Ughhh these chapters get harder and harder to write. I hope you have your feels guarded, because this one hurts. I hope you've been enjoying it so far, because form here on our things are really going to pick up. Anyway, leave a review to let me know what you think!

- Fell_and_Fallen -

"Iris, want to play with us?"

I look up from where I was digging in the ground. "Uh, no thank you. I'm doing things for my dad-"

"Come on, you never get to have fun," one of them pokes me in the shoulder. The heat inside of me wells up, and I carefully swallow it.

"I have things to do-"

"Everyone's going to play. You don't want to be the only one sitting out, do you? Don't you think your dad wants you to have fun?"

I bite my lip. "Well-"

"Come play with us! He won't even notice you're gone!"

I look back at my house, where my dad sits inside doing his reading. I turn back to the other kids. "I guess it wouldn't hurt if I went for a few minutes…"

"Okay, come on!"

I'm tugged off my feet, leaving behind my collection of roots as I run off after the other kids and into the woods.

What's going on? What am I seeing?

"3, 2, 1, here I come!"

I tuck myself in the shadow of a tree, peering out into the clearing where the small tin can sits. The guard's started to look for the other players, and I duck back into my hiding spot before he sees me. Someone squeals nearby and I hurry behind another bush. The guard passes by and I hold my breath until he leaves. I smile a little. Dad's stealth training really helps after all.

What?

I'm the last one left. The can is directly in front of me and the guard is on the opposite side of the clearing. Now's my chance. I make a break for it, knowing more than anything else that I'm going to make it. My foot connects with the can and the game is over.

"Iris wins!"

The guard rounds on me. "What, no! I looked everywhere!" he gets in my face. "Where did you hide?"

My heart jumps from how close he is, and I manage to shakily point back to the bush.

"That's out of bounds! You cheated!"

"No, I didn't-"

"She won fair and square, Caiden, leave her alone," another kid says. He's scrawny, and I'm sure Caiden could easily snap him in half.

"No one asked you, Hale," Caiden snaps. His eyes burn into mine. "She's just a little cheater. You know what we do to cheaters?"

He shoves me to the ground and I hit with a scream. He scrambles on top of me, tugging at my hair and hitting me in the face, throat, stomach. My hands tremble with heat, but I can't use it. Dad told me never to use it-

Oh no.

The fire explodes from me, scorching Caiden's hands as he flies back with an agonizing scream. I sit up and the other kids take a dozen steps back, staring at me with wide, horrified eyes.

"She's a witch!" Caiden screams. Tears stream from his eyes as he points at me with charred fingers. "She's going to kill us all!"

"What, no-!"

Something slaps me from the side, and I realize the others kids are throwing globs of dirt at me. They hit me in the side of my face and another blast of flames explodes from my hands. They scream and throw more, drowning my fire in the wet, dark dirt.

"Stop!" I scream. "You're making it worse!"

But they don't stop. They spit and throw, shouting horrible things at me as I'm pounded into the ground. I start to cry and my tears mix and turn the dirt into a thick, mucky paste. I wipe some of it from my eyes, and as I stare down at the mud through tear-filled eyes, I'm filled with a dark, powerful rage.

"I said stop!"

The fire blasts and fills the clearing with towering flames. The kids drop their mud and start to flee, screaming in wild panic as the fire chases after them. It snaps and roars, feeding off the angry sobs that claw their way from my throat as I get to my feet. A silhouette appears in the flames, someone shouting my name, but I'm too far gone.

The memory changes. The flames are still there, but I'm older, taller, and my eyes glow with a primal rage. I'm standing in the middle of the village, and with a drop of my stomach I realize what I'm looking at.

No. Not this. Anything but this.

The fire rages, consuming everything that stands in its way. People scream and scatter away from my blazing body, and cries of agony like music to my ears echo through the smoke-choked sky. These people who scorned me, who blamed me for everything, who hated me for being different, they deserve to suffer. To pay for what they've done.

No. No, they don't. It wasn't their fault. I couldn't control myself.

I want to watch them all burn. I want them all to die.

Stop. I need to stop this.

I enjoy every scream, every wild prayer that these people cry. They're the real monsters. They brought this upon themselves.

I can't watch this anymore. I clench my eyes shut and try to end this nightmare. That's what this is, just a bad dream. I'm going to wake up and everything will be back to normal.

But the screams don't stop.

