I do not own any part of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. All of that greatness is the work of the amazing J R Ward.

As of 5-22-12 the wonderful GothicBelle has beta'ed this for me. Hopefully this is now easier to read.

I hope everyone enjoys.

Chapter Four

A few minutes earlier…

Blaylock had returned to his room to shower and dress for First Meal not long after Saxton had went down stairs. Looking in the mirror Blay seriously thought about skipping First Meal. However, he figured firstly that his absence would only draw more attention to the events earlier in the day. And secondly, his absence would be disrespectful to both his king and to Saxton. Still he hoped that Saxton would not feel the need to sit beside him at diner. It was going to be hard enough for him with both Saxton and Qhuinn in the same room.

He had been delaying, not wanting to face Qhuinn or Saxton on his own. He was afraid of himself. He was hurt and angry and just so damn confused. Now though, he figured it might be best if he spoke to Saxton ahead of time. Maybe convince the male to ignore him all together and leave the mansion as soon as possible. Saxton staying on as he wished was only going to cause more problems. Learning to live without Qhuinn returning his love was going to be hard enough. Saxton would just be added pressure.

Blay straightened his collar and cuffs one more time and headed down stairs. He couldn't delay any longer. He couldn't even look at Qhuinn's door as he passed. He felt angry and guilty and so very tired of it. 'Why can't you love me, you selfish bastard?' Blay knew the thought was unfair as soon as he had had it. Qhuinn couldn't help the way he felt anymore than Blay could. 'Life is so fucking unfair.'

He couldn't help but think of all the crap all the Brothers had gone through for love. The lessers had almost taken Beth from Wrath. Death had almost claimed both Mary and Jane. Butch had almost died during a force transition just to be with Marissa. And Phury and Zsadist had to over come their demons. Blay knew he would have done any and all of that and more for Qhuinn's love. 'Damn, I'm such a fucking loser.'

At the top of the stairs he was pulled out of his thoughts by the sounds of voices drifting up from the dinning hall. On his way Blay noted that the pool room and the library were already empty. 'Damn,' he thought, 'looks like I am last.' Blay slowly made his way into the dinning hall. There were two chairs left. He wasn't last, Qhuinn was still missing. Blay caught V's eye and took a seat. 'Sometime's I think he knows way more than he lets on.'

Blay deliberately left the seat between him and John empty for Qhuinn. Qhuinn belonged at John's side. Just another sign that Blay's heart was doomed. Now that Xhex and John were mated Blay no longer had a place at his friend's side. At this table or in the field. John no longer needed him and Qhuinn never did. 'Where does that leave me? Just one more problem to solve.'

He needed a new place in the Brotherhood. A place of his own within the fold. He needed to separate himself from Qhuinn. He needed to bury his feelings for the male and move on, alone. Alone. Starring down at his dinner, Blay realized that he needed to find himself, figure out who he really was. He wasn't going to accomplish much of anything until he had a little more faith in himself. He needed a plan, a set course of action. And he knew just how to start.

…

Qhuinn waited a good fifteen minutes after dinnertime before heading down stairs. The shower had helped and getting back out in the field tonight would help even more.

The sexual crap had to stop with Blay. No more fantasying about him. No more sappy ass day dreams. No more dreams period. Dude was totally off limits. Blay had found himself a male and now maybe Qhuinn could have his best friend back. Things could get back to normal. Normal… normal was good.

When Qhuinn entered the dinning hall he was surprised to see that Blay and Saxton were not together. In fact they were on opposite sides of the table. Blay looked down at his plate as Qhuinn took his place by John.

Something just wasn't right. On the surface everyone seemed okay. Well as okay as it could be with things as they were. It was good to see V at the table; Qhuinn had thought the brother was refusing to leave his sister's side. But Doc Jane had brought in another doc to take care of Payne and the last update had been that she had made it through surgery and now they were just waiting for her to wake up.

In fact Payne seemed to be the current topic of conversation at the table. Qhuinn caught John's attention and signed, "We hitting the streets tonight?"

"Think so, Xhex is in, but Wrath wants everyone upstairs after the meal. So we'll have to see," was John's answer. Good, then they just needed the King's okay and all would be right in his world.

Qhuinn turned to his BFF. Blay was still starring at his plate pushing his food around.

"Hey, man you up for hunting tonight?" he asked.

"Not tonight." Blay answered. Qhuinn was a little shocked. He hadn't expected a negative. He was only asking to get the guy talking.

"Okay," Qhuinn couldn't help glancing at Saxton. Fuck. Qhuinn wanted things back to normal and here Blay was skipping out on him and his duty to hang with his cousin. Fuck. He knew his temper was rising. Fuck. He stabbed hard at his lamb, too hard he realized as he saw the worry in Blay's eyes. Fuck. He took a deep breath and then ate a few bites before talking to Blay again.

"You sure? You already missed out last night. I mean Sax is fine now, good to go. He can pop on home and you can go out with us tonight." He was probably pushing it, but Saxton was going to have to learn sooner or later that the Brotherhood came first. Blay was a soldier and had a job to do.

"I am not planning on going out tonight," Blay said. Qhuinn noted the male's voice was tense. 'Oh hell no, he was not going to be pissy with me over Sax. I already told him I was okay with the fucker, but I'm not letting him come between us or our duties,' he thought clenching his fist on the table.

…

Blay knew the look in Qhuinn's eyes and the set of his jaw. The male was ready to fight and from the way he was eyeballing Saxton across the table someone was going to get hurt.

