Hello, my dear readers! I am so sorry for leaving you with such a cliffhanger last time, I've been away for a couple of weeks and had hoped to update before I left, but sadly real life intervened and time ran out. I hope this chapter goes somewhere towards making up for it. This one has taken me a while to get right, because a few things are revealed, such as an AU take on one possible interpretation of the Jedi Code, so I had to do some thinking instead of just hammering out the usual candy floss that is the rest of this fic. Incidentally, the next chapter will bring us to the end of Act I, so we are almost one third of the way through.
And thanks so much for the comments! I do intend to finish this story, although I might only be able to update once a fortnight for the next couple of months. I'll do my best.
So, back to our damsel in distress...
"Keep moving," Obi-Wan hissed, his arm sliding around her waist. "Don't worry, don't think, just do as I say."
Chloe's blood rushed warm with relief, and she wanted to thank him but she had to concentrate on just moving, willing her feet not to stumble as he hurried her down the corridor; passing doors, left then right, below a light source that flickered, hanging from its socket, flinging their two shadows against the stark duracrete floor ahead. Ahead, where the corridor split in two directions...
"This way, quick, I saw 'er!" a male voice called out from somewhere behind them. Muffled shouting followed, and then the scuffle of footsteps, growing louder…
Instantly Obi-Wan turned, twisted Chloe with him, and pushed her into an alcove.
"Shh, keep still," he whispered against her hair, guiding her backwards until her back pressed against the wall. Swiftly, he cupped the back of her head with one hand, holding her cheek against his shoulder while he gestured in the direction of the footsteps, and then flourished his robe around them both.
Chloe closed her eyes, every single muscle tensed, not daring to breathe, unable to breathe…
The men charged past in a thunder of boots on hard flooring and harsh, aggressive laughter: impossibly close, but then quieter, fading into the distance. And then silence.
Still, Chloe didn't dare to move. The pressure of Obi-Wan's hand eased, but his fingers still rested against her hair.
"They've gone," he said, his lips brushing her temple. "Are you all right?"
"Mmm-huh," was all she managed in return, given her body's reaction to that simple, accidental contact. Given his body was still practically pinning her to the wall, and given that fact was acutely apparent, in spite her shock-numbed limbs, because the clean scent, slightly fragrant of him – his soap, whatever – was assaulting her with every uneven breath. Cendana wood mixed with cinaroot, or something like that. Topped off by the fug of cheap cantina alcohol that clung to his clothes. Which meant she must reek of it too. Lovely.
A flutter of heartbeats later, he stepped away. Chloe shivered, and glanced down the corridor.
"Don't worry, they won't be back," Obi-Wan said, adjusting his robe, frowning with the air of someone who had just swatted an irritating, but harmless, vapfly.
Chloe, remembering her questions back in the bar, remembering her insults, realising she had neatly followed those up by getting into exactly the kind of trouble Obi-Wan had warned her about, decided that vapfly might very probably be her.
"I think you'd better stay with me from now on." Obi-Wan was already walking back down the corridor. He paused in front of a grey door, pressing a palm against the metal for a second before activating the opening panel.
Feeling very young, very naïve, and very mistaken, Chloe caught up, and followed him through the door into a windowless storage room.
"Please, sit down." Obi-Wan gestured to a bench in the corner.
Chloe took a step towards it, but then turned, one hand against the wall, fighting the tears that suddenly threatened to fall. How ridiculous. She would not let him see her cry. Would not let herself cry, not like some silly girl. Would not…
"Hey." His hand touched her shoulder.
Chloe turned her face in the opposite direction, her throat constricting as she tried to speak. "Look, I'm sorry, I am really very, very sorry, about what I said, I didn't mean to offend you… and I'm sorry about all of what just happened. Thank you for helping me. Sorry for the inconvenience. But please, don't touch me like that. Please, just leave me alone."
His hand lifted immediately, but she felt his presence, behind and to her side, waiting. "I don't think that's such a good idea."
"I don't care, Obi-Wan, what you think. Please."
"I think that you have taken me for something I am not. And you don't need to thank me, or apologise."
She turned, only half turned, her hand still against the wall, and looked at him, ready to turn back again.
Not ready to find his face so close to hers.
"Hey," he repeated, quietly. Raised his hand. Traced his thumb along the track of the tear she had not noticed fall. Over her cheek, to her upper lip.
She knew, then, what she wanted. It was exactly the same thing every single nerve of her body wanted. And, the tenderness of his touch insisted to her befuddled brain, it might very well be what Obi-Wan wanted too.
And she wanted him, so simply, so definitely, so desperately, that she almost cried out when he dropped his hand and turned away.
He poured water from a dispenser unit into two small plastic cups and propped himself on a crate, indicating the bench opposite. "Please, sit down, and just listen to what I have to say for a few moments. I am not such terrible company, am I?"
Numbly, she crossed the room, took a cup without looking at him and sat down. She sipped the water, and then set it on the bench to her side so she could cross her arms in front of her body.
"Are you cold? You're shivering. Would you like my robe-"
"No." She raised a hand. "I'm fine." Still, she did not look at him.