Someone's trapped in their home. I can hear them begging me to stop, to remember who they are. But I don't care anymore.

I struggle against the memory, but it doesn't disperse. Why can't I wake up?

The flames consume the house, and I laugh. The woman reaches out the window. She's young, pretty. Too young to die.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

She screams at me, asks why I'm doing this. I just give her a smile.

Wake up, Ash, wake up.

I start to laugh as the fire engulfs her home, tearing it down to nothing but ash. My voice peals with hers as she lets out a final, feral scream before I'm the only thing left. A goddess surrounded by an army of fire.

WAKE UP!

My eyes fly open as I'm slammed with something cold. I let out a gasping breath as someone grabs me and tries to shake down the memories that haunt my vision.

"Ash, Ash! It's us!"

My vision suddenly clears and I'm face to face the wild, worried eyes of Cole. I'm shivering and dripping with water, and with a glance at the bucket clutched in Jay's hands I realize what they've done.

"You were on fire," Jay says numbly. I look around the room and notice the charred scorch marks that paint the walls and ceiling like scars.

"Ash," Cole's voice brings my attention back to him. "What happened?"

"I- I lost control," my voice is broken as I shudder in his grip. "I couldn't stop myself- I-" The woman's screams echo through my mind again, dislodging a thousand memories that cloud my eyes. The people I hurt, mutilated, killed-

"Ash!"

My eyes open again and the acrid smell of burning cloth fills my nose. Cole's recoiled from me and I realize I've burned through his gloves. I clench my hands over my face. "I'm sorry, I can't- I can't stop myself-"

"You have to take a deep breath, alright?" he says carefully. "Like I told you before, remember? Take a deep breath."

I fight my shuddering and suck in a rattling breath. When I let it back out, my trembling calms, if only slightly.

"I'm sorry," I squeeze my eyes shut and a couple of unbidden tears streak down my cheeks. "I didn't mean to-"

"Hey, it's fine. No harm done," Cole shows me his hands, and thankfully they seem untouched. "See? I'm okay."

I cover my face with my hands again and take in another few trembling breaths. "Good. I'm glad."

Someone clatters into the room, and we look up to see Sensei and Nya standing in the doorway with a disheveled Lloyd.

"We heard something happened," Nya says as she looks between the ninja, me, and finally the destroyed room.

I move my hands away from my face. "I was- I was trapped in a dream. I couldn't get out. I watched myself lose control when I was a kid. When I-" I swallow the lump in my throat. "Why couldn't I get out? I knew it was a dream, but I couldn't wake up. Why couldn't I wake up? Why-?"

"Ash," Cole grabs my hand as it starts to tremble again. My breathing hitches and my head starts to spin. "Breathe."

I force myself to take a deep breath and force the awful memories back. "I'm sorry. It was," I blink, "It was so vivid."

"Sensei, have you heard of this before?" Zane asks, noting Sensei's dark expression.

"I have, though I have never seen it done," Sensei answers. His hands clasp more tightly around his staff. "There are thousands of old spells, most of which have been lost to time, but I have heard of a few that would allow its user to trap someone inside a strong memory. If Desmond is prolific enough to have found this spell and used it against Ash" – he shakes his head- "then we are dealing with a formidable power."

"So you're saying this can happen again?" I choke. "That every time I try to sleep I'll be-" The fire rages to the front of my mind and I clench my hands before it can explode again. I look up at the room around me, and suddenly I can't stand it anymore. I start to wriggle out of bed.

"I'm sorry, I can't look at any of this anymore. I have to-"

Cole grabs my sleeve. "Ash."

I look down at myself and realize the water dripping from my body is streaming red, and my side is pooled and dark. I carefully prod at it with a few fingers and pain snaps back with a furious bite.

"Looks like you ripped out your stitches," Nya says as she moves toward me. She peels my shirt away from the wound and I wince as the cloth tugs at the open nerves. "We'll have to redo them." Her eyes soften on mine. "Come on, I'll get you some new clothes too."

She glances at the others. "We can talk about this when you're feeling better."

"Yeah," I cough as I swipe a hand over my dripping face. "Later."

I start to follow her out the silent room, hoping he won't say anything. But just before I can escape:

"Wait, Ash-"

I stop, but can't bring myself to face him. "Cole, I know you want to help, but really, you're just going to get hurt. I can't think about this right now."

