01-11-10: Lol I'm putting my explanation of chapter changiness at the bottom.. so I can stop ruining it for people who have never read this before.

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You're Kinda, Sorta, Basically, Pretty Much, Always On My Mind.

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I Don't Own Inuyasha

"Talking"

20. Confessions

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks and I wiped them away with my other hand. I didn't want to break down now when demons were fighting to get in.. but I couldn't stop. I was too upset.. in too much pain to do anything else.. Crying was my only escape.. it was the only way for me to get out the emotions I had been bottling up, over the past month.. My sobs didn't cease..

"Why.. are you crying?"

At first I thought I was delusional. .my mind was playing tricks on me so I would feel better. I pulled my hands away from my eyes and looked down at him. Inuyasha stared up at me weakly.. He was.. alive.. My tears suddenly stopped flowing and I stared at him in shock.

"I had to suck out the poison, Kaori-sama. It was a rather strange treatment and he will be a bit light headed but it was the only way he would survive.." A ten times larger Meoga explained, rolling away. I turned my gaze back to Inuyasha. Stared at him for a minute. Then broke into tears again.

"W.. Why'd you have.. to g-go and.. and do that.. f-for!?" I sobbed. "Why.. Why'd you have t-t-t-to c-come here!? You.. i-idiot! Yo.. you knew that.. t-there was youkai.. but y-you.. st-still came.. Even though you.. w-were going to turn hu-h-human!" I was blubbering. But I couldn't stop. I was to upset.. too happy that he was alive.

"You're pathetic.." He mumbled, turning his head away from me.

"Why do you have to be such a jerk! I'm.. only.. worried.." I admitted, staring at my hands.

"So what..?" He replied, before closing his eyes again and falling back into unconsciousness. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying, and gazed across my room. Shippo was on my backpack, hugging his tail and sleeping. Meoga had rolled himself into a corner and was now dozing peacefully, and Nazuna was watching me from across the room.

I met her gaze, and she looked away embarrassed. I sighed and watched the human boy sleep, waiting until sunrise.

"I'm sorry.."

I looked up to see Nazuna kneeling down on the opposite side of Inuyasha, watching my face with pitiful brown eyes. "I'm sorry.. I was the one who lead him here.. It's my fault. I shouldn't have.."

"It's more my fault then yours." I replied. "If I had been more aware of my surroundings instead of worrying about running into him, then maybe this all wouldn't have happened. You didn't know that he would change, and I didn't know either but.. I should have realized the monk was a spider-head sooner.."

Her gaze lingered on Inuyasha, then she looked at me. "I'm also sorry about another thing.."

"What is it?" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry for acting so very rude to you guys.. It was only because the spider-heads killed my father last month.. since then I've been living here. And because my father was killed by youkai.. I came to think all youkai were like that.. But upon seeing you guys.. I can no longer say all youkai are bad.."

I tried to smile, but my attempts failed. "It's good that you changed your mind. But you shouldn't go thinking that all youkai are good. Most of them are ruthless killers.. that will stop at nothing for the Shikon no tama. It would be rare to find a full youkai that can show compassion toward humans.. and even more so for hanyous.. what me and Inuyasha are.." I sighed. "I never really experienced it for myself.. because until a month ago my own soul had been compressed by a piece of my sister's.. making my body take the form of a human's. But Inuyasha has experienced it.. and.. it seems that nobody.. whether youkai nor human would be willing to show any form of acceptance toward us.."

"I'm sorry.." She mumbled. "I didn't realize.."

"It's okay.. It's not your job to understand.. nobody expects you to." I replied. I felt my ears droop slightly as I realized the truth to my words. Nobody expected humans to care.. Inuyasha had never expected someone to sympathize.. Kikyou never expected someone to understand.. so then why must I always expect people to understand and to care? Why can't I.. just live my life.

She seemed to realize my discomfort with this topic for she pushed herself against the wall, brought her knees to her chest and fell asleep soon after. I had to bite my lip again to keep myself from breaking out into tears once more. I didn't know how I could have ever thought I would be able to make it on my own. I was too weak.. too emotionally weak to handle life on my own.. I knew that.. But Inuyasha was right.. I was pathetic.. I was a pathetic excuse for a hanyou girl.. Maybe I didn't deserve this strength.. not if I couldn't even protect the people I care about.

The pain from my wound returned, and I tasted blood in my mouth. I stopped biting my lips and wiped away the blood. The pain would always return when I was alone and even thought there were others here.. everyone was in there own little world. I had to get my mind off the pain..

I laid down beside Inuyasha, and brushed away some of the raven hair in his face. I understood now, why he never wanted me to fight. If this was what I looked like, so fragile and breakable.. then I wouldn't let myself fight either. I kept jumping to conclusions and yelling at him when I didn't stop and try to understand where he was coming from.. like I used to.

When I was little it was easier for me to understand him.. I knew what he meant.. I always saw things from his point of view.. but now that ability had faded away.. Now it seemed I worried more about what he said about me more then what he actually meant. I don't know what happened to me.

I pulled my hand away but his hand suddenly shot up and pulled it back to his cheek. "Your hands are really warm.." He sighed.

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks, and I lifted my head off the floor to look at him. He wasn't as cold as earlier but.. he was still cold to the touch.. "I'm.. I'm sorry.. Did I wake you..?"

"No.." He replied, his eyes still closed. "I've been thinking this whole time.."

"About?" I whispered.

He paused. "I lied. I was just listening to your voice."

