29-01-10: Okay!! I just saw the movie Leap Year, and I loved it! "Put it in the wash- it'll be grand!" is my new favourite thing to say! I bought the books Dracula (YES REAL VAMPIRES!!!) and Dear John (Just because I saw the movie and I really wanna read the book before go to the theatres again to watch it). I love reading (obviously) but don't know a lot of books, so if you have any suggestions (I am open to any type of novel) send them to me in a review! Thanks!

I would have loved to make this chapter a bit longer but, I can't think of anymore to add to this particular.. moment. Sorry if it's a bit disappointing. You can throw stuff at me if you hate it. :'(

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You're Kinda, Sorta, Basically, Pretty Much, Always On My Mind.

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I Do Not Own Inuyasha

"Talking"

52. A Torchered Soul

I stared across the room into my sister's brown eyes. The little wooden hut was silent.. well almost. The only sound came from the howling wind from the outside. We were snowed in from a blizzard. I didn't mind. I used it as a good excuse to talk. I needed someone to whine to, to cry to, someone who will listen to all my useless problems. The only person.. who I could trust completely and who also I was never embarrassed to tell anything.. was Kaede. The others where in a different hut. A larger one beside this one. I would have been nervous of them over hearing us, but the snow and the wind cancelled out all insecurities. Not even Inuyasha could hear us now.

I took in a breath, ready to confess.. but then exhaled again for the tenth time. Why was it so difficult to say? It was just a dream.. "Onee-san.." I mumbled, glancing into the small fire between us. It danced and crackled, hypnotizing me with its mystic powers.

"Yes, Kaori?" Her aged voice brought be back before I could loose myself too much and I looked up at her. The fire cast a dark looming shadow behind her short and large body. The reddish orange glow shimmering through the deep set wrinkles. I remembered the pretty woman of twenty-three and I wondered how she had lived without both of her sisters. She grew up strong and wise.. following in the path of our elder sister. But.. had there ever been a time in which she had loved? Had any man ever stolen her heart?

I wished I had been there.. Been there to witness her transformation.. her ageing. Any pain, any heart break. Maybe if I had watched her mistakes I wouldn't be the idiot I am today.

"You know that I've met Kikyou again." I stated, trying to get the rhythm going. I couldn't keep this to myself anymore.

"Yes, ye have said." She nodded her head and a strand of silver hair fell over her shoulder.

"You know that I've been having problems with controlling myself. You know about Koga. About Naraku."

"Mhmn."

"Well.." I stared down at my hands, twisting my fingers together nervously. "We met up with Kikyou again, and Koga, and Naraku. On the full moon. Naraku was making himself a new body because earlier I had blasted most of it away but he didn't die unfortunately.. and.. Koga appeared after Inuyasha lied to him and sent him running all over the country looking for me. Inuyasha went into the cave where Naraku was making himself a new body and then Kikyou showed up and.." I trailed off. Kaede's face was confused.. and.. somehow.. I don't know. It seemed.. uninterested. "What..?"

"Ye're rambling, child." She answered. Oh well.. I knew that.. "Ye're dancing around what ye really would like to say. I can see it in those eyes. Or else why would ye want to speak with me alone and not with the others if it was just an update on this adventure."

I sighed. She was too good. "I.. When I was sick.. I had a dream. The dream was.. what would have been if Naraku had never gotten between Inuyasha and Kikyou." A dull ache appeared in my chest. "I was twenty-one. I had black hair and my eyes were brown. Kikyou was alive. Inuyasha was human. You were still a young woman."

Kaede stared at me with a look so intense I wanted to stop right there. It all seemed so.. silly when spoken aloud. "Continue.."

"Ahh.. Well.. I was human. I woke up in this hut. Kikyou brought her children inside to see me. A girl and a boy. Airi and.." The ache grew more painful and I looked out the window. The snow raced furiously by.. it was chaos. Just like the chaos in my soul.. my mind.. my heart. "I never knew the boy's name. We talked. They left and-"

"Who was the father of these children?" Her voice brought me back to reality and I stared at her.

"Inuyasha.. of course.. Wouldn't that be obvious?" I replied. She watched me carefully and I had to look away.. her eyes.. the way they stared at me made me feel like someone was peaking into my soul. "Anyways.. I met you outside the hut, and as I had watched Airi go I had all these weird feelings like I wanted to steal her.. but it didn't make sense and you told me, understanding exactly how I felt, not to be unreasonable because it would ruin them."

"Them."

"Inuyasha and Kikyou." I mumbled. The names together.. made me feel.. so.. nostalgic.. I felt like a child. I wished I was a child. "As I continued to dream I kept receiving flashbacks of things.. and it came to a point where.. I realized how I was, or could be, unreasonable. Airi was my child. Inuyasha's and I's.. a-and.. I.. I.. hated her for.. for stealing my child.. because she had lost her child.. we were to give birth on the same day and she lost hers.. and because of her.. finding out would be too.. too horrible they decided to switch.. then she would never know when Airi grew up, and they could all be happy as a family.. I.. was crushed.. I hated him too, Inuyasha.. I hated him for betraying her.. letting me betray her.. changing to a human.. It was so wrong, so horrible.. I was so angry with everything I hated everything, nothing was fair.. I.. I wanted to die.."

I felt hot trickles of water run down my face and I didn't bother to hide them. The pain.. was so unbearable.. I felt a hand on my shoulder and Kaede was there embracing me. "Don't worry, Kaori, my sister. It was just a dream. Ye would never-"

"But that's just the thing!" I cried, my voice loud and hysterical. "It wasn't just a dream! Kikyou sent it to me! When she had died she said she had the opportunity to see what would have been! She saw that! She sent it to me! I would have done it! Me and Inuyasha, we would have.. it.." My sobs captured my voice and I cried endlessly into her chest. I couldn't think.. I couldn't.. breath.

I felt her hand on my head and she rubbed my back slowly and gently until my violent cries turned into silent tears.

"I fell so horrible.." I whispered, hiccoughing. "I'm happy that she died.. I'm happy that.. that didn't happen.. but for selfish reasons.. I mean she would have been alive and happily unaware.. but.. I'm so damn self-centred that.. that.."

"It's okay, Kaori." She cooed. "Ye are.. only human. A torchered soul. Nobody hates you for being hurt."

"When we met up with Naraku.. we had illusionary deaths. In mine.. I was back in that place.. I was going to suicide.." I hiccoughed again, and Kaede pulled me away from her, pulling a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"It's okay now." Was all she said. "It didn't happen. Maybe there may have been a chance that it might have.. but the future is not set in stone. It changes.. maybe if she had lived, you would not have made that choice. I don't think you would have."

"But.."

"Hush." Kaede reached over and with her thumb, wiped away the tears on my face. "Calm down, wash your face and try to forget about this moment. Ye shouldn't taint your mind with ill feelings about what might have been.. of what ye have seen in ye's dreams. That is not what's happening now, Kaori.. In this life ye have done nothing to cry about. Nothing to feel guilty over. The Kikyou in this time.. is not who she used to be.. She is someone different. Don't let her cause you any more pain. Our sister would never want you to be in pain."

"She tried to kill me." I whispered.

Kaede pressed her thin lips together and placed her hand on my cheek. "Ye have friends who protect and love you, child. You will be alright."

I nodded and lifted myself to my feet. She was right. It hadn't happened, and maybe things would have been different than what Kikyou had saw.. there were so many different possibilities in life, so many chances and choices. Things probably would have been different. I walked towards the door.. but hesitated and turned around to face her.

"Onee-san.. how come.. you accept it so easily..?" I asked.

"Hm..?" She went back to poking the fire and stared hard into it's middle.

"The.. the.. affair.." I mumbled. I didn't feel.. pain.. but it was hard to say.

"There's always been something which draws you both toget.." She trailed off, and poked the fire again with the long iron rod.

I was about to ask what she meant by that.. but the wind blew furiously into the hut through the door.. carrying a scent I wished wasn't there. I threw myself out the door, ignoring the stabbing pain of cold shooting up my feet from the snow. I shivered, and my breath rushed from my lungs in a silver mist. "Inuyasha.."

He stared at me. His eyes wide, frozen, locked on the air in front of his face. He didn't move. He didn't twitch. His skin was pale, and flushed red in his cheeks. He took a breath and blinked.. Liquid gold stared down at me, so many expressions changing and appearing beneath them.

A sob forced itself through my tight throat and escaped through my lips. I fell to my knees, the tears quickly taking over. I heard Kaede call my name from inside.. and then watched.. as he spun around.. running away.. farther and father.. until I couldn't see him anymore. Gone.

He had heard everything.

End Of Chapter 52.

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