I do not own any part of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. All of that greatness is the work of the amazing J R Ward.
As of 5-22-12 the wonderful GothicBelle has beta'ed this for me. Hopefully this is now easier to read.
I hope everyone enjoys.
Chapter Eighteen
Qhuinn slowly made his way upstairs after sending Pheonia to Blay. He went to Blay's room. He crossed the room to the dresser to get Blay a set of his gym clothes to change into. He ran his hand across the cherry finish. It was just over a month ago right here he had pinned Blay with that crushing kiss. His bonding scent had poured off of him that night. Just the thought of Blay's hard chest pressed into him and the taste of his mouth as they collided had him hard against his zipper.
"If I had just done what I had wanted that damn night we wouldn't be here right now. I'm always in my own fucking way."
Qhuinn paced the room. Not a single thing out of place. "He's perfect," Qhuinn whispered as he ran his hand over Blay's side of the bed. He picked the book up off the night stand, thinking Blay might need something to do. Something fell to the floor. It was a jeweler's box. He couldn't help but look, "Fuck." Qhuinn stared at the cuffs a moment before putting them back on the night stand.
"He's mine," Qhuinn growled. Time and patience and he'd win Blay over. Those cuffs were proof he hadn't lost yet.
Qhuinn took one more look around, took a deep breath and headed for John Matthew's room.
When John opened the door Qhuinn held out Blay's stuff to him. "Blay's awake, you can take these to him."
John signed, "You okay?"
"He's really pissed with me right now. And I get it, I really do. I just don't want to upset him any more right now. I'm just gonna go chill in my room for a while."
God, he felt pathetic right now. Things would get better, they had to. He was going to fight for this, for them. But first Blay had to finish recovering, Qhuinn wasn't about to do a damn thing to jeopardize his recovery.
"You have to go back," John signed. "You know he wants you there. He always wants you there."
"Then what was the last month, what happened in the alley tonight?" he snapped.
"Hell," John was defiantly angry.
"Yeah, of my own making. I hurt him bad didn't I?"
"You really want to know?" John signed and started for the stairs. Then paused, "Come on. Because man have I been pissed at you guys. Mostly you."
"John?" Qhuinn followed his friend down the stairs to the foyer and into the supply closet.
"You sure?" John signed at the tunnel door.
"I have to know." Qhuinn said stopping in the hall.
"The nights you did reports I would sit with him. We'd drink, he'd talk. About you, about his feelings and about a lot of the shit that went down. The night he told me about the balcony, about the asshole you'd been, he broke down. He cried, Qhuinn, fucking sobbed. How could you be such a bastard? I held him, stayed with him until he cried himself asleep," John paused. Looking at the emotions passing on Qhuinn's face. Hurt, fear, desperation, hatred, and disgust all directed at himself.
"I made him cry?" Qhuinn asked. There was a frightful amount of pain in his voice.
"Qhuinn for the past month I've watched the life drain out of him. The harder he tried to get over you, to give you what he thought you wanted, the more he died inside. Watching what you two have been doing to each other is almost as painfully for me as when Xhex was missing."
"John I'm sorry, I really am. My only excuse is I'm totally fucked in the head. I know it's not a good excuse but it's the truth. I've always been so worried about what everyone thought. I had a real hard time convincing myself to stopping thinking and to just feel."
"And, now?"
"And now I listen to my heart," he said placing his hand over it. "And every beat says Blay."
John seemed satisfied and they walk the rest of the way in silence.
"You go on in John, I'll be right here."
…
Blay was still feeding from the Chosen, Pheonia, when John Matthew came in. John crossed the room and set a change of clothes and his copy of 'Persuasion' on the foot of the bed.
'It's really good to see you awake," he signed and sat down on the chair by the bed.
It took Blay a few minutes to finish feeding. He withdrew his fangs from the Chosen and licked the wounds to seal them. "Thank you for your generous gift."
Pheonia bowed her head. "It was my pleasure." She left closing the door gently behind her.
"Thanks for bringing my things. It was very thoughtful of you," he said to John.
"Not my doing," John signed. "Qhuinn got them and had me bring them."
