Author's Note: Hi, everyone! This chapter's based off the "Friends" episode, "The One with Ross's Inappropriate Song".

Gilbo's 23 and Lui's 19.

P.S.: Krysia is the name I'm using for Feliks' sister, who I made up for this chapter.

Chapter 20: Lizzie's Inappropriate Song

Elizabeta was sitting in the living room of her and Roderich's house, watching TV with Hannah and Noah (her baby son). The TV was on channel 144, and Hannah was, at the moment, sitting with her eyes glued to "Avatar: The Last Airbender", eating chicken nuggets and fries and drinking soda from McDonald's.

Noah whined a little, and Hannah gave him two fries. "Here, Noah," she said.

"Hahahahahaha! Aang thinks Momo and Appa are talking to him!" Hannah then said happily and laughed at the TV.

Just then, Noah cried loudly. Elizabeta picked him up and got off the couch.

"Mommy, where are you going?" Hannah asked.

"Noah needs a diaper change," Elizabeta said.

Minutes later, she came back out with the baby and sat back down with Hannah. Then, she turned to both her kids.

"Listen, Hannah, promise me you'll keep the McDonald's thing a secret from your father, okay?"

"Sure, Mommy," said Hannah. "But why?"

"Because Daddy doesn't like you or your brother eating McDonald's after what happened with you, Gilbo and Lui when you were 2," said Elizabeta. She turned to Noah, who was now playing with a Megaherz CD Gilbert had left behind accidentally, and said, "And that's why, no matter what Daddy says, we really weren't at McDonald's. No we weren't. No we weren't."

Elizabeta then picked up Noah. "Come here, handsome," she said. "Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest baby ever! You're just a…a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got…you've got big, beautiful eyes…Yes you do…and a…and a big, round belly. Big baby butt.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny

When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face you get—"

"Mommy, he's laughing," Hannah said happily and pointed to her baby brother, who was laughing at Elizabeta's song.

"Oh my God, Noah…" Elizabeta said. "You're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before…Mommy made you laugh, huh? Well, Mommy and Sir Mix Alot… What? What? You wanna hear some more? Um…

My anaconda don't want none

Unless you got buns hon…"

Noah laughed again and Elizabeta, looking worried, picked her son up. "I'm a terrible mother," she said.

Just then, Ludwig came into the house through the Edelstein's living room window.

"Lui, what are you doing?" Elizabeta asked.

Gilbert came in through the door. "You know, West, there's an invention called a door. Have you heard of it?"

"Shut up, Gilbert," said Ludwig. "Lizzie, I need your help! I'm meeting Krysia's family tonight, and I need you to convince my stupid brother that my hair looks good slicked back."

"Feliks' sister?" asked Elizabeta.

"Yeah," said Ludwig.

"No, it doesn't," Gilbert said, getting back to Ludwig's hair issue. "Whenever you go out with a girl, and your hair's slicked back on the date, you get really nervous and curse at her in German…and then it gets bad."

Elizabeta sighed. "Lui…" she said. "I hate to say this, but…well…Gilbo's right about your hair. Just brush it but leave your bangs alone."

"But….but but…" Ludwig said.

"Trust me, Krysia won't care that your hair's not slicked back," Elizabeta reassured Ludwig.

"Okay," said Ludwig. He and Gilbert then left and went back home.

Later, Roderich came home.

"Daddy, you're home!" said Hannah.

"Hey, Hannah," said Roderich. "Lizzie, hi," he said happily when he saw his wife.

"Hi," said Elizabeta.

"Allen Walker's doing great with his piano lessons," said Roderich. "His father's gonna be proud when he sees him in the recital in two weeks."

"Guess what?" Elizabeta said.

"What?" asked Roderich.

"Mommy made Noah laugh today," said Hannah.

"WHAT?" Roderich said in disbelief. "And I missed it? Because I didn't bother to end the lesson early even though Allen said it was okay if I did?"

"Yeah, and it was, um…it was like a real little person laugh, too," said Elizabeta. "It was…it was like, um…" Elizabeta then tried to impersonate Noah's laugh, only to have it come out very squeaky and high pitched. She then laughed at herself, but stopped once she saw Roderich and Hannah's creeped-out faces. "Only…only not creepy."

"Well…well, what did you do to make him laugh?" Roderich asked.

"I, um…Well, I sang…" Elizabeta said.

Roderich gasped. 'Lizzie sang?' he thought in surprise.

"Actually," said Hannah, "Mommy rapped…what's the song again?"

"'Baby Got Back'," said Elizabeta.

Roderich's face changed from excited to angry.

"You WHAT?" he yelled. "You sang…to our baby son, and in front of our little daughter…a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?"

"Not in front of Hannah!" Elizabeta said about Roderich's cursing. "But you know what…well, if you think about it… it actually promotes a healthy…um…body image…well, for Hannah anyway…and…um…teaches Noah that…um…even big butts…"

"Ohhhhhhh!" Roderich said in a disgusted tone.

