Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz…nor can I spell it properly so that should really give things away…
Warnings: Slight gore, nasty things, evil wenches and general author evilness…(can you tell I like to be specific?)
Chapter 37
Nicotine and Vicious Thoughts
Everything was becoming one.
Everything was drifting away, further and further, getting dimmer and darker. I could feel things snapping, I could feel them disconnecting…I wasn't sure where I was anymore.
Was I at home? Was I in that house we had shared for so long? Was it the kitchen, or the corridor? Maybe the living room? Or maybe I was outside, or perhaps not even in the house at all. Maybe I was out walking in the glitzy street, my hair hanging in my face as the neon lights danced in the rippling puddles around my feet. Or perhaps I was in the warehouse, patiently waiting for that one poor little idiot to open the door and walk into my spiders web, my mouth twisting into a smirk as I watched from the shadowed rafters, my eyes glinting, the old wood straining into a creak, the draft of the old building…
I could smell the dust.
I could feel the comfort of that familiar house.
I could hear the splashing of the puddles under my heeled boots.
Everything was becoming one. Everything was merging into a lump of memories and pasts and presents. I could feel my mind wrenching this way, that way, with the unnaturalness, the abnormal absorption of time into a single seconds worth of living. It was only vaguely now that I felt the rope around my wrists, felt the blood coagulating against my cheek, the oddly painful tingling in the hollow socket of my ruined right eye. All of that seemed mundane compared to this hideous contraption she had worked me into, inside, lost inside. This loss of identity and self, the strange stripping feeling against my skin as if I were literally coming apart, the heavy feeling of my once expansive, free mind contracting into one solid mass. I couldn't even tell anymore if it was happening out of my own self defence against her or if this was exactly what she had wanted to happen in the first place.
"Ne Schuldich don't look like that, it doesn't suit you, I hate it when you sulk."
It came to my ears as if spoken through a thick blanket. The words seemed slowed, distorted, and it took a while for me to figure out exactly what had been said and who'd said it. Of course it had been her, she was of course still here. Said she'd not wanted to miss any of this right? Not for the whole world right?
-Schu…I'm…empty-
Such a lot of meaning in those three little words, spaced through with deep breaths, as if the air was too thick to take in. Nagi…where was Nagi? She was speaking again, too me? Perhaps…I couldn't focus anymore, I could only feel another stray strand of thought become ensnared and pulled screaming into the massing void. I shivered violently, feeling something on my back split open and hot liquid ooze down into the waistband of my trousers. My breath hitched and I felt a sigh escape my lips. They twitched involuntarily and I almost laughed, almost but not quite, at the thought that was instantly in my head at the motion.
-God I could murder a cigarette.-
Instead I only swung there, the smallest of smiles twitching at my cheeks.
There was someone talking again, maybe two people? Focus goddamit, this is important! This isn't just a game anymore, they're going to kill you, you get that right? And not just you, they'll kill him too, I mean he's just a kid for god's sakes…and if they turn up to save you, they'll kill them as well, all of them.
They're all going to die, because of you.
This is all your fault.
You need to get out of this, you need to do something, dammit ropes never held you before, get yourself out of this! Did you live through nine years of hell just to die bleeding at your enemies' feet? No! So get up, get up and find a way out of here!
Such encouraging words, where did they come from? I didn't think I had it in me to make a speech like that, even just to myself. Ha, I think I could get out of these ropes if I tried, maybe if I tried really hard I could…but she's never going to leave, not now, she's enjoying herself too much. I need a distraction, this is getting too serious. I need to make a distraction before she gets what she wants out of me and we both die. If this contraction of my mind really is a defence then I'd say my chances are better, but if it's all her doing then…well I'd say we're pretty screwed. But…
…Her only weakness so far seems to be disregarding our abilities. Not that I have many of them left now, but hell I'm never completely down and out even when I look like I'm going to keel over and die. I need to find a distraction, something that would hold her interest for at least enough time to get free. If I could just get my left eye open, maybe I can find something, anything to get rid of her, just for one moment…
The eyelid resisted at first, heavy as if with the need for sleep, sticky with crusted blood. It popped open with a sudden movement that made me wince as light tumbled against my exposed eye. I blinked sluggishly, feeling another small snap somewhere around my left temple. I felt my balance go and my head lolled to the right; only by force of will was I able to straighten it again, albeit slowly.
The room was as I remembered it, or at least this was how I think I remembered it. Everything was trying to merge into one again, but I pushed at it, forced my mind to focus on what my eye was telling it was in front of me, not my mind. My mind lied, it tried to trick me, and I was sure that it was her doing, but no time to think about that now. She was standing at the far end of the long room with another person, a black silhouette, Nagi slumped against the wall before them like a loose rag doll with large vacant black eyes. I swallowed dryly at the sight, the reality of his condition far worse than what my memories had relayed to me. The fire, now to my right, had died down to a pile of flashing red embers, the chill of the room apparent without its roaring heat. The windows were no longer dark but pale with pre-dawn light. They were still spattered with dribbling drops of rain and I could just see the sheets of storm water falling down onto the wooden patio outside. The storm of last night still raged outside.
