In The Dark

by the-shiny-girl

What is worth fighting for when you are lost in the darkness and at the mercy of a man who has lost everything? How to find a will to live?

26. Love

chapter 26 LOVE

Hermione was afraid she was loosing her mind. As she curled into a ball, pressing her head against the cold floor, she could swear she heard Lucius' cold voice in her mind. Memories. So many memories of him.

"You are a Mudblood."

He almost succeeded in convincing her she was nothing more than a filthy Mudblood who was not worthy of anything. There were moments when she actually believed it.

"I have the power to make it all go away if you do what I told you to. Just tell me what I want to know."

He was always the one with the power. Many times he proved to her that even her life was in his hands. And the only way to survive in the world was to submit to him and his will.

"You despicable creature! How dare you raise your hand upon me?"

Hermione smiled bitterly as she remembered the day she slapped him. The day when she was still under the impression that she could win in an argument with him. But she never even stood a chance.

"I wonder how would you scream my name while being taken by me?"

It was only a threat, but it sent horrible shivers down her spine when he spoke those words to her. It was the first time it actually hit her what he could do to her.

"There are much worse things. Mental pain is more devastating. I intend to present all those things to you."

And he kept his promise. His slaps and spells were nothing compared to what he did to her mind. He damaged her permanently. He changed her personality. She could no longer recognize herself.

"Are you hurt?"

His attitude towards her changed after he saved her from Dolohov. Hermione was not sure what exactly happened, but he was never the same again. Before than incident with Dolohov he would never ask her if she was alright, but he was awfully interested in finding out if Dolohov had done something to her. At first Hermione explained it as his possessiveness, but now looking back at it, she realized it could had been concern. Was that even possible? Would he feel concern for her?

"As it so happens, you are mine. Your mind, soul and body."

She did not believe him. But as time passed, his words proved to be true. She herself began to believe that she was his and it soon became the only thing she could believe in and rely on.

"I don't like it when people touch my possessions without my permission. And that's what you are. A mere possession."

And his possessiveness saved her life many times. She often found herself thankful that he had such controlling nature. But soon doubt began to settle in. Was that all that he felt for her? Was there something else behind his words and his actions? What was the real reason he kept saving her from the others and sometimes even from herself?

"And because I can do with you what I please. You have no idea how tempting it is to have you in my room."

Hermione remembered the shock his words had caused. From the first day in the Malfoy Manor, Lucius kept repeating that he would never touch her. That she was too filthy and not worthy of his touch. She was beneath him and he did not want to dirty himself with her. But than one evening everything changed. It could be Firewhiskey talking out of him, but that did not make Hermione feel any better. Or any safer. He tried to rape her that night. After that event, she started to see Lucius Malfoy as a dangerous man, not just an evil Death Eater who kidnapped her.

"It's incredible what a complete isolation can do to a person. You are the perfect example of how living for long periods of time in contact with only one human being can link you to that one person. You and me."

He was right. They were connected and nothing could ever break that connection. Even if someone by some miracle stopped Voldemort and the Death Eaters and even if she was saved, Lucius would never dissapear from her thoughts or her memories. She would always remember him and everything they shared. But would he feel the same? If he was captured and thrown into the Azkaban, would he lose his time thinking about her? Would she even cross his mind every once and a while? Hermione did not have the answer to that.

"You would like to belong to me, Mudblood."

Hermione could still remember how awful she felt the moment she realized he was right. At first she thought that it was understandable, because she longed for safety. She desperately needed to be protected from the world outside and she recognized Lucius Malfoy as the only person able to protect her. But soon it became clear to her that maybe safety was not the only reason she wanted to belong to him.

"I will show you just how much I care about you. I care about you much that I will let you leave my house. You are free. Go. Run."

Was he serious or was he just playing mind games with her again? Lucius Malfoy was still a mystery to Hermione. That day she chose life over death. But as she was now on the floor, a blank expression on her face, she was not sure she had made a right decision. Maybe it would have been better if she had chosen death?

"I knew that you, a young girl with no romantic experiences and no contact with other people would become attached to the first man that touched her intimately. Does it disgust you that it was me, Mudblood?"

It did disgust her. The mere thought of what Lucius' hands had done to all the people she loved, to Ron, made her sick to her stomach. Hermione knew what he was. A murderer with no coinsence, but that did not stop her from becoming attached to him and letting him touch her. What was wrong with her? She still did not have the answer to that question. Some questions were destined to stay unanswered.

"What do you want me to do, you foolish girl? I have to protect us."

That was the first time Hermione dared to think that maybe there was something in Lucius. Something not entirely evil and cold. Maybe she was not the only one who was having inappropriate feelings. He wanted to protect her too. And a small part of Hermione hoped that it was not just an act of possessiveness.

"You do not honestly believe I would go to dirty whores when I have pure little-"

Lucius Malfoy definitely was more than met the eye. Hermione was shocked when he described her as pure, because he always thought of her as nothing more than a dirty Mudblood. He would never use pure in the same sentence as her name. But he did. And that meant something.

"I cannot let you leave. Never."

He felt something for her. He had to. Why else would he say that? Hermione could still hear the dark tone in his voice as he said that. Little did he know that Hermione did not want to leave. How could she leave if he was always on her mind?

Hermione felt remorse at the realization that he died without knowing that she would never leave…that in some sick and twisted way she did not want to leave. Maybe if he knew… It was too late now. He was gone.

"If you knew you are about to die tomorrow, what would you do in your last night alive?"

She should have realized that something was wrong. She should have demanded answers more forcefully. Now it was already too late. Why didn't she stop him from leaving? Maybe he would still have been alive if she had done something. Anything.

The it hit her. What if it was not Voldemort who had something to do with Lucius's…dissapearence? Maybe it was the resistance. What if they had organized the attack again and …won? Or maybe they did not win, but they managed to hurt Lucius?

Just a few months ago, she would be filled with joy at hearing that not all was over and that the resistance was still fighting and trying to eliminate Voldemort and his followers.

