Chapter 42 – Stick in the mud

Yet again, Yoshika is sleeping peacefully by my side, naked as on the day of her birth. She must have noticed that I started an internal monologue while gawking at her, because she started squirming.

"Muuuu… Toshiro, go back to sleep…"

"I have to release the girls at six, Yoshika."

"But you can sleep till ten before six… You can jog until you fall flat later…" Yoshika mumbled.

"Oh okay… You really like to sleep with me it seems…"

"Of course, you're my dear lover, and you're so big… The biggest pillow I ever had, heehee…"

"Go back to sleep, I'll follow…" Toshiro said while stroking her head gently.

"Sure…" Yoshika said and drifted away, Toshiro soon to follow.

He felt as if somebody kissed him on the lips. He opened his eyes and saw Yoshika, giving him a big smooch with her eyes open.

"Well, that's what I call a wake up…" He said once she was finished. "Good morning, Yoshika."

"Good morning, Toshiro. Dress up and go release Erica and Marseille, they finished their sentence."

"My, my… Yoshika protecting the week and defenseless, heheh…"

"They didn't deserve a half a day and whole night of punishment just for Marseille pointing her gun at Erica…"

"Hmm… Let me tell you something…"

Toshiro repeated what he said to Tina, and why Erica had to be with her for this whole time.

"Now I understand… My good Toshiro is smart after all, heehee… But you'll have to give Erica a nice bag of sweets…"

"I'll buy her a whole potato sack if it's necessary. Okay, no more gum flappin' or Tina and Erica will flail me…"

"They're probably asleep anyway... Uwaah…" Yoshika yawned.

"Dawwww… You're so cute when you yawn…"

"Heehee… Go already… I'll follow you soon after."

"Sure, sure…"

Toshiro got dressed and jogged to the temporary brig's door.

"Yuki?"

"Waaait for it… Wait… Okay, now."

Toshiro turned the key, trying to be as silent as possible, but it was a tad difficult with such and old mechanism. He carefully peeked into the room. Erica was lying on the floor, with her legs on the bed. Tina was supposedly sleeping on her right side. Toshiro went inside the room, picked Erica up and placed her on her bed.

"Hey, Toshiro…" He heard a whisper from Tina.

He approached her from her right side. She was looking at him fully awake.

"Six AM already?"

"Yeah, you're free now. But another fuckup like that, and you're doing bread and water."

"Okay, okay, I understand…"

"How was the night?"

"Peaceful. Hartmann didn't fuss around, I didn't impose anything on her."

"Good. Baby steps forward, and you'll get along better."

"By the way, that Oberstleutnant of yours seems to be okay… She even took a dip with us."

"Really? How nice of her…"

"Heh, but she was sour like a lemon after seeing my jugs, heheh…"

"I would guess so much… Say, you're going to the city, right?"

"Care to get me some booze?"

"We have booze, the gentle kind."

"Wine? Ah, I forgot…"

"Know what… I'll take you there with Mami after breakfast, okay?"

"Sure thing, Toshiro. Now pardon me, I'll catch some shuteye now."

"Don't sleep to hard, breakfast will be soon-ish."

"Kay, kay… Just close the door, I don't want any Barkhorns yelling at me from the corridor."

"Okay, Tina."

Toshiro went out of the room.

Might as well take a quick jog, or my body will forget how to run…

He did a few rounds around the base, and returned to the dorm, entering the dining room. There, Lynne and Yoshika already started preparing breakfast.

"Morning, cousin!" Mami shouted from the kitchen.

"Oh, Mami, I didn't notice you."

"Ugh!"

"Hey, you were behind the counter… And what are you doing behind in the kitchen anyway?"

"It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle."

"My cousin quoiting Sun Tzu… How mindboggling… You really take this too seriously, Mami. I'm satisfied with both of you cooking for me in the same degree, heheh…"

"You're on the receiving end, so you don't know how it is, Toshiro…" Yoshika said. "But a cook's self-esteem clearly rises if he or she beats an enemy…"

"You know what… I don't care anymore. The outcome will be that we get to stuff our guts full." Toshiro sat on his chair and laid back.

Trude suddenly peeked in the room silently, and waved in Toshiro. He made a surprised expression, but nevertheless, he went to Trude.

"What is it, Trudy?"

She looked around and said, "Toshiro, I feel that that stupid Marseille may start her even more stupid challenges…"

"Challenges?"