"Qhuinn?" he asked. 'Damn his guilt ridden ass.' Blay wasn't sure how to take the gesture. Especially after what Qhuinn had said when he'd woke up earlier. The safest thing was to just convince himself that any friend would do the same. It didn't mean anything special. "He's a good friend and so are you. You two are the best."
"Oh, hell no, you did not just say that shit," John looked angry. "He's way fucking more than a friend and you know it."
"John, yes, for me it's more, oh so much more, but not for him." Blay held his hand up when John started to sign again. "Yeah, I know he's singing a different tune right now, but it's temporary. It's only because I got hurt, almost died. As soon as I'm back on my feet he'll change again and we'll be right back at square one. If I'm going to survive I can't forget that, I can't let myself believe him."
"I only carried this shit in here for you because he's scared of upsetting you again. Blay I know he loves you. Hell, except for when Z and Rhage threatened if he didn't clean himself up they were going to drag him in the showers, he never left that hall. He spent most of the time sitting in the floor across from the door." John paused and really took a hard look at him. "He's out there right now."
Blay was feeling about two inches tall. "He is?"
"Like I said he's afraid of upsetting you again, but he needs to be as close to you as he can."
"I can't John," Blay just couldn't take that chance again. He was too close to the edge already. That moment last night at the pool came to mind.
"Blay, he's made peace with Sax. He's so sick with worry he's not eating or drinking anything. Not drinking, Blay, that's serious shit. He hasn't rested, hadn't left your side until you woke up. He talked you through feeding. Calmed you and helped both Amalya and Selena. He's changing Blay. That's what the alley was really about. He wanted to know where you and Sax stood, where you and he stood. He wants you."
Blay wanted to believe John so much, but should he risk it? Could he risk it?
"Send him in," Blay sighed.
…
V found Butch asleep on the couch when he got back to the Pit. With all of last night's excitement Jane and Marissa where having to spend the day at Safe Place so they could finish processing last night's intakes.
V went into the kitchen to pour a glass of Goose. Butch had left him a note on the liquor cabinet. 'Made you some sandwiches just in case. They're in the fridge. You're healing you need to eat. – B.' He wasn't sure which one was worse with the mothering each other shit, him or Butch. Most of the time the two of them were worse than their females.
He poured a glass, tucked the bottle under his arm, grabbed his sandwiches, and settle in front of the four toys. He was going over the night's reports when he heard Butch moan. He turned his chair around and looked as the cop. V watched as Butch's hips slightly thrust up showing off the hard on he was sporting under his sweet pants. Since his transition the male was simply magnificent. V licked his lips. He wondered what was going on in the cop's head.
"Come on, be strong. Stay out of his head. Just go to your room and get some sleep. He's just dreaming about Marissa and you've already seen the real thing. Just go," he told himself.
Just as he stood the cop whispered, "Can't, Marissa would never understand."
"Oh, fuck," V fell back into his chair. He looked at Butch and couldn't hold back. It was easy to slide into the cop's head.
"Brother, you have one hell of an imagination," V settled back into his chair for the show.
Butch was sitting in his chair in his room. He was shirtless and shoeless. V had no idea if he was dressing or undressing. His attention was on the figure between Butch's legs. He was looking at the back of himself.
The other V was in the same state of undress as Butch. He had his hands on Butch's neck and was stroking his jaws with his thumbs.
"One kiss won't hurt," other V's husky voice said.
"I can't," He said grabbing V's wrists. The male even fought his feelings in his own fantasy. Remarkable.
"I know you want to as much as I do," V was leaning closer to Butch. "I don't want to die not knowing. Come on, cop, it's just a kiss," he grinned.
"Just a kiss," Butch whispered removing his hands from V's grabbing the chair arms.
V moved slowly barely pressing their lips together. He ran his hands down Butch's sides and grasped the male's hips.
Quick as lightening Butch wrapped his arms around V crushing him into his chest. He parted his lips and V moaned into him. V ran his tongue over Butch's bottom lip; he paused, and then slid it into Butch's mouth. He moved slowly savoring the taste.
The real Vishous hissed as he felt himself instantly hardened. He wrapped his fingers around the arm rests of his chair so he wouldn't jump Butch in his sleep. "Holy fuck, Butch."