I stalk from the room before anyone can say anything else. Instead, I focus on putting one agonizing foot in front of the other as Nya catches up.

I know she wants to talk, to say any of the thousand things on her mind to try and make me feel better, but thankfully she just offers her arm and helps me hobble down the hall toward her room.

There's a soft knock on the door, but my eyes don't lift from the slick floor.

"Ash? Are you still conscious?"

I force myself to get up, catching the corner of my reflection in the fogged mirror before I crack open the door. A rush of steam hisses from the room, making Nya blink. She gives me a friendly smile.

"Are you trying to fumigate something in there?"

I can't help but crack a smile. "Heat is relative to me. I don't feel warm unless the water's scalding hot."

"Well that explains why Kai complains about the water every morning," she smiles back. "So how do those clothes fit you?"

"A little tight," I admit as I glance down at the outfit the more petite girl had lent me. "But better than wearing the ones I burned. Thank you ahead of time for getting me new ones."

"It isn't a problem. You're just lucky we were about to go on a supply run," her face softens. "So how are you feeling?"

"Well, with the new stitches-"

She gives me a pointed look. I let out a sigh.

"Honestly, like I've been thrown in the ocean without a raft."

"Sensei and Lloyd are looking into ways to combat the spell," Nya says. "I'm sure they'll find something to let you sleep."

"Even if they do, I don't think I'll ever be able to close my eyes again. Every time I blink all I can see is-" I shake my head. "It's something I never wanted to remember."

"Hey, if it makes you feel better the boys are out on a mission," she starts to push open the door. "You can come out safely."

"Right," I grimace as I emerge from the bathroom. The memory of Cole's distraught face claws to the front of my mind, and I struggle to wipe it away. I don't mean to be so distant, but all these memories and so little control… I'm not safe.

Nya notes my sobering mood and instantly adjusts. "So good news," she smiles. "Before they left, Jay gave me this."

She pulls a picture frame from behind her back and holds it out to me. I take it and stare at the picture for a second before I realize it's the photo of my mother. It's charred around the edges, but otherwise beautifully intact inside its new metal frame.

"The frame is completely fireproof. You're really attached to that picture, so we kind of decided to give it a new home. Jay's the one who threw it together so fast."

I stare up at Nya. "How-"

"Don't question it," she says. "Just enjoy it."

"Thanks," I say sincerely as I stare down at my mother's eyes, frozen in the same smile despite the burns just around her head. "Really. I don't know what to say."

"That's about enough," she grins.

She starts to retreat toward the door. "Now I have to go get food and your clothes, so if you want to stay here and enjoy the silence, you're very welcome. I'd invite you to come, but we wouldn't want you ripping your stitches out again."

I shake my head free of the memories that cloud it. "No, it's fine. I'll just stay here and uh," I look down at the picture again. "Meditate."

"Alright," her hand closes around the door. "Just holler at Sensei or Lloyd if you need anything. And, uh, stay safe."

I give her a reassuring smile. "Thanks, but I think I'll be alright." My gaze moves back to the picture. "If there's anything that can help me, it's this."

Nya seems confused by my cryptic response, but doesn't say anything. She just gives me a final nod before disappearing from the room.

She reappears just a few seconds later. "Oh, by the way, stay out of my wardrobe. There's, uh, moth balls in there and I wouldn't want you to, uh, have a sneezing fit or anything."

I arch an eyebrow. "A sneezing fit?"

"Just don't open it. If you need anything, find Lloyd or Sensei."

The door closes with the click and I'm left alone with the frame clutched in my hands. I look down into my mother's shining eyes and let out a breath.

"Guess it's just you and me."

The candlelight glows around me with an almost sinister warmth, but I try to ignore it and focus on the picture in my hands.

"Zane said this might help," I say to my mother. She only answers with a smile. "I guess I just have to relax."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The darkness swallows my vision with bright spots of color from the flickering candles, and all I can hear is the familiar creak of the Bounty and my own breathing. My stomach roils at the thought of falling asleep and being trapped again, but I swallow the feeling and focus on relaxing.

A couple of minutes pass and the only thing I feel is the throbbing in my stitches.

"Why isn't this working?" I hiss as I open my eyes. My hands clench around the frame and I'm filled with a dark anger that sparks around my fingers, coiling around the smooth metal of the frame without damaging it. I try to force another deep breath.

