A/N: Well here it goes. Its a different chapter for sure, but I was worried about becoming repetitive. I didn't want to stray very far away from our regular Klaine, but I felt this subject was really important in terms of Kurt. Hope it's alright. You guys are supermegafoxyawesomehot.
Your reviews are inspiration.
Blaine got up early, several days later, to the smell of gingerbread wafting from the kitchen. He groaned, stretching his arms. There had been an awkward moment the first night he had arrived on whether he should be allowed to sleep in the same room as Kurt. Eventually, Finn made the decision.
"That one time Rachel came over, I wasn't even allowed to be in the same room as her without supervision." He whined. Burt decided that Kurt should not get any special treatment because of his orientation, and sent him to sleep on the living room couch. An amused Blaine was reluctant to allow this, and insisted that he, as a guest, should sleep there instead. There was no way he was kicking his boyfriend out of his own bed. So there he was, mere meters away from a cooking Carole.
"Blaine, you up?" She asked cheerfully.
"Yeah, do you need help with breakfast?" He asked, glancing at the clock. It was 7 a.m, Kurt wouldn't be up for another hour at least.
"If you're happy to help, then please do." She replied. Blaine rolled himself off the couch, making a scene of folding all of his blankets before entering the kitchen. Carole was there, cooking Christmas pastries while Bacon sizzled on the frying pan.
"Is no one else up yet?" He asked, striding forward to help Carole beat eggs for the recipe she was working on. She gave him a worried look.
"Burt's been up for a while...I think Kurt has, too. I went down there earlier to check on him but he was pretending to be asleep." She sighed her motherly sigh, and went back to whisking ingredients. "Has he told you about today?" She asked kindly, knowing Kurt was very private.
"No...What's going on?" He asked, frowning.
"It's December the twentieth, the day his mum died." She looked down. Blaine felt a guilty pang in his chest. Kurt hadn't told him anything... "Oh don't give it a second thought," Carole said, noticing his expression, "he's quiet when it comes to Julia."
"We should give him and Burt some time alone..." He muttered, feeling bad even though he had done nothing wrong. Carole nodded knowingly.
"He'll be okay, it's just a tough day for them. Trust me, I've been there with Finn." She murmured into her bowl of batter.
"Thank you for telling me, Carole." Blaine said, smiling at the kind woman infront of him. She shrugged.
"You have a right to know, and I wouldn't count on Kurt to bring it up." She then raised her voice to a high, happy tone as they heard the basement door creak open. Blaine and Carole exchanged an understanding look, and smiled at Kurt when he entered the kitchen.
"Good morning." He greeted cordially, staring straight at them. He was dressed to perfection, and looked very formal. He wore a simple white dress shirt paired with a long black tie. He motioned for Blaine to follow him out of the room. Carole gave the boys an encouraging smile as they left. They entered the hallway, and walked briskly towards the front door. Kurt made sure they were out of earshot before hesitantly explaining to Blaine about visiting the cemetery.
"Sorry, Blaine, I should have told you sooner but-" Kurt started to mumble. Blaine cut him off before he could continue.
"Don't worry, Carole told me." He said, pulling Kurt in for a tight hug. The tiny boy in his arms squeezed hard. Blaine placed a kiss onto the top of his head before breaking away.
"You'll be alright here with her and Finn all day?" Kurt asked, feeling guilty for avoiding this subject for so long.
"Don't worry, I love your family. Take however much time you need." Blaine replied. Kurt stared at him and smiled.
"Thanks so much." He whispered. Blaine wondered how he was holding up so well. He could only detect the faintest red haze in his eyes, that suggested he had been crying for a few minutes many hours ago. Other than that, he seemed perfectly happy. Kurt noticed that he was being studied.
"You get used to it after eight years, her not being around." He said, hands in pockets. Blaine gave him another kind smile and wrapped his arms around Kurt's shoulders. "I just wish my dad would hurry up, I want to see him..."