Blay lowered his voice, well aware they were in public and not wanting to draw any more attention that necessary. "Qhuinn," he spoke as quietly as possible. "It's not about him. I just have a few things to take care of, besides you'll have Xhex with you. You three will be just fine without me, hell you're probably better off."

Even if he didn't need to talk to the King tonight, he wasn't up to fighting at Qhuinn's side. He was too hurt and angry with him to keep his head straight.

"Blay, man, we've always had each other's backs. Nothings changed." Qhuinn had raised his voice and the others at the table had stopped talking to watch the two. 'If only Qhuinn's words were true,' thought Blay.

"Qhuinn," Blay calmly said placing his hand on the male's fist. "Let's not fight. This isn't the place, besides you do not know if the King will even let you go tonight."

Qhuinn started to speak again, but Blay raised his hand to stop him. "Later, Qhuinn. Your Majesty, may I be excused?"

…

"Of course," Wrath answered. He did not like what he was sensing from his warriors. Like the others he was somewhat aware of the situation with Blaylock and Qhuinn. Who couldn't be after smelling Qhuinn's bonding scent all over Blaylock a few nights ago? At first he had hoped it was just from proximity, knowing the two males were rarely separated. He had even heard from Rhage that the boys often shared females after their transitions.

However, V had set him straight on the boys as they had waited together outside of the operating room last night. V had thought it important enough to relay the facts he knew to the King. The boys were important to them all. They were an important part of the next generation.

Honestly Wrath wasn't all that surprised that Blaylock was gay. Not really a news flash, he had often smelled the emotions coming from him when the two were together and Wrath could care less. He didn't care what shit went on in the guy's bedroom. Hell, he had worked with V for years knowing he had males when he wanted. Plus he and a few of the other Brothers had often wondered about Phury over the years. In Wrath opinion, as long as they knew their places and performed their duties he didn't give a flying fuck.

Hell for months he'd worried about V pining away for Butch and that had all turned out just fine in the end.

V had told him that Qhuinn knew Blay was in love with him and told him he wanted a female in his life, he planed on a shellan. Problem seemed to be that while the boy talked the talk, it didn't appear that he could walk the walk. None of them had laid eyes on anything, but Wrath knew there was more going on there then they were sensing.

He had been hopeful when Blaylock had called requesting aid for Saxton that the male had decided to move on from Qhuinn. If Qhuinn couldn't commit that would be best. But then this morning a grave Saxton had requested a private meeting for this evening. Not a good sign. He really did not need this with all the shit going on with Payne.

"Meeting in ten, boys." he said rising to his feet and heading up stairs.

…

Blay was pacing outside of the study doors when the King and George came around the corner. He halted and gave a little bow. Even though the King was blind he still deserved the show of respect.

"Your Majesty, may I have a word with you in private?" Blaylock nervously asked.

"You ain't the first to ask tonight, son. Looks like I'm going to be a busy man tonight." Wrath said as he opened his office door.

"My apologies, your Majesty, perhaps another night. One more convenient for you?" Blay bowed again intending to leave. He had not expected a conference later in the night, but he could wait as long as the King commanded.

"I was just bitching. Come on in and make it quick. I called the meeting in ten." George led Wrath around his dainty desk and his Majesty sat on the throne.

"May I close the door, my Lord?"

"Of course," the King said. "Blay you have to be the most respectful one out of the crew."

"Thank you for the compliment, my Lord." Blay was glad the King was blind. He was sure he was blushing enough to match his hair.

"What is it, son? I know something is bothering you." 'Of course he did,' Blay thought.

"Thing is I don't want to be sent out with Qhuinn and John anymore." It was best to be upfront with the King.

"You three are a great team. Why would I bust you guys up?" Wrath leaned forwards putting his arms on the desk.

"John has Xhex now. He doesn't need me. He and Qhuinn never really did, you know? They can take care of themselves and I could partner with some one else." Blay kept looking about the office, not wanting to face the King.

"Blay you're an important part of the team. Is this about you feeling useless?"

"With Xhex around, yes sir."

"She's not going to be around all the time, Blay. She is going to go back to work at the Iron Mask with Trez. She wants to work and fight." Blay hadn't known that.

"Oh. Still, sir, John and Qhuinn can handle themselves."

"I feel safer with the three of you together."

Blay was starting to panic. "But, sir. . ."

"Am I not your King?" His Majesty was starting to sound irritated.

"Yes, my Lord." Blay said worried he had pushed too far.

"Good, then tell me the whole of it?"

"Sir?"

"This is about Qhuinn isn't it?"

'Damn, he knows.' Blay knew he shouldn't be surprised, but he was. He had thought he had hidden things better.

"Well?" Wrath asked when Blay had not immediately responded.

"Yes, sir. I need to separate myself from him for a while."

"It must be hard for you, but I need you in the field with John. However," Wrath said with real concern on his face. "I do want to help. You really think time away from him will help?"

"Yes, sir. I want to get my head straight; I need to conquer these feelings I have. I can't do that without some kind of distance."

"Okay, this is how it's going to work out. I'm going to have a talk with Tohr. I am willing to let you partner with him, but only on nights when Xhex is on rotation. I know that's not much, but I won't put John at risk."

"Thank you, my Lord. Any space will help." Blay could feel his eyes starting to water. 'I'm such a fucking girl,' he thought. But this was such a relief. He took a deep breath, the first he could remember in ages and stood to go open the doors.

"One more thing, son. I want you to talk with Mary. I find that time with her can be very helpful."

"Of course, my Lord. As you wish."