"I…" he began, then hesitated. "Well, it was totally irresponsible, not to mention discourteous, for me to bring you to a wretched place like this. Firstly, I would like to apologise for that. Secondly, I did not consider your comments insulting, and I would like to do my best to answer them. And thirdly, I'm sorry my touching you causes such great anguish... truly sorry."
But relief had dawned, thawing her chilled skin, and she barely registered his last sentence. She looked up. "So you're not angry with me for causing… a scene? And for what I said earlier?"
"I think we avoided a scene. And anger, well… that is not the Jedi way." He smiled. "Something about which you seem to have been... misinformed."
"It's not exactly published on the holonet. Apparently you prefer an air of mystery."
"But surely you've seen - read about - our Code?"
"Seeing is not the same thing as understanding."
"Ah, now that is very true. Will you allow me to explain, then, at least those parts relevant to what you asked?"
"Okay." Her voice wavered. Anything that meant she didn't have to speak right now was good.
Obi-Wan finished his water, then set the cup carefully to the side. "You asked about passion. Well the Jedi Code says: there is no passion, there is serenity. By passion, we mean hasty, irrational reactions, directed by one's own personal desires. Such behaviour is forbidden to us, because we have to be able to react to any situation calmly and with complete clarity. However, that does not mean we are forbidden from feeling what you might also consider as passion – strong, profound emotions, or even… desires. We must simply understand these feelings and deal with them, so that we can set them aside if the situation dictates."
Chloe nodded. It made a certain sort of sense, even though she found it very difficult to imagine being able to set aside her own emotions in every situation. Perhaps any situation. She slid back on the bench so she could rest her head against the wall. "Go on."
"You also asked about love. Love is an emotion, and therefore love is not forbidden to us. And what you said is perfectly correct – to love is part of being human. If we were to deny that, it would be to deny our own feelings, and risk the very kind of irrational behaviour we set out to avoid."
"But you do have certain restrictions placed upon you, don't you?" Chloe drank the rest of her water. The room was hot and stuffy. She got up to fill her cup again. "More?"
"Yes, thank you," Obi-Wan said. "And yes, we do have restrictions, in line with our responsibilities. My commitment to serve the Jedi Order means I cannot make the same kind of commitment to another person. I cannot marry and I cannot have children. To do so would be irresponsible, since I cannot put any single person's welfare – their life, or indeed my own life, before my duty. However, that does not preclude me from certain relationships, friendship or more, within these limitations."
He sounded so calm about it, so detached. "Do you ever wish you could?" she asked, quietly, filling each cup in turn. "Have a family, I mean?"
"It is not something I can consider. It is not an option for me."
Turning, she waited for him to say more, but he did not. "And the celibacy vow," she said, "how does that come into all of this?" She handed him a cup.
"The celibacy vow exists because some Masters believe intimate relationships are dangerous, that they may lead to uncontrolled passions and ultimately to the dark side of the Force. Others, myself, included, believe no such vow is necessary to uphold a Jedi's commitment to the Order."
"And do you have any idea why my co-worker might be under the impression you have taken this vow?"
"Oh. Ah. I see. So that's why you believed..."
Chloe nodded.
"And does that belief explain your uncertainty, your discomfort… around me?" he asked, gently.
Discomfort was not perhaps quite what she would call it, but Chloe nodded again. "So Li-Sei lied to me?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, no, not at all."
"Then why-?"
"Ah. It is, a little, erm..." He looked down, his voice fading, a faint blush to his cheeks.
Chloe couldn't help but smile. "Go on."
"Relationships between fellow Jedi are quite common. When both parties understand the rules, it makes things much simpler. Li-Sei is quite, err, persistent. So, under the circumstances… "
Chloe was incredulous. "You lied to her?"
"Not, in so many words, exactly… I just let her, um, reach that conclusion herself."
Chloe grinned. She brimmed with guilt as she did it, but she couldn't help grinning. "Sounds like a lie to me."
Obi-Wan looked up, the picture of bashfulness. "Well perhaps a tiny, tiny one," he said, indicating the size with a finger and thumb.
Chloe sighed, and took a step towards him, her thigh just millimetres from where his hand lay, resting on his knee. "You know, you're are the most confusing man I have ever met. One moment I want to slap you, then I want to hug you, then I want to yell at you, then I want to…" She hesitated.
"Want to…?" he repeated, voice low, husky. His eyes, level with hers, flicked to her lips, his midnight gaze more intoxicating than any mysteriously-coloured, exotically-named, deceptively-alcoholic beverage.
"What do you want from me, Obi-Wan?" she asked, still uncertain, but risking another step forwards.
He held her gaze. "Whatever you want to give." The desire in his voice, in his eyes, was unmistakable.
Desire for her.
Oh Gods.
Gods Gods Gods.
Slowly, she swayed forwards, not to kiss him, but just to touch him, to rest her cheek against his, to close her eyes, feel his stubble, rough on her skin, his body, his heat, so close, so real…
He caught her hand, entwining their fingers. "Are you certain about this," he murmured, by her ear, brushing his lips against her cheek, "now you understand my... situation?"