"She always puts up some challenges for herself, deluding herself that everyone is participating in them."

"Ah yes, she told me something while I was in Africa…"

"That's why I want to be a stick in the mud for her. Win every challenge you can to make her sour, maybe that will teach her some humility."

"I really don't know… Tina is my friend after all…"

"Toshiro… You're an officer of the Wehrmacht, for crying out loud, have some sense of duty!"

"Where do you see duty in being mean to a friend?"

"Ugh… Please?"

"Well, you're slowly getting on track…"

"I'll… I'll be less mean to Erica if you do it… For a week…"

"To be honest, I still wonder why you're so mean to Erica anyway… She should be like a little sister to you…"

"Don't get started with the schmaltziness, Toshiro… Of course she's like a little sister to me, but… Chris gets all the good treatment from me, I can't be too good to Erica or she'll totally spread her arms and say "Fuck this shit" out of combat. This way I can at least minimally keep her disciplined."

"I suppose you're right… I want to be too good to anyone around. Blame my late mother for bringing me up as a paragon of justice, heheh…"

"I would like to shake your mother's hand if she'd be alive, Toshiro. Such a son would make every mother proud as if she got the highest state award."

"Oh come on… Okay, I'll be the bad guy today, but I'll hold back a bit."

"Thanks, Toshiro. I know that Marseille is a good fighter, but she's just too rotten outside of combat."

"Get to know her better, Trude. She really is a nice pal once you get on her soft side."

"Me getting on people's soft sides? Pleaaaase… I'm not the Virgin Mary or something…"

"Well, you're a virgin nonetheless…"

"Oh shut up…"

"Hey you two, what's up?" Tina approached them.

"Nothing of your interest, Marseille." Trude answered with a cold voice.

"Still a bitch like before…" Tina sighed. "Seriously, Barkhorn, stop being such a grump, people would like you more…" She said while going inside.

"Ghhhhhh…" Toshiro chuckled. "Yeah, Trude is such a loner and stuck up meanie that everybody hates her…" Toshiro mocked Tina's voice.

"Hahah…" Trude laughed briefly. "Oh, Hartmann, how was it?"

"Meh… Nothing special… Marseille is nice, but she's trying too hard to be a bro towards me… And I don't like her THAT much…" Erica sighed. "I hope she won't challenge me to some stupid shit…" Erica went off muttering.

"See, Toshiro?"

"Yeah, I see… Maybe I should talk with Tina about this…"

"Don't meddle too much, Toshiro." Minna said suddenly from behind him. "Some things have to go their own way."

"I'll think about it. Let's eat, or I'll have to talk to everyone in person today while standing in the corridor…"

Despite Trude's warnings, Tina ate breakfast normally, chugging down half a liter of milk during the process.

"Girls, I propose some running to straighten out the bones!" Mio shouted suddenly towards the end. "And I'd rather see everyone run…"

"Me too?" Minna asked with a smile.

"No, Minna, you're made for higher purposes."

"And me?" Toshiro asked.

"You can do whatever you like."

"Thanks…" Toshiro grumbled.

"Hey, if Toshiro is running, than I simply have to follow!" Tina said with a flame burning in her eyes. "I have to pay you back for that record you broke!"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"Just no time bending or shit, okay?"

"Okay, okay…"

"Hartmann, you running too?"

"Yeah…" Erica sighed.

"It begins…" Trude also sighed.

"That's the damn spirit! Everyone out!" Mio commanded. "Follow me!"

"But Toshiro, you were supposed to…"

"One thing at a time, Minna." Toshiro winked at her.

The fellow troop went on running. After an hour, the only one up were Tina, Shirley and Toshiro.

"Hey, Shirley, I didn't knew you had such stamina!" Toshiro said.

"Puh! I'm just pacing myself…"

"This is the last lap, Shirley, are you up for it?" Tina asked with a wry smile.

"Sure!"

"Then kiss my ass!" Tina shouted and ran forward.

"Oh you bitch!" Shirley tried to accelerate but she tripped in a dramatic manner, falling on her back. "Toshiro, beat her for me!"

"Sure! Come 'ere!" He shouted after Tina.

"What? Pissed off…" Tina looked behind her and saw Toshiro rushing in like a steam train. "Oh shi…"

Toshiro passed her and finished the last lap first.

Strike one!

"Damn you!" Tina shouted when she finished in second place. "Damn you to hell!"

