Chapter Six
Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear
In any other circumstances, the view of Rhia's room would actually be touching and sweet. Seeing Tony lean into his daughter's crib should have been one of the highlights of Ziva's day – it usually was. Instead, it seemed to fill her stomach with the heavy weight of a disturbing gut instinct. She watched her husband touching Rhia's cheek with his fingers, gently dancing them across her skin, even though there was a part of both of them that knew she couldn't feel it. The coma the doctors had placed her in prevented that, even though they kept encouraging them to speak to her when they went to her side.
"Farfallina
Bella e bianca
Vola vola
Mai si stanca
Gira qua
E gira la
Poi si resta sopra un fiore
E poi si resta sopra n fiore"
"Bit young to learn Italian."
She turned her head at the soft comment from beside her, only to see Gibbs with a tiny smile to accompany the two coffee cups in his hands. He handed one to her, which she took gratefully. Caffeine was all that prevented her from crashing at the moment, so she wasn't going to question how much money she owed everyone from the amount of plastic cups they kept giving to her.
"He always sings to them in Italian," she confirmed. "He wants Shai and Rhia to know their heritage. He has begun to teach Shai some of the basics in Italian now that he is getting older." Instead of going down memory lane, realising how much her precious son was growing up in such a short space of time now that he was speaking fluent English and basic greetings and colours in Italian, she sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose as the caffeine soared through her bloodstream. "We should have known that this would have happened eventually."
"You can't raise your kids waiting for them to get hurt," Gibbs pointed out.
"Why not?" she protested. "It would prepare us for when they are."
"There's a difference between being protective and being over protective."
Ziva looked over at Tony, who was now leaning over their frail daughter and whispering something to her. Through the glass and over the muffled sound of her monitors, she couldn't even hope to hear what he was saying to her. "He is a good father," she mused. "Shai wishes to be just like him, Rhia adores being in his arms...I could not hope for a better father for my children."
She adored the hour before Tony arrived home from work, the hour when Rhia would bounce her upper body up and down in her playpen, and when Shai would stare out of the window , perking up and gasping at every car that drove past the apartment block until the cries of 'daddy, daddy, daddy!' send him running to the front door, jumping up and down, ready to make the ultimate leap into Tony's sternum the second he opened the door. She would watch the way that Shai grasped him so tightly, and the way that Tony would lift him up, settling him over his shoulder in a fireman's carry as he came into the living room. It was thoughts like this, ones which hadn't always been a promised reality, which had gotten her through the awful experience at her father's hands in Israel.
Though she knew that Tony loved Shai incredibly, she knew how much he cherished being a part of the months of Rhia's life that he'd missed with his son. She'd been terrified to tell him that she was pregnant again, even though she was in a happy marriage now, rather than a locked bedroom in her childhood homeland. His face had been amazing though, and to see how he'd been stunned into a silence before grinning uncontrollably and start saying that he'd repaint Shai's old crib and dresser because he was sure that it was a girl. He was so involved, going to the store in the middle of the night for cravings she was allowed to indulge this time around, coming home from work with baby clothes he'd bought in his lunch break, suggesting names, finding a new apartment where they had another bedroom for the new baby, even talking Shai around to the idea of having another sibling, coming up with all the great responsibilities he'd have as 'big brother'. And then, when their beautiful daughter was born, he'd almost fight her for the opportunity to get up and feed her in the night, even when he was in late and leaving early for work.
"I take it he's still a good husband," Gibbs assumed.
"What makes you think so?" she asked curiously.
"The fact that you haven't killed him yet," he pointed out.
She had to smile at that. "He is devoted to his family," she confirmed. "He loves us."
Gibbs nodded. "Good."
"The night I returned, when I told Tony that he was Shai's father....Shai started to cry just afterwards, and Tony went to him and picked him up. And he changed. He looked at Shai and Shai opened his eyes, and they just looked at one another for the longest time. Even now, they light up when they see one another. I do not think Tony could not love them more if he had a second heart. If anything were to happen to them now..."
"Nothing is going to happen, Ziva," he told her, cutting her off before she could even begin to contemplate a future without her children.
She turned to him. "Can you promise that, Gibbs?"
"Yes," he nodded firmly. "As soon as Tony's ready, we're going to get the vaccine."
Her mood changed, her whole frame straightening in hope. "You know who did this?"
"No, but that's not going to stop me killing the bastard," he said, almost too calmly.
"Sorry, boss," Tony said, as he moved from Rhia's side to join them in the hall. "I've called shotgun on that."
"Tony," Ziva started.
"You okay?" he asked with a frown.
"Yes," she said.
"You're crying."
Was she? She didn't know anymore. "I do not know what I am supposed to do anymore, Tony. I am so close to giving up, and that scares me-"
"I'll get the vaccine," he assured her. "They'll be fine."
"That is not the point, Tony," she told him tiredly, shaking her head. "This should not have happened in the first place."
"I know," he agreed quietly, rubbing the top of her arm as she leaned into him slightly. "But this is what dad's do. When things go wrong, they fix it. They make it right again."
"Do you really think whoever did this will just hand it over?"
"I'm not coming back without it, Ziva," he told her simply.
"Then what are you still doing here?" she asked him.
He looked back into Rhia's room. "You know," he told her. "The worst part of my day isn't seeing the bodies and the lunatics who put them there. Not anymore. It's saying goodbye and walking away from them every morning."