...
Burt Hummel sat on his bed, holding her perfume in his hand. It still had her name carved into the top.
Julia.
Each year for Christmas he would get her the same bottle, with just her first name engraved onto the silver cap. He was dressed, and knew Kurt was waiting for him downstairs, but he couldn't help but reminisce about his first love. He sprayed the bottle once, letting her smell waft through his nostrils, and laid down onto his bed. For the first time in a year, he allowed himself to freely think of her.
...
"I wonder when he'll know..." She murmured to Burt, playing with her thumbs. She had short, curly brown hair, and large lips. Her ivory skin contrasted with her large green eyes; The kind of woman that made heads turn. Burt on the other hand, was an average Joe. They were an unconventional couple, but no one could deny how they lit up when they looked at each other.
"Know what?" Burt grunted in response as they watched Kurt play with his Power Ranger dolls. He had sprawled himself out on the living room floor for over an hour, planning weddings.
"That he's gay." She replied naturally. Burt let out a long sigh, staring at his feet. "What, does this make you uncomfortable?" She asked. They both loved each other very much, but Burt was only just getting over the initial shock of having a gay son.
"No, honey. I just-I'm not..." He struggled to explain his feelings. "I love him, but this is hard for me, you know?" She gave him an accusing glare.
"You love him, therefore you should be able to accept the fact that he can love whomever he pleases."
"That isn't what I meant. I'm just worried. I never counted on this." Julia widened her eyes and motioned for him to go on.
"Explain, please." She whispered. Her husband took a deep breath before answering.
"I don't know how to be a father to my son. I don't know what I'm going to do when he comes to me with guy troubles, or how to keep up with his musicals. None of that is my area, and I'm just completely in the dark." He frowned at his little six year old, wondering how he could possibly raise him right. Julia reached over to squeeze his hand.
"I know you don't have much knowledge about any of this...Kurt can come to me if he needs love advice, or a safe sex talk. I just want you to make sure he knows that you love him no matter what. Let me cover the hard stuff, and try your best to be there so that he knows you love him, and accept him."
"You'll help me?" He asked, looking up at her. She gave him a reassuring smile.
"I'll help you."
...
"Dad, come on!" He heard his son yell from downstairs. Burt broke away from his daydreaming, and pulled himself out of bed. It was going to be a long day. He opened his bedroom door, and stepped out into the hallway. He could see Kurt waiting for him at the foot of the staircase.
"Right here, kid." He said, making his way down the stairs. His son gave him a wide, but pained smile. As he walked down the stairs, he couldn't help but feel cheated. She never had the chance to help him, and he was left on his own. Kurt had never gotten a sex talk, and felt uncomfortable bringing his boyfriend over to their house. He didn't deserve that...He couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like if she were around to help him feel comfortable. Burt had been left alone to talk to Kurt about the very things Julia insisted she would help him get through...and it wasn't until now that he realized instead of going it alone, he just ignored the subjects completely. This only increased the painful throb in his chest.
"Come on, Blaine and Carole are waiting by the door." Kurt said, grabbing his dad's hand and leading him to there.
"Where's Finn?" He asked. Kurt shrugged.
"Carole thought we should let him sleep. It would probably make him think about his Dad too much..." He replied. Burt nodded, understanding this. They walked down the hallway, and turned into the front entrance where sure enough, his wife and Kurt's boyfriend stood waiting. They broke apart for a few seconds. Blaine wordlessly pulled Kurt into a hug, and Carole did the same with her husband.
"Stay as long as you want to. Don't hurry back just because of us." Carole said, smiling at them.
"Bye, guys." Kurt said with forced cheerfulness. Blaine squeezed his hand and stepped back, allowing them to open the front door and make their way down the driveway. Carole didn't close the door, but stood watching them with Blaine as they stepped into Burt's car.
"Do you want to make cupcakes?" Carole asked, smiling. Blaine laughed, and knew that Kurt and Burt would probably want something sweet when they got back from the cemetery.
