Finally! My creative muse has returned from vacation! I don't know where she jetted off to, but I couldn't find her anywhere. Anyhow, I was hit by inspiration in the shower (what a marvelous place to think!) and knew I had to get this down before it disappeared again.

I had great trouble trying to find a direction for this... I wanted to show the passing of time, but not drag it out too much. Plus, after Monday, I knew I wanted to add things from 'Nikki Heat'. I wanted to thank you for sticking in there by making this chappy a little longer. :)

So. I hope everyone had a good holiday and a great New Year's celebration. I certainly did! I made the best of what I had. :)

(PS. those of you who were asking/wondering... my mom was released from the hospital on New Year's Eve! So she has been home 'all year' ;) haha! she's doing just fine. so far, so good!)

Also, all mistakes are my own.

Enjoy!

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that will light those ears

Sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Rick hurried down the sidewalk, each step reverberated the mantra he planted in his brain.

Just tell her. Step. We can work through anything. Step. Just tell her. Step.

He wasn't even sure where he was going at this point, and maybe that's why he walked. In his current state, he would have run a huge taxi bill from being indecisive. He knew what his end goal was, but for now, he was just following his feet. Until he built a more concrete plan, that was good enough for him.

Eventually he found himself only a block from the station. Picking up his pace just a touch, he felt the warmth in his stomach release butterflies that he didn't even realize were there. Stopping in front of the doors, he paused to catch his breath, and the gravity of what he was about to do sunk in. The butterflies intensified, and he realized the only reason why they did. She was inside. She had to be, or else he wouldn't feel this way. This was going to happen, and it was going to happen now.

Taking a breath, he opened the door and walked up to the elevator, waving a hand at the officer working the desk. He hopped impatiently from foot to foot as he waited for the elevator to arrive. Once it did, he stepped inside and pressed the button like it would urge the contraption to move faster.

When it arrived on his desired floor, as soon as the doors opened wide enough for him to fit through, Rick bolted out of the elevator, and looked around frantically.

Now would be a good time to have a plan, he thought. Too bad I'm just winging this.

But the heart wants what the heart wants, right?

He searched the entire floor, but Beckett was nowhere to be found.

My spidey senses were tingling. She had to have been here..

An idea popped into his head. Rushing to her desk, he sat down in her chair. It was still warm. His eyes widened and he raced towards the parking garage, thinking he could catch her.

He rushed into the garage just in time to see her rev the engine on her Harley Softail and take off down the ramp towards the exit.

She had been wearing a helmet, but those curves didn't belong to just anyone. Part of him was utterly stunned that he saw her on what he thought was until now, an imaginary motorcycle. The other part of him was exasperated, and frustrated that once again, he had missed her. This time, he wanted to go after her, but he was literally unable chase her down. After her apartment had turned to ashes with the explosion set off by her deranged 'fan', she had alternate living arrangements.

It was only now that he realized that he wasn't completely sure what those arrangements were.

The incident that night was never spoken of, at least not to Beckett. Months moved by, cases flowed in and out, and they settled into a steady and comfortable pace. Castle decided not to say anything just yet, his superstitious side telling him to wait, because her driving away from him on her Harley was more than a bad omen that he could spook her. He knew that she thought they were completely different when it came to relationships, and as slow as they appeared to be moving, at least they were moving. Little by little, he would coax her into the trust that he knew she needed. He was so ready to put his whole life aside, and work to win her over completely.

But that was before Josh.

Ugh. Josh.

He assumed that if he were able to read her mind, Josh was there as another decoy; something akin to Demming, to shield herself from Gina. He hadn't been able to see it before, but now, with his own feelings realized, he knew it for what it was. In theory, he should have been able to figure out what to do about it, or at least how to disarm her.

But in all honesty, he was stumped.

He couldn't miss how each member of Beckett's team, including the Captain, matched his exact facial expression when he came to pick her up from the precinct. Clad in leather and a sharp haircut, he oozed attraction, and apparently, by the way Beckett lit up, she fed off of it.

Unaware of the eyes of four men staring holes of pure incredulousness into the back of her jacket, Beckett had left; content to be in the crook of her hunky doctor with a bike.

Castle was lost. Every time. Every frickin' time. One step from him counted against three steps back from her. And vice versa. Every. Time.

It was enough to make him want to quit. He wanted to leave the precinct forever, and start over. Maybe he could move to LA to oversee the Nikki Heat movie. He didn't know, but he needed to get out.

But deep inside, he knew he could never do that. He was too involved.

He had left without a word that night, not wanting to talk about what this meant for him with the guys.

Besides, they already knew.

Weeks went by, and after realizing that Josh was far too busy to be around to annoy him and distract Beckett that often, Castle was content to keep things the way they were.

For now.

He couldn't say that he wasn't tired of feeling like a yo-yo; trying to keep his emotions in check, and trying to figure out just when to tell Beckett how he felt.

She seemed relaxed too, and never skipped a beat with their bantering and wordplay as she had when Demming was around. He decided at some point that if he wasn't so captivated with Beckett, he would have probably liked Josh. He seemed to be a good person, saving lives and doing other heroic deeds, and more importantly, he made Kate happy.

