The next morning was Saturday. I had made up my mind. I guessed he would probably knock on the door sometime after breakfast, and I was not disappointed when he showed up at ten looking inherently apologetic.
"I'm so sorry, Bella, I really didn't want to hurt you. Please believe that. Please-"
"Let's go for a walk."
He nodded, and we walked silently to the clearing, and I could tell he was waiting for me to talk. We sat down on the wet grass, and he stroked my cheek absent-mindedly. I pulled away hesitantly, and he searched my face, trying to see what I was feeling. I composed myself, and ran through the words in my head. This wasn't going to be fun.
"Listen, Edward."
He sat up straight and stared, waiting, into my eyes, still searching for my thoughts to show on my face. I cringed away, knowing that I wouldn't be able to look at him.
"I find it...hard to handle your world. Since I've been a part of it, I've acquired enemies, and been in more battles than I care to be in. Not to mention, I can't see my best friend any more. I can't deal with all that. I can't be in the vampire world any more. I can't stand this overprotection. What I'm saying is...I can't be with you any more. Sorry."
I stole a fleeting glance at him. I instantly wished I hadn't. His fists were clenched and his face was desolate, he was trying and failing to mask the pain, probably so that I wouldn't have to see. It was an affecting sight. When he glanced up at me, his eyes were so lost that I couldn't look. I really couldn't.
"Just make me one promise, Edward. Try to keep away. Don't protect me any more. And of course, don't run off to Italy again."
I peeked up at him, and he was frowning, though at the no-more-protection or don't-run-to-Italy, I couldn't tell.
"I,"
His voice was so strained. He barely whispered the word. God, this was difficult to watch. I felt so bad, but what could I do? He finished his sentence.
"understand. Completely. It'll be much better for you without me."
"And for you without me, of course."
He frowned again.
"You had better be home."
I sighed. This was so hard. I felt impossibly guilty, but he would do better in a life without me. I was sure of it. At least there was one upside. Back at home, I told Charlie I was going out, and headed up to La Push.