"Yeah, yeah I do." They were days like these that Carole felt as though she had three sons.
...
Kurt saw Carole close the door from the car window. She had stood there for a while with Blaine, watching him and his father leave. Burt fumbled with the keys for a minute, before he finally turned the car on. They drove silently out of the driveway, and out onto the street.
"You okay?" Burt asked, eyes on his son. Kurt decided not to answer this.
"I wanted to ask you something." He stared at his lap.
"Go ahead." Burt said encouragingly, making a left.
"Did she know?" He asked, looking up to face his father.
"I'm sorry?" Burt was confused, his son wasn't making sense.
"That I'm gay." Kurt clarified. He had always wondered how coming out to his mother would be like, and if she would be supportive. He watched his dad chuckle to himself.
"Oh she knew. She knew far before I did." He said, looking lost in memories.
"Was she okay with it?" Kurt asked, looking down again. He braced himself for the answer. Burt let out a sigh.
"She was more than okay with it. I think it made her love you more." He smiled. Kurt felt his heart ache happily. "You know how proud she would be? Seeing you with Blaine?" He asked. Kurt mumbled something to his feet, eyes stinging. "You know what? I'm not sure if you remember this but, does your sixth birthday ring a bell?" Burt asked.
"I remember inviting every boy in my class, and none of them coming." Kurt said, frowning. His father gave him an incredulous look.
"Is that all you remember?" He asked. His son nodded.
"It was because I was gay wasn't it?" He wondered aloud. They lived in Ohio...this wasn't surprising to him. None of the fathers wanted Kurt around their sons.
"Well, yeah. Bunch of assholes." He grumbled. "Besides that. Your mum, she got so upset when she saw you down, so she went out with you..." Burt could see his son start to smile, remembering.
"She bought me a cupcake, stuck a candle in it, and took me to buy the 'Evita" dvd..." Kurt laughed. He couldn't believe he had forgotten about that day. For the rest of the car ride, Burt told Kurt stories about his mother. Most of these were funny, but some very serious. Kurt's personal favorite was when his mother had baked Kurt a Madonna cake for his seventh birthday. It took her three hours to ice the pretty celebrity's face onto it. All too soon, they reached the cemetery. Kurt stepped out of the car first, and then so did his father.
"Come on." He said, taking Kurt's hand into his own. They did not need to say anything, for a simple squeeze would remind each other that they were there. The public cemetery had its gates wide open to any visitors that wished to enter.
"This way, dad." Kurt whispered, guiding Burt in the right direction. If Julia had been there she would have made a joke about his forgetfulness...but of course she couldn't. The long walk towards his mother was depressing. Not her grave in particular, but the graves of others, whose tombstones read things such as:
Baby Rose Bishop McKenley
October 20th 2002-January 8th 2005
They tried not to notice these, and focused on finding Julia. Kurt was staring absentmindedly at the sky as his father guided him.
"Right here." Burt murmured, squeezing his sons hand and stopping to peer down at his wife's grave. Kurt looked down at it, unsure of wether to smile or cry.
Julia Kathleen Hummel
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
"Is it wrong that this feels like coming home?" Kurt asked, tears slowly spilling over his eyes. Burt gave him a knowing look, as he too read over her grave. They didn't want a date of birth or death; just her name and favorite quote.
"Feels like a family reunion, then you remember where you are, eh?" He said, wrapping his arm around Kurt's waist, who leaned his head onto Burt's shoulder. They stood there for quite some time, occasionally laughing at a memory.
"I remember when I was four years old, and her telling me that boys were more attractive than girls anyway...and I had no idea what she was talking about." He giggled. Burt let out a loud chuckle.
"We always wondered if you knew or not." Burt smiled, remembering them debating on the subject for hours on end.
"I think I was five..." Kurt mumbled. Burt grunted in response.