But now, Hermione felt absolutely no joy. Even if the good side won and that would result in her rescue, she would not be glad. Relieved maybe, but smile would never appear on her face. She simply could not imagine having a normal life after everything that had happened to her. She lost her friends. And now she lost him. Life without him. World without him in it.

Hermione felt a tear slide down her cheek, but she brushed it away. Why was she crying? Could Lucius' death really form tears in her eyes? Why? Was she afraid of what would happen to her without him? Or was it something deeper?

Hermione slowly pulled herself up from the floor, realizing that she should be doing something and not just waiting for some Death Eater to burst through the doors.

What is going to happen to me?

Her head started spinning as she tried to come to grips with different scenarios. Maybe there was no resistance. Maybe there was another Death Eater like Phillix who disliked Lucius and this time Lucius did not win. Maybe they would kill her, maybe not. Maybe she would just be passed to another Death Eater. Too many maybe's.

Ginny!

It suddenly occurred to her that the redhead witch was also in the house. What would happen to Ginny if they break into the house? Surely she was protected by Snape and nothing would happen to her.

But Hermione was without her protector now. It surprised her that somehow that fact did not scare her as it should. She could not bring herself to feel fear for herself. Only he was on her mind. Grief for him was stronger than fear for her own safety.

Hermione looked out of the window, her face blank. It was already getting dark. Waiting in fear was the worst feeling there was. Hermione did not know what was going to happen to her. And the uncertainty was killing her, but not more than a fact that she was never again going to see him.

Slowly she walked to the dressing table and stood in front of the big mirror. She could not believe how different she looked. It was as if she was no longer Hermione Granger. Not able to stand the image of herself in the mirror, she turned away and walked to the doors.

Locked, she realized as she tried to open them. As minutes passed by, Hermione was becoming more and more nervous and claustrophobic.

It was as if there wasn't enough air in the room. Panicking, Hermione tried to open the window, but it would not move. With an angry growl, she punched the window, but nothing happened. Hermione conclueded Lucius probably had put some kind of a spell on it, so she would not try to escape. But she needed air.

Without thinking, she started pounding on window, but she only hurt her hands doing it. After a few moments she angrily looked around the room for something to throw into the window, but found nothing.

She was sweating and trembling from cold at the same time. Walking over to the dressing table, something inside her exploded as she looked at her reflection again. With a scream she smashed her fist into the mirror as hard as she could, repeating the process until she could no longer see her reflection and until small fragments of the mirror were all over the table and the floor. She looked down at her bloody hands, but strangely she felt no pain.

Unfamiliar feeling of calmness took over her and Hermione could feel tension leaving her body.

She wiped her hands on her nightgown, barely noticing how dirty and bloody it looked. It didn't matter anymore if she did something wrong. He was gone.

She sat down onto the floor, leaning against the bed and staring into distance.

What now?

She simply could not imagine life after Lucius. He had been the only constant thing in her life and now he was gone. It was as if her whole world crashed down again. The first time it happened when they lost the War, but she slowly recovered from that or at least repressed it. Now everything she knew was taken away from her again. Just as she was getting used to him and getting back on her feet, everything was taken away from her. Hermione did not have the energy or the will to recover again. She simply could not go through that painful and slow process again.

She rested her head against her knees and closed her eyes. Maybe it was all a dream. Maybe she would wake up any minute now and found Lucius next to her, alive.

Sleep threatened to take over her, but she knew it would not be a good idea. Any second someone might burst through the doors. But than again, even if someone came in, what could she do to protect herself? There was absolutely nothing.

She realized that she did not want to fight. She simply did not want to remain in this world. Closing her eyes, she waited. For death, for someone. What is worth living for when you are lost in the world of evil?

Nothing.

With a blank expression on her face, Hermione slowly crawled to the dressing table and picked one broken shard from the floor. It looked so small and delicate in her hand, but it had the power to end life.

Would she be able to do it?

That thought crossed her mind so many times in the past, but she never actually tried it, hoping that maybe someday something might change. With a shaking hand she brought the shard to her left wrist, but stopped before it could touch her skin. Taking a deep breath, her eyes glazed over the shard between her fingers.

Ginny did it. Why can't I?

Was she really such a coward that she could not end her own life? Why couldn't she give into death even though she knew it was her only way out?

With determination on her face, she tightened her grip on the shard and placed it onto her skin. It was cold and hard. She did not like the feeling of it. With a desperate cry she pressed it harder into her wrist, already feeling the delicate skin tearing under the pressure.

Her whole body was uncontrollably shaking and tears swelled up in Hermione's eyes. Finally, she threw the shard into the wall and broke down sobbing. She really was pathetic. Why could she not do it? What was stopping her? Was it the pain? It couldn't be. While living with Lucius, she had known much worse pain than slicing her wrists. Even he himself once tried that on her. It was long time ago, first or second day of her capture. She refused to call herself a Mudblood and he used magic to cut her wrists. When the pain became too much and before it went to far, Hermione gave up and did what was demanded of her.

But the Cruciatus Curse and beatings hurt more than that. So why couldn't she do it? The pain would probably not last long if she did it properly. The blood loss would cause dizziness and she would lose consciousness in a matter of minutes.

Hermione knew all that, yet she could not bring herself to do it. With a tired sigh, she closed her eyes again and rested her head on her knees.

ooo

The silence was a complete torture. Hermione never minded the silence, but now she despised it. There was absolutely no sound, no voice, except her breathing. Nothing could be heard in the house. Shouldn't there be Ginny or at least the house elf? It occurred to her to call for it, but quickly abandoned that idea, remembering that the elf never responded to her calls.

It was so quiet and cold. And dead. There was already dark outside and Hermione did not bother with turning on the lights, so she sat in the dark. She was accustomed to it by now. Somehow she felt safer in the dark. Everything was much simpler in the dark.

Just as she was thinking about the past and all the things she could have done differently, she heard something.

Steps.

Or maybe she was only imagining it. But she was not that crazy yet, was she? She held in her breath, listening carefully to the noise. After a few moments, there was no doubt. Someone was walking towards the room.

