"The flame from your stage has now spread to the floor,
You gave all you had, why you want to give more?
The more that you give, the more it will take,
To the thin line beyond which you really can't fake."
The next time Sam woke with some form of conscious thought he felt comfortable. It was hot but not aggressively so and Sam felt softness underneath him.
Opening his eyes was harder than he thought it would be but eventually his eyes fluttered open. A stained ceiling greeted him and turning he saw his brother sitting next to him with his head in his hands. His mind caught up slowly and he saw he was in a motel room, lying on top of the covers half naked. He wore only boxers and there were half melted ice packs around his body. He felt the cold from them and it didn't give as much relief as he remembered.
Sam couldn't tell from Dean's position if he was sporting any injuries but he knew from the way his body was in the chair that he was tired.
"Dean."
Dean jerked up in the chair and Sam just then realized that his brother had been sleeping. How he was asleep with his elbows on the arms of the chair and his head in his hands Sam didn't know. Dean must be exhausted. Dean tried not to show it though as he smiled at his brother and moved closer to him. His hand landed on Sam's forehead and Sam would have paid a lot of money for that hand to never move away.
"Sammy, glad to see you're awake. You scared me there for a while."
"How long?"
"Two days you've been out."
"Two days?!"
No wonder Dean looked exhausted. Two days since Dean dragged Sam out of those woods and since he probably got a decent amount of sleep or food.
Sam remembered the fear and the begging he did of Dean; begged him not to bring him into that water. All he felt after that was pain. There were hints of awareness after but they were fleeting and short lived. He must have woken up after that and just fallen right back asleep.
"What happened?"
"That witch poisoned you; well I guess both of us really. Some stupid spell so that I felt your pain. I don't know. All I know was that you were burning from the inside out. I had to bring the temperature down. I had to."
Dean's voice was soft and it was the closest thing to an apology Dean would give for dragging Sam into that freezing water. Sam didn't want an apology. He would have done the exact same thing if he was in Dean's position. He couldn't comprehend how much strength Dean would have had to drag Sam begging and crying into that water. Just thinking about it made Sam feel weak and useless. He knew it wasn't entirely his fault but the guilt wouldn't let his mind admit that.
With Dean's face in full view he could see the large dark rings around his eyes and the haggard way his face pulled. Dean's eyes looked almost to half mast, barely being open enough and Sam wasn't sure if Dean realized it. Sam felt his strength leaving him again but he had to make Dean sleep. Make him understand he was okay now and he could quit the vigil.
"When's the last time you slept?"
"I just got a powernap a minute ago."
"Slept? Not in a chair but in a bed?"
Dean turned from him trying to hide away from that piercing stare. Sam's hand came limply off the bed and grabbed a hold of Dean's arm. Dean looked down at it before turning to face his brother again.
"Please Dean. Get in bed and sleep. I'm fine. I'm just tired."
It was taking all his energy just to do this and Sam felt his body pulling him towards sleep. He had to hang on a little bit longer, for Dean. He needed to convince Dean to get some rest.
"Sam…"
Sam didn't know that Dean was afraid to go sleep. He was afraid of what would happen if he closed his eyes for just a few minutes but Sam was persistent. Sam's grip on his arm was light but firm and even as Sam's eyes closed his piercing gaze never left Dean's face. Sam's hand fell away from him as his body succumbed to sleep and his head turned slightly away.
Dean fixed the ice pack back to Sam's wrist and he took the time to take his temperature again. He almost fell asleep sitting there again and the beeping caused him to jerk to alertness.
99.7
Finally his temperature was below one hundred. Dean fought tooth and nail to get Sam back down to a normal temperature. He spent multiple trips to the gas station for ice since the motel didn't have their own. Dragging Sam into the ice filled bath tub when the fever was climbing back towards the 104 range almost broke him. Sam begged and cried then too but it seemed like he might not remember.
Switching out the ice packs every few hours and shoving Tylenol down Sam's throat wasn't something that Dean would like to remember. It was the liquid form so all he had to do was lock Sam's flailing arms under his legs and open his mouth with his hand. Sam fought harder than Dean would have hoped but Dean won out in the end.
Even as Sam tried choking and coughing it up Dean placed his hand on his brother's mouth and waited. The oldest Winchester could only close his eyes as Sam fought under him trying to free himself. Eventually he passed out from lack of energy and Dean slid off of him slowly. Fixing the ice packs he went back to his vigil and past time of placing a wet rag onto Sam's forehead.
