Chapter Five: So Hard Not To Cry

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

"All done, Ma'am."

Overlooking the 'ma'am', Ziva just nodded. She didn't have the energy to fight with nurses, especially nurses who were readily spending time away from treating her children to take blood from her. She watched as the vials of blood from her arm were passed from the nurse to Ducky.

"Yes, I'll have these tested immediately, hopefully Abigail will-"

"If you wish, you can have access to our haematology lab here, Doctor Mallard?" Dr Ashby suggested, as he entered the room and cut off the Scotsman's rambles.

He nodded. "Yes, that would be most convenient. I'll go and fetch Abigail from Shai's room and have her work her magic."

Ducky followed the doctor out of the room, leaving Tony and Ziva alone there. For the most part, Tony had stood by the doorway, if not to keep out of the nurses way then to make sure that Ziva didn't try to escape when faced with a needle...not that she was afraid of needles. It was more likely that she'd attack the nurse for insisting she was anything other than 'fine'. Ziva went to stand up, but Tony stopped her, putting his hands on her shoulders as he stood between her parted legs, where she was still perched on the table. He looked at her silently for a moment before putting his arms around her properly, pulling her in tight against him. She held him back, but when they decided to part they did so mutually. Not that they separated completely though, his hand raised to cup her cheek.

"Thank you," he mumbled.

"They will not find anything," she said confidently.

"Still, thank you," he nodded. "I don't want to see you lying in a hospital bed as well. I can't do anything to help the kids, but I can still help you."

"I only cleaned my fingers," she reminded him. "I will not get sick."

"You could still have ingested some," he pointed out.

"Tony..."

"Ziva, I need you to know something," he said, looking down.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I need you to know that I'm going to fix this."

"Tony...."

"No, Ziva," he cut her off, bringing his eyes round to hers. "I'm their father, and someone's hurt them. I am going to fix this, and I don't care what I have to do to make sure of that. I promise you that whoever did this is going to pay. I am not going to let this bastard destroy our family.

---

"Mom...."

The sound was almost pathetic, but most definitely heart breaking. As Rhia's condition remained unchanging, Tony and Ziva had taken up a base camp on either side of their son. Shai's condition, however, was still deteriorating. His fever had settled at an alarming temperature, so much that he was constantly sweating away the cold compress that Ziva stroked over his forehead as Tony held him from behind, ensuring that he didn't collapse into the plastic container he was vomiting into.

"Yes, tateleh?" she asked, keeping her voice soft and comforting as best she could.

"Hurts everywhere," he complained.

"Do not worry, my son, you will be better soon."

But sharing a worried look with Tony, she wasn't sure whether she'd just made a false promise to her child.

Outside the room, Gibbs stood with Ducky, peering in through the window and trying to separate themselves from the personal aspect of this case...it wasn't working, however.

"Ziva's test results came back this morning," Ducky informed him.

"She sick?" Gibbs asked, neither of them having looked away.

"There was a small trace of the toxin, enough for us to test a vaccine on if....when we find one. It wasn't enough to make her ill, fortunately."

"Good," he nodded. He wasn't sure who would be driven closer to the brink of insanity should she fall sick as well...Ziva, for not being able to be near her children, or Tony, for having to spread his time between his wife, his children, and catching whoever had hurt them. Gibbs could give him the time off, tell him to spent time with his family, make them his priority, but he knew that there was no chance of Tony stepping back and allowing anyone else to eradicate this threat to his family. "Any improvement in the kids?"

"Rhia is remaining at a constant, but only because of the coma. Shai has been in this condition since they sat with him last night. No better, but thankfully no worse."

But inside the room, as Ducky's fortunate words took to the air, all Hell began to break loose. In Tony's arms, Shai began to gasp for breath. Ziva frowned.

"What is happening?" she asked.

"He'll be okay," Tony told her, rubbing his son's back. "He's gonna be fine."

"Fine?" Ziva repeated. "Look at him, Tony! He cannot breathe! He is not fine!"

Hearing his parents words, Shai began to panic. He seized up, unable to catch the breathe he so desperately needed. "Shai," Tony said sharply, trying to attract his attention.

"Shai," Ziva said fearfully.

Tony looked at her. "Ziva, get the doctor."

"Shai," she repeated, not hearing him.

"Ziva, now!" he snapped loudly.

She threw herself off the bed, hitting the emergency button at the same time as Shai's monitors began to blare out a series of warning alarms. She then headed into the hall, trying to flag down the nurses and doctors who suddenly could not be found. In the meantime, Tony took his son into his arms, attempting to calm him down.

"It's okay. Shai, it's okay. Follow my breathing, okay? Deep breath, in and out, in and out..."

He kept up the mantra, but it wasn't being copied as he hoped. Shai continued to gasp like a fish on dry land. "Da.....da-"

"I'm right here," Tony assured him, holding him tighter. "It's going to be okay." Shai looked up at him, and then the worst possible thought that Tony could have had...happened. Shai stopped breathing, falling limp into Tony's arms. "Shai?" he asked, his voice shaking, as well as his hands as his son's eyes rolled into the back of his head. "Shai, no!"

Ziva turned back at his call, the doctors rushing into the room. "What happened?" she asked. "Is he-"

"Come on, bud," Tony begged him, shaking him in his arms. "Wake up."

At that, Ziva pushed past the doctor to get to her son's side. She stroked his face, urging him just as Tony did. "Shai, wake up. Time to wake up now-"

A doctor tried to push past her. "Ma'am, you need to step back-"

"No, I need-"

"If you do not step back, we cannot save your son."

