Chapter Five: You Can't Raise Your Voice

Louder, louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can't hardly speak

I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say

The following morning dawned with less hope than they'd all have liked. While the sun outside was shining, birds were singing, and no doubt many people visited their relatives on the road to recovery in the same hospital, neither of the children made any progress. If anything, they were continuing to deteriorate. Yet they clung to what little hope they had, finding tiny miracles in the smallest of things - like how Shai was no longer crying. They forced themselves to believe that this was because he was feeling better, even though they really knew that it was because he was so exhausted and hoarse that he could barely make a sound, let alone find the energy to protest anything that the doctors he hated so much were doing. Nobody would say it, but all were afraid of the same thought; that at any moment the toxin would take hold indefinitely, taking both children into the same point of no return to which it had taken the three bodies lying down in autopsy.

The decision to stay with a child each had been the most logical, but how did you choose which child to stay with, when you were so fearful that either of them might not make it through the night. They visited Rhia, noting that she was in a restless sleep for the moment, so they decided to remain with Shai while he was attempting to fall asleep. Just as he became comfortable, Rhia's cries reached them from across the hall. Ziva had ended up spending the night in with Rhia, and Tony had remained at Shai's side. Knowing that Ziva would go crazy on her own, Tony had asked Abby to stay in with her, only to find that his wife had thought the same thing about him and he had ended up with Ducky at his side all night. He'd have preferred Gibbs, if only because Gibbs would appreciate the need for silence instead of stories, but Gibbs was more determined than ever to solve the case, so had headed back to NCIS with McGee to catch this bastard once and for all.

The sound of footsteps caused Tony to raise his head from his palm. He'd managed to find some strange balance with his elbow on the mattress in a way that didn't cause him to fall sideways whenever his eyes drooped. When he saw that Ducky had appeared at his side, he wondered when the elder man had actually left. Still, he was thankful for the Styrofoam coffee cup that he smelt before he had seen.

"For you," Ducky said, passing him the cup.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"I took a coffee to Ziva as well," he assured the younger man. "I know she prefers tea, but I believe a caffeine boost is in order for everyone this morning."

Tony nodded. "Any change in Rhia?" he asked.

"No," Ducky said softly. "She didn't appear to be crying as loudly, however. Although, that is probably due to her increasing weakness."

Tony sighed loudly, running his hand through his hair. "She must be exhausted. Once Shai fell asleep I could hear her crying all night."

Ducky placed his hand on Tony's shoulder. "At least if she can get some sleep, she will escape the pain for a while," he reassured him.

"This isn't right," Tony shook his head. "Rhia's my little girl. My butterfly. I should be with her."

"Ziva's with her. She's not alone."

"Rhia has two parents," he stressed. "They should both be at her side when she needs them. The same goes for Shai."

As if on cue, Shai rolled his head over on the pillow. He opened for a fraction of a second, squinted at the bright light streaming through the blinds, and then closed them again. Tony leaned over, running his fingers through Shai's thick curls. "Morning, bud."

"Hi, Dad," Shai mumbled tiredly, his voice thick and scratchy.

"Still feel poorly?"

Shai nodded. "Tummy hurts. Don't think I'm gonna be sick no more."

"That's good, Shai," Tony tried to smile. "We don't like being sick, do we?"

Shai shook his head, but he still looked glum. "Still hurts."

"I know. We're going to find a way to make it stop hurting," he assured his son.

Ducky came over to the other side of the bed, patting Shai's shoulder gently. "And when your stomach doesn't hurt quite as much, I believe that you have a winning goal to tell me about."

"Ducky," he recognised.

"I am looking forward to that story," he smiled at the young boy. "It will make a change from me telling all the stories, won't it?" Shai nodded. It was a wonder to all of them how anybody could stand Ducky's stories for more than twenty minutes, but Shai lapped up each tale that the Scotsman told him as if hearing about old musket balls and 'back in the day' stories were just as exciting as Tony's watered down version of Star Wars and The Italian Job for bedtime stories.

