As usual all things Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N - I first and foremost need to thank and bow at the feet of my beta Georgia Dawgette. She saved me with this chapter. I struggled immensely with it but she was able to help me bring it all together....THANK YOU!! I also need to thank those that have continued to leave reviews from the beginning as well as new reviewers. Keep it us, reviews make me want to get new chapter out quicker.
BPOV
"I'm afraid I'm not going to be much help in here Bella." Char and I were in the kitchen, lounging against the granite topped counters. "Believe it or not, I'm worse than those two buffoons in there at playing human." She motioned towards the living room with her hand.
Char's 'playing human' comment caused me to recollect on some of my initial impressions of Jasper when I'd first encountered the Cullens. Of all of them he'd seemed to fit in the least, not that any of them had really fit into the small town atmosphere of Forks. But more than the others Jasper had always appeared to be the most out of his element, like a square peg attempting without any semblance of success to fit into a round hole. Images of the Jasper I'd first met played through my mind like a slide show. Pained, almost tortured features, his frame always held stiff as though if for even a moment he allowed himself to relax his control would follow. That Jasper was so different from the one only a room away from me right now. However, it was quite simple for me to see that it was not because he'd become more successful at embracing the human role, but rather he'd conquered the inner demon that had chipped away at his control. There was a sense of confidence that he exuded now, that had seemed to lack previously.
I hadn't spent enough time around Peter to judge his ability at maintaining a human facade for any length of time. It was no question that his almost glowing burgundy eyes, when not camouflaged by contacts would be a dead giveaway that he was most definitely not normal. However, he did seem to have a rather relaxed, confident bordering on arrogant countenance to him though, and appeared mostly at ease in the one human situation where I had observed him.
"It's no matter; I'm pretty adept in the kitchen. It won't take me but a minute to whip something up, if I can find where Jasper put everything." I chuckled, bringing my thoughts back to the present as I opened cabinet doors, taking stock of the sheer amount of food Jasper had purchased.
"Jasper put the food away?" Char was incredulous, her lips parted in shock.
"Shopped for them, carried them in, put them away." I pointed out.
"No kidding? Char appeared to be in awe. "Try as I might, I can't imagine the Major grocery shopping." Her gaze seemed far away, as though she was trying to form the picture in her mind.
"The Major? Why do you and Peter call him The Major?" Peter had referenced the moniker the other night at the club. My curiosity was piqued as to why Peter and Char used this title for him.
"Because that's who he is Bella. Major Jasper Whitlock." She vaguely explained. "He was a Major in the Confederate Army during the Civil War.
"There's more to it than that Char. Peter mentioned 'provoking the major', like it was a separate entity from Jasper." I wasn't going to give in that easily.
"Peter always does say more than he should as do I occasionally" Char sighed. "Bella, this is Jazz's story to tell. Just give him time, it's hard for him to relive that period of his existence."
"The scars?" I questioned.
Char nodded, as a dull ache began to settle in my chest. I'd known last night as soon as I'd seen them that there was only one thing that could leave scars like the ones that marred his body. I ran my finger over the raised, cool flesh of the crescent shaped scar on my arm; remnants of my run in with James. Surprisingly though it had been ages since I'd associated it with James. After they'd all left me it had been one of the few things I could look on as concrete evidence that they'd existed. It was the one thing Edward hadn't been able to take with him. My memories aside, my one scar could not compare with the hundreds I'd seen covering large portions of Jasper's chest, arms and shoulders. I couldn't begin to fathom the extreme violence his past held. I could, I would wait for him to be ready to share his story with me.
Watching me absently trace the scar on my arm, Char placed a hand on my shoulder. "Your strength amazes me Bella. To be human and live to tell about the things you've experienced from our world and yet still possess the ability to love one of us so passionately."
"You take the good with the bad Char. If everything that has happened was what needed to occur to lead me to Jasper then it was all worth it." The truth behind my words hit me as they left my mouth. I'd go through it again, all of it; so long as it was Jasper waiting for me at the end of it. He was worth it, the thought a bittersweet reminder of what Jasper had said to me at one point during those abysmal days spent in Phoenix on the run from James and his coven. He'd assured me I was worth it, worth the danger his family was in; worth the trouble and distress that I had felt I'd brought down on them.
"You are a very special human Bella." Char wrapped me in an amazingly soft embrace. There wasn't even a hint of hesitation on her part, leading me to believe that she like Peter kept a firm hold on their bloodlust.