"Please, don't take Hannah and Noah away from me," Elizabeta pleaded.

Ludwig was standing nervously at the Lukasiewicz's door. Out of habit, he slicked his hair back, but then Gilbert jumped out of one of the bushes.

"Oh no you don't, West," Gilbert scolded, brushing Ludwig's hair out and leaving the bangs to cover Ludwig's forehead.

"Brother!" Ludwig complained. "It's my hair, and I'll—"

"Listen, I know how you get when you have your hair slicked back when you're with a girl," Gilbert said. "Now just leave your hair alone."

"Fine," said Ludwig. "Now…why don't you just…go and wreak havoc with Francis and Tony?"

When Gilbert left, Ludwig knocked on the door and was greeted by Krysia.

"Lui!" Krysia said happily. "Come in, everyone's waiting to meet you."

Ludwig stepped into the house and was led to the den, where Krysia's parents, Ignacy and Aurelia, and her brothers and sister, Feliks, Rena and Marek (twins), were. Feliks was talking on a cell phone to his best friend, Toris.

"I know, Ivan's, like, so scary, right?" the 18-year-old said. "I mean, he's totally cracked."

"Feliks, get off the phone," Aurelia scolded her oldest son.

"Liet, I've, like, gotta go," said Feliks. "Peace." He then hung up and looked questioningly at the young man Krysia brought into the house.

"Uh…hi," Ludwig said nervously as he sat down next to Krysia.

Back at the Edelstein's house, Elizabeta and Hannah were out. Roderich was sitting home alone with Noah, trying to get the baby to laugh.

"Okay…" Roderich pleaded. "Ahhh…please laugh for Daddy. Please? Please laugh for Daddy." He made several silly gestures, such as making a farting noise and using his fingers as antlers.

Noah didn't laugh.

"Not funny, huh?" said Roderich. "Oh, so is it…only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause Daddy can rap…

My name is Daddy and I'm here to say

That all babies are…"

Roderich became frustrated with himself when Noah didn't laugh.

"Oh, I can't rap," he said. "Alright, son…This is only because I love you so much, and I know you're not gonna tell anybody…

I like big butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny

When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face…"

Roderich brightened when Noah started laughing for him. "Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!" he exclaimed. "Ohhhhhhh! Oh!" He then started getting into the song.

I like big butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny…"

Noah started laughing again.

"Oh, Noah, you're laughing!" Roderich said. "Oh, you are, you really do like big butts, don't you?" He then picked up Noah and said, "Oh, you cute little weirdo…"

Elizabeta and Hannah came in at that moment.

"Hey!" said Elizabeta, smiling when she saw Roderich holding Noah.

"Oh, you missed it," said Roderich. "He was laughing. Oh, it was amazing. It was amazing! It was the most beautiful sound that…"

"Oh, I know, isn't it?" said Elizabeta. "Ooh…what did you to get him to laugh?"

"Oh!" said Roderich. "You know, I just…couple of things I tried…I just sang a little doo…Itsy Bitsy Spider…"

"You sang 'Baby Got Back', didn't you?" asked Elizabeta.

"Nothing else worked," said Roderich. "That boy is all about the ass…"

"Thanks for coming, Lui," said Krysia.

"See you," said Ludwig. He turned to leave, but before he could, Feliks, Rena and Marek came up to him.

"Oh, hi, guys," Ludwig said.

"It was nice to meet you," Rena and Marek said at the same time.

"Oh, one more thing," said Feliks. "Be nice to my sister. 'Kay, dude? 'Cause if you don't, I'll totally kick your ass."

"Uh, okay," said Ludwig. He then left and met Gilbert, and the two went to go to Roderich and Elizabeta's house, because they had to watch Hannah and Noah for a couple hours while Roderich and Elizabeta went to a play.

Meanwhile, Roderich and Elizabeta were rapping 'Baby Got Back' to Noah, while Hannah was watching and laughing at her parents, especially her father.

Elizabeta: She sweat, wet. Got it going like a turbo 'vette.

Roderich: So fellas.

Elizabeta: Yeah!

Roderich: fellas

Elizabeta: Yeah!

Roderich: has your girlfriend got the butt?

Elizabeta: Hell yeah!

Roderich: So shake it!

Roderich then slapped Elizabeta's butt, and the two continued rapping.

Elizabeta: So shake it!

Roderich: Shake it!

Just then, Gilbert and Ludwig walked in and looked at their cousin and his wife in confusion.

Elizabeta: Shake it!

Roderich: Shake that nasty butt…

Elizabeta: Baby got back…

Elizabeta then turned around and saw a very confused Gilbert and Ludwig standing in the doorway.

"One more time, from the top," said Roderich.

"I like big butts and I cannot lie

You other br— "

Roderich then turned around and saw his cousins standing in the doorway.

Elizabeta feigned astonishment and anger at her husband, and she said, "Roderich, please! That is so inappropriate!"

Author's Note: Oh, yeah, I only had Allen Walker in there because I needed a name for Roderich's student.

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