"Tony..."
"I hate going out of the room and leaving them to go to work, let alone leaving them...like this. But I am going to fix this. I promise, and I need you to believe that."
"I do," she nodded.
At that, he smiled, leaning his forehead against hers for a moment. "I remember the first time you said that," he mused, taking them both back to the day he had hurriedly married her to save her and Shai. "Still makes my heart pound."
"I love you, Tony," she assured him,
"I love you. I'm going to see Shai, and then we're off to kill this bastard, okay?" he told her.
She nodded. "Okay."
"I'll be back," he assured her once more. "I promise."
Before she could reply to him, he walked towards Shai's room, leaving her back in the hall with Gibbs. The elder man turned to her, tossing his empty coffee cup into a nearby trashcan. She stared him down before looking away, in a moment of weakness that still didn't suit her even though it had been years since she had let down her guard around them.
"Make sure he comes back alive, Gibbs."
-
Tony crept into the room, trying to be quieter than the beeping monitors. Shai's eyes were closed, his breathing relatively even – he didn't want to be the one to disturb the little boy's sleep when he so desperately needed it. However, either his plan failed, or Shai wasn't really asleep – he suspected the latter, he'd become just as good at faking sleep as his mother. "Hi Dad," he whispered, as Tony sat down on the side of the bed.
"Hey, bud," he whispered back. "Feeling any better?" he asked hopefully.
Shai just shrugged. "Still hurts."
"I know, Shai," he nodded sadly. "I'm going to fix this though, I promise."
Shai looked at him, half confused, half hopeful. "You can make me not sick?" he asked.
Tony smoothed back some of his hair. "A very bad man made you sick, Shai," he tried to explain. "But I'm going to go and find him and get the medicine that will make you feel better again."
"Will you arrest him?" Shai asked.
Remembering what he said about killing the bastard, Tony opted to tell one single lie to his son. "Yeah, that's right."
The boy's forehead crinkled. "Why can't you just find the bad guy and make him not bad anymore?" he asked.
Tony continued to smooth out his curls, admiring the incredibly large heart that his son had, even towards the person who had caused all his suffering. Shai knew full well what Tony did for a job, that he saw horrible things and made sure that those people didn't hurt anyone else, but while he wanted to grow up and be just like his father, he wanted to do it without locking people away, just in case they were claustrophobic, or afraid of the dark, or worse...afraid of being on their own. He didn't want to put people in prison because they might have little boys and girls like himself and his sister who might miss their mom or dad. His heart seemed to know no bounds, in his mind, everyone was entitled to love.
"I'm afraid it's not that simple, Shai," he explained, even though he wished that everyone could see the world through a child's eyes, because it would make everything much simpler, so much easier and kinder for all.
"But you're my dad," he said simply. "You can do anything."
He couldn't help but smile. "I wish that were true," he said quietly.
Shai pulled Tony's hand from his head, and pulled it down over his heart. Tony knew this action well – there had been times when work had got dangerous and he'd been forced to the emergency room, and Ziva and Shai had come down to meet him. Shai would be so worried every time that Tony would always lift him into his lap, regardless of whatever bullet wound or bruised rib was hurting him, and take Shai's hand, guiding it to his chest so that he could prove to his son that his heart was still beating strong, and that would mean he was just fine.
"I think it's true," he told him confidently.
Tony smiled. "Thanks, bud."
"Is Rhia still sick?" he asked, turning more worried again.
"Yeah," he nodded. "She is."
"But I don't hear her crying anymore," he said, listening hard for a few minutes.
"That's because she's sleeping right now," he comforted.
"Is she okay?"
"She's okay, because she's sleeping," he assured. "She can't feel sick if she's sleeping."
"She was scared," Shai explained. "That's why she was crying."
"I know," he nodded. "But she's okay. Your mom's been seeing her, and Uncle Ducky, and Uncle Gibbs, and Auntie Abby..."
"I was scared too, but I'm not no more," Shai admitted quickly.
"It's okay to be scared, Shai," he told him. "Everyone gets scared sometimes."
"Were you scared?" he asked his father.
"Yes, I was," he admitted freely. "My special guy and my special girl had been hurt, I was scared that I wouldn't be able to make them better."
Shai guessed where this was heading, and frowned a little. "Do you have to go find the bad guy now?" he asked.
He nodded. "Yeah, but I'll be back real soon, okay?"
"Promise?"
"I promise." Shai awkwardly sat up and Tony brought him into his arms. "I love you, okay?"
"I love you too, Dad."
-
As Tony climbed into the passenger seat, closing the door behind him, Gibbs threw a plastic package at him. He inspected the package in his lap, but didn't open it. He was expecting to get called up on it straight away, but they had been driving in silence for twenty minutes before Gibbs said anything. "You gonna eat that sandwich?" he asked.
"Not hungry," Tony replied.
"When was the last time you ate?" Gibbs asked.
"Not important," he mumbled.
Gibbs didn't even glance away from the road. "Eat the sandwich, DiNozzo."
"Not hungry," he insisted again.
Gibbs pulled the car to a halt, much to the annoyance of the car behind him. "Eat, or when we get there you're waiting in the car," Gibbs warned him.
Sighing, Tony opened the sandwich.