Our bonding moment was cut short when Peter bellowed from the living room, "Bella, get in here so you're boyfriend will tell me what's got his panties in a bunch."
"That's my man, always so sensitive to the feelings of others." Char rolled her eyes, but the affection she felt for her husband was evident in her tone.
With my pursuit for breakfast interrupted I grabbed an apple and a bottle of juice from the fridge, deciding I'd find something more substantial after dealing with whatever it was Peter wanted.
Peter was leaning against the wall, appearing not to have moved since we'd left the room. Jasper was no longer sitting but was now standing stoically across the room from Peter. Dark, angry looking clouds swirling across an overcast sky were visible through the large picture window that was an ominous backdrop to Jasper's tense stance. The heavy down pouring of rain only added to the dreariness outside.
"What are you going on about Peter?" Char led the way into the living room, chastising her husband as she took a seat.
"Jazz here is all pissed about something but he refuses to discuss it until he has a chance to talk to Bella." Peter looked at me pointedly. I was suddenly wracked with fear that I'd done something to upset Jasper.
"D-did I do something?" I stammered. As confident as I'd been up to this point, the irrational fear that I could lose all this, lose him reared its ugly head. I couldn't go back to life without him, not now; not ever. My hands raked through my hair as I looked rapidly between the two men. I was wracking my brain for anything I might have done that would have upset him. Logically I couldn't think of anything, but it hadn't been a decision based in reason the last time someone else determined what was in my best interest.
"Dammit Peter." Jasper growled, stalking to my side to wrap his arms around me. I was powerless to control the feelings of fear, loss and most of all abandonment overtaking me. "Darlin' I'm not upset with you and even if I was, I am not my brother. You and I are a team, we make our decisions together." Jasper's fingers feathered across my jaw as he turned my face up to his, a blanket of calm settling over me; no doubt courtesy of the man who held me so tenderly in his embrace. "Besides Bella I will never leave you, could never leave you." He punctuated his words with a soft brush of his lips against mine.
Relief flooded through me as Jasper's assurances permeated my panic stricken mind. "I'm sorry, it's just..." The myriad of emotions welling up in me choked off my words.
"Bella.....I know." Jasper's words so simple said so much to me. He understood my insecurities and still wanted me in spite of them.
"I suppose I was a bit vague." Peter appeared to be at least somewhat apologetic over my mini breakdown.
"You think?" Char levelled him with a disapproving glare.
Ignoring his wife Peter returned his attention to me. Jasper had settled us on the sofa, his arm draped protectively around me. "What I meant to convey Bella is that I get the feeling Jasper here is wound so tight he's about ready to snap. Apparently it has something to do with events that took place after the Cullen's left Forks."
"Why didn't you say something Jazz?" I placed my hand softly against his cold cheek, needing to maintain contact with him.
"I believe I got a little distracted" Jasper and I shared a conspiratory glance at each other, memories of the previous night flashed through my mind. It had been my first real taste of intimacy, something I'd never shared with anyone else, and now couldn't imagine ever wanting to.
"Alright you two, enough of that or we're never going to get this settled." Surprisingly it was from Char that we received the admonishment. "Jazz you know as well as I do what Peter is like once he's made up his mind. So unless you'd enjoy having him here for the rest of the weekend, I suggest we carry on."
"We were uh, discussing Edward last night." I offered. "Jasper was able to clear up a few misconceptions I held as to why Edward and the rest of the family left Forks.........and me."
I was shocked at how calmly I was able to relay mine and Jasper's conversation from the previous night. Starting with his admission that Edward had left under the delusion that he was protecting me from their world, culminating in my confession that he'd done nothing of the sort. That not only Laurent, but Victoria herself had come for me, seeking retribution for James' destruction and an abridged version of the role the wolf pack had played in ensuring my safety and survival.
I could feel nothing being projected from Jasper, however his physical state gave away how hearing of these events was affecting him. Fists clenched, eyes black; he appeared to be holding onto his control just barely.
"Bella maybe you should come over here." Char kept her voice low so as to avoid eliciting a reaction from Jasper.
Shaking my head, I mouthed the word "no" in Char's direction. My faith in Jasper was complete, I knew without any doubt whatsoever that he would never harm me.
"It's ok, he's fine." Peter assured. "He's not out of control, he is just trying not to project what he's feeling on to the rest of us. It's a strain on him, but he's in complete control otherwise." He explained. It was eerie how well Peter could read him.
