12-14-09: This is my favourite chapter out of them all. I hope you enjoy it!

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You're Kinda, Sorta, Basically, Pretty Much, Always On My Mind.

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I Do Not Own Inuyasha

"Talking"

12. Lost Memory

Darkness. Unconsciousness. They were fine.. dark, cool, quiet.. It was my red reality that was torture. It started off faint as I lay in the dark.. my eyes blind and unseeing. It was a small sting of pain, somewhere in my chest. But then it started to grow. The pain travelled through my veins. The pain felt hot like fire, but I felt like I was being split in two. The herbal water felt like acid on my skin. The rope, razors around my wrists.

It felt like every bone in my body was being broken numerous times. It felt like I was being devoured alive. It felt like someone had plummeted their sword into my heart, but still my body would refuse to die. My muscles twisted and flipped which seemed impossible, for it hurt to much to move. The pain made me forget.

Something stopped my breathing. The acid was in my mouth. It burned my skin.. it made me feel like I was engulfed in flames. My lungs ached, oxygen burned away. Pain again. Something hot and sticky bathed my hands. The scent of blood. I felt something sharper than knives cut through my skin. Oxygen bubbled up in my throat and I screamed in pain as the acid burned my wound. It was the first time in my life I had expressed my pain.

Something heavy pressed down on my body, and my head pounded. Something was trying to push me into the calming darkness. But my body resisted against it. I clung to this pain.. it was the only thing that reminded me I was still alive. Darkness, could be death.

The easy thing to do would be to die. To let the pain devour me and cast me to oblivion. But if I gave up I'd be weak. I'd be hurting the people that have risked their lives to keep me alive. I'd be hurting the ones who needed me.

Inuyasha. He who had hurt me. He who had saved me. He who had been the best role model and friend when I was little. He had nothing. Nobody had ever cared for him at all, besides me. I had been the only person who had understood from the beginning and didn't walk away. He was already wounded enough as it is with Kikyou's death. If I died then he'd have no one, nothing from the past.

Kaede, my sister. Who was now old and ancient. Wise and knowing. She was responsible, kind, brave and willing. I was the only family she had left. Shippo had no family anymore. He needed someone to protect him from the dangers of Inuyasha's fist..

The Higurashi's.. my mother. They all didn't want me to be here. Dangerous, they said. They didn't want me to die at 15. I had thought my mother to be suffocating. But in reality she only cared for me, knowing some how that I had a tragic past..

Pain. The pain suddenly grew worse. Ripping my memories from my mind. I didn't know anything but the pain. I couldn't remember anything but the darkness. Torture.. The feel of snapping bones.. burning skin. I now wished I had embraced the darkness in stead of pushing it away.

A memory of a bird cutting into my flesh flashed before my eyes.. then faded away. I couldn't hold onto it, it was already to far away.. out of reach. Forgotten.

The pain increased, and I screamed again. I wanted to beg for someone to kill me now, before I could live out another second of this agony. But my lips wouldn't form the words I wanted them to. I felt my heart beat quicker and the pain intensified. The acid water was in my system, dragging something out of me that wouldn't let go.

All I wanted was to die. To have never been born. The whole of my existence didn't outweigh this pain. It wasn't worth living though for one more heart beat.

The pain raged on, never ceasing, it was all there was.. Just the burning torture and my shrieks, pleading wordlessly for my death. Nothing else, not even time. It had no beginning.. no end. Just forever pain.

Then a change. Someone's voice broke through my clouded mind, triggering the release of what the acid was tugging on. The pain dimmed slightly, as my muscles tensed and relaxed. I felt things disappearing on me. I felt my body change. It was painful, unconformable, yet accelerating at the same time.

I felt power. Strength. My body thirst for bloodshed. Everything changed. My mind was clear, quick and persist. The way I thought differed. The pain was gone. I opened my eyes. Everything around me was shadowed by smoke, and yet I could see the particles so clearly. The air was full of so many different scents I couldn't name them all. The sounds of the world, were so clear.. loud.

I heard the sound of others. Breathing, heartbeats. Each scent marked a different person in the area, each alien, and new, except for one. Her scent was a mix of graveyard soil, roses.. death. I knew this scent even though it was different.. even though it was new. I heard a faint sound in the background. Clashing iron and the scent of human blood. A war. I was mystified at my range of hearing and smell. But it seemed normal.

I realized someone was watching me. I jumped to my feet with a start, landing in front of the threat. It wasn't a threat. But she was dangerous. A dangerous human.. my higher up. The only person I'd respond to.

