I do not own any part of the Black Dagger Brotherhood. All of that greatness is the work of the amazing J R Ward.
As of 5-22-12 the wonderful GothicBelle has beta'ed this for me. Hopefully this is now easier to read.
I hope everyone enjoys.
Chapter Twenty One
Tohr slowly opened his eyes. He was back in his room on his bed.
"Fuck," he'd really messed up this time. He remembered being really pissed and that Rhage and V had to hold him down then everything just went black. Jane must have put him out with something.
"You can say that again, cowboy."
Just fucking great, the angel was here.
"Fuck you too, C3PO," he told the angel. One day, he'd like to go just one damn day without having to set eyes on Lassiter.
"How many times do I have to tell you? No damn way I'm bending over for the likes of you, I have taste," Lassiter flopped his glow bug ass into the sitting chair.
"Don't you have Oprah to watch or some other nancy assed shit to do?" Tohr was getting real sick of the Fallen hanging around. "I'm not suicidal anymore, so you can leave any time you're fucking ready. It sure would improve the mood around here."
"You know I can't leave until this mission is complete." Lassiter straighten in the chair. Tohr knew that meant the angel was about to get serious. He was so not in the mood for that shit right now.
"Just tell me what the damn mission is. I'll do what you want and then you can get good and gone." Tohr knew what the angel would say; they repeat this little slice of life every few weeks.
"You know I can't do that. Some rules can't be broken or bent," Lass said for the millionth time. "Heard you went ballistic on that civilian lawyer down in the PT room. You standing up for your boy Qhuinn or has that female they brought in gotten under your skin?"
"She was Darius's shellan, that makes me responsible for her and her young," Tohr got to his feet and started pacing. "He would do the same if our places had been reversed."
"Great, now you have survivor's guilt too? Can you say one step forwards, two huge fucking steps back?"
Lassiter headed for the door. 'About damn time,' Tohr thought. "This is not about guilt. This is about honor. About taking care of our own. Darius was a Brother, that makes his family our family. This is no different than taking in John Matthew. Darius was my best friend, he was like a father to me, and I owe him. We all do."
"So you decide to go ape shit after a civilian in the PT room. A civilian that volunteered to feed her, to help save her life. That doesn't sound like taking care of her to me. FYI, Lug Head, their keeping your ass away from her until she's finished feeding. And that could take a while considering they had to sedate the crazy bitch too."
Tohr lunged for Lassiter, a wild fury burning in him. The angel stepped backwards through the door. Tohr tried to follow him but the door was locked up tight using the special safety lock. He pounded the door. "Lassiter you better watch your fucking mouth went you speak of her. You show some respect or I'll fix it so you can't speak at all."
He could here the angel's laughter fade as he walked away.
"Shit," he said walking back to the bed. He was on lock down. Stuck in his room when all he wanted was to head back down to PT to check on Syhren. Lassiter had said they had to sedate her again and he wanted to know why.
"Damn," he laid back on the bed. He must have really lost his mind down there. The only thing he clearly remembered was thinking he had to protect her. Everything in him was, is screaming, 'Protect her.' Not good.
…
"How is he?" No'One asked the angel Lassiter as he came into the billiards room.
"He's awake. I'm not sure what's going on with him now," he answered joining her on the couch.
"Does anyone know what set him off down stairs?" No'One handed him his drink. She couldn't figure it out. Tohr was a very reserved male. Since losing his beloved shellan he was somber and, according to Xhex, up until recently was like the walking dead.
"Not really. But it's the only time he has ever let a female other than Wellsie feed from him. Thank you," He said picking up the remote and turning on the T.V.
"You think that's what caused him to attack?" No'One could understand the feeding would upset him. She just couldn't see why it would make him so violent.
"Thing is he let that female take too much from him. I think in his state of blood lose he was confused. I think for him to act like that he had to of believed it was Wellsie in that bed."
"Oh, that makes sense. If he thought Saxton was trying to feed his shellan he would have easily went into a rage," she said. She thought about the young male she once knew, so eager and happy. She thought of the sad lonely male he had become. She had learned the hard way that time would heal and hoped that time would not take to long for him. "So who's on Oprah this evening?"
…
Blay opened his eyes for a moment he was frightened thinking it had all been a dream. Then he realized the arms wrapped around him were too well defined to be Saxton's. Thank god, he didn't need that nightmare again. He inhaled deeply. It really was Qhuinn in his bed. He was pressed safely against his broad chest. He could feel his breathe on the back of his neck. He couldn't help but smile. He had dreamed of waking like this so many times. Blay kept his breathing as slow as he could even though his heart was now racing. He didn't want to wake Qhuinn. He wanted this moment for himself, a beautiful memory to keep no matter what their future held.