Butch ran his hands up and down V's back, tracing his muscles with his fingers. Feeling each muscle flex and shift beneath his touch. Loving the responses he was getting. Their mouths crushed together, their tongues battling in a war of passion. Devouring each other, neither wanting to stop.
V finally pulled back trying to catch his breath. His eyes locked with Butch's. V moved his hands down quickly releasing Butch from his leathers. V held him in his hand and slowly rubbed his tip with his thumb. Tiny little circles that sent erotic jolts throughout Butch's entire body. He moaned with pleasure.
Butch tried to talk, but V shut him up with a hard quick kiss before giving all his attention to Butch's mouth watering body. V slowly trailed kisses down Butch's torso as he continued stroking his tip. When he reached his destination with his kisses he ran his tongue along the underside of the shaft from the base to the tip. He lapped up the droplets of pre cum that were seeping down the head. V started sliding forward and both he and Butch moaned their pleasure.
"Fuck,' V yelled being jerked out of Butch's dream. "What the hell?" He opened his eyes and looked around the room. Butch was on the floor by the couch.
V jumped out of his chair at the same time Butch leapt to his feet. They just stared at each other trying to catch their breaths. V suddenly realized the front of his sweats were wet. Butch's fantasy had made him come in his own pants. Looking down suddenly wanting to avoid Butch's gaze he notice the front of the cop's pants were wet too.
"Fuck, Butch," he said stepping forward.
"I, um, need a shower," he said and bolted for his room.
V followed at a slower pace giving Butch a little time before he got to his door. V leaned his forehead against the door. He couldn't help himself. He raised his voice and called through the closed door, "Hey, cop, anytime you want to make your dreams come true, call me."
…
On her way to check on Syhren and Blay, Jane decided to pop into the Pit for a cup of hot chocolate and a few minutes with her hellern. When she appeared in the kitchen she caught the spicy, musky smell of bonding scent. It smelled a lot like V, but not quite.
'It couldn't be,' she thought. Jane moved silently to the living room door. She cracked it just enough to peek in. She could hear both V and Butch moaning, but only saw V. He was sitting in his desk chair with a death grip on the arms. Sweat was beading on his skin. She could see his erection throbbing under the fabric of his sweat pants.
She couldn't see Butch. His moans were coming from the couch. Jane figured the Brother was having one hell of a dream.
Jane watched a V's breaths became shorter and more rapid. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She could feel the moisture pooling at her core.
'This is so damn hot,' she thought as she watched the front of V's sweats wet with his cum. Suddenly there was a loud crash and both males were on their feet. Jane let the door close not wanting to be caught. She did listen though.
Butch made an excuse and ran out of the room. He's said he was going to shower, so Jane wondered if he'd came in his pants too. She cracked the door back opened and waited for Vishous to move down the hall before ghosting across the living room, staying out of sight.
Jane listened to V yell through the cop's door. 'So the dream had been about V,' she thought, 'That is so hot.'
She had to talk to Marissa. Jane had wanted to for awhile now. She just hadn't had the nerve to tell anyone about her suspicions, but if the guys were having to fight their feelings this bad, she needed to. She'd talk to V first. She hoped Marissa was going to be okay with all this, because she had this really great fantasy.
When she was alone she sometimes took the opportunity of picturing how it would be if V and Butch hooked up. Her favorite was V on all fours in the middle of the black satin covered bed at the condo. She loved the image of Butch behind him, his fingers digging into V's hips as he drives into him over and over with all the fierce power the warriors have. So very hot.
Her fantasies always left her hot and bothered and she always ran home to V. At those times she wore V's Red Sox cap. Other than that she gave V no hints of what she had been thinking.
She needed her male right now. She ghosted into the bedroom and was all over V before he could finish getting his feet out of his pants.
He pulled his mouth from hers, "We need to talk."
"I know," she answered. "Later. I need you right now." She started stripping out of her scrubs.
He tried to pull away so she deliberately pictured him and Butch on the black satin again. "I need you now," she said placing his hand between her legs to emphasize her point. She continued picturing her fantasy.
When he kissed her hard and deep she knew he had seen her thoughts. "Damn, Baby, I love you," he said pushing her back on to the bed.