But it always felt like something was missing. He knew it was a piece of his heart that Kate tightly gripped without fully realizing what she had. Little moments had been happening more recently; a moment of panic followed closely by a moment of comfort after the Triple Killer had gotten away, six small words from Beckett that had more meaning to him than she knew, and waking up in a position that felt awkwardly comfortable after an out-of-this-world interrogation.

These moments made Rick's heart leap, but he knew that nothing would, or could happen because of Josh. He ached at this thought, but also cursed himself for not letting go like he should have.

But just like every time before, he knew it was impossible.

The holidays rolled around and he spent a quiet few days off with his mother and Alexis, never hearing Gina's excuse for not joining them. Frankly, he didn't care. She was only around because he didn't want to be alone. He had admitted that to himself long ago. Not that it mattered now, because she was around less and less. He wondered if they were officially over again.

One mid December night, Beckett had appeared at his doorstep with cookies and small presents for the Castle household. He had been hopeful once again, and tried to cajole her to stay and watch a few classic Christmas specials with them. But she had declined, saying she had plans. He hoped he meant with her father, but he knew that in all likelihood, they were with Josh.

Discouraged, but not able to do anything else, he continued to wait.

"I can't wait any longer. I saw the look in her eye. I mean, when Natalie assumed that the coffee I brought was for her? Beckett about exploded. I know she was jealous, but who cares about a cup of coffee?"

Rick paced the living room in his loft, grateful that he finally told his mother everything, and that Alexis was out with Ashley. He was growing impatient, and the week he had just had put him even more on edge. He needed to vent, and he had to admit, his mother was a good person to rant to.

"Darling, it's not just a cup of coffee. It's never just a cup of coffee. It's never been just a cup of coffee."

Rick knew she was right. Their coffee ritual was something they had fallen into long ago, and something that signaled that everything was alright between them. Normalcy, or at least normalcy in their terms, equaled coffee. It was like a liquid hug or squeeze of the hand, and was something that was only between them. As crazy as it was to think about, it was almost intimate.

"Then what do I do? I want her, but there is a big road block called 'Josh'. Not to mention I haven't exactly told Gina to bug off yet. After seeing Ryan propose..." He trailed, remembering the moment with a fond smile, "I was so happy for him, but all I could think about was Beckett. I mean, we haven't even dated yet, or even showed physical affection for each other...unless you count the sweaty victory hug when we found that buried treasure." He smiled again, closing his eyes a moment to bask in the warm memory of her body flush against his.

"Affection doesn't have to be physical, darling. You two have had enough verbal foreplay to last you for the rest of your lives, even if you never did it ever again!"

"Ew, mother. Thank you for that."

Martha waved a dismissive hand. "Don't mention it darling." She sipped her glass of wine and spoke again, "But I do understand where you're coming from. Physical symbols are unmistakable and sometimes are all it takes to get your point across. But you never know where that might go. It could scare her."

"You think I haven't thought of that?" Rick raked his fingers through his hair. "I'm a writer. I have imagined almost every scenario there is. I break my own heart half the time."

"You are going to kill yourself that way, dear. You have to just get it over with, and one way or the other, it will work out. You've said yourself that you two can work through anything. And let me tell you something about you and Kate Beckett; you two can do anything you put your minds to. If you both want it bad enough, which I can see every time you are both in the same room, there is no doubt in my mind that you can make this work."

Rick blinked a few times, processing everything. Without a word, he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. He took his keys, and knew exactly what the plan was this time. He even knew the address of the new apartment that she finally had found in case she wasn't where he thought he was. Nothing could stop him this time.

"This time, don't come back without her!" Martha called after him.

"Believe me," he said through gritted teeth, "I won't.

His footsteps pounded the ground. He started the car and drove straight to the 12th. He knew she was there. Again, he couldn't quite explain how, but he just did. The bond between them had grown so strong, and was even stronger than the first time he'd tried this.

He composed himself on the elevator ride, noticing this time, that he was far less spazzy to begin with.

Closing his eyes, he took a cleansing breath, and stepped out of the elevator and walked with a determined stride to Beckett's desk.

She didn't need to look up to know it was him. Instead she bent her head a little further into the paperwork that she was finishing.

He sat purposefully, perched on the edge of his beloved chair.

She felt his eyes on her. And felt as though she could predict exactly what he was about to say. But she had been wrong so many times before... at the book party, the morning he left... the moment before he left... she steeled her nerves and exhaled a breath.

He spoke first, as always. "Kate..."

She heard him trail her first name musically and fought the urge to smile.

He waited for her to look up.

She didn't indulge him. "What, Castle?"

He changed his tone to make it even gentler. "Kate, look at me. Please. I have something important to tell you."

She lifted her eyes to his, and it was all over. Her breath caught, and she saw exactly what was on his mind, as if written in plain English, right there in those sapphire eyes.

He started, "Kate, I was thinking..."

She felt a smile tug at her lips as she interrupted him. "Rick, I've been thinking too..."

He nearly choked on his words as he heard her use his first name in a manner that was gentle and sincere. That had never happened before.

She let out a breathy, lyrical laugh as she looked him in the eye and said, "I just hope we are thinking the same thought that we can never seem to think at the same time."

He looked confused for a fraction of a second; then his handsome features relaxed in understanding.

She smiled.

He leaned closer and whispered with a playful grin,

"Me, too."

Hopefully with everything calming down, I will be able to post more soon, especially since I have more direction now. :)

Reviews are the BEST THINGS EVER.

... pretty please? :)