Hours he spent in that chair watching as Sam would struggle awake from a nightmare; screaming for his brother.
"Poison! Help me!"
"I know Sammy. I know."
"Please, Dean. Please."
Dean could do nothing but wait as Sam's temperature fluctuated. For two days Dean wasn't sure if Sam would make it. If eventually his temperature would skyrocket and it wouldn't come down no matter what Dean did. But now it was below a hundred for the first time and the oldest Winchester could only feel relief and complete exhaustion.
Sam was right of course, he had to get some sleep. It was almost three full days since he got any rest and he was surprised that he lasted this long. After dragging Sam through the woods back and forth and dragging him into the motel his body was protesting any and all movement. After giving his brother one last check Dean finally went to his own bed and crashed down on it.
The last few days will haunt him for a while as Dean's mind told him over and over again that he forced pain upon his brother. This wasn't new to the Winchesters; you had to do what you had to. However, this was one of the first times Sam begged for Dean not to hurt him. Pleaded and cried for Dean to just bring him back to the Impala and let him sleep until he died. Dragging Sam back to the Impala was rough since Sam just cried silently as he stumbled along. That Winchester stubbornness was strong in Sam since Dean knew it was all that was keeping him standing. Whether Sam remembered any of it was another story.
Dean turned away from his brother and the memories and let the sunlight land on him from outside the window. After the last few days the warmth it gave him helped as he closed his eyes and let exhaustion finally take him under.
"When it all gets too heavy,
that's when they come and go.
With only one thing in common,
They got the fire down below."
Dean, please. Please.
Sam waking was more frantic and surprising this time around as he sprung awake and shot up into a sitting position. He couldn't remember what he dreamed about but he could still taste the fear. It held on for a little while longer while Sam forced himself to think he was safe. He was in the motel room, his brother was asleep in the other bed and he was finally safe.
The fear reluctantly slipped away but away it went as Sam stood from the bed; careful to not spill any of the melted ice packs. He swayed as he got to his feet and it suddenly occurred to him how weak he truly was. Not moving from a bed for two days certainly didn't help but he pushed the thought away and the helplessness he felt from it.
Looking over at his brother he saw that he was completely out of it as his soft snores filled the room. It was dark outside and Sam tried to remember if it was dark the last time he woke up. He couldn't remember. Now that he thought about it he couldn't really remember anything the last few days.
The witch was forefront in his mind and the pain was encompassing most of his memories. Begging. He remembered that and he remembered Dean ignoring him. It still left a bitter taste in his mouth and he was trying to wrap his mind around a particular memory but it wouldn't come. It felt like it was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't say it.
Sam felt it best to ignore it as he knew his brother would go deeper into guilt if Sam showed him any regret or depression. Sam knew his brother only did what he had to. He had to save Sam's life and that icy stream and the pain accompanying it would haunt Sam for a while. Even now he could feel the memory of the pain across his body and he shook his head to dispel it.
No, none of this was Dean's fault and Sam wouldn't allow his mind to make that distinction. All the pain and fear came from everything that witch did. That witch was dead and now Sam could move on knowing his brother truly saved his life. Again.
Here was Dean, only a few months short of his deal coming due, and he was spending all his time saving his little brother's life. Sam couldn't stay out of trouble for one day and what makes matters worse is Sam isn't any closer to saving Dean. None of the research helps and Sam felt like he's hit a brick wall.
He turned back to his brother as he stood in the middle of the motel room contemplating how useless he has truly become. Can't save himself from a witch and wasting precious days that could be spent trying to save Dean. Yet, his brother said nothing about it. He was still on the high of knowing he would die in a year and trying to live it up.
Sam turned from the beds and went to his clothes to get dressed. He would eat something, try to gain some strength and grab his laptop. He might have been out of it for the last few days but he wasn't going to waste another second. He could almost hear Dean now.
"What are you doing awake and researching?! You should be resting!"
He quietly grabbed what he needed as he smiled at the outburst from the Dean in his head. He would rest after he figured out Dean's deal and hopefully it would be a good enough apology to wasting his brother's time. He needed to stop being useless and do what he needed. This time his brother would be saved. Sam was counting on it.
This is the end of the story, I added it quickly since I waited so long to update. I hope you enjoyed it and now I'm going back to my whiskey and reading other's fan fiction. Maybe I will get inspiration soon to write some more.
- K Mirage