She looked weak, and I placed myself beside her. I knew that because in one way or another this human was connected to me. Dangerous but not to me. She wouldn't hurt me, and I knew somewhere that by all means I had to protect her.

The smoke cleared. A few feet away, stood the unknown creatures. I automatically searched for any sign of danger. They stood still.. unmoving, hands at their sides.. no harmful weapons. A hag.. too old to be threatened by her. A youkai.. A fox.. their speciality were tricks and illusions, they weren't that strong and this one was still just a kit. A inu hanyou.. the threat. He was the danger..he had claws, he was almost an adult, experience and strength radiated off him.

He stepped forward.

Air hissed up my throat, spitting through my clenched teeth, with a low menacing sound. Before the sound was up, I found myself crouching in front of her, blocking the danger from getting any closer. My lips curled over my teeth, as the menacing growl continued to escape.. He was too close.

I heard the human behind me taking in a breath, and I felt her hand brush the top of my head slightly. "Stop it.. Kaori." She breathed. Suddenly I felt the urge to obey. I had to.. I didn't want to, but had to. I wanted to kill him. He was a danger, a threat.. but she didn't want me to.

I was standing beside her a second later, glaring menacingly at the hanyou. No one else moved in the area. No one else was hazardous. The human woman stepped past me, staring blankly at the danger in front of her.

"Kill her." She stated blankly. Something clicked in my mind, and told me who that was. I whipped around, happy that the thirst for death inside would be quenched. Behind me stood a skinny hag. Her bulging red eyes started at me in disbelief as I advanced toward her.

"What are you doing!?" She shrieked, her shrill voice hurting my ears. "I was the one who revived your sister! I was the one who awakened your youkai blood! Do you really want to kill the woman who made you what you are!?"

The words that came out of my mouth were words I didn't intend of saying. It was like my soul was talking instead. Like I was speaking someone else's words. "You dragged us out."

I flexed my claws and jumped toward her, my claws ripping though the paper thin flesh. This feeling caused a rush to run through me. It didn't quench the thirst for bloodshed.. it made it stronger.

As soon as I considered it, I was back by the human's side, my claws dripping with the hag's dirty blood.

"I did not intend to wake again.." The human breathed. "I did not intend for you to be plagued with the thirst for death as you are now.." She looked toward me when she said it, and my head throbbed violently.

"Onee-sama.." The fat hag breathed, staring at us. No threat.

"You.. You really are Kikyou aren't you?" Something about the hazard's voice triggered a something of pain, that shot through my body.

The human slowly looked up toward him, her expression grave. "Inu.. yasha.." My human staggered toward him. I followed close behind. He was dangerous but so was she.. She didn't want me to deafened her.. She would let me fight when it was time.

Her aura changed, and I felt a burst of pleasure run through my veins. I crouched down beside her, my body tense and ready to pounce. My human looked up at the danger, her grave expression suddenly turning into one of hatred.

"WHY DID YOU BETRAY ME!?" She screeched. Suddenly crackling yellow light appeared at her hands where she held onto his red kimono. I couldn't stay in control any longer. I pounced forwards my claws flexed. He dodged my attack by mere inches.. which brought on the urge to kill him more.

It was a muffle of sounds after that. I continued to pursue him. His words I knew.. but I couldn't comprehend what they meant.. nor did I care. Instincts took over. I didn't know what happened after that. Everything was a burr. My full instincts blocking out everything so I could concentrate on my objective. I had noticed.. that with the sounds, and smells I got easily distracted.

But suddenly there was a change. I was thrown back against the rock wall. Cracking my head. I was shocked.. confused. I had thought I couldn't be defeated in anyway. But he had easily tossed me away when he actually started to fight back.. Like I was a nothing compared to him.. a bug. Something flashed before my eyes.

"IT IS YOUR FAULT!" He shouted, as I continued to struggle. I hated this, I was so weak compared to him, he didn't even fumble, or sway despite my violent thrashings. He was perfectly still, not a hair on his head moving, while I used up all my strength trying to make him let go.

I shook my head, to rid the strange thought. I didn't know where it came from.. I didn't remember anything from before this time. I stumbled to my feet and stepped forward, watching my human fight the hanyou alone.

She pulled out a bow and arrow and aimed it toward him. Another flash.

I grabbed onto my older sister's pant leg. Tears streamed down my face as I watched my sister and friend fight the battle that would end their lives. "Kikyou-Onee-Sama! Stop! Please! Stop it!"

"Don't move!" My human shouted, snapping the picture out of my mind. "This time you won't revive!"

Revive?

"Kikyou forgive me." I whispered and pulled it hard. The arrow vanished in a pink light and my hand was left grasping the air.