"Almost been there… But whatever, I wanted to show you something…. Maaami!"

"Coooousin?" Mami shouted from the shade of the hangar.

"Wait for us. Yoshika, you wait too."

"Okaaaaaay!"

"Come on, Tina…"

The two went on to Tina and Yoshika.

"Yoshika, I want to take you to town. Go and prepare yourself or something."

"Oh? Okay, I'm on it!" Yoshika cheered and ran away.

"You can go too if you want, Mami. You need to tell me which ingredients you want."

"Okay, cousin dearest!"

"But for now stay with me. Tina, follow us."

"I wonder what the hell you are planning…"

Toshiro went on to the store room under the hangar, and opened the wine cellar.

"As promised, the wine. Pick one bottle, except of the Nebbiolo."

"You mean it?" Tina asked with sparkling eyes.

"Yeah, sure. Mami, you want a bottle too?"

"Nah, I don't like red wine. I prefer sake."

Toshiro made a sturgeon face and said, "Not bad…"

"Okay, I have one!" Tina waved a bottle of wine over her head. "Where does the door lead to, by the way?"

"I wanted to show you this. Come on, you two."

Toshiro led them through the slightly dark corridor into the herb gardens upper levels.

"Nice, huh?" He asked seeing their open mouths. "We discovered this only recently."

"Shit… You really have everything here…" Tina peeked over the ledge. "Hey, what's that garden down there?"

"An herb garden cultivated by some ancient witches. Now Perrine likes to tend to it."

"So you grow your own herbs?" Mami asked.

"Nah, we buy them like the rest. But since Perrine likes gardening, and since she was the one to discover this place, Minna and I decided this will be her little spot. Okay, tours over. Don't guzzle the whole bottle at once, Tina."

"You think I'm some kind of drunkard? Please…"

"Dunno… Mami, come on, we're heading to Pescara."

"Wee, a trip!"

Tina went off her way, and Toshiro approached the racecar with Mami. Yoshika was already there, sitting behind the wheel.

"Yoshika, pardon me, but what are you thinking?"

"I thought I could drive and relieve my dear lover behind the wheel, heheh…"

"Did Erica drive this car with you?"

"Sure, many times!"

"Then okay… Mami, it may be a bit cramp the three of us together, but…"

"I can always sit on your lap, cousin…"

"Ah, yes… If you'd like to… Yoshika, I hope you don't have anything against it…"

"Why should I? She's just your cousin, right?"

"Just his cousin?!" Mami said with raised voice. "I'm Toshiro's only cousin, and bound by blood with him! I'm one of the three living relatives he has, so don't spout such bullshit, Yoshika."

"Oh… I forgot… I'm sorry, Mami, Toshiro… I still forget that you've been so deprived of relatives your whole life…"

"Don't sweat it, Mami overreacted a bit herself… And now that I have you, it's a bit better, heh…"

"Heehee… Let's go, Toshiro, we have to get back before dinner. Right, Mami?"

"Of course! The battle of ages has to take place no matter what!"

Toshiro and Mami climbed inside, and Yoshika drove off towards Pescara. Once they found a good parking spot, Toshiro said something to the both.

"You know why I actually wanted to come here?"

"You have some secret agenda?" Yoshika asked.

"Yes. But promise me, both of you, that you won't peep a word to anyone. If someone tries to weasel out the information by calling their seniority, just tell them I told you to shut up, okay?"

"Okay…" Both nodded.

"The thing is, Lynne has her birthday in two days…"

"Say no more, Toshiro." Yoshika interrupted. "Well, maybe one thing – do you have any gift for her yourself?"

"I ordered one, it should probably be in the nick of time in two days."

"I'll buy her something on my own! I took the money I've been saving, heehee…"

"Let's go then. Mami, bear with us, okay?"

"I see that you really care about your friends… Good, I'll go along."

They ventured forth and across whole Pescara. Toshiro was the pack mule and money dispenser, while the girls just pointed out what they wanted. They ordered an enormous cake and party decorations, and they also bought a ton of sweets. When they were passing by a jewelry store, Yoshika fished out something with her keen eyes.

"Toshiro! Toshiro!"

"What is it, Yoshika…?" The produce-laden Toshiro asked with a tired voice.

"Look at this pendant!"

Toshiro looked closely at the said item. A single pendant lying on red velvet on the display. The pendant itself was a heart shaped amethyst attached to a silver chain.