At that, all of them were motionless. Save him. Was he dying? Suddenly, in their pause, Shai was all but ripped from Tony's arms, and both the parents found themselves on the outside of the group. Doctors hovered over their son, moving frantically, but at the same time, too slowly, as the machines in the background continued to scream at them.

"He's not breathing," Dr Ashby announced.

"Shai," Ziva whispered, grabbing onto Tony.

"No heartbeat," the doctor continued. "Push one of epi," he instructed the charge nurse.

"Tony, he has to be okay-"

"He will be," Tony assured her, whilst craning his neck to see around the doctors to see what they were doing to his son.

"Sir, please step back," the nearby nurse told him, stopping him from seeing anything.

"What happened?" he asked them. "What went wrong?"

"Sir-"

"YOU SAID HE'D BE OKAY!" He screamed as Doctor Ashby attempted to speak to him.

"Sir, I need you to be outside. You can't be in here."

And so they were cast out from the room. Gibbs and Ducky were still stood there at the window. The other two joined them there, desperate to see any of what was going on, what the doctors were doing to their little boy. Ziva was openly sobbing against Tony, who was shaking uncontrollably as he watched, his panicked face baring the same pale complexion as the boy inside.

"Oh my god," Tony mumbled, tears spilling onto his cheeks as the horrible sound of the charged paddles hitting the child's chest was heard, and a horrible silence continuing afterwards.

"He is not breathing...." Ziva gasped.

But then it worked. "Okay, we've got a heartbeat!"

Ziva's head whipped up.

"He's breathing," another doctor announced.

Tony buried his face into Ziva's hair, so that none of their companions could see the tears on his face. Ziva threw herself at him completely as he repeated the doctors words over and over. "He's breathing....he's breathing..."

They remained that way for a long time, ignoring the questions and comforts that came from their friends. Eventually, they swapped – Abby embracing Ziva while Tony began to pace backwards and forwards in front of Gibbs, who sat against the wall drinking coffee at an alarmingly fast rate. When one of the doctors came out, Tony stopped his pacing, but it was Ziva that threw question after question at the doctor.

"What happened to him?" she asked.

"The last of the toxin has been ingested, so it's started to attack his organs," he explained.

"Is he okay now?"

"He's stable for now."

Stable. Stable wasn't fine. Stable wasn't okay. Stable was...stable.

"Can we see him?" she asked, her voice getting quieter because she knew what the answer would be.

He looked apologetically at her. "I understand that what just happened was incredibly frightening for you both but-"

"He is afraid of hospitals. He will not get his rest if-"

"Mrs. DiNozzo-"

As they continued to argue against Ziva's request, Tony snapped, yelling as he spoke for the first time before vocally confirming that his son was breathing again. "For the love of God, will you let her see her son!" he shouted.

There was silence in the hall for a moment, but he consented with a nod. "Okay, but only one at a time to avoid disruptions or assumptions. We'll be checking in on him every fifteen minutes," he added, as if to warn against them both trying to go in.

The doctor left, and Ziva turned to him. "Go," he told her.

"But-"

"He'll want you," he pointed out, wiping under her eyes with his thumbs. "Go sit with him."

"He will want to see you as well."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," he nodded. "I have to fix this first."

"Tony-"

"He needs you, Ziva," he said firmly. "You've kept him safe when things were terrible before, I need you to do that now."

Her mind took her back to when Shai was born, how she had kept him alive and healthy when her father had them both locked away, and she nodded. It might have seemed chauvinistic, but they seemed to easily adopt their roles when it came to situations like this – Ziva would keep Shai safe with her while Tony went out and destroyed the threat to them. She wordlessly went into Shai's room again, where the little boy was groggy, but awake. Tony watched through the window as Ziva went over to the edge of the bed, sitting down and drawing her son into her arms gently. Shai realised who it was, and cuddled up to her the best he could.

Tony sighed, leaning his head on the glass and closing his eyes. It wasn't nice to see his son in this condition, but it was a lot better than the condition he had been in minutes before. Gibbs came up beside him. "Tony."

"Boss," he mumbled, noticing he was there for the first time.

"What happened?"

"Shai....he stopped breathing. My son stopped breathing and I couldn't do anything. I couldn't save him-" His voice started to crack, and Gibbs grabbed his arm lightly, leading him into the family room. They sat down, and he allowed Tony to continue. "I lost him, boss. I had him in my arms and he was dying and...I couldn't save him."

"Shouldn't think like that, DiNozzo," he said softly.

"I know, but..."

"But what?" he challenged him.

"When I first held him properly...right after Ziva told me I was his father...I promised I'd always protect him. I promised that no one would ever try and hurt him again, because his Dad would keep him safe. After all that happened with Ziva's father I swore I'd protect both of them. And now somebody's come into our house, planted poison for Shai and Rhia to eat. I couldn't keep them safe in our own home. I failed them both, boss. They could have eaten the whole thing, that's enough to kill and adult – or what if Ziva had eaten it too – they could all die! What kind husband and father does that make me if I can't even keep them safe in our own home?"

Gibbs was silent for a moment. "He's made contact."

"Who?"

"There's a vaccine."

"How do we get it?" he asked.

"He wants to see you."

And then it all made sense. This was nothing to do with the kids, this was all about him. Revenge against him, and instead everyone else had gotten hurt. He nodded his consent to Gibbs, and then headed back to his son's room. He stood in the doorway, watching Ziva singing to Shai as he lay on the brink of sleep in her arms.

"And if that diamond ring turns brass, Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass, and if that looking glass gets broke, Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat...."

Tony went into the room, ignoring the protests of the nurses. He bent his head, kissing his son's forehead and whispering in his ear.

"Hush little buddy, I know you've had enough. Daddy's gonna find a way to fix this stuff. And if that vaccine can't be found, Daddy's gonna put the bastard in the ground."