"So that's why you started watching your musicals alone." He said, remembering how private his son had gotten at that age.
"I knew what everyone at school thought about being gay, and I was worried you would find out. So I avoided you." Kurt said, regretting not telling him years earlier.
"I know, and I'm sorry you felt that way." Burt replied, squeezing his son harder. He heard him sniffle, and an overwhelming sense of grief surged through both of them.
"I miss her." Kurt said, voice wobbling.
"That's okay, so do I." He said, barely controlling is own voice but doing so all the same. Burt and Kurt had always tucked Julia into the back of their minds, thinking about a happy memory once before going to bed each night, never grieving. She would have wanted them to be happy...But today was the day it all came flooding back. The day they allowed themselves to miss her, and it hurt.
"Dad, could we go?" Kurt asked ten minutes later. They had just stood there, fresh tears streaming down their cheeks. Burt nodded in response, and took a step back from the grave with hesitation. Though the staff members that maintained the graves had already laid out her favorite flowers-Lilies-Burt still felt as though they should have left something.
"Let's go home." He said, snuggling closer to his son and walking away. It was easy, going back to Carole and Finn, but at the same time a struggle, leaving his first love. They were halfway to the exit when Kurt pulled away from Burt slightly, to look up at him.
"Could we go catch some lunch instead?" He asked, biting his lips.
"Whatever you want, Kurt." Burt replied, realizing how much he had missed his son. They got to the exit gates and both looked back reluctantly. They wanted desperately to leave, but found themselves being pulled back by a nonexistent magnetic force. By some miracle, they made it to the car.
"You're just like her, you know that?" Burt mumbled as he turned the car on. Kurt looked up at him, half smiling. "Nothing brings you down...And if it does, you shake it off, or fix the problem and move on. I wish I had that courage."
"I just know things are hard for you, and I don't plan on making them any more difficult." He mumbled to his father.
"Like I said," He replied proudly, "just like your mother." Kurt felt himself beam, the sadness draining from his body. He knew this was better than crying. His mother was dead, and never physically coming back. That certainly didn't mean she had left Kurt forever. She was still there, sometimes. He may not believe in God but he could feel her when he needed guidance. His entire life he had strived to make her proud, and what he knew she wanted right now was for her son to be happy, smiling, and thankful he had gotten eight amazing years with her.
Dammit, he was a Hummel, and that was just what he intended to do.
...
"I see them!" Carole said, staring through the curtains at the car that had just pulled up onto their driveway. It was already dark outside. The two men had gone out for lunch after visiting the Julia, and left their cellphone's in the car. This had caused Blaine and Carole to become sick with worry.
"Oh thank goodness, they look happy." Blaine chuckled, having worried about Kurt's emotional state the whole day. He hated seeing him so depressed. He covered it up with smiles, staying strong for his father, but Blaine could see the grief in his eyes.
"I'll go get the door!" She said, running when she heard two knocks. Blaine smiled, staying in the living room. It got much too crowded in there! He heard her greet her husband, who sounded teary.
"I missed you, honey." Burt said, voice muffled by the walls. He could just make out one person walking down the hallway. Sure enough, seconds later Kurt strode into the living room.
"Blaine!" He said, running into his boyfriends arms. They squeezed each other until they could no longer breathe, and slackened their holds slightly.
"How was it?" He asked, rubbing Kurt's back. He felt him shrug.
"Depressing, but nice. I missed her." He replied, sounding strange.
"You sound like you're going to cry...and then burst into show-tunes." He noted. Kurt shook with silent laughter.
"That's how today always is." He pulled back, and sat down on the couch. Blaine took a seat next to him. Kurt pulled off his tie, unintentionally popping open the first couple of buttons on his dress shirt. From his angle, Blaine could faintly see the outer edge of a bruise on Kurt's shoulder. He sighed, never forgetting what Karofsky had done to his boyfriend.