"So, you want me to buy it for you?"

"Ye… No! I will buy this for Lynne!"

"I hope you have a lot of cash handy, I recognize this shop…"

As if to underline Toshiro's sentence, the bulky, bald owner opened the door.

"Boungiorno, Colonnello." He said with a cheeky smile. "I have a feeling, that you will make my day today…"

"You again… Listen, my… good friend and subordinate wants to buy a birthday gift. That pendant to be precise." Toshiro pointed out the said item.

"Ah, that one? Two and a half thousand lire."

Yoshika pulled out her money from a place rather not connected to money, and counted it.

"Waaaaaah, I only have a thousand… Toshirooooo…" Yoshika almost broke into tears.

"Yeah, yeah…" Toshiro pulled out his wallet and gave her the missing sum.

"Thank you!" She cheered. "Please, mister, I want to buy that pendant." She said while sticking out the money forward.

Mussolini pinched the money from her hand and said, "Give me a few minutes, you probably want it gift wrapped, si?"

"Yes!"

Toshiro's eyes probably deceived him, but he had the feeling he just saw the old bulldog smile honestly. The man went into the store and pulled the pendant off the display.

"Yoshika, you will have to work REAL HARD to repay me…"

"Oh come on…"

"You know what I'm talking about…"

"Oh... OH!"

"Huh, what are you talking about?" Mami asked.

"Ahem…" Toshiro cleared his throat.

"Ahem what?"

"AHEM…"

"Wha… OOOOOOH… Pervert…"

"I'm doing it with the person I love, get off me…"

"You should acquire a man yourself, Mami… You don't know what you're missing…" Yoshika said with a roguish smile.

"Give me a break you two… I'm a viscount's daughter, I can't just chose whatever man I want…"

"Why?" Toshiro asked.

"Don't you know how it works, Toshiro? Misalliance and stuff? You were a citizen of Fuso for seventeen years, you should know how our traditional society works…"

"Ah yes… Your parents would probably arrange you somebody, and you would be forced to marry him... But I think you could weasel your way out somehow…"

"How? I only know one way – disobey my parents. Disownment guaranteed, and I like my parents…"

"You forgot one tiny detail – the Emperor gave out an edict, allowing witches in active duty to lawfully disobey their parents without whatever consequences. If some repercussions would occur, you'd only need to holler toward Tokyo."

"And when did that happen?!" Mami asked.

"Ummm… I believe it was somewhere in the summer of '38…"

"Aaaaah… No wonder I didn't hear about it… I was too young to bother about it back then. But that's also a shitty way out… That would be almost like betraying my parents…"

"Then I can't help you. Do whatever your heart tells you is right."

"I will, Toshiro."

Mussolini returned with the neatly wrapped pendant.

"Pleasure doing business with you, Colonnello."

"If I have to buy something here another time, I'll be bankrupt…" Toshiro sighed and took the package. "Here, Yoshika. Keep it safe for the next two days or so."

"Count on me! Are we going back now?"

"Not unless you want a pizza… A trip to Pescara without visiting Carlo is a trip wasted!"

"Pizza!" Mami cheered.

"Then let's go! But I hope he has a cooler, or our meat will spoil…" Yoshika said.

"I'll see what I can do." Toshiro said, but he smirked and added. "My meat is getting spoiled around you anyway."

Yoshika chuckled madly while Mami stared at them blankly.

They went on to Carlo's place, and immediately after seeing him, the old man shouted, "Colonnello! Come va?"

"Good, and how are you?"

"Also good! And you of course brought another set of beautiful girls! Colonnello, will this ever end?"

"Maybe someday… Listen… I can only stay at your place if you have a cooler for all the stuff we bought."

"Immediately! Giuseppe! Take the stuff from our guests and put them into the freezer!"

A two meter ten lanky man in his twenties, dressed in a cooking apron got out of the kitchen, and without a word, he took all Toshiro's bags and went back with them.

"Is that the same Giuseppe that has always been making pizza?"

"The very same, Colonnello. Surprised? Me too, I never thought people grow this high… But your piccolo companion is probably even more surprised."

Toshiro looked at Mami, and he saw that she has her eyes as wide as a floodlight and a plane could land in her mouth.

"She is a bit sensitive about her height… It must be a shock for her to see somebody even taller than me in person…"

"I see, Colonnello… So, what it will be?"

"Pizza gigante with everything and... Yoshika, what will you drink?"