Shai tried to speak, but grimaced and rolled back towards Tony. In response, he sat up on the side of the bed, drawing his son into his arms. "Shai?"

"Dad, it really hurts!" he whined.

"I know, Shai, I know, but you're being so brave," he assured him, holding him tightly against his chest. "So brave, such a good boy."

They remained that way for some time, Shai trying not to cry as he clung to Tony with what little strength he had. When he lay back on the mattress, curling up and clutching the pillow like a stuffed animal, Tony continued to sit on the bed, stroking his hear and whispering things to him to calm him down. Ducky remained in the background, hovering hear the door. However, after half an hour passed, the sounds from the hall changed. Rhia's crying wasn't the most dominant sound anymore, and Abby appeared in the doorway.

"Tony," she stammered.

"What?" he asked, turning away from Shai, but keeping his hand on his back. "What is it?"

"You have to come. Now."

"Go, Anthony," Ducky nodded. "I will stay with Shai."

Tony kissed his son's forehead and then followed Abby out into the hall. There, he saw a nurse preventing Ziva from entering Rhia's room. Perhaps more shocking was the hysterical tears that were falling from Ziva's eyes. He rushed over to her, placing his arms around her. "Whoa, whoa, what's going on?" he asked her.

Sobbing, she looked up at him with her hand covering her mouth, the other arm clawing at his chest to get a hold on his shirt. "I thought she was dead…." she cried. "I thought my baby was dead."

It was then that Tony noticed the hassle in Rhia's room - doctors rushing around, loud beeping, more machines…it was terrifying. What had happened?

"What's happening?" he asked the doctor who walked past them out of the room. It wasn't Dr. Ashby, who was in charge of dealing with Shai and Rhia, but it was a doctor caring for their child nonetheless.

"Your daughter's body temperature is escalating to a dangerous level. We're fighting to lower it."

Tony let out a shuddering breath. "Oh god."

"I have to go in there." Ziva said, determination strangled in her choked sob.

The doctor held up a hand. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I can't authorise that right now."

"I do not care," she shook her head, trying to push past him.

"Ziva-" Tony said, his own voice catching in his throat as he held onto her arm.

"No, Tony," she shot back at him. "I need to go in there. I need to be with my baby."

"We can't-" he started to argue, but she cut him off.

"That is our daughter, Tony," she pointed out, gesturing to the tiny form almost lost amid the doctors, machinery and tubes. "Our little girl. She is alone, and she is afraid…and…and she is crying for us and we are not allowed to go to her." Another tear fell across her cheek, and she made no move to wipe it away. "Rhia needs us, Tony."

Tony tore his eyes away from the despairing ones of his wife, and looked at the doctor. "Please," he whispered to the bearded man. "She's so scared." He wasn't quite sure who he was taking about - his daughter, or his wife.

The doctor, however, looked at them regretfully. "I'm sorry, we need room to work right now."

As he disappeared, Ziva threw her arms around Tony's neck, crushing the two of them against each other. "She was screaming for me, Tony," she told him.

"Shh…" he soothed, unable to give her the assurance that it would be okay.

"She was screaming for me," she repeated. "And I was not allowed to help her. I was not allowed to hold her and make things better like a mother is supposed to do. I was not allowed to."

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Hours later, they were still outside Rhia's room, standing and waiting to be told they could see her. They had spent the past few hours darting between Rhia's corridor and Shai, torn once again between not wanting their children to be alone, but not wanting to be apart from the other either. Every now and again, Dr. Ashby came out and explained what they were doing. First, blood tests. Then more tests. Tony didn't follow. He was just waiting for the words 'she's okay', but he never heard them.

"She has been like this for hours," Ziva stressed when Dr Ashby came out yet again. "What is taking so long?"

"I'm afraid that we've never seen anything like this before, Mrs. DiNozzo," he told her, before softly adding the words they had been afraid of hearing the entire time. "We are doing everything we can, however, you should maybe being to prepare yourselves."