Her heartbeat accelerated until she could hear heart beating in her head, but she did not move from the spot on the floor. She would not run away or hide. If death was coming for her, she would welcome it with her head raised proudly. She was a Gryffindor after all and they were known by their bravery. The Sorting Hat saw bravery in her and it could not be wrong. She was brave, even though the events in the couple of last months made her doubt in herself.

When the doors opened, Hermione took a deep breath and turned her head towards it. But what she saw left her completely speechless. She was prepared to see any ugly, disgusting Death Eater, or someone from the good side who came to save her. But she was not prepared for him.

Lucius.

He did not even close the doors behind him as he stopped in the middle of the room, looking around. Then his eyes finally landed on Hermione. There were no words to describe what she felt at that moment. It was as if a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders, but still that expression was too weak to describe the feelings inside of her. His look was intense and Hermione could see relief pass his features as he observed her. Hermione did not break their eye connection as she pulled herself up from the floor. She was afraid that if she looked away, he would disappear again.

No one spoke for a long moment. Hermione noticed how tired he looked. His clothes were dirty and there was blood on them. Why was there blood on them?

No.

No, it was not him. It was a trick. Lucius was dead. How was it possible that her sight returned if he was alive? He could not break the spell himself from such distance, could he? It was not him. They were playing with her.

Hermione shook her head and closed her eyes.

"Who are you?" she demanded, her voice shaking, "Stop looking like him!"

She could hear him take a step towards her, but she backed away before he could reach her.

"Don't come closer!"

She did not open her eyes. If she did, she would not be strong enough to see the truth. She would believe him. But it wasn't true. The man in front of her was not Lucius.

"Mudblood?"

But he had exactly the same voice as….No, it still was not possible. When he finally reached her, he took her hands in his, speaking in a low voice:"Open your eyes."

Hermione shook her head. His touch was so warm and soft. Just like Lucius'. But it wasn't him. It couldn't be.

"Look at me," he demanded, stronger this time.

Hermione slowly opened her eyes and found him staring at her, a serious expression on his face. His aristocratic face seemed tired, his long blond hair was not perfect as usually, there was a small cut on his neck and a bruise on his face. But his eyes were the exact shade of gray as always.

"Lucius?" she let out, sceptically.

"It's me, Mudblood," he replied, quietly.

"Talk to me…please." She needed to hear his voice again. She needed to be sure it was really him. For such a long time the only thing she had was his cold voice. She was positive she would be able to recognize it anytime, anywhere.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked.

"Anything...Is it r-really you?"

"It's me," Lucius said to her, emotionless.

Hermione could no longer control herself, her eyes filled with tears. Tears of relief and happiness. It was wrong. She shouldn't be glad that he was back, but at that moment Hermione didn't care.

Without thinking she threw herself at him, wrapping her hands around his neck and pressing her face onto his chest. She felt the unspeakable urge to touch him, to feel him, smell him. And it really was his smell. It was Lucius. He was alive.

Hermione could feel his body stiffen at the contact, but he did not push her away. Neither did he wrap his arms around her, but Hermione never expected him to. All that mattered to her at that moment was that he allowed her to press herself against him. Maybe he knew how much she needed to touch him, how much she needed him.

"You're alive," she whispered, a weak smile on her lips.

His shirt was wet because of her tears, but he said nothing to her. Hermione could feel his heart beating through his chest and she wished they could stay like that forever.

"Mudblood," he spoke awkwardly after a few long moments, maybe even minutes.

Hermione nodded and let go of him, backing away. She looked up at him and found herself speechless. What could she say? There were so many questions and she did not know what to ask first.

"What happened to you?" he demanded, his eyes traveling down her body, noticing the blood on her hands and her nightgown.

He took her hands in his, carefully examining them.

"Who did this?" he asked, alarmed, "Was someone here?"

Hermione shook her head:"No. No one was here."

"Then explain to me why you are hurt?"

"I-" she did not know what to say. She was supposed to be the one asking questions.

"Have you hurt yourself on purpose?" Lucius asked as realization downed onto him.

Hermione nodded, looking at her bloodied hands and noticing that Lucius did not seem disgusted touching them, even though they were covered in her filthy blood.

"Why do you do that?" he demanded, his tone harsher, "Are you so naive as to think that causing yourself more pain makes you stronger? Braver?"

"No, it was nothing like that…I was just-" she trailed off, not finishing her sentence.

"Explain."

That one word was spoke with such determination that it left no room for argument. But Hermione did not know what to say. She did not want him to know how weak she was and how she tried to kill herself.

She took a deep breath and decided to ask what she needed to know.

"What…" she started, "What happened? Where were you?"

Lucius took a deep breath through his nose, than nodded:"I will explain everything to you. But now I have to take a shower, change my clothes."

Hermione shook her head impatiently:"No! You can't just dismiss me like that."

"I am not in a mood for your outbursts," he said to her, his voice cold, but at the same time tired.

"Please-" she needed to know what happened, "Where were you? What….Why are you injured?"

He sighed, than met her eyes. When he spoke, it was calm and completely without emotions.

"The Dark Lord is dead."

Hermione heard the words, but they did not make any sense to her. It was as if she did not completely understand what was said to her.

"What?" was all she could say at that moment.

"I will go take a shower," he said as if he did not hear her question, "Then we will talk. And you better have a good explanation for the mess you have done in the room."

And with that he dissapeared into the bathroom, leaving Hermione standing like a statue, staring into space. There were too many shocks for one day. Lucius was alive. But Voldemort was dead. How? Why?

A small hope appeared inside Hermione. Maybe better times were ahead of her. Without Voldemort the World could change for better. Good people could take the charge again.

Hermione hugged herself with her hands and waited. She could make up theories, but only Lucius knew what truly happened.

As she waited for him, it hit her what she had done. She actually threw herself at him. She hugged Lucius Malfoy. An embarrassed blush appeared on her face, but then she realized that he did not push her away or made a sarcastic remark. He let her hug him. Why?

ooo

When Lucius finally came out of the bathroom, he was more like himself. There was no dirt on his face or his hair. He was shirtless, only wearing his black pants. Hermione blushed and looked away. But she noticed the scars across his chest. The ones she could feel when they were… It hit her that she had never before seen him shirtless. He was smooth and fit, probably the result of being a Death Eater for that many years.