"Orange juice?"

"Will that be okay, Carlo?"

"We have some."

"You, Mami?

Mami was still in shock. Toshiro pulled her on the cheeks and she snapped out of it.

"Ah, what? I'll have a beer!"

"I hope you're not as fussy as Trude…"

"I'm not fussy about beer, Toshiro."

"Then I'll also have a beer, what the hell…"

"Colonnello, just for you, we are keeping a frosty cold crate of Bitburger Premium Pils."

"No way! Just for me?"

"Well, and for the Capitano, heheh… Two beers and orange juice, pronto!" Carlo went on to the kitchen.

"Oh bother… I have to drive… I could drink some beer with you…"

"I can give you a sip. From the tone of your voice I deduce that you didn't drink beer in your whole life, right?"

"Heheh…"

"One sip will be okay, don't worry. Mami, how's your alcohol tolerance?"

"Uh, what's your estimate?"

"An imperial half-pint of vodka and you're slammed unconscious?"

"How unpleasant… But yeah, you're right… You can't cheat nature, at least not much… I'm a woman, rather skinny, and… small, much to my dismay… Not much blood to dilute the alcohol…"

"Yoshika also has a weak head for alcohol, so don't worry. And Mio… Heheheh…"

"Major Sakamoto can't drink?"

"Nope. She gets drunk very fast, but she can burn it rather fast."

"At least I'm not alone…" Mami grumbled. "Oh, our drinks!" She cheered as Carlo came in.

He put down the big plate, and pulled off two bottles of beer, two pitchers of matching volume and a big glass full of orange juice. He opened one beer, and poured it into a pitcher. The golden liquid sizzled silently thanks to its pearly CO2 bubbles, and it made a nice, two finger high white foam. He passed it on to Mami, who immediately took a swig.

"Mmmmuuuuh! Just like the ones Tina gives me sometimes!"

Yoshika and Toshiro giggled slightly.

"Wha?"

"You have a foam stache, Mami." Toshiro explained.

"Oh, kay, thanks." Mami said as she wiped her upper lip

Carlo filled the second pitcher, and gave it to Toshiro.

"So, Yoshika…"

"Gimme, I want to have it behind me."

"Kay."

Yoshika took the pitcher, made a deep breath and took a sip of the beer.

"Bleh, a bit too bitter…" She said with her face distorted and brow furrowed while wiping her upper lip.

"You don't drink it for the taste, but to get drunk. But pizza really mixes well with bear. But since I'm a responsible officer, I won't let you drink more alcohol today."

"Heehee…"

Carlo gave Yoshika her OJ, which she gracefully took a sip off to wash off the taste of beer. Afterwards, the pizza came in, and they ate.

"That was so good! I wish we had such delicacies in Africa…" Mami sighed.

"You can try making pizza on your own, you're an apt cook…"

Mami slammed her face with her open palm and just looked dully at Toshiro.

"Heh… Carlo, I would like my stuff already."

"Then come a bit closer, Colonnello."

"Okay, girls, you can go to the car already. I'll pay and stuff."

"Okay!" Yoshika cheered. "Come on, Mami!"

"Sure…"

The girls went away, and Carlo asked, "So, Colonnello, the one with brown hair… Is she the THE one?"

Toshiro made a rather mixed facial expression.

"I see… Carlo won't tell anyone. But can you tell me who the other one was? She is very friendly towards the both of you."

"Mami is my cousin."

"Ah yes… Okay, Colonnello, business is business…"

Carlo told him the amount he should pay, and Toshiro gave the money with a ten percent tip.

"Giuseppe, the Colonnello's bags!"

The giant came out of the kitchen with Toshiro's bags, covered in frost.

"I hid a surprise for the Capitan in one of the bags. Hurry up with using it up though."

"Sure thing. Goodbye!"

"Arrivederci!"

Toshiro went on to the car, which stood a few streets away from Carlo's joint. The girls were already sitting inside and waiting for him.

"Hey, help me sort out all this stuff."

"Huh? Why now?" Mami asked.

"Because some of this has to remain hidden until the 11th, and this will help us smuggle it to my room."

"Oh, kay… Come on, Yoshika!"

"Okay!"

They managed to sort everything so that the sweets and party decorations were in one bag, and the food for the cook-off was in the other. Amongst the cooled off food, Toshiro placed the 'surprise' for Trude.

Yoshika steadily drove them off to the base.

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