No. Of course not. Of course she hadn't thought about all of that, his situation, the implications… it was far too much to think about. Simply the awareness that he wanted this too was enough, for now. "Yes," she said, pulling back to look into his eyes. "Yes."
And before she knew it he was kissing her. Softly, slowly, and incredibly gently. Every doubt, worry and fear in her head was forgotten, replaced with the sensation of his lips on hers, one hand sliding into to her hair while rough fingertips of the other stroked her cheek.
Eventually, breathlessly, they parted. His hand was still tangled in the soft hair at the nape of her neck. Smiling, Chloe ran a finger over the small beauty mark on his right cheekbone.
He smiled back, and she leaned to kiss him again. He pulled her closer, one arm around her waist, his kiss more insistent, this time, more confident, and she couldn't help but moan into his open mouth when his tongue slid against hers.
This was leading somewhere, inevitably, she managed to think, with the five percent of her brain cells still capable of coherent thought. Not so much leading, in fact, as rocketing, at faster-than-light speed, and as much as she wanted him, needed him, and didn't frankly give a flying faargau is this wasn't the time... this room was most definitely not the place.
Perhaps Obi-Wan felt the same way, because the instant she hesitated, he did too. Their lips separated, and he rested his forehead against hers for a moment as they regained their breath.
Pulling back, he brushed the backs of his fingers against her cheek, and smiled. "I know you said you don't care what I think. But for, what it's worth, I think you are the most beautiful thing I've laid eyes on in rather a long time."
"Flattery will get you anywhere, Kenobi."
But even as she spoke treacherous tears prickled her eyes. She let them fall this time, let him wipe them away. Felt tired, suddenly. A little overwhelmed.
He kissed her forehead. "In that case, sweetheart. I should probably take you home, before you get us into any more trouble."
Chloe nodded. "Good idea."
A fire exit down the corridor from the storage room led directly on to a side street, the paved surface slick with recent rainfall and streaked by lurid reflections of the neon signs overhead. It was cold out here, and mist rose on their breath as they walked. Chloe tried to pin down exactly how she was feeling - giddy, nervous, exhausted, delighted, strange, and, well, happy, ridiculously, happy...
Then she remembered something, and frowned. "Obi-Wan?"
"Yes?"
"I still don't understand why you were so shocked, earlier on."
"Shocked?"
"Don't tease me."
"Oh, you mean just before you ran away from me?"
She stopped walking. "Exactly. If I hadn't offended you, then why did you look so horrified? Why did you knock your drink on to the floor?"
His slow smile was suspiciously wicked. "Are you really sure you want to know?"
"Of course. It doesn't make any sense."
"Well," he said, leaning close to whisper in her ear, "it was just that experiencing you broadcasting... graphically erotic images was a little.... distracting."
Chloe squeaked. "Broadcasting?"
"Yes," he said, "I'm sorry, I should have ignored them, but I let my shields waver, and before I knew it, there we, ahem, were."
The dream. She had been remembering the blasted dream. Chloe groaned, and finding nowhere to hide, decided to bury her face in his robe.
"And it was strange," he continued, wrapping an arm around her back, "so vivid, almost like a memory. Which means that either my memory is lacking, or you have a talented imagination."
"It was a dream," she said, voice muffled by his chest. "A memory of a dream."
"Ah, I see."
"And what else have I been, um, broadcasting?"
He chuckled, and kissed the top of her head. "Nothing at all. I've not been reading your thoughts, if that's what you're worried about. I can't do that."
Thank you, she prayed, to whoever was listening. Thank you, THANK YOU.
A moment later, she peeped up at him, her confidence finally present and correct. "I think I've a lot to learn about the Jedi. Perhaps you could teach me the finer details."
Bravely, experimentally, she tossed caution into the night air, and conjured up an image of exactly what she wanted him to teach her.
Obi-Wan hissed under his breath, closed his eyes for a second and pulled her more tightly against him, cupping her cheek with one hand. "I agree," he whispered thickly.
"And you need to work on those shields," she said, smiling, aching to kiss him again, instinctively tilting her face towards his.
He barely brushed her lips, instead moving to plant a light kiss on her temple. "I think for your sake we'd better leave that for another night."
Chloe groaned and pulled away, a groan that ended in a chuckle as they started to walk along the street again. Infuriating man. She shook her head. "Fine. Just promise not to take me to that hell-hole ever again." Shivering, she swerved in her path to avoid an oily puddle.
Obi-Wan grabbed her hand and pulled her back to him. "Then I will solemnly promise, we'll never go there again," he said. "Although..."
Chloe quirked an eyebrow.
"You'll have to promise to show me the rest of that dream." He kissed her quickly, gently on the lips. "Just for educational purposes, of course."
She grinned like a fool. "Of course."
He nodded, smiled, kissed her again, and then wrapped his robe around both of them, shutting out the damp air. It was an action intimate in its simplicity, and Chloe's heart flooded with happiness, with inexplicable joy, with the feeling of, what was it? Yes, that was it: of belonging. Belonging somewhere, in this galaxy.
She snuck an arm around his waist, snuggling into his warmth as they walked together.
Right now, there was nowhere else she'd rather be.