As he left their side and returned to the more needing side of their daughter, Tony and Ziva turned to one another slowly, "Prepare ourselves?" Ziva repeated. "Do they think she is…?"

"She's going to be fine," Tony mumbled instantly.

Ziva shook her head slowly. "Sometimes you are wrong, Tony."

"Ziva…" he began, but she turned away from him, facing into the windowed room where their tiny daughter lay fighting for her life.

"She cannot be dying," she whispered in disbelief. Tony stood up behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder as they gazed at their fragile daughter together. "Tony, our daughter cannot be dying, can she?"

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That evening, they were finally allowed to see their daughter again. Shai had started vomiting again, so he had gone back to sit with his son. Rhia didn't move, she didn't cry, and she didn't whimper. Instead, she just looked around her, settling every now and again on Ziva with a pitiful begging expression. Ziva just hung her arm over the crib, rhythmically stroking her daughter's cheek to let her know that she wasn't alone. She was pulled from her side, however, when Dr. Ashby requested their permission to do something she hadn't ever imagined she'd hear about her daughter.

"You wish to what?" she asked.

"Due to the reaction she portrayed this morning, we've decided that it's best for Rhia's health if we induce a coma," he explained.

"You are putting my daughter into a coma?" she repeated.

"If will slow the effects of the poison on her body until the vaccine can be administered," he told her. "And given her delicate immune system and being so young, we believe that this is the best option for her right now."

"Not yet," Ziva whispered, shaking her head.

"Excuse me?"

"Not yet," she repeated, louder. "She needs to hear our voices, first. I need my husband to be here."

She walked out of the room, heading to the room where her son lay. She went immediately to her son's side, stroking back his curls and kissing his forehead. "Shalom, neshomeleh," she whispered.

"Momma," he murmured back, half asleep.

"I am here, tateleh, Try to sleep."

Without another word, Shai settled back onto his pillow, his eyes remaining closed. When she rose up, Tony looked at her. "Everything okay?" he asked her with a frown.

"You need to come to Rhia for a moment," she told him.

"What happened?" he asked, rising to his feet.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "The doctors have decided that it would be best if she was not conscious until a vaccine is found," she told him.

Tony frowned even more. "I thought they already sedated her after this morning?"

"Yes, but she is waking up now, and they think that the toxin will not work as quickly if she is not awake, so…"

"So…what?" he asked.

She sighed, tugging her ragged hair behind her ears. "They are putting her into a medically induced coma, Tony,"

"They want to put our daughter into a coma?" he repeated absurdly.

"That is what I said."

"Can they do that?"

She nodded. "They are already preparing. I…I do not know how long this will be for, so I thought while she was awake you may wish to…"

She trailed off, not wanting to admit that she was afraid that her daughter may not wake up again, but she didn't have to. Tony nodded, understanding her fears. "Yeah, of course," he said, looking over at Abby, who had stayed in with him for the remainder of the morning. "Abs, would you mind?"

"Course not," she smiled, trying to offer some hope. "You go be with Rhia, I'll hold down the fort here."

"Thank you, Abby," Ziva nodded.

"No problem."

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Tony felt helpless as he looked down at his daughter, so weak in the crib that she almost seemed newborn again, hardly the thirteen month old girl that she was. She was waking up properly, and was whimpering again now, making her discomfort very well known to those around her. "Can I hold her?" he asked, looking around at Dr Ashby for an answer.

He nodded. "It would be more comfortable for her as we administer the drug."

"It will not hurt her, will it?" Ziva asked, observing the needle.

"Not at all," he assured them. "We'll insert this into her IV line, so she won't feel a thing. It'll be just like falling asleep."

With some help from a nurse, to avoid jogging the wires, Tony lifted her carefully from the crib, holding her up against his shoulder and stroking her hair. "Dadda…" Rhia mumbled, falling against him tiredly.

"Hey, butterfly. Daddy's here," he whispered back, kissing her head. "Daddy's got you."

She buried her head against his shoulder and whimpered even more. Ziva came up to their side. Tony wrapped an arm around her as she began to rub her daughters back softly. "Are you sleepy, Rhia?" she asked.

