Reason Four: Jesse
I closed my eyes, hoping my name would not be called. Because really, who wants to be exposed in front of everyone else?
They say that opposites attract. Well I guess I'm off to disprove every common saying because Jesse and I are not opposites. In fact we are alike. We both have the same dreams and we both act like "divas". But sometimes that is not enough.
When I first met Jesse I was heartbroken. Finn proved to me I was worthless and we had a "Hello" music assignment. I went to the music store, looking through the music sheets, when he criticized me.
Apparently he saw my performance in Sectionals and said that although I was talented I was not yet a star. It was rude but it was also a critique from someone who said I had talent. Someone that recognized my potential. Someone that saw a glimmer of what I really am.
He plays the piano. He really is talented. He bellows out "Hello" by Lionel Richie. And he invites me to sing along. He was not Finn with his untrained voice but rather an equal. He was not a person content with where he was but rather equally ambitious.
But he didn't love me, not at first. He was only pretending to like me because of Shelby. But I did love him. I thought I had found an equal. I thought I had found a friend. I thought I had found happiness.
When Jesse egged my face it was more than just a final break up. It was a revelation. He was giving me up for his dream. For my dream. For our dream. He knew Vocal Adrenaline would take him there so he did what he had to and gave me up.
I thought we were the same. Ambitious, intelligent, and talented.
But it turns out we are not the same. I am just a cheap imitation. Not ambitious enough. Not good enough. Not anything enough.
I could not crush my heart to get what I want. I could not leave McKinley High School to pursue my dream. I cared too much. I could not stop my traitorous feelings and become free.
The one thing Jesse showed me was my lack of star quality. A star must always appear in public in a confident way. A star must be prepared to steal the role from others. A star must be prepared to leave behind distractions.
Jesse was not my first love but he was my first equal. An equal that proved to be more than me. A equal that rose above and I couldn't keep up.
So concluded my first year of Glee. Four different reasons, all connected, destroyed what I was. But all hope was not lost. I am Rachel Berry, Broadway start extraordinaire. I had something going on with a boy. My talent was somewhat recognized. Glee was a bit like having friends.
If these tragedies were all that happened to me then I'm sure it would have been fine but they are not. Because even though I did show you the landmarks of the year I still have not taken you behind the scenes.
So let us take a look at the background. Let us know the small aches I suffered each day. Let us know my hell.
I let out a sigh. Relief. I was not called out. I did not affect her that first year in Glee. But my relief was short lived. Four people have been exposed but there were still nine more to go.
A/N- Thank you all for those who put this story in alert and as a favorite and a big thanks to Shelz, rainthenrainbows, and kaycedilla2011.