Author's Note: Part of this chapter will be loosely based off of the South Park episode where Cartman, Stan, and the other kids went to their first confession and were paranoid about going to Hell. Well, it's just loosely based off of part of the episode. This also came out of my head due to having almost passed out twice due to the Florida heat, so I apologize in advance if I offend anyone.

Oh, and in this chapter, Gilbert's 13, and Ludwig's 9.

Chapter 5: Confession and an angry priest

Roderich parked the car in the church parking lot. He got out, closed the door, and went to the back door of the car.

"Gilbo, Lui, come on," he said, tapping on the window. "Time to go in."

"Okay, Roddy," said Ludwig, opening the back door and hopping out of the car. "Gilbo, come on," he said to his older brother, who had tuned Roderich and Ludwig out with a Rammstein CD.

"Gilbo!" Ludwig shouted. "Come on, big brother! Hey! Gilbo, are you listening?"

No response from the teen sitting in the back seat and lost in his own little world.

"Let me handle this, Lui," said Roderich. He reached towards Gilbert and took the headphones off his cousin's ears.

"Hey!" Gilbert said, glaring at Roderich. "I was listening to that!"

"Come on, GilGil, it's time to go in," Roderich said in a stern tone.

"Don't call me GilGil," Gilbert said under his breath, through gritted teeth.

As the three cousins entered the church, Roderich turned and looked at them.

"Why didn't you two wear something nicer to your first confession than jeans, sneakers, and a T-shirt?" he asked.

"My nice clothes itch," said Ludwig.

"Wait, wait," said Gilbert. "The awesome me, wearing nice clothes? Are you freaking kidding me?"

Roderich just rolled his eyes as he led the boys to the confessional. Ludwig went in first, while Gilbert sat on a bench and waited his turn.

Gilbert started to sing Blaze of Glory by Bon Jovi to pass the time.

"I wake up in the morning

And I raise my weary head

I've got an old coat for a pillow

And the earth was last night's bed-"

Just then, Gilbert was interrupted by Roderich.

"So, you know that you have to think about all of your sins and confess them to the priest, right?" Roderich asked his cousin.

"Yes, I know, Roddykins," said Gilbert, annoyed at the 22-year-old looking at him. "My dad told me what to do. Now, let me sing Bon Jovi."

Inside the confessional, Ludwig sat down on the bench.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," the younger Beilschmidt brother said. "This is my first confession."

"Tell me your sins, my son," said the priest on the other side of the confessional.

"Well, it all started when I was…..about…..um…..4 ½," said Ludwig, trying very hard to concentrate. "I colored on my cousin Roderich's music report on some composer guy when he was in high school…I don't remember who."

"Well, I'm pretty sure your cousin has forgiven you by now," said the priest.

"And," said Ludwig, "there was this other time when I was 6 when I took my dad's shaving cream, put it all over the bathroom mirror, and wrote my name on it. And there was another time when…"

Ludwig kept on telling the priest every bad thing he did.

Gilbert was still singing the same song.

"When you're brought into this world

They say you're born in sin

Well at least they gave me something

I didn't have to steal or have to win-"

Gilbert was, yet again, interrupted by his cousin, only Roderich was playing music on the church organ.

"Roderich, cut it out!" Gilbert yelled.

"Uh, what's wrong, Gilbo?" Roderich asked.

"You made me mess up, dammit!" said Gilbert.

"Oh, sorry," said Roderich as he sat down beside Gilbert. "And don't curse in here."

Gilbert then proceeded to continue singing as his little brother kept confessing.

"Well they tell me that I'm wanted

Yeah, I'm a wanted man

I'm a colt in a stable

I'm what Cain was to Abel

Mister catch me if you can

I'm going out in a blaze of glory

Take me now but know the truth

I'm going out in a blaze of glory

Lord I never drew first

But I drew first blood

I'm no one's son

Call me young gun"

"And then," said Ludwig, "there was one time when I was 7, when I went into the priest's office and ate his ham and cheese sandwich when he wasn't looking. And then I replaced it with a peanut butter and banana sandwich instead."

By this time, the priest was getting mad.

"Well," the priest said through gritted teeth, "I'm sure that if this priest knew who ate his lunch, he'd forgive you."

Outside the confessional, minutes later, Gilbert was done with Blaze of Glory, and now he was in the process of saying the prayer he was supposed to.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee," said Gilbert. "Blessed-" He was interrupted by Roderich's playing once again.

"Roderich, dammit!" shouted Gilbert, an angry look on his face. "Quit that freaking playing and let me concentrate, stupid!"

"Hey, don't call me stupid," said Roderich as he swatted Gilbert on the head. "And I told you not to curse in here."

"Whatever," Gilbert said, and started the prayer over.

"Well," Ludwig said, continuing with his confessions, "last Christmas, I replaced Away in a Manger with Jingle Bell Rock, and that's why everybody wasn't singing the proper songs."

"Well…I'm sure everybody would forgive you if they knew who did it," the priest said in a short tone. His hands were balled into fists as he resisted the urge to strangle the little boy.

"Oh," said Ludwig, "and last Halloween, for a prank, I TP'd the priest's house."

Just then, the priest reached though the other side of the confessional and strangled Ludwig.

Just as Gilbert was done praying and it was time for him to go in, Ludwig and the priest both broke the confessional; Ludwig was trying to get free of the angry priest, and the priest was still strangling Ludwig.

"What the-?" Roderich asked, confused at what was going on.

"Roddy, help!" Ludwig said. "The priest's gone mad!"

"Uh, Father, please don't strangle my cousin," said Roderich as he got the priest to stop strangling Ludwig. "Uh," he continued, "maybe we should come back some other time?"

"Yeah, maybe," said the angry priest as he glared at Ludwig.

"Okay, guys, come on," said Roderich as he and his cousins left the church. "I'll take you to McDonald's."

The three cousins then got back in the car and drove to McDonald's.

Author's Note: Oh, just in case no one got the South Park reference, it was when Ludwig got strangled by the priest while in the process of confessing his sins to the priest.

The reason I made Gilbo 13 at his first confession was because I was 12 when I went to mine.

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