"Kurt, the marks are still there..." He murmured, leaning over to place his hand on Kurt's neck. The tiny soprano grimaced and looked away from Blaine.
"You know, and that's all that matters." He whispered, his blue eyes looking worried.
"Your dad deserves to know." Blaine replied, knowing Kurt secretly agreed with this.
"No, he'd kill someone. I'm not worrying him about me." Kurt slipped Blaine's hand off of his neck and placed it into his hand. "It'll be our little secret."
"Hello, Blaine." Burt said loudly from the doorway, Carole standing behind him. He too wore the expression of extreme mixed emotions. The two boys looked up in surprise, having not noticed their entrances.
"Hi, Mr. Hummel." Blaine said politely.
"It's been a long day for you Kurt, maybe you should go get some sleep." He said. "Carole and I are gonna go upstairs, don't be up much later kiddo." Kurt nodded, giving his dad a thumbs up. He was exhausted.
"Well I guess this means oodnight, Kurt." He heard Blaine's voice softly murmur from beside him. Kurt waited for his parent's footsteps to fade away completely before leaning over to whisper into Blaine's ear.
"Come downstairs tonight." He offered, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Blaine raised his eyes.
"I try to hide it, but your father terrifies me. There is no way I'm crossing him." Blaine said smiling. It was a very hard offer to refuse.
"Listen, Blaine. I'm feeling okay now, and I've gotten through the day because my dad was there the whole time. It's just that-I know the second I go downstairs, and I'm left alone to think about her, I won't be able to handle it." He whispered, biting down hard on his tongue. Blaine squirmed as he saw tears pool in Kurt's eyes. He groaned quietly and grabbed Kurt's hand, standing up.
"If your dad gets mad at me..." He muttered, making his way towards the basement door with Kurt.
"Don't worry, he likes you. It's not like we're doing anything." Kurt pulled open the door quietly, not wanting to attract his fathers attention. The two of them almost tumbled down the stairs in the darkness, making quite a ruckus.
"Kurt, is that you?" He heard Finn's voice ask as they made it to the bottom of the stairs. A light flicked on and Kurt barely held in a moan of exasperation. Finn was staring awkwardly at the two boys holding hands.
"Could Blaine sleep down here with me tonight?" Kurt asked before his brother could say anything.
"NO SEX!" Finn screamed, looking petrified. Kurt almost laughed.
"Calm down! You'll wake dad. I just don't want to be alone, it's been a tough day." He shuffled his feet, hoping Finn wouldn't sell him out.
"Uhh...Alright fine!" He said, knowing what it felt like, losing a parent. Each time his mother left him alone on the anniversary of his father's death, he fell apart. Kurt gave him an eternally thankful smile and led Blaine to his bed.
"Can we not worry about pajamas right now?" He pleaded, pushing Blaine down onto the fluffy mattress.
"Whatever you want." Blaine whispered, grabbing Kurt's waist and pulling him onto the bed as well. Finn let out a sigh, and flicked off the lights. Kurt already felt memories of his mother overwhelming him as the darkness enveloped them. The tears that fell from his eyes would surely have become sobs if it weren't for the strong arms currently hugging him as he laid in his bed.
"Goodnight, Blaine." He whispered, pulling himself closer to him. Blaine did not respond but only pressed his lips to Kurt's forehead. It killed him, hearing Kurt give off the occasional sniffle.
"I'm afraid of what's going to happen when I fall asleep..." Said a voice from the other side of the room.
Kurt cursed his step-brother mentally.
A/N:I always wondered why most of the Kurt fanfiction's did not mention his mother much. I've always seen her as being extremely important to Kurt. So I wrote this chapter in here. The graveyard scene was originally much longer, but it got to the point of where I cried while editing it so I decided to cut the sadness down (: Hope you guys liked it. The next chapter is an all-time favorite of mine. It was so much fun to write!
Review? *puppy dog eyes*
PS: This was edited at 4 am...There may be mistakes!
(: