I do not own any part of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. All of that greatness is the work of the amazing J R Ward.
As of 5-22-12 the wonderful GothicBelle has beta'ed this for me. Hopefully this is now easier to read.
I hope everyone enjoys.
Chapter Two
Qhuinn sat on the floor of his room in the dark with his back against the outside wall. He was talking out loud to himself, because. . . well it just hurt even worse to say and have to hear it than just thinking it. And his pathetic sorry ass deserved all the pain it could find.
"What is broken in me that makes me say things like that to Blay? At the very least he's my best friend. He's always been there for me. I can't believe I gave him the sorriest fucking kiss off line I have. Like he doesn't understand that one. He's probably heard me say it like a thousand times. I'm a terminal asshole, the biggest piece of shit to ever take up space. I've hurt him again. I just told the most perfect fucking creature on Earth to fuck off."
He slammed his head into the wall a few more times thinking eventually he might knock some sense into himself.
"Well, maybe, Blay ain't that perfect anymore. He did fuck that POS cousin of mine just hours ago. 'It felt right.' Fuck, damn, fuck. I could so fucking kill Sax right now." Qhuinn stood and headed for the door.
"Shit," He stopped short. "Isn't this what I wanted? I'm the one that wanted Blay to move on, to forget this attraction. I wanted him to find a male of worth and Saxton is a male of worth. Blay deserves no less than the highest male of worth. Not a society reject with a defect like me. Blay is better off. This is what he needs, a male that will love him, treat him right and most of all never hurt him. All I'll ever do is hurt him."
Qhuinn threw himself across his bed. He laid there trying to calm down. "Happy thoughts," he said aloud, "Think happy fucking thoughts." He saw Blay smiling at him, that smile that was his alone; the one Blay gave him when he thought no one was looking. That loving, perfect smile with those perfectly kissable lips. "Shit."
"Not fucking helping one damn bit." Qhuinn hissed through his clenched teeth. The image of Blay expanding to fill his mind. He could see the way Blay's fiery red hair fell just so on his beautifully smooth forehead. Those brilliant blue eyes with long thick lashes. He remembered the gorgeous blue glow of them when they had kissed. They reminded him of the sky on a bright sunny day. Those eyes held so much warmth and love and passion. I could look into those eyes forever, he thought to himself.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." That was his problem. He couldn't think of his best friend without thinking of fucking him. Qhuinn thought of Blay's perfect lips again and of his mouth and wonder what it would feel like to have his cock in it. "Shit." Now he had a hard on.
"What the fuck is wrong with me? My whole life I have dreamed of finding a female of worth and having my own family." Now it was a possibility thanks to Layla and Blay was all he dreamed of. All that mattered in this shithole that was his life. He had to quit this. He had to stop thinking and dreaming of Blaylock, but he couldn't stop himself now.
"I am so totally fucked beyond all reason." He said heading for the shower. First Meal would be soon and he defiantly had to take care of this problem before he joined the others.
…
Saxton had paused at Qhuinn's door with every intention of just taking a second and moving on, but then he had heard his cousin ranting at himself. He couldn't help but listen.
His dear cousin actually knew his own heart better than Saxton had thought. Still in a bit of denial though. Saxton reached for the door knob thinking he could help and needing to apologize.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a somewhat menacing voice said. "I've seen what happens and no one fairs well."
Saxton turned and saw the Brother Vishious. "What? How?"
"He's not ready yet, this is a big decision. Qhuinn needs time." V said.
"He loves Blay."
"Doesn't matter. If we push, things will only get worse."
"I have to do something." Saxton insisted.
"Then help Blay. Qhuinn needs time and Blay needs someone who understands." V was worried about the warriors too. Saxton guessed that Blay and Qhuinn had not hidden their feelings as well as they thought. "I can read minds." Vishious said walking off towards the stairs.
Saxton followed on his heels. That was amazing. "So that is how you know about them?"
"Mostly, but since Qhuinn left his bonding sent on Blay the other day, just about every male knows. We're giving them space." At the bottom of the stairs V headed for the pool room where Butch was waiting. "See you at First Meal."
Saxton stood there a minute not sure what to do, then headed for the library. He really needed to think.
…
Butch had just finished racking the pool balls when he caught sight of V and the male Saxton at the foot of the stairs. Whatever was going on V was not liking it. Butch moved to the bar to pour them drinks.
"V, man, what's doin' with the suit?" Butch asked from behind the bar.
"Seriously, you're ragging on his threads?" V asked flashing a small smile at Butch.
"Threads, pot, kettle, black. Sure. Occupation, total suit. Sorry it's the cop in me." He came around the bar and handed V a glass of Goose, not letting the brother distract him. "Answer the question."
"I was saving Fritz from having to remove blood stains from a few walls and ceiling," he said waiting on the cop to finish racking the balls.
"Deets, man, deets." Butch was giving V the universal come on hand wave.
"Had a vision, stopped it. Less talk, more play." V broke, sinking two solids.
Butch just shrugged his shoulders. "Fine, you don't want to spill now, you can later at the Pit, but you will tell me." He pointed at V's chest with his drink hand.
Vishous thought of refusing him but in the end he would wind up telling Butch or Jane or both. "Later, cop. It's heavy and First Meal is in minutes."
"True?"
"True." V said, not really thinking this was going to be such a great topic to be discussing with Butch given their past. Then again who knows?