A/N: Oh look, I managed to squeeze in another chapter for my lovely readers! ;) I'm on a roll, so I'm going with it. Thank you once again for all the reviews, favourites and follows. It truly means a lot to me. You guys are what make me keep posting. I know the first couple of chapters have been quite heavy and deep, but there will be some fluff and happiness in here as time goes on I swear. So, if you stick it out with me in between the angst and the gaps in updating I'm incredibly thankful!

He put his drink down and struggled to hold his emotions inside as he heard the pain filled chorus and a woman's angelic voice pour through the speakers. It was ironic to him that he had hounded Liv about her drinking habits, yet here he was drowning his sorrows in alcoholic poison. Hating to be an emotional person, he was pissed at himself for being unable to keep his feelings in check the last few weeks. Despite what Olivia or anyone else may think, he really truly loved her. Hell, he was in love with her. No matter what he did, he felt she had and probably would always be blind to that fact. The fight that had occurred between the two of them not more than a month prior had never left his mind and despite his efforts to try and help them reach an understanding he really still was uncertain of where their relationship stood. She had said she didn't know if she wanted to be in a relationship anymore; he wasn't even sure of her feelings or if she actually loved him, but they were still having sex on occasion. Even if he felt her mind was somewhere else during their intimate encounters, they meant a lot to him and he did his best to make her feel as loved and cherished as he could.

Alex smiled to herself as she cranked up the car stereo, singing along to her beloved Spanish idol as she drove. She loved this song, and many people were surprised if and when they found out she could actually sing, and she actually spoke fluent Spanish. She figured both of those abilities had been passed down to Raye-Anne from her. It had been about a month, give or take, since her beloved baby's passing and her heart sunk a little realizing this. She was slowly getting better, stronger, but she knew she'd never get over it. You never get over something like that. There were times, much like this one now singing and smiling in the car, that she found herself feeling incredibly guilty for being happy. How was she supposed to be happy, when Raye wasn't there to share in the laughter and joy with her? She knew in her heart of hearts that like her final letter had stated, her daughter had left the world with the dying wish that she be remembered fondly and happy; that her mother move on and be happy, carrying her spirit in her heart, but at the same time the mind and heart presented conflicting feelings from day to day. She had a long way to go. If nothing else, she was thankful that today, and a few before it, had been good ones.

As she continued to sing along to the song playing on the radio, the beauty of the Spanish language rolling off her tongue and her vocal chords humming to life deep within her, it dawned on her that this song, reminded her a lot of Olivia. She blushed at the thought. The song spoke of Amor Prohibido, Forbidden Love, between two people from different societies and how the world looked down on them, but they didn't care. About money, status, family opinions, nothing. The only thing important, was their love. Did she love the brown haired, brown eyed detective? This was something she questioned a lot and wrestled with ever since weeks ago when she'd kissed her at her apartment. She'd tried to brush it off as her being overly comforting to her in a time of need, but she couldn't deny that she had felt something. More than a little something. It was like after pulling away from her-even though the kiss was far from sloppy, it definitely wasn't chaste and after it was over she felt as if her lips were on fire. Never before had anyone made her feel like that from so little physical contact. Liv had apologized profusely after they had broken apart, saying she wasn't sure what had come over her, but Alex could and would never be sorry for the interaction. Even if she was unsure of her feelings, or if there was anything real there, she secretly hoped that more times like that would occur between the two.

Olivia sat at the precinct, agitated and buried in paperwork. A minor injury to her shoulder while trying to catch and arrest a perp had led to week long desk duty at Cragen's orders, and she was going mad. If there was one thing she hated more than being unable to help victim's receive justice it was being bogged down with paperwork instead of out on the field. Desk duty gave her too much time in her own head, and she detested being trapped with her own thoughts for too long. It went without saying that most of the thoughts she was trapped with were of their blonde ADA and what they had shared in her apartment weeks ago. Still today looking back on it, she didn't know what had come over her. Alex had shrugged it off and played like everything was fine, but her stomach did somersaults when she thought about the possibility that she had potentially ruined what little friendship they'd managed to forge. She wanted to see her again, and despite the fact that their relationship was not a deep one, it meant a lot to her. Shaking her head and picking up her pen, she tried again to focus on the papers in front of her. Why was she thinking like this? Where was her head lately? She needed to sort things out with Elliot, didn't she? They had something, it was worth fighting for, wasn't it? Didn't she need him, need to confront him and what had happened between them? Things couldn't remain awkward between them at work forever. She sighed. One thing was for certain, before she did anything, figured any of the shit out that was a muddled mess in her brain, she needed a drink.