The feel of Qhuinn's breath sent tingles down his spine every time he exhaled. His scent was musky and wild. Qhuinn's arms tightened around him and his body betrayed him as his need for Qhuinn became uncomfortably obvious. Qhuinn was asleep and still his face turned red with embarrassment.
"Did you know even the back of your neck turns red when you blush?" Blay tried to move but Qhuinn wouldn't let him up. "I love it when you blush. It's actually very sexy."
Blay stilled at those words. 'Damn him.' "It is not sexy and saying that is just fucking stupid."
Qhuinn let him go and sat up. "It's not stupid, it's the way I feel. And this shitty attitude you've got going on, it's not going to drive me away. I get it. I was really god awful shitty to you. I deserve the attitude and I know it. But I'm not leaving. So yeah, I was an asshole, will probably always be an asshole to some degree, but from here on out I'm your asshole."
Blay sat up too, feeling awful about his attitude. "I'm sorry. I'm trying, I really am," he took Qhuinn's hand in his. "I'm just so scared. What if you change your mind?"
"I'm not changing my mind. Hell, I'm not even listening to it anymore when it comes to you. I'm listening to my heart. I love you and I'm not talking myself out of it anymore," he said staring into Blay's eyes.
"I hear you saying that and I know you'd never lie to me on purpose, but after that night with Sax, it's just so hard to believe. You left your bonding scent all over me and you still walked away. You kissed me like that and still sent me off to him." Fuck he was going to cry.
"I'm sorry. I know I handled it all wrong. I wanted you so bad that my heart hurt. But I kept thinking up excuses to stay away. At first I kept telling myself that my dream had always been to find a female of worth and have some young, to show the glymera and my family that I was just as good as them. Then that because I am flawed that I couldn't be with you, couldn't be with a male. That both things together would defiantly make me a total outcast," Qhuinn paused. Blay knew this was hard on him. He wasn't one for sharing his feelings.
"How many times do I have to tell you there is nothing wrong with you? I love your eyes. They are beautiful and so are you," he told Qhuinn with a smile.
"Now who's 'just fucking stupid'?" he asked bringing Blay's knuckles to his mouth for a quick kiss. Blay blushed again. "No more distracting me. I need to get this out while I can. All that I just said was before the Massacre. After that, after I outed you and my family was gone, you became my excuse. The glymera was still a problem in my head but not the same way. I knew that I wasn't good enough for you. That if I let anything happen between us, it was you who was going to pay. And yeah I was jealous when Sax came along. Mostly because he was brave enough to take what I wanted. And that night I kept telling myself he was so much better for you than I was. He was a real male of worth. He was what you needed. What you deserved."
"Qhuinn, you're all I ever wanted," Blay said as the tears finally spilled from his eyes.
"I still think you're better off with him, but I'm not pushing you away anymore. I'm a selfish bastard at heart and I'm never letting you go ever again."
Blay wiped his cheeks knowing they were wet from his tears. "Qhuinn I am glad you told me all that, I do love you. I could never stop loving you and that's what scares me the most. Last night standing on the edge of the pool it took everything in me and Butch to stop me from trying to end it all. I am so scared that loving you is going to be the death of me."
Qhuinn pulled him into his arms, "Fuck, baby. You can't ever even think of that shit again. I can't live without you." Qhuinn eased back. Blay watched him look at his mouth. Just when he thought they were going to kiss his bedroom door opened.
"Oh, sorry guys, I was just checking on you before we headed out," Rhage said. He seemed a little uncomfortable. "Both of you are to stay put. One of the Brothers will check on you latter tonight."
He was gone just as fast as he came. "Was he wearing a black robe?" Blay asked.
"He was. Now where were we?" Qhuinn smiled at him.
"I'm still scared," Blay whispered.
"I'm still not going anywhere."
…
There was a knock on the door. Tohr got up off the bed as Zsadist entered wearing his hooded black robe.
"It's time," was all the brother said and tossed Tohr his robe.
"So soon," he hadn't looked at the time since he had come to.
"Sun will be down in fifteen," Z headed into the hall. "Hurry up and meet us outside John's room. Wrath figured you want to do his talking for him. If it's okay with you I want to speak for the proposal."
"That's fine," Tohr quickly changed into his robe and met up with the Brothers outside John Matthew's door.
His heart filled with love and pride. His son was about to become a Brother. They would now share an even greater bond. They would both be members of the most elite group in their society, the Black Dagger Brotherhood. John would be recognized as a protector of the entire vampire race. No father could be prouder.
All the Brothers were there, even Phury. "Thought you went back to the Grand Camp."
"I did, but this is important so I just slipped to the Other Side and came here. One of the perks of being Primale," Phury grinned.
"Are we ready?" Wrath asked.
"Yes," the other six said as one.
Wrath entered first.