Lucius pulled a clean shirt from the drawer and as he dressed himself, Hermione watched him with the corner of her eye. She noticed there were bruises on his body and that fact disturbed her more than it should. She also saw the Dark Mark on his left forearm and it sent shivers down her body. It was the first time she saw it on him.

When he was finally dressed, he turned towards her and then noticed the broken mirror and the shards on the floor.

"Why was that necessary?" he demanded, repairing the mirror with a spell.

Hermione shook her head:"I just…"

"The next time you wish to do some violence, use something that does not break that easily," he said sarcastically.

It surprised her that he was not angry for breaking the mirror. The dressing table was Narcissa's. But he only seemed to be annoyed, probably because there were more important things happening.

"Come," he motioned towards the bed and then sat on the edge of it. Hermione did the same. Not daring to look up at him, she turned her attention towards her hands. They were still covered in blood and she wondered if she should go clean herself as well.

By the expression on her face, Lucius probably realized what was on her mind and with a quick flick of his wand the blood on her hands and her nightgown disappeared. There were still small cuts on her hands, but nothing that would not heal with time.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

Lucius nodded. Silence followed.

Than finally he spoke. "You probably have a lot of questions."

Hermione said nothing, but waited for him to continue.

"As I have told you before, the Dark Lord is dead."

Hermione blinked a few times, not able to believe him. She was positive that no matter how many times he would repeat it to her, she still would not be able to believe him. She stared at his face, observing it for any sign that he was joking or lying to her. But he was completely serious.

"How? Who-"

"I," he interrupted her, "It was I who killed him."

Hermione's eyes widened in shock. She opened her mouth to talk, but no voice came out.

"Why?" she finally let out after a few long moments of silence, "You are a Death Eater. You are his follower. You fought on his side-"

"I do not have to hear my whole life story, Mudblood," he spat, annoyed.

"But- how?"

"There were no Horcruxes for the Dark Lord to fall back on. His fight with Potter weakened him more than he was ready to admit."

When Hermione said nothing, Lucius continued:"We knew that he would never be that vulnerable again. We had to do it before he got stronger."

"We?"

Lucius nodded:"Severus and I."

Hermione closed her eyes for a second. Too many information. She could not believe what she was hearing. Lucius and Snape killed Voldemort? They turned their back on him, betrayed him? Why? Was Snape really one of the good guys? Hermione was always suspicious about his behaviour and his motives, but was it possible that he had always been on the good side? And what about Lucius?

"Voldemort's dead," Hermione repeated. It sounded strange. She never expected to hear that from someone let alone herself.

"He is gone," Lucius confirmed, "This time he will not come back."

A smile spread across her face:"If he's dead, then…then everything's changed. We could-"

"Nothing has changed, Mudblood," Lucius said to her, coldly, "Do not get your hopes up."

Hermione frowned:"But you just said-"

"He is gone, but we are not," his lip curled up into a smirk.

"What does that mean?" she did not want to hear the answer.

"I have taken his place," Lucius explained, proudly, "I am the new leader of the Death Eaters."

Hermione shook her head, not wanting to believe it:"No."

"Yes."

She took a shaky breath to compose herself and her thoughts. "So in fact nothing's changed? You are still a Death Eater and your goal is still to rid this world of the ones not worthy to live in it?" Hermione's voice was shaking with disappointment.

"That is true."

"Then why did you kill him?" Hermione demanded,"What reason did you have to-"

She stopped mid sentence as Lucius' face paled. Suddenly she understood everything as she recognized the pained look in his eyes.

"Your wife…Did he-" Hermione dared to ask.

Lucius took a deep breath and nodded, his face hard.

"You remember when I told you about the time I was thrown in a dark cell because I did not want to obey the Dark Lord's orders?"

Hermione slowly nodded, realizing she was about to hear something tragic and she had a feeling she knew what he was going to tell her.

"I told you that after a few days I realized that he was right and decided to follow his orders and send my son into the War. Then they let me out. But…" he swallowed hard and his eyes grew distant, "Something happened before I was let out."

At that point Hermione knew what he was talking about.

"Narcissa was killed on his orders," he spoke, lost in his thoughts, "It was supposed to be a warning to me not to question the Lord and his decisions."

"I-" Hermione did not know what to say. She actually felt sadness overtaking her as she listened to his story. The story of a man who lost his family.

"When they informed me of her…death, I realized what I had to do," he explained, slight anger in his voice, "I told them what they wanted to hear and admitted I was wrong. They believed every word. Fools."

He continued after a pause:"Draco was completely broken when he heard about Narcissa. He did not want anything to do with us anymore."

"Us?"

"Death Eaters," Lucius said in a dark tone, "But I explained everything to him. We would have been killed if we had not obeyed the orders. I convinced him to fight in the War."

Hermione had tears in her eyes, but she did not let them fall. She was afraid her voice would break if she spoke, so she remained silent.

"And then Potter," Lucius hissed, "I watched how life left my son."

Hermione could feel fury coming in waves off of him.

"Harry didn't know…" she defended her friend, even though it was useless.

"Draco did not want to fight and he paid it with his life," grief could be heard in his voice, than a smirk replaced it, "I will always remember and cherish the memory of Potter being killed by the Dark Lord. I only regret he did not die by my hands."

Hermione knew it was wrong she did not say anything. It might seem as if she was agreeing with Lucius. She was not, but at the same time she understood him. She knew what it felt like to lose someone. But then she realized that Lucius' loss was greater than hers. He lost his son and his wife. At least Hermione's parents were still alive. She could not even imagine what it was like for him to watch his son die in front of him or know that his wife was killed because of him.

"Why did you choose me?" Hermione asked quietly, meeting his eyes. For such a long time she wanted to ask him that question.

"Someone had to pay for Draco. And because Potter was no longer available, I decided to take someone he cared for. I started with that pathetic Weasley and then I saw you."

Hermione winced at his mention of Ron. She did her best to ignore it was Lucius who killed him, but he kept reminding her.

"I could not believe my luck when I saw you among the survivals," Lucius explained, a sick smirk on his face, "The idea of possessing a girl who was the brains of the Trio and a good friend of Potter intrigued me. If I could not have him, I decided to take the next best thing."

It was the first time they were having a conversation about his true reasons for choosing her. He never told her the whole truth. And now that she knew everything, her whole world changed. Lucius Malfoy was no longer just a sadist, a murderer, a Death Eater with no conscience. He had so many layers, so many hidden depths, secrets. Hermione felt pity for him. And at that moment she realized something.

Nothing was black and white anymore. He even succeeded to change her perception of the world. Lucius had lost his loved ones in the War, so had Hermione. He hurt her to revenge his son's death, she hurt him back for killing Ron. They were both hurting each other.

"What now?" she asked, letting out a sigh, "What happens now?"

"I take over the Wizarding World," Lucius drawled, "The Death Eaters will answer to me and Severus from now on."

"And they agree with you taking over?"

Hermione had trouble believing that the other Death Eaters accepted the change of their leader that easily.

"Some did not agree," Lucius explained, then smirked, "They are not alive anymore."

"That's why you were injured. You dueled with them?" Hermione asked, surprised.

"Death Eaters are predators. They crave power. I had to show them that I am powerful enough to lead them and that I do not tolerate disobedience."

Hermione had to ask something that was on her mind ever since he came back.

"How and why did my sight return?" than she added, quietly, "I thought you were dead."

Lucius was silent for a few long moments. When he finally spoke, his voice was cold and hard:"There was always a chance that while I dueled, some Death Eaters would use that time to try and break into my house. I have put protecting wards around it, but I couldn't risk you being helpless and unable to defend yourself if someone did succeed in breaking down the wards."

That surprised Hermione. Was he worried about her safety?

"I did not know the spell could be lifted from such distance," she admitted, than gathered the courage to ask, "Were you worried about me?"

He was staring at her, but no words came out of his mouth.

"Were you worried that something might happen to me? Why? Do you care?"

"Do not ask such questions, " he snapped at her, but Hermione got her answer with that.

A strange feeling of warmth spread inside of her as she realized that the feelings of attachment she felt towards him, were not one-sided. He felt something as well, even though he did not want to admit it.

"What happens now?" she asked, afraid to hear the answer.

"What do you mean?"

"Even though Voldemort is dead, nothing will change. Death Eaters will still rule the world, good people will be hunted like animals…" she trailed off.

Lucius raised an eyebrow in interest:"What did you expect?"

Hermione just shrugged, remaining silent. He did not need to know that she foolishly hoped that things will change. That after everything Lucius had been through, he would realize how wrong and sick his beliefs were. She was too naive.

"I am afraid you misunderstood me, girl," Lucius spoke, "Just because I ended the Dark Lord's life, does not mean I do not agree with his beliefs. My opinion on Mudbloods and Blood-traitors did not change."

Of course it didn't. He was still a proud Pureblood and he would always stay one.

"The only thing that has changed is that I will have to show more cruelty than the Dark Lord. My colleagues are still suspicious and I will have to prove that I am the best choice for the leader," he explained calmly, "And that means spreading our power," than he added, "Even in the Muggle World."

Hermione gulped:"W-What?"

"What did you expect?" Lucius asked, "Did you think our goal was to take over the Wizarding World?"

"But-"

He sneered:"Our goal is to take over the whole World and I plan to achieve that."

Hermione could not speak. She could hear panic closing up her throat and she could not talk. Her parents. Her family.

No. No. No.

He couldn't do that. Anything but that. She lost her friends and she could not stand losing her family as well. They were everything to her. She loved them more than anything else in the World. Just the mere thought of them dying was enough for her to want to kill herself. She had to do something to stop it.

"You can't do that," she tried to remain calm, even though her voice was shaking with panic.

"Yes I can. And I will," Lucius said confidently.

"Please-"

"It's late and I am tired," he cut her off, "This conversation is over."

Hermione was left speechless and shocked. The fear for her parents' safety was stronger than anything she had ever felt before.

"Lie down," he said to her and she obeyed, taking her side of the bed and covering herself with the covers.

Lucius took off his shirt and took his place next to her. With a simple 'Nox' darkness overtook the room.

Hermione knew there would be no sleep for her. She could not believe that Lucius was alive and that Voldemort was dead. No matter how evil Lucius appeared to be, he was still a human being. And therefore he was able to have human feelings. Voldemort was no longer a human. He was pure evil. Having Lucius as a leader was better than having Voldemort.

But her relief did not last long, because now she had something to worry about. Just thinking about it sent shivers down her body. They could not attack the Muggle World. Hermione had to do something. She had to convince Lucius to leave the Muggle World alone. But how? What could she possibly say to him to make him change his mind?

She had the whole night ahead of her to think of a plan. Her life depended on that as well. Because if something happened to her parents, Hermione would no longer want to live.

ooo

Hermione woke up the next morning very late, because Lucius was already gone. She cursed at herself for falling asleep.

Where did he go?

She spend a few hours thinking how to make Lucius change his mind, but she found no solution. What could she say to him? She could not threaten him with Muggle technology. Muggles and their inventions could not stand a chance against magic. Lucius would not care that innocent people were going to die. But maybe he would care about her. If she told him how it will affect her, then maybe….

Hermione shook her head, not believing how foolish she was. What was she thinking? Lucius would never leave the Muggles alone just because she asked him to. It would never happen. But she had to try.

ooo

He was gone the whole day. Pippy came to bring her food, but otherwise she was completely alone.

She imagined that taking over the whole Death Eater organisation required some work, but did he have to be gone the whole day? Than a thought hit her. What if he was with her? That other woman? It sickened her to even think about it, but she could not push it out of her mind.

When he finally came back, it was already dark outside. Hermione was waiting for him, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What is it?" he asked as he noticed her looking at him.

"I-I want to talk to you," she said sceptically.