"What am I doing wrong?"

I focus on my mother's smiling eyes, on the way her lips pull up in an almost familiar way. I never met the woman, and recently I've even had the miserable thought of whether she was actually my mother or just another part of Desmond's lies. But something about her is so…

Dark strands of hair poke out from under the bundle of blankets around the baby's head. No, my head. I don't know how to explain it, but I know I'm the one bundled in her arms, in my mother's arms. Her wide brown eyes are a far cry from mine, but that smile and that glowing face… I just know she's my real mother. The only speck of truth I have to hold onto in this crazy mess.

"You're all I have left," I mutter aloud, reaching a still hand to wipe away a streak of grime from the frame. "Just you and me."

Iris.

My hand recoils from the frame. Someone whispered my name, my old name, the one I abandoned when-

Iris.

I scramble to my feet, my eyes skirting around the empty room. This must be one of Desmond's tricks, another way to get inside my head-

Iris, you're running out of time.

"What the hell?" I rush into the hallway, extinguishing the candles with a clench of willpower as I struggle to figure out where the voice is coming from.

"Who are you?" I call out. "Show yourself!"

Iris, please.

I push through a door and onto the deck, where the sky stares emptily back at me. One of my hands lights.

"Show yourself!"

"Ash, what's going on?" Lloyd's small shape appears nearby, but his voice sounds like it's coming through water.

Iris, you must find us. It's the only way.

"Who are you?" I scream. "Desmond, I swear if this is another game I'll tear your throat out-!"

Time is short, Iris. You must hurry before it's too late. Find us before the end.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

You know us, Iris. You always have. Come home and you'll remember. Come home.

I open my mouth to yell again, but someone grabs my shoulder and snaps me from my reverie.

"Ash!" Sensei turns me around to face him, and realize I've nearly slammed a flaming fist into his face. "What is going on?"

I try to answer him, but my mind is filled with a piercing pain. I let out a scream as I collapse onto my knees, clutching my head as the voice echoes everywhere at once, stabbing into my skull with a thousand swords.

Come home, Iris. It's the only way.

Come home.

Come home!

"Ash!"

My eyes fly open as everything suddenly stops. The pain, the voice. All that remains are Sensei and Lloyd's terrified faces above me.

"Ash, what's happened?"

"I-I don't know," I shake my head. "There was a voice, and it was telling me things. To go home, to find someone, I didn't understand."

I look up into Sensei's troubled eyes. "It was Desmond, wasn't it? Another spell?"

"No, Lloyd and I found something to block his hold on your mind," he pauses, and his face changes. "Did you recognize the voice?"

"No," I shake my head. "But it has to be him. Just because it didn't sound like Desmond or Hale's doesn't mean it was-"

"There are spells that could allow someone to invade another's mind, but what you've described," he pauses again. "I do not believe it was Desmond."

"What?" I scramble to my feet.

"I was a friend of your father's, Ash, and he told me once of an experience he had before he met me. He spoke of a call that drew him to the sacred power of his ancestors, a power that gave him strength to come with me on our journey."

"A power?"

Sensei nods. "I never took the call literally, but if you what you are hearing are your ancestors-"

I shake my head. "You can't be serious. My ancestors are suddenly screaming into my head to come home? How could I go back to the place I destroyed?"

"I believe they mean your real home."

I lift my head. "What?"

"I mentioned the old rulers of Ninjago kept their court deep within the ancient forest at the heart of Ninjago. Perhaps they want you to return."

"Sensei, you understand how crazy that sounds? This could easily be Desmond trying to trick me into something," I stare down at the picture still clenched tightly in my hand. "I can't risk it."

Sensei's eyes follow mine. "That's the picture of your mother, is it not?"

I manage a nod. "I was, uh, meditating on it before I ran out here."

His eyes narrow ever so slightly. "I am sure Zane told you the effects meditation on an object could have," he says slowly. "Perhaps in thinking on your mother, you awakened the part of yourself that is attached to your family."

"So what? That still doesn't mean-"

"I'm not trying to push you out the door, Ash, but this is a matter for serious consideration," he says. "Whatever power Lindell received in the home of his ancestors was not something to be trifled with. It gave him a strength and resolve that you sorely need."

My heart thuds. "Lindell," the name feels strange in my mouth, like a word that's burned on the tip of my tongue for a long time. "That… that was my father's name?"

