ok im sorry its been awhile. we sorta started this somewhat almost strike at work then i got ill and the doctors thought it was swine flu but it wasnt and yeah it got pretty crazy. i've had this written for a while now just wanted to look over it, make sure its good and i hope it is :)
Disclaimer: I Own Nothing. Sadly.
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Suddenly I start to feel like the room is closing in on me, like I the closer the walls get to me the more my throat closes up and I cant breath. I make a mistake. I shouldn't have come here…but if I didn't I would spend the rest of my life wondering…would that really be better than this? Than this feeling?
What would lilly do? God she'd probably laugh at me. There must be somewhere to prove this woman is for real…to prove that lilly did come back for me….she is here. With me.
''ok…then ask her what my biggest secret is?'' this is will be good, there's no way this woman could possibly know…so now she'll get it wrong and I can put all this crazyness out of my life. Melinda looks confused, I knew this would work.
''um..lilly wants to make sure your certain its ok for her to tell me cause once I know that's that.'' I just laugh a little knowing this is all crap, she's just trying to get out of proving this all to me. ''i'm certain. You wont tell anyone will you Melinda? I mean..we'r sworn to secrecy right?'' with a smile she nods in agreement. Suddenly her mouth drops open like she's just seen a…well I would say ghost but yeah…apparently that's her life so let say…like she just saw….god I dunno what could shock a woman who can apparently see and speak to dead people? ''your Hannah Montana'' she gasps. OH MY GOD.
''wh..wh..what did you just say?'' no way in hell. How did she know? Lilly is here? No it cant be. ''your Hannah Montana. don't worry I will never tell anyone'' she looks so genuine. ''is she really here?'' I feel my heart start beating faster and faster….how this all be possible.
The sky was bright blue without a cloud in sight. It was a beautiful day, families where out having picnics, friends where at the beach hanging out..couples where taking long walks full of kissing, hugging and holding hands…yet here were family friends and a newly widowed woman standing together next to a fresh grave.
There was flowers everywhere, people had lay down teddies, the skate board lilly designed, her favourite surf board. It was all set out just they way lilly would have wanted it…with a big picture of her and miley on there wedding day.
''miley honey, its time'' heather smile softly looking at the brunette. They had decided miley would sing for lilly one last time. More than anything miley wanted to. It just felt right. Her dad also thought writing down how she feels might just help her deal with everything.
Slowly the broken woman grabbed her guitar, looking down on the beautiful white coffin that now held the woman she loved, choking back tears she started playing….the last song she would sing for a long time. Maybe even ever.
Imagine a world where no music was playing
And think of a church with nobody praying
Miley couldn't keep her eyes off the tombstone in front of her…this was all she had left of lilly? There was so much left unsaid…so much memories that they never got to make…this wasn't fair.
Have you ever looked up at a sky with no blue?
Then you've seen a picture of me without you
Everyone sat in silence, taking in the words. Taking in the moment. Silent sobs could be heard. Oliver stood with his head down trying to hide his tears that showed so clearly as they dropped to the ground…next to him heather stood, staring blankly into space as tears dropped to the ground.
Have you walked in a garden where nothing was growing
Or stood by a river where nothing was flowing
Robbie looked up at the sky, almost as if he could see lilly looking down on them now and again looking between miley and the grave in front. Wrapping his arm round heather he returned his eyes back up to the sky.
If you've seen a red rose unkissed by the dew
Then you've seen a picture of me without you
Miley took in everyone's expressions, how they were standing, where there eyes were aiming. Everyone was so different. The brunette wasn't sure what she was ment to be doing.
Can you picture heaven with no angels singing
Or a quite Sunday morning with no church bells ringing
Deciding no one was helping her deal with…how she was ment to be dealing with all this…so she did what always made sense to her..to think of lilly.
The way she could say so much without even talking, the way she danced. The way she smiled and her blue eyes would light up…
If you've watched as the heart of a child breaks in two
Then you've seen a picture of me without you
The way she would make miley feel whole, her kisses always sent tingles all over her body, when the blonde held her it felt like she was untouchable like she was in the safest place, when they made love that's exactly what it was..it was two people showing each other how much they love, respect and trust each other….but now all that was gone. She wouldn't have any of that again.
Can you picture heaven with no angels singing
Or a quite Sunday morning with no church bells ringing
Sorrow took over all of her body. realising her life as she knew it was over…one half of her soul was taken from her. How could she ever move on now? How could she ever live now? How could this world ever make sense again.
If you've watched as the heart of a child breaks in two
Then you've seen no picture of me without you
Then you've seen no picture of me without you
Slowly the young woman stopped strumming the strings of her guitar. A look of realisation and unbelievable sorrow spread across her face. Looking over at her dad, he gave her slight nod to let her know she did good. Slowly her eyes drifted to the coffin that was now having the first handfuls of sand dropped on it by Oliver and heather…walking over miley took a handful, loosely letting it go she whispered ''come back to me lilly''
''yes she is. She says you asked her to and now here she is…well talking through me but y'know'' she seemed relived that I finally believe her. All I can think is how scared this feels. What if she leaves me again now? I don't want to hurt again but she's here. Right now. This moment. So im not going anywhere. ''she..she heard me?'' Melinda just smiles ''yes. She was with you the whole time. She never left you'' but she did leave me! ''she's not here anymore is she? So she did. She…left me here..alone'' I feel tears fighting to brake free but I wont allow it. This was my fault…I had not right. ''she was with you the whole time, she sat with you when you cried into her pillow. She listened when you sang…she never ever left.'' its getting harder to keep these tears in…she heard me sing. She always loved to hear me sing. ''I miss you so much lilly…im so sorry. This was all my fault. If I hadn't..'' my eyes glance across the room, lillys talking through Melinda so I dunno where to look. ''no no no…she says this was never you fault, you have nothing to feel sorry for. You gave her more happiness than she ever thought was possible.'' its getting harder and harder to keep these tears in.
''it is. If I had just realised I was ready to start a family…you wouldn't have left. And…and…now its too late'' I feel my heart braking all over again. The pain is still so fresh. ''lilly believes it was fate, she said it was her time and no matter what it would have happened. She needs you to move on with life..find love again. She died. That doesn't mean you stop living.'' god I wish I could see her right now, hear her voice but I know that these are lillys words. ''how can I love anyone else but you lilly, you are my soul mate. Everything I want…I only want with you. You're the love of my life'' Melinda has tears in her eyes…I know I should make sure she's ok but dammit I don't care, all that matters is lilly. ''she understands and she feels the same, she says your love, the love you both share for one another will live forever. Nothing will change that. She'll be waiting for you. She'll always be waiting'' suddenly the pain doesn't feel as strong, I feel relief. Im not sure why. ''but we never got to do all the thing we wanted. We never got to have a family. You never got to live your life like you said you wanted to…'' I feel a tear escape and slide down my cheek. Looking over at Melinda I see a strange look come across her face..''um..she says she got to marry you. She got to have you in her life. She got to spend her life with you even if it wasn't as long as you both hoped. She got to live her life.'' I just stare..theres something she's not telling me..then she smiles at me
''there's something she never told you…''
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Thank you for all the reveiws and such.
really does mean the world to me :)
so at the risk of sounding greedy....
more please?
hehehe
love xxx