Lucius was taking off his robes, but he nodded:"Talk."

Hermione waited until he was done and only when he faced her, she spoke:"I want you to leave the Muggle World alone."

It was risky being that direct, but there was no other way to do it.

At first Lucius looked at her suspiciously. Then he let out a cold laugh and Hermione flinched, not expecting it. Only a few moments later his expression was serious again:"I thought that was a joke, Mudblood."
"It wasn't."

"You are serious?" he asked again, not completely believing her.

Hermione did her best to keep a strong face, even though she was afraid to break down under Lucius' cold glare.

"I have never been more serious," she answered firmly.

Lucius raised his eyebrow at her, looking down at her with his superior glare.

"Why do you think I would do that? Why would I not want to extend our power and rule the rest of the world?"

Hermione felt the conversation was not going well. He was demanding a valuable reason to leave the Muggle World alone, but she could not give it to him. At least not valuable by his standards.

"Because I am asking you to," she finally said, looking deep into his eyes, hoping to find any kind of human emotion there. But his eyes seemed cold and distant.

"You think too highly of yourself, Mudblood," he sneered at her, "I am not going to change my plans just because of you."

"Please," Hermione tried, panicking, "I'll do anything. You can do anything with me. Just leave my world alone."

That seemed to surprise him:"Your world? Are you finally admitting that you do not belong into the Wizard world?"

Hermione opened her mouth, but than closed them again. Should she lie and tell him what he wanted to hear or should she tell him the truth? As Lucius waited for an answer, Hermione realized that he was smart enough to tell if she was lying.

"My family is in that world," was all she said, hoping he would understand. He had lost his family, surly there was a small part of him that understood her.

"That does not interest me," Lucius replied coldly, not breaking their eye connection.

Hermione could not believe how cold he was. At that moment she realized that his heart was dead. He was not evil like Voldemort, but he was not human. Humans have emotions, conscience. Lucius was like a ice mountain. Coldness was the only emotion he knew.

"My parents," Hermione tried again, her voice shaking, "I can't lose them as well."

"Why should I care?" he simply asked and that question pushed Hermione over the edge as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Because I expected you to know what it's like to lose your family!" she raised her voice, speaking through her sobs, "I was truly naive to think you would show any sympathy."

"Lower you voice and-"

"You are incapable to feel anything good. You are dead inside!" she screamed at him.

Lucius' cold eyes turned even colder and the darkest shade of grey she had ever seen. He said nothing, but the expression on his face was enough to tell her he was furious.

"And I feel sorry for you," Hermione whispered to him, then hurried into the bathroom and slammed the doors behind her. She took a shuddering breath and dropped to the ground, completely defeated. She pulled her legs to her chest, sobbing into her knees. What did she expect? That he would jeopardize his leading status just because she asked him to?

Even if she was right and he did feel something for her, it was not strong enough. His need for power was stronger.

What now?

Hermione felt as if life was slowly ending for her. Death of her friends she could handle. It was horrible, but she survived. Being captured and treated like an animal? That she could handle as well. But her parents? Her mum and dad? Two people she loved most than anything in the world and who were probably worried sick about her. She simply could not take that as well. She would truly have nothing and no one to live for if something happened to them.

Hermione spent the whole night in the bathroom. Lucius did not bother her, which surprised her. She expected him to order her to go to the bed, but he left her completely alone. He did not even use the bathroom in the morning, probably avoiding her. Why?

Hermione returned to the bedroom the next morning when she was sure Lucius had left already. She was so exhausted. She threw herself onto the bed and closed her eyes. If she could just fall asleep and rest. But too many important things were happening, making it impossible for her to sleep. All she could do was think about better times and about her parents, trying to ignore what was most likely going to happen to them.

ooo

The House elf came a few hours later with food, but Hermione completely ignored him. She was not hungry. Food was the last thing on her mind.

She simply stared through the window, a blank expression on her face. It felt as if all her energy and strength left her. The Elf soon came back an hour later, noticing that the food was untouched.

"The Master not be happy," it spoke, "The Master say you must eat."

Hermione did not even look at the small creature, barely hearing the words. She did not want to eat and she could care less if that enraged Lucius. The Elf spoke for a few minutes, trying to convince her to eat something otherwise she would get punished. Hermione ignored her pleas. Finally the Elf left and ten minutes later Lucius came into the room.

Hermione did not look at him. She could not look at him. He was the one who signed her parent's death sentence. How could she even look at that person without feeling sick to her stomach?

"You did not touch your food," he stated calmly, "You haven't eaten in two days. You must be starving."

Hermione remained silent, simply staring through the window. It was getting dark already. Days were becoming shorter. Was it already autumn?

"I do not appreciate being ignored," he drawled.

Finally Hermione looked at him, her eyes dead, her voice defeated:"What do you want from me?"

Lucius was silent for a few long moments, just observing her, his look intense. He was thinking hard about something, but his cold expression was keeping his thoughts a secret.

"Do not think you will achieve anything by refusing to eat, Mudblood. I will not change my mind," he said to her with venom in his voice.

"I am not doing this because of you," Hermione whispered, "I am not acting or pretending to achieve something. This is how I feel."

When he said nothing, she continued quietly:"I told you yesterday. If my parents die, I die. I will be a living corpse until you decide to get rid of me."

With that she looked away from him, staring into space. Lucius stood there, not moving for a few long moments. Hermione could hear him breathing calmly and all she wanted was to be left alone. She could not deal with him. It hurt talking to him, seeing him.

"All right," he said, pulling her out of her thoughts.

Hermione turned towards him, not quite understanding what he meant:"What?"

"I will not attack the Muggle World if that is what you wish."

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise and shock. She did not believe him. He was playing with her again. If she believed him, he would only hurt her more.

"Stop it," she said to him, shaking her head.

"I am not lying, Mudblood," he replied smoothly, than took a deep breath, "The Muggle World is safe for now, but I cannot say for how long."

"Why...Are you…telling me the truth?" she asked sceptically, observing his face, looking for any signs that he was lying.

"Why would I lie to you, Mudblood?"

