(Jace Beleren)

Liliana is asleep, or at least I think she is. I rub the sleep from my eyes and find that she is waking as well. After being in her thoughts last night, I don't know what to say or what to do. Before either one of us speak, she rolls over and puts her mouth on mine. I can't place this feeling, but I can't stop kissing her either.

Her lips are rough and unforgiving on mine. My teeth sink in to her lower lip as she pushes her nails into my shoulders. The searing pain is welcome, I think.

"Liliana…"

"Shut the hell up."

I'm so taken aback that I just push my lips back to hers. For once, she doesn't want to talk. I grab her hips and then yank the loose camisole over her head. She wraps her legs around my waist, roughly, grinding into my lower half, with no gentleness. Liliana moans into my mouth and projects her thought to me.

Fuck me like you hate me.

It shouldn't be this easy to channel all the rage and upset into wrecking my fiancée's body. I shouldn't channel my frustration into her. But she's the only outlet I have.

I push her wrists together above her head. I feel the heat radiating from her center as she quickly makes history of the sleep pants. She hooks one of her legs over my shoulder as for the first time in weeks, I take her.

This is not how I wanted this to go. This is not how it should be.

Then why can't I stop?

Why is it that I know this isn't right, and judging by my actions, I don't care?

Why is it that she looks at me with a broken look that she's trying so hard to change to stone?

It's almost as if I want Liliana to feel what I'm capable of; because in reality, I'm angry at her. I'm angry at her for what she did. I'm angry at the fact that after all this time, she wouldn't let me protect her or our child. She took matters into her own hands, as usual. She lost the baby. She lost the baby because of her impatience.

Not only because of her impatience, but because of my ineptness.

Every fiber of me wants to blame it all on myself. But I can't. I physically cannot look past the fact that if she had just stayed put, this would not have happened!

There is no contesting the fact that she, well her body, wants me. My breathless moans turn to grunts as she comes undone around me. Before I can do the same, I pull out of her.

The orgasm shakes my body, but before it's over, Liliana is up, pulling a robe on, and walking out of our room.

After pulling my sleep pants back on, I head downstairs and see Liliana on the couch, reading something. She folds it up and puts it back on the end table as I sit down beside her.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing."

"Liliana, when I tried to touch your face, you shirked away like you'd been burned. Why did you want me inside you when you don't want me to touch you?"

"If you're that blind, I'm not going to bother explaining why I did what I did."

"If you'd let me into your mind, then maybe I can get some insight and we can fix this."

"That's funny, Jace. You want to be in my mind and in my thoughts but you won't so much as tell me a peep what you're seeing at night."

"Is there a reason why you're acting like a child?"

"I'm acting like a child, Jace? How exactly am I acting like a child?"

"You're not letting me into your mind? What did I do?"

"Oh gods forbid that you don't have the upper hand for once."

"Gods forbid you just let me take care of you for once!"

"What does that mean, Jace?"

"It means if you would have stayed put, this wouldn't have happened! You still just won't let me take care of you! You wouldn't let me take care of our child!"

"You're saying that if I wouldn't have come after you that I'd never have lost the baby? Is that what you're saying to me, Jace Beleren?"

"I guess that's exactly what I'm saying, Liliana."

"Get off your high horse, Jace. Pride cometh before destruction."

"I'm prideful? I am prideful? Liliana Vess- if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black."

"Do you want to know something, Jace? You know what, nevermind. You just keep your high and mighty nature away from me."

She gets up and goes to walk back to our room.

"Liliana Calliope!"

I grab her arm, stopping her in her tracks.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Me."

"You weren't saying that this morning."

"Fuck off, Jace."

"No, Lili. You wanted to talk. So talk."

"Do you want to know the truth about the baby, Jace? The actual truth?"

"Of course I do."

"The truth is that I wanted a family with you, wanted to hold our baby. I wanted to come home to you and our child every night. I didn't try to overexert myself to lose the baby. The truth of the matter is, Jace…"

"Is what?"

She pulls her hair over to the side so that he sees the prick that is healing on the back of her neck. I runs my finger over it.

"What happened?"

"Whilst I was knocked out, they put a serum in my neck. A serum that I bet, more than anything, caused me to lose the baby. So no, it's not because I've overexerted myself. It's not because I was trying to force anything. It's because, like always, there's a price on our heads. So shift your blame how you wish. But I didn't try to lose the baby. The fact that you would even think that…"

"Be that as it may, the point is that you refuse to let me help you, to let me take care of you!

"Jace! I don't need you to take care of me! I don't need you to save me! Just stand by me while I save myself!"

"Why must you constantly push me away? Why do you always want to push me out?! When we started this again, I thought that's what was agreed upon!"

"I tried to talk to you. I tried to help! You're the one being dishonest about what's going on in our relationship, and it's going to break us if you don't open up soon!"

"I'm not what's breaking us!"

"Shift the blame wherever you desire- but I thought that we weren't going to play the blame game anymore. After what happened last time. By now, you have to know, Jace, that you're so much more than just a pawn to me. And if after all this time you still don't trust me, then it's probably best if we move on."

"Lili, please, please don't do this. I can't lose you again!"

"I don't want to lose you! You think I want to leave? NO! I don't. But if you don't trust me.."

"I do trust you!"

"Then open up to me. Please! I'm begging you to let me in, let me help you!"

Tears are pouring over. My eyes are stinging. I can't believe I'm this close to watching her walk out, watching her leave. I can't lose her, not again…

"I can't. I'm begging you to not walk out, Liliana. I just can't right now, please understand that!"

"I'm trying, Jace! But when you are drunk out of your mind half the time and the other half you're at the council, it's like you're pushing me completely out! I understand I'm pushing you and I understand it's hard to relive it. But Jace, we're partners. Please."

"Just don't leave, Lili. I can't lose you, I can't."

"I couldn't leave you, not in pieces like this. But Jace…"

"Yes?"

"I know how you must've felt. I understand being broken better than I have, ever."

"Liliana, don't do this. Don't make that parallel."

I sit down on the couch and put my head in my hands.

"I'm not going to leave you. I'm going to fight for us, Jace. But I can't fight for much longer, because I can barely pick myself up off the ground."

"Just please, please stay."

"I am, but Jace you have to open up!"

"I CAN'T! I CAN'T PUT YOU THROUGH ANY MORE!"

"Do you think I can't handle it?! I'm not weak, Jace Beleren!"

"I know you're not, but Lili, understand that you pushing me is getting us nowhere!"

"I give up, Jace. I don't know what else to do."

Her defeated look is going to haunt my dreams tonight. Her breath is ragged and her face is flushed. I brush her face, begging her to stay. She puts her head against my chest, and she sobs brokenly.

I can't lose you…