Alex pulled up to the one six, all the way there wracking her brain attempting to come up with an excuse as to why she needed to see Olivia and chiding herself when she came up with nothing believable. Sighing, she got out of the car and walked inside, figuring she'd just have to roll with it.

Cragen saw Alex enter, and peeking his head out of his office she smiled at him.

"Hi Don. Is Olivia around? I need to have a word with her."

"Actually, she left early. About 20 minutes ago. Said she wasn't feeling well."

Hearing his words, the blonde began to worry. Olivia never left early or took sick leave unless absolutely necessary. She was married to her job, and neglecting it was worse in her mind than neglecting a romantic relationship.

"Oh. Is she okay? Did she say what was wrong or if she was going straight home?"

The older man looked quizzically at the blonde, as far as he knew, the ADA and his top detective weren't extremely close. But he chalked it up to her being an overly concerned friend.

"She seemed okay when she left. Nothing serious that I noticed. Probably just overworked and a bit of a bug running her down. Happens to the best of us. As for her going straight home, she didn't say but I would assume that's where she was headed since she didn't seem seriously ill enough to go to the hospital."

Hearing his words brought her some relief. She was happy to know the detective wasn't in dire straits and seemed to be generally okay.

"Alright, well thank you. I should get going, but I'm sure I'll see you again this week. Have a good rest of your shift."

He smiled warmly at her. Despite her being one of the toughest ADA's around, he and the rest of his team could see and knew that she had one of the biggest hearts around, and contrary to what many thought at first glance or impression, she was really friendly with people.

"Thank you Alex."

Olivia had gotten home, her head pounding, more than likely from over thinking and stress. She'd had every intention in pouring some wine, and drifting off into alcohol induced slumber, but as they say, life happens when you're making plans. This was especially true for her. Nothing ever went according to plan in her life, and she'd given up hoping that it would. Instead of pouring a drink and going to bed like she so desperately wanted to in hopes of forgetting her problems, she was shocked when she realized one of said problems, in the form of her so called boyfriend, was in her apartment. Cooking. Using her stove and her things and making them dinner. No doubt in an effort to smooth things over between the two of them. She'd known them giving each other copies of their keys to the others' apartment was a bad idea. At this moment, as bad as she felt saying so, she regretted it immensely. The energy and desire was not in her to fight or confront him about the issues between them.

"I'm in the kitchen!" He called to her, realizing she had come in.

The brunette rolled her eyes. No shit sherlock. She thought to herself. Did he think she was so stupid that she couldn't hear the noise he was making, not to mention smell the food, and realize he was there? Hell, she was a detective, it wasn't hard to put two and two together.

"I know."

She walked into the kitchen, tossing her purse on the table, internally willing herself to be nice. Her will apparently failed her, because the tone that came out was far from being classified as nice.

"What're you doing here?"

He tried to hide the hurt he felt at the harshness of her question, and he guessed he was successful at it because it didn't seem to phase her.

"What does it look like I'm doing here? I'm making us dinner. We have to talk sometime, and we can't put it off much longer."

He took the food off the stove and dished up their plates in silence. After setting their dinner back on the table, Olivia sat and he followed her lead. As much as she hated to admit it, he was right, they did need to talk, if not for the sake of themselves, then for preserving their work relationship. Not having the energy in her to fight or go against him, she figured she'd try to let this go smoothly and keep her attitude and emotions in check.

"Alright El, what do you need to say?"

"What do I need to say? You're the one who got in my face and told me you didn't know if you even wanted me anymore. You don't have anything to say first?"

As much as she knew he had a point about her getting angry and what she had said, she really did feel justified in her feelings and didn't feel a need or desire to speak first. When he realized his questions were going to be met with nothing but silence from her, he took it upon himself to speak.

"Liv, I love you. I've loved you for a long time. You telling me you didn't want me or weren't sure if you did, really hurt. I won't wait around while you leave me hanging in the balance. We're either gonna work this out or we're not."

Looking into his eyes, seeing so much hope and so much pain in them at the same time, she knew she couldn't be the cause of anymore of that for him, so she looked him straight in the face and uttered words that she knew within the deepest parts of herself could never be one hundred percent true.

"Yeah. Yeah El, we're gonna work it out. We'll be fine."

They had talked for a couple more hours after finishing their food, Elliot trying to iron out things between them and fix their relationship, Liv half listening but not really present. She had cleaned up the dishes after he'd left for home, and was once again lost in her own head when she heard a knock at her front door.