He let go of my hand, and turned toward me. I watched him nervously. Meoga had done a good job of removing the poison from his body but.. he was in no condition to be pushing himself to hard.. he should be resting. His lifted his hand to my hair and pulled the tie from it's strands. My hair fell around me, getting in the way of my vision. "Why.. did you do that?" I asked, brushing away the hair from my face.

"You looked better with your hair down.." He replied weakly. The heat in my face intensified, and I stared at him slightly surprised, not knowing what to say. What do you say to someone whose gone out of their mind? He was.. delusional.. crazy.. the blood loss made him drunk or something. He didn't realize what he was doing.."And you're even cuter when you blush.."

I swallowed nervously and turned my back to him. "Obviously, I'm.. distracting you. Go to sleep. You need to rest, you're sick remember?!" He was crazy! He didn't realize what he was saying.. He probably wont remember when he turns back to hanyou form.. and if he did then he'd probably regret what he said.. for he didn't mean it. I was.. the mental case remember? The stupid monkey, squirrel girl! He was.. confused.. like he had been before.. he didn't realize I was the Kaori that ran away last month.. the betrayer.

"I'm fine." He said, tugging on my hair.

I sat up abruptly and looked at him. "No you are not! You almost just.. You just almost.. You almost died, okay!?"

"But I didn't die." He replied. "So I'm fine."

"You are not fine!" I shouted. Didn't we have this same argument before.. except it was me who had been insisting I was fine..and he was the one who was trying to convince me I wasn't.. "So go to sleep! Everyone else is sleeping-!"

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him. I fell on my stomach beside him, my head on his chest. "Exactly.." He whispered, running his fingers through my hair. "So shut up.. or you'll wake everyone else up.." He fell asleep moments later.

My heart pounded inside me.. my breathing was quick and shaky.. my face was burning so much, I could even feel the heat in my ears. I knew he didn't mean anything he said.. and I knew I shouldn't have any effect on me.. but it did. I didn't understand what my problem was. I've known him since forever.. but even before.. his words never had an effect on me like it did now.. but then again.. he's never said such things to me either.

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I don't remember when I feel asleep, but I woke up, hours later, to the sound of breaking woοd. I jumped up, Inuyasha following, and stared at the door. Nazuna lay under a pile of debris the Tetsusaiga in one hand.. my Katana in the other.

"She's drawn the swords and broken the kekkai!?" Meoga gasped.

"Bu.. but why!?" Shippo asked, staring at her weak figure on the floor.

The youkai monk chuckled from the door, the spider-heads slowly advancing inside my room. "Nazuna still believes in me, you see." He explained. "She was deceived so easily.. such a trusting girl.. like you are Kaori." My eyes narrowed and I noticed something hanging from one of the strands of web in his mouth.. my necklace..

"The Shikon Shards!" Inuyasha shouted. I growled and yanked the swords from Nazuna's hands, but as I was about to toss the Tetsusaiga aside.. seeing as it's not mine, a heavy weight appearing in my hand I was sent crashing to the floor.

A huge shinny white fang sword was grasped in my hand, and I stared gaping at it.

"What the hell!?" Inuyasha shouted. "Why did it transform for her!?"

I struggled to my feet as he shouted, the sword making it extremely difficult to move. "This thing weights a million pounds! How the hell do you manage to throw it around like you do!?"

"It does not weight a million pounds you stupid girl! But why did it transform!?" He barked.

"How am I supposed to know!?" I replied, dropping the stupid sword from my hand. "I can't even pick it up so shut up, and never mind!"

I sprinted toward the youkai monk, slashing through his feeble body, while listening to Meoga explanations behind me.

"The only reason why Tetsusaiga transforms for Kaori, is because she is a hanyou." Meoga explained. "It will change for any hanyou out there.. but as you, Inuyasha-sama, use that sword to protect Kaori, or someone other then yourself it is lightweight for that is easy for one such as you.. But for Kaori on the other hand it would be like her protecting herself.. which we all know is a heavy burden to bare..she cannot hold up that responsibility of protecting herself and so she cannot hold up the sword.. It makes perfect sense."

I growled at him and he quickly threw an apology in my direction. Stupid jerk! Saying that protecting me is such a heavy burden to bare on everyone. It's not that hard! I've managed to stay alive for a whole month on my own! What's the big deal!? Suddenly my feet hit something and I am crashing down to the floor. Oh yeah.. I'm accident-prone.

"Kaori!" Inuyasha shouted. At the tone of his voice, I knew I was moments away from being injured by something. I tried to get up but pain shot through my leg. I looked back to see my foot was stuck through a broken board in the floor. More deja vu..

I felt someone grab me and pull my feet from the wood. A second later I was being held on the other side of the room, the farthest away from the youkai. I glanced behind me. Inuyasha stood behind me glaring at the youkai. He was.. back to normal. Silver hair.. golden eyes.. doggie ears. I left out a breath that I seemed to be holding and turned toward the youkai.

It was easier now.. Easier then it had ever been before. It was easier to fight now that I could think straight. It was easier to live now that I knew I wouldn't be running away anymore. It was easier to be myself now that I had realized how much of an idiot I had been in the past..but still it would be hard.. It would be harder because now.. I had his strange confessions permanently burned into my mind.. and now I wouldn't be able to forget it.

End Of Chapter 20

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R&R Please

Thanks 4 Reading

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~ Okay!!! All I did was add two lines. :] I like it this way better because before when Inuyasha says "I was thinking" it leaves one to wonder what in the world could he be thinking about. So I made him lie! Hurray for lying!