"Why would you care about my wishes?" she asked, "Yesterday you said you couldn't care less-"

"I does not matter what I said yesterday," he snapped, than sighed, "I give you my word that I will not attack the Muggle World. Not yet, that is. I still have a lot of things to organize and change in Wizarding World. "

Hermione licked her lips hesitantly:"What…what do you want me to do?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"What am I expected to do in exchange?" she was afraid of his conditions, but he could not demand more than he did that time when he almost threw her out of the Manor. And Hermione was prepared to be his whore for her parent's safety and the safety of the Muggle World.

"You are not expected to do anything," he finally said to her, looking deep into her eyes.

"But then why-"

He interrupted her:"Do not ask for reasons."

His voice was so strong and determined that Hermione closed her mouth, deciding it would be best if she obeyed him. Even though he was killing her with his unexpected decisions and strange behaviour, she did not demand answers from him. Mostly because she knew he would not give them to her and also because a small part of her already knew the answer. Or maybe it was what she was hoping for. It was much easier to live in a illusion than to face the harsh reality. Hermione wanted to believe that there was a small part of Lucius that cared for her. And even if he ignored it and did now know how to explain it to himself, Hermione knew. She was facing the same feelings, or at least similar ones.

"I do not wish to speak about this ever again," Lucius murmured in a deathly voice.

Hermione nodded.

"I will go down for dinner and when I come back, I do not wish to be disturbed. Understood?" he demanded.

"Yes."

When he left the room, Hermione allowed relief to pass through her. She smiled weakly, not actually believing what just happened. She never imagined him to listen to her and care about her wishes. He seemed so decided to attack the Muggle World last night. What made him change his mind? Maybe he really did have too many things to take care of in the Wizarding World. He was the new leader, surly there had to be a few changes made. But what if it was not that? What if he cared for-? No, that was not possible. Hermione was a fool to even dare to think about it. Lucius Malfoy would not change his plans just because of a Mudblood.

Hermione clenched her teeth together in frustration. She could feel all those strange feeling growing inside of her and she did not understand them. She was not stupid. She knew exactly what kind of feelings were expected from her when it came to Lucius Malfoy. Hate. Anger. Disgust. But Hermione was feeling something entirely different. And it was not right. As Lucius' attitude towards her changed, so did her feelings for him. Her need for him was only increasing by each passing day. She felt sorry for him for losing his family that way. Even though it was all his fault. He was the one who joined Death Eaters.

And attraction. Hermione could no longer ignore it. She found herself blushing as she thought of him shirtless, of his deep grey eyes, of his silky, but at the same time strong voice. What was wrong with her? Everything would much easier if he was cruel to her, if he tortured her every day. Just as it was at the beginning. Simple. But things changed. He changed. And so did her feelings.

But what did she feel for him?

How frustrating it was not knowing. Why was she jealous every time when he went to his lover? She should not be feeling jealous. Was she…in love with Lucius?

Hermione nearly laughed at that word. It sounded so strange to hear it in her mind while thinking about Lucius. Lucius and love should not even be in the same sentence. But what was it then? Maybe she was mistaking gratitude for love. It could be possible. But what if she wasn't? Was there a way to find out?

And suddenly she realized what she had to do. It was dangerous and maybe she would not be able to get through with it, but she had to try. She could no longer live in doubt and confusion. She needed to realize what her feelings were.

ooo

Hermione was becoming more and more nervous, thinking that maybe she should not do anything. Maybe her idea was not that good as she first thought. But that was just nervousness. There was no other way to understand her own feelings.

When Lucius finally returned to the room, Hermione's heart almost jumped out of her ribcage. She was shaking with anticipation and fear. Lucius did not even look at her as he undressed, preparing for bed. Hermione's first instinct was to look away, but then she forced herself to keep her eyes on him. He was fit and his body was so different than Ron's. Not that she had ever seen Ron without his clothes on, but she could imagine that his body was not that defined and…strong. When Lucius was just in his black underpants, he returned to the bed and sat down with his back turned to her. After a few long moments of silence, he sighed.

"What is it, Mudblood?" he asked, pulling Hermione out of her thoughts.

"W-What?"

He turned around to look at her:"I can feel you staring at me. What is it?"

Hermione took a shaky breath, than gathered her courage:"I…I am never going to leave this house, am I?"

His silence told her everything. But it did not shock her. She never had false hope that he would let her go.

"I want to ask you something," she spoke timidly.

Lucius raised an eyebrow in interest, waiting for her to continue. Hermione's heart was beating faster than ever and her whole body was trembling. She did not know how to say it, so she just blurted it out, prepared for the hummiliation if he rejected her.

"K-Kiss me?" her voice was so quiet that even she herself almost did not hear the words. Pure shock passed Lucius' face as he stared at her as if figuring out if she was serious.

"You want me-" he did not finish the sentence.

"I am asking you to kiss me," Hermione repeated, stronger this time.

"Why?" His grey eyes were observing her closely, a curious expression on his face.

She was not prepared for that question. Her stomach was tightening painfully, but she tried to ignore it.

"Because…I need it. Please," she hoped he would stop asking questions she could not answer.

"You need me to kiss you?" he repeated, suspicious, "After what…happened? You cannot stand my touch. Why would you want me to kiss you?"

"Because I need it," Hermione whispered, her voice shaking slightly, "Please, Lucius."

After a few long moments of tense silence, Hermione noticed hesitation on Lucius' face. He was always so controlled and confident and now he was hesitating. He moved very close to her, taking her chin into his hand and was staring deeply into her eyes, a slight smirk on his face:"You do not want this. Look at yourself. You are shaking."

"Since when do you care what I want? Just kiss me," she said with stronger voice, trying to calm down her rapid heart beat.

She could see slight anger pass his features, but than he brought his lips to hers, brushing against them slightly. Hermione closed her eyes as he parted her lips and let his tongue wander through her mouth, slowly exploring every corner of it. Hermione realized she had never done this before. She had never been kissed like that before. Well, there was that one time with Dolohov in the cell, but that was not even close to what Lucius was doing to her. Dolohov made her sick and he almost suffocated her with his tongue. Lucius was gentle, he did not rush and Hermione realized that she liked the sensation it caused in her. The feeling of connection, of intimacy. She closed her eyes.