Stepping up and looking out through the peephole, she was shocked at who she saw standing on the other side, but granted them access.

"Alex." Olivia stated unable to hide the shock from her voice.

"Hi Liv. Can I come in?"

Stepping aside, she wordlessly granted her access and watched the blonde enter, taking a seat on her couch.

"Don said you left early today. Are you sick? I was worried."

Olivia froze. Alex was worried about her? The thought warmed her insides slightly, weird as that may have been.

"Nah, I'm fine. Was just run down is all." She smiled reassuringly at the blonde, looking into her eyes and finding herself getting lost in them. She had left out the part about Elliot being there when she'd gotten home and their conversation, but right at that second it didn't seem relevant.

"Oh, well. That's good I suppose. I'm glad you're okay."

I'm glad you're okay. How could four words do so much to her insides?

"Yeah. How about you? How are you doing?" She was genuinely concerned. She knew the ADA was strong, but she also knew she had suffered incredible loss and hid her feelings well.

"I'm alright. It's day by day." She couldn't and didn't want to hide the truth from the detective. It would probably be evident she was lying by omission if she did.

"Good, I'm glad."

Somehow, after that statement the conversation became lulled and things between them felt stiff, if not awkward. Not wanting to prolong the misery, Alex took it upon herself to leave.

"Well, I should um.. I should be going. I'm happy you're alright."

As much as the silence was bothering her, she didn't want her to go.

"Alex wait."

She moved from her spot near the door where she had been standing the whole time, until she was just inches from the blonde beauty's face. She could feel the heat of her breath, and it made her knees go weak. She was surprised she was still standing.

"Liv, what is it?"

Unable to find words, her heart won out over her head. She closed what little space there was between them, and pressed her lips tight against hers, fireworks exploding in the pit of her stomach as she fought to be granted the privilege to explore the woman's mouth with her tongue. Almost as if she could read her mind and what her body wanted and needed, Alex allowed it. Although unsure of where the brunette's sudden burst of sexual energy was coming from, she could never stop it. This fact was cemented further when Olivia slid her hands up her shirt, her fingers connecting with her skin, instantly leaving goosebumps where they'd been.

As if being filled with some massive amount of bravery and all her hesitations falling away, the brunette took control and in decision to live in the moment, pushed her gently back over and onto the couch, straddling her and fiddling with the buttons on the front of her shirt. Finally getting them open, she allowed the fabric to fall away from her skin and admired the shape and beauty of her breasts, cupping them through the fabric of her bra. Alex arched into her touch as a slight moan escaped her throat.

As quickly as it had begun, something clicked within Olivia's mind and she pulled back.

"Alex, we.. we can't.. we need to stop."

The blonde looked up at her, want still apparent in her eyes and on her face. She wasn't sure what it was that had made the detective's mood shift so quickly but looking at her, she was almost sure she saw fear in confusion in the depths of her chocolate eyes. As much as she wanted this, she wouldn't, couldn't pressure her.

Allowing the older woman to climb off of her and stand up, she sat and redid her shirt, fixed her hair best she could by running her fingers through it and cleared her throat trying not to appear flustered but thinking the attempt had miserably failed.

She stood, going back to her professional self.

"Well detective, I should be going." She walked out the door without a second look and despite what had just transpired and all the conflict she felt, Liv couldn't help but steal a glance at her perfectly pert and firm ass.

She was unable to move after the blonde's departure. What the fuck was going on with her these days? She barely knew herself.

Days later, Olivia reluctantly made her way to Huang's office. She hated talking to people about her feelings, especially shrinks. But she had spent all of days prior and the whole trip over convincing herself that she needed to do this. She couldn't be a coward and back out now. Knocking on the door, her palms began to sweat.

"Detective Benson." Huang's surprise to see her there was evident. "What can I do for you?"

"I need to talk to you. Can I.. come in?"

"Of course." He granted her access and she wordlessly took a seat on the couch. There was an awkward moment until he shut the door and turned to her.

"Why are you here, Olivia?"

She sighed, looking up from fiddling with the hem of her shirt. She hated tension, awkwardness, and wasn't one to beat around the bush. She wanted to be out with it, free of the burden preventing her from living her truth by staying locked inside her soul.

"I... well.. I think I'm.. I think.. I'm gay."

A/N: Not all of this chapter went as I had originally planned it in my head, but I went with it. I hope you enjoyed and it was up to par. As always, read, follow, favorite, review. Thanks for the support. :)