with anger and hurt.
"Too many questions," he replied with a smirk.
She knew exactly where he was going and who he was going to spend the night with. The same woman he was talking to a few nights ago. It bothered her so much, but she could not say anything to him. It would only give him pleasure, knowing that she was hurt. Especially now when he knew that she had some kind of feelings towards him. If Hermione let him know that she did not like him going out with his...lover, it would only give him a reason to mock her and make fun out of her.
"Do you wish to visit the Weasley girl before I go?" he asked her matter-of-factly.
That caught Hermione off guard. She did not consider the option that she would have to face Ginny. Not after what happened. She was too upset, too confused. What could she say to Ginny to make things better?
"I'm waiting, Mudblood," Lucius drawled.
"No," she finally let out, "I don't want to visit her."
She could tell that Lucius was surprised by her answer. He snorted, but that was all. Without another word he left the room, leaving Hermione alone in the darkness once again.
A/N: I know it's been too long since my last update. But I will make it up to you! And there are more chapters to the end than I expected. Hope you like the way the story is going. :)