"Momma…"

As Rhia turned her face towards Ziva, the answer was written in her eyes. She wasn't just tired, she was exhausted. "All better soon," Tony whispered. "All better, Rhia."

Dr Ashby administered the drug into her IV line around the same time that Rhia became to whimper loudly again. "Hush, tateleh, it is okay," Ziva whispered.

"Momma…"

"It is okay, my beautiful girl," she said, pressing her lips to her hair. "Momma is here. Momma loves you so very much."

"Go to sleep, Rhia," Tony cooed softly. "It's okay, baby girl. You can go to sleep."

Distantly, as she began to let her eyes droop, her voice came out as more of a whisper. "Dadda…" she mumbled.

"I love you, Rhia," he told her, letting out a shuddering breath as she fell completely asleep on his shoulder. "I love you."

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Once Rhia was officially in a coma, they knew that they could do no more for her. Sitting at her bedside would not be efficient until they knew she was being bought back to consciousness. Although it pained them and made them feel like they were abandoning her, they made to return to Shai's room, knowing that their presence could at least be felt by him. Outside the door, Ziva stumbled weakly. Tony caught her, holding her arms to keep her steady. "Ziva?"

"I am fine," she mumbled instantly. "Just give me a second."

She stood, holding on to him as she waited for the nausea to pass. "What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Nothing," she assured him, snapping her head up as the nausea passed. "I am fine."

He wasn't buying this, however, and lead her into the family room. Luckily, it was empty, and he closed the door behind them, guiding her into a chair where he knelt before her. "You're not okay," he said simply. "What is it?"

"It is nothing," she told him. "I am just worried."

"Ziva, it doesn't look like nothing," he said.

"Well ,it feels like nothing," she countered.

"Does it?" he tested.

To that, she just sighed.

"Ziva, did you have any of that doughnut that the kids had?" he asked.

More silence, and this time, she avoided his eyes.

"Ziva!"

"No, I did not," she told him. "However, I did lick my fingers to remove the powder from them once I had cut it in half for Shai."

Tony stood up, pulling her into the doorway with him. "We need to get you tested."

"No, I need to be with Shai," she said, tugging him in the opposite direction.

He didn't release his hold on her. "I'm not waiting until you collapse into the same state they did," he told her. "I'm not taking that chance. You're getting checked out right now."

"We have more important things to worry about," she pointed out to him.

He pulled her beside him, looking down at her with an almost animalistic expression. "Look, I don't care if you think this is chauvinistic or whatever, but it's my job to take care of my family. That means my wife as well as my children," he told her, "I know that this is hard for you. It's hard for me as well, Ziva, but we have to do this together. It's hard enough dividing ourselves between the kid's rooms at the moment. I can't watch you get sick as well."

"I will not get sick," she assured him.

He looked at her incredulously. "They just put Rhia into a coma. Shai's spending every waking second dry heaving because his stomach is empty but he's still trying to be sick. They're in agony, Ziva. It kills me not to be able to stop them hurting." he lowered his voice. "At least let me prevent you hurting."

She leaned forwards, burying her head in his chest and attempting to hold back another batch of fresh tears. "This is horrible, Tony. I cannot do this anymore."

"It's going to be okay, Ziva."

"I just….I need to…" she began to take uneven breaths, and Tony guided her to a chair, sitting her down before she began to hyperventilate.

"Hey, breathe…"

"I cannot…."

"Yes, you can," he said softly. "With me, deep breaths."

"I cannot do this," she said, once she had regained her normal breathing. "I cannot sit here and wait to be told that my son and my daughter are dead."

"Ziva…"

"I just want this to be over," she sighed.

"Ziva. Do you love them?" he asked her.

"Tony-"

"Shai and Rhia, do you love them?"

"More than anything," she nodded.

"You need to hold onto that," he told her firmly. "You've got to hold on and be strong for them, and I'll be strong for you, okay? If you feel yourself falling, just remember that."