She let the arrow fly. The hanyou growled and cut the incoming arrow with his claws. He slapped the bow aside and held her wrists back, staring at her angrily.

"What are you doing, Inuyasha!?" She hissed, glaring at him. I wanted to protect her.. save her from the danger.. but the name she had spoken had been another trigger. I watched as soundless images flashed before my eyes.. but listened to the scene I was blind to, carefully.

"Shut Up!" The boy shouted. Inuyasha..

The tears didn't stop, and his embrace only became stronger, yet still gentle, as the sounds of footsteps came closer. I was buried in warmth, surrounded by his intoxicating scent, being held protectively away from all the dangers in life, and yet I couldn't stop crying. He...hadn't tried to kill me.

"What the hell did you do to her!?" Inuyasha growled, toward an unknown person behind me.

"It's not like I'm trying to get you to like me after all that's happened but.." He shouted.

He grabbed my hand, pulling it away, and held my arm just above my elbow. He looked at me, his face pleading, guilty, and he looked like he was losing an internal struggle with himself. His amber eyes stared at me in a way I had seen him look at Kikyou so many times before.

"It's not...like that." He whispered.

"There's no way I'm gonna let you kill me when I haven't done anything wrong!" He snapped.

"Haven't.. done anything..?" My human looked taken back.. shocked. "Don't play innocent.. that was you.. You were the one whose claws tore into me! You snatched away the Shikon No Tama.. you deceived me!"

"Idiot. Did you honestly think I'd let you get in my way? The jewel is something to precious for someone such as you to hold in their possession. I'll be taking this...and your life."

"At that time.. you said you were going to become human.. You would be human.. and we would live together.." Her voice broke.

"And I'll bet you still want the jewel to become a youkai?" Maybe my questions will force him to look at me. He was being rude, like this. "I thought you said you'd use it to become human."

"I was serious!" The hanyou shouted.

"Don't say it!" She snapped, struggling against him. " I was a damn fool! For just a moment, I'd thought I wanted to be with you!!"

Something inside me clicked.. or maybe snapped. I dropped to my knees, my arms resting beside me.. my neon blue bangs covering my face. I didn't remember why.. I didn't know when, where I was or how I got here. But strange familiar images kept flashing through my mind. Each of them involved the threat to my human's life.. Each of them hurt. Each of them filled with either sadness, anger, confusion. The confessions from the two before me felt like knives to my heart.. but why?

The hanyou pulled my human to him, wrapping his arms around her. "Cut it out!" He shouted.

"Inu.. yasha.." She gasped. The word triggered more pulses of pain in my head.

"You see, Kikyou.." He whispered, sending another pulse of pain. These names.. it hurt me to hear them.. they were connected to something tragic.. in the time before I could remember. "You've had a heart-breaking experience too.. because you.. are a human woman.. You had been far more.. heart-broken then I..."

The scent of salty tears hit my nose. "Let go, Inuyasha.. It's too late.." The human whispered. Sparks of yellow light appearing at the places where she touched him. He jumped back in pain.

"I detested you, at the moment of my death.." She shouted. "My soul cannot move beyond that.."

Something was changing.. my devotion and urge to protect the human was weakening.. something else was over powering it.. the corners of my vision blurred red. My fangs, claws grew.. my thirst for blood doubled..

"AS LONG AS YOU LIVE, I CANNOT REST!"

Another snap. My vision was red. Everything.. red.. Suddenly I was on my feet, more lethal and bloodthirsty than before. I was between the two in a millisecond, low menacing aggressive growls rippling from my throat. But my urge to protect my sister was gone.. I had remembered my life.. she wouldn't hurt him.

"Kaori!?" She gasped, glaring at me. "You've turned on me.. You have betrayed me just as everyone else!?"

It was hard to breath.. it was hard to control myself. I didn't want to hurt her.. she was my sister.. but I wouldn't let her kill him either. I tried to stay sane.. but it was fading away and my instincts were trying to take over. My familiarity with her vanished.. and she became the new danger.. the new thing that must be destroyed.

Her eyes narrowed, and she stepped forward, ignoring my growls. "You will not.. stand in my way."

Three arrows.. shot toward me. Snapped, and broken a second later. I was now inches from her, my claws flexed and outstretched to kill her. Who ever she was.. she was a danger to my life. Blinding white crackling light kept her from me, burning my skin where it made contact. Holy powers..

Explosion. I was thrown back by the pure light. Cracking my skull on the stone wall. I didn't feel the pain. But darkness engulfed me in seconds. Last thing my eyes would see was silver and red.. chasing after raven and crimson.

End Of Chapter 12

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