Sensei blinks. "Ah, yes. I'm sorry, I thought I told you."

"No, it's fine, just," I look into the picture of my mother, wondering if the person behind the camera was him, Lindell. My father.

Something shifts inside me. "Where did you say that forest was again?"

"You aren't serious."

I take a deep breath. "How many times to I have to say this? I have to find that power."

"Not alone, you aren't," Cole shakes his head. "Honestly, we leave for a few hours and you're ready to jump ship-"

"I'm ready to take this mess into my own hands," I snap. "I am sick and tired of sitting here waiting for Desmond to make a move. We have to get a jump on him, and getting this power could be just the push we need."

"Ash, you realize how dangerous this is," Zane's cool blue gaze burns into mine. His hands are clenched and his voice is tense, but he is by far the calmest person in the room. "You said yourself, this may be Desmond's doing."

"I think it's worth the risk," I say. "I've talked to Sensei about it. Whatever Desmond is doing, he wants me to lose control. He won't interfere with me gaining more power."

"Because it plays into his plan," Jay says as he angrily bites down on a piece of shrimp. "No offense, but this sounds like a suicide mission."

"Whatever power is in that fortress will strengthen me," I sit forward. "If anything, it'll shove me farther out of Desmond's control."

"Hopefully."

"As much as I hate to admit it, I have to agree with Jay," Kai sighs. "I don't see at all how this could end well, especially if you're trying to take it on by yourself."

"The only people capable of entering are the rulers of Ninjago," Nya says. "Even if we wanted to, we can't follow."

"But the forest is miles away and we don't have a ship," Cole shakes his head. "It'll take you days to get there and you think we can just let that slide?"

"I'm not asking you to like it, I'm asking you to trust me," I meet his gaze. "I know my limits, I'll take it slow."

"I'm sure that'll work when Hale decides to show up and shoot you again-"

My hands clench. "Are you always this block-headed? I know how to handle myself."

"Because that worked so well the last time-"

"Cole, I swear-"

Sensei enters the room before I can fly at the black ninja's throat. He drops a few scrolls in front of me, and I reluctantly relax my hands to examine them.

"Those are the maps that will guide you to the forest," he says as he takes a seat and pours himself a cup of tea. "With Nya's blessing, you can leave as early as tomorrow."

Cole scrambles to his feet. "What!"

Nya shrugs. "Ash knows what she's getting herself into. Might as well help her out before she finds a way to do it herself."

I give Cole a pointed look. "Thank you, Nya, for understanding."

"I know all of you are worried, but this could be the best opportunity we will ever have to gain an advantage over Desmond," Sensei says as he takes a long drag of tea. "This pilgrimage is something all rulers of Ninjago must take, some under even worse circumstances. I'm certain Ash will return to us safely."

"Sensei, you aren't serious-"

"My decision is made," I get to my feet and meet Cole's furious gaze with my own. "I'm going whether you like it or not."

He and I glare into each other's eyes for a long while, neither of us backing down. After a few seconds of intense focus, Cole lets out a snort and stalks from the room, leaving everyone in stunned silence.

"Anyone else?" I turn to the other ninja.

Kai raises his hand in surrender. "Hey, if the big guy can deal with it, I guess I can too."

Zane lets out a sigh. "I am in agreement as well. If this is what you believe is best… then I cannot argue."

"Well, looks like I have to say yes too," Jay grimaces as all eyes turn to him. "But I don't want to be the one who has to deal with Cole until you come back."

"Don't worry about him, Ash," Nya says as my eyes fix back on the open door. "He'll come around eventually."

"I hope so," I sigh and turn back to the others. "I guess that's it then. If everyone's cool with it…"

"We will get your supplies ready tonight," Sensei says. "You can leave in the morning."

I bite my lip and wonder if I'm doing the right thing. As much as the larger part of me thinks this is a good idea, I can't get over the fact that this might all just be part of Desmond's plan. What if gaining this new power does make it easier to fall under his control? What if something happens before I get there? And it's not like I even know what's going to happen when I find the forest and the place inside, or what kind of power my father found when he journeyed there however long ago.

But it has to be worth it. All this time of running away from my power, of not knowing who I am. It has to amount to something. It has to be part of something greater. I'm sick and tired of fearing my past, of being terrified of hurting someone. If gaining this power means I can finally be free of that… I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

Even if it means being alone.