I pulled my head back around to the right with effort, trying futilely to hear her whispered words. Yet I wasn't really interested in what she was saying, but more in who she was standing with. I knew that they were a stranger, I didn't recognise their outline, too tall and broad…who were they, what were they doing here? The muffled voices slowly receded and I squinted as the shadowed being nodded slowly and turned towards the doorway. His face was illuminated for the barest couple of seconds and yet something, thank the gods something that hadn't yet been ruined in my memories, jumped up and started screaming.
That face.
I knew that face!
And the memory in my head continued to scream, and only after the tall man with the chocolate brown hair had slid out of the room did I realise exactly what it was screaming.
"Quit it you little freak!" (1)
The plane. That day, that day they tried to…
"Stop it Schuldich," Brad had told me.
What was he doing here? I thought…I thought they removed his memories and…they were taking him to…but then…oh god.
Oh god. That can't be right, it can't…
I have to get out of here.
I have to get out of here.
I tried experimentally to shift my legs, grimacing as I realised they were bloodless and numb. My mind was working too quickly, panicked and, before I could really stop myself I tried stupidly to pull up on my wrists to try and haul my legs around and let the blood flow back. The screaming pain of tearing flesh was too much, I cried out as the blood began to flow down my arms in tiny rivulets, twisting through the hairs like snakes through grass. She turned then, I saw out of the corner of my eye, her face amused and still slightly stained with blood. It was as if she enjoyed wearing it, a testament to my pain, or perhaps she was just having too much fun to notice. I coughed roughly, realising my throat was raw from lack of water, and my scream had done it no good. I felt the throbbing of my wrists and tried to ignore it, watched detachedly as she clicked across the gleaming wood towards me. I kept my gaze on her, hoping to realise something, glean anything from her expression, anything! But nothing, she gave nothing away, and I was now without the power to take it for myself.
I flinched as she took hold of my cheek, her hand sliming its way across my forehead, smearing in the blood there as she looked on with an almost placid, affectionate gaze. It made me shiver even more to see that look, made me want to kill her, made me want to..!
"You still don't get it do you?" she asked suddenly, making me start despite myself.
"Fuck you," I croaked out, the insult only making her break into a smile, "I don't even care what this is all about… (liar)…I just know I want to see you dead before the end of it… (more than dead)" I stopped to cough, feeling something rip painfully up my throat and slap bloodily onto the ground; I ignored it and continued.
"…and if you hurt one…hair on his head, I'll…make sure I…take my time… (and never finish)."
She let out a small laugh. Her eyes were wandering between blue and green, dancing in the red ember light.
"You still don't see how insignificant you are do you? You still think you have some big purpose in this, some big part to play like an unsung hero? You're nothing brother, nothing at all to me or to my master or his cause. It's what's up here," and she tapped my temple softly, "that's important. Once I find what I want I'll dispose of you, then I'll dispose of your friend, and then I'll dispose of the rest of your rag tag band. But then that's only if you're good now, if you do what I tell you."
She patted my cheek in an almost motherly fashion before standing, my hard gaze following her, and folded her arms as she regarded my ruined form.
"If you don't, if you continue to resist me like some martyr or fool or whatever you've thought up, then I'll start killing them in front of you. I'll kill the child first and then I'll kill whoever's the first to walk through the door to rescue you, then the next one and the next until they're all dead. Then I'll kill you, maybe. Maybe…"
I felt sick rising in my throat, even as I managed to keep my glare hard edged and furious. It burned my throat with bile and choked my breath just the way her words were doing to my mind. I felt a stinging snap in my forehead and was forced to close my eyes and wince. Her soft laughter seemed to drift away, away, far away until I was floating and…
Again it came, all together, like child rolling different coloured plasticene into one until they become a dark brown mass with no identity or form. Again I was back in that house, I was walking the streets, I was waiting above the small figure far below me, my hand twisting as it screwed the silencer slowly onto the barrel…
I was drifting far away from Nagi, far away from my rescue, far away from my plans of escape…far into my own slowly imploding memories.
AN: I nasty aren't I? Sorry minasan that this took soooooooooo long and that it's a little short considering. I didn't want to run it into the next chapter so it's going out on its own and hopefully the next one will be up soon. Sorry again for the wait, I'll try and hurry my ass up for the next one! As ever I hope you enjoy it and please R&R!
(1) - PS: Oh and for anyone wondering about this vague reference in the middle of the story please go to chapter 25 for Brad's second flashback and all will be revealed! Hopefully...
To Heather R: Sorry, more gore in this one, hope it wasn't too bad! Yes Ken and Yoji aren't just thick they're stubborn too! Hee hee, just kidding. But I'm not quite finished yet, although I hope to explain some things soon. SHOCK HORROR PIGS MIGHT FLY AND THEY'LL BE A BIG BLUE MOON!
To Gillian Sillis: No worries dearie! Sorry to hear you're obviously harassed. Hope everything is okay and you're not too stressed out! Hope you enjoy the chapter and I'll hear from you when you can!
And also thank you so much to everyone else who's reviewed my ickle story! You guys are great! See you next chapter!
Ro x