At that moment she felt so safe and protected. She did not want to stop, feeling as if she could not handle it if Lucius pulled away from her now.

He eventually broke the kiss, but he did not move away from her. Hermione still had her eyes closed and her head was spinning. She needed a few moments to pull herself together. As she opened her eyes, she found Lucius staring at her, a strange expression on his face. It was as if he was trying to figure her out.

"More," Hermione whispered before she could stop herself. The kiss did not told her anything about her feelings. She needed to go further.

"You want to-"

"Yes," she cut him off, her lower lip trembling.

Lucius looked shocked and thoughtful for a moment, then his face hardened as he murmured:"I will not be gentle."

His words frightened her, but she kept her face strong. Before she had a chance to say anything, his lips were on hers again, this time more demanding. His hand moved to her breasts, caressing them gently through the thin material of her nightgown. Hermione tensed, memories of the last time he touched her intimately returning. He probably noticed, because he removed his hand and only concentrated on the kiss. Hermione did not know why he did that. She encircled his neck hesitantly, hoping she was not doing something wrong.

She was only concentrating on the kiss, ignoring everything else, trying to stop her mind from thinking. She wanted to feel. His lips wandered over her throat, gently sucking at her collarbone. She shivered slightly, goose-bumps appearing all over her skin. It was unbelievable what kind of reaction he could cause in her with just his lips.

Lucius' hand glided over the soft skin of her thigh and Hermione had to remind herself not to stiffen at his touch. Soon he removed the nightgown from her body and Hermione quickly covered herself with her hands, fully aware that the lights were on.

"Do not cover yourself," he whispered to her, his voice demanding but surprisingly soft at the same time.

He kissed her again, moving her hands away from her chest. Hermione closed her eyes, ignoring the fact that she was naked. He was shirtless as well and that made her feel a bit better.

He moved over the swell of her breast, and grasped one gently in his hand, massaging it. A moan escaped Hermione's lips, surprising herself. She groaned arching up, wanting more. Her body seemed to get a will of it's own.

"Mudblood," she heard him murmur into her ear, "This is wrong….sick..."

She knew that. Everything about their relationship was wrong. But at that moment it felt so right. With his body pressed against her, his skin touching hers, she felt so connected to him. She could feel him wanting her.

Lucius grabbed her knickers and pulled them down. Hermione tensed up, realizing that there was no stopping now. It surprised her that she was able to go that far. She never expected them to go all the way. At first she only wanted a kiss, but it was not enough.

Soon he removed his own boxers and Hermione closed her eyes in embarrassment. Everything would be much easier for her if the lights were off, but she needed to see who she was with. There would be no closing her eyes or ignoring the truth. It was Lucius Malfoy who was touching her, it was Lucius Malfoy who was kissing her and whom she was kissing back.

She opened her eyes and looked into his eyes, trying not to look at the lower part of his body. She was still not prepared for that. Hermione's hands clutched at Lucius' back, and she could feel his muscles flexing beneath her palms as he slid against her body hungrily. He felt so strong, so powerful.

"Open your legs," he murmured in a husky voice before he intensified the kiss.

Hermione did as he asked and as he settled between her shaking thighs, she felt extreme panic shoot through her. Will it hurt? She still could not forget how easily he could use his body to hurt her.

"Lucius," she whispered, making him look into her eyes. She hoped he would notice the panic in her look. She almost lost herself in his deep eyes, when she felt him enter her. Immediately she stiffened, holding her breath. Lucius brought his lips to hers, kissing her again. Hermione could feel huger and desire in his kisses and it was strange knowing that she was the one who caused him to act that way. As she relaxed a bit, she felt him push all the way in. She gasped at the feeling and noticed Lucius hissed in pleasure. His eyes never left hers and Hermione had trouble keeping eye contact with him. She felt so exposed and he could simply read all her emotions in her eyes.

It surprised her that he stilled his movements, not moving for a few long moments. Hermione brought her hand to his neck as she pulled him down for another kiss. When he began moving, she broke the kiss with a gasp. She could see the sneer on Lucius' face as repeated the move, sending waves of pleasure through Hermione's body.

The feeling was indescribable. Soon Hermione could no longer keep her eyes open, the pleasure was too great. Lucius was moving slowly, but his speed was increasing. He was holding himself on his arms not to crush her and when Hermione turned her head to the right, she found herself looking at his Dark Mark. The evidence that she was with a Death Eater. She turned away from it and fixed her gaze onto Lucius' face. He seemed to touch places inside her that felt incredibly good and Hermione soon found herself shaking. Her whole body was trembling, but it wasn't because of the fear or anticipation. She was shaking with pure pleasure. Something was building inside of her and it traveled from her toes up her body. Just when she thought she could no longer take it, the feelings inside of her exploded and she cried out. Hearing Lucius pant on top of her sent her over the edge and unbelievable bliss crashed over her, a huge wave of heat and pleasure rolling through her, flinging her out of her body into some place she never knew existed.

As she felt herself drifting gently back to earth, three words escaped her lips unintentionally.

"I love you," she mumbled barely above a whisper.

As she realized what she had done, her eyes snapped open and she found herself looking into Lucius' shocked eyes. He was still moving inside of her and his look was so intense Hermione could not stand it. With a hiss he collapsed on top of her. He fought to place his weight on his elbows, dizzy and spent.

Hermione could not believe what she had said. What would he say to her? Would he be angry? Would he even believe her? Did she herself believe it? The words just flew out of her mouth. As Lucius' breathing slowly returned to normal, Hermione tried to find an explanation. Because he would sure expect and demand one. What could she say to him?

Being in love with Lucius Malfoy. It sounded so surreal. But it was now reality.

A/N: Hello, guys! Just one more to go! I hope you are not dissapointed with this chapter. Tell me your opinion. A lot of things can change in the last chapter. I really hope you will like it. :))