"Jazz look at me." I curled my body as close to his as I could while still maintaining eye contact. "I'm here, I'm safe." I crooned to him. "It's all in the past, both Laurent and Victoria are dead. They can't hurt me now."
I continued to speak to Jasper in low, dulcet tones. I focused every ounce of the calm I'd forced myself to contain in his direction, hoping he'd be able to absorb even a fraction of it. Ever so slowly he seemed to come around, his eyes returning to their normal caramel colour; the tension in his body ebbing away.
I knew he was back from whatever dark place his mind had attempted to take him when he lowered his head, his lips sweeping tenderly over mine after a whispered "Thank you."
"That's fucking outstanding." Peter murmured. "Never have I seen anyone be able to chill his ass out that fast. You're something special Bella."
"Yes she is." Jasper's voice was gravely, as if he was parched.
I couldn't help but feel slightly awed that I'd been able to help him when usually the tables were turned and it was Jasper aiding me. What I couldn't figure out was how I had done it, secretly hoping it hadn't merely been a fluke.
"Are you ok for me to continue?" I asked, worried that he may need to hunt before he was able to handle full disclosure. I was unsure and lacking confidence that I would be able to pull off the somewhat astounding feat of calming him more than once.
"I'm good, I have it under control." Jasper assured me.
"You have to understand how things were for me after everyone left. The life I had planned, assumed was going to happen was over. It was like a whole part of me went with you all. It wasn't just Edward I missed, I longed for......it was all of you." My gaze met Jasper's and I saw the flash of guilt cross his features. I didn't stop however; I needed to get this all out while I was still in this calm and focused frame of mind.
I recounted how I had sought out the meadow that Edward and I had frequented, needing to feel some connection to the man and family I had lost. It was there that I'd come across Laurent.
"He told me that Victoria had sent him, to see if I was still protected."
"Laurent knew damn well we were no longer in Forks. He was in Denali, apparently mated to Irina when the family arrived there." Jasper's growl bordered on ferocious.
"He didn't appear surprised to find me alone. I have always wondered if he'd already known you were all gone." Laurent's nonchalance at finding me alone in the forest now made far more sense.
The next part of my encounter with Laurent was going to be the hardest for Jasper to hear. Fearing his reaction I maintained close contact, hoping to keep him serene throughout what I was about to divulge.
"According to Laurent, Victoria wanted revenge for James' death. A mate for a mate he said. This made no sense to me, I wasn't Edward's mate, I wasn't anything to him anymore." The rejection and abandonment I'd felt when Edward had left, feelings I'd thought resolved but now realized had merely lain dormant, threatened to surface. Keeping these emotions at bay was growing more difficult as I retold of these moments, but I had to try for Jasper. If I lost it, if I broke down, there would be no chance of him keeping it together.
"He said the scent of my blood was too delicious to just leave and that he'd do me a favour by killing me himself. Quicker, less painful he promised. Victoria would draw it out, play with me first if he left me for her." I didn't dare tell Jasper how I was ready to die that day in the meadow. The depths of my depression knew no bounds at that point, death would have been a reprieve from it all. Only the loss that I was certain Charlie would feel over my death caused me any distress.
Jasper remained silent next to me, the previous tension only mildly returning to his body. I was certain he was maintaining control simply for my benefit.
"I heard the wolves before I saw them, how I don't know because they were huge, enormous even." My eyes widened to punctuate my point. "They went straight for Laurent, and I ran. It wasn't until much later when I discovered what and who the wolves were that I knew for sure I wouldn't have to worry about Laurent seeking me out again."
"I can't decide if you are the luckiest human alive, or the unluckiest." Peter shook his head, trying to wrap his mind around all that I was telling them.
"A little of both" I conceded.
"Victoria....what happened with her?" Jasper's voice had yet to return to its typical deep delicious tone, but instead remained hoarse.
"She was more a perceived threat than anything overt, she never did come after me directly." I assured him. "The pack tracked her for weeks, even managed to surround her a time or two but she continued to allude them."
"They obviously were able to trap her if she's dead." Peter observed.
"Uh huh." I nodded my head. "I don't know the details, I never asked and Jacob and the rest of the pack never offered. All I know is she messed up on one of the few times the more experienced of the pack were able to track and surround her. Jacob assured me that she would no longer be an issue, I was safe. Jacob and Sam did however say that there was a young vampire with her, a newborn they presumed. They said she called him Riley."
"What happened to him?" Peter's question was aimed at me, yet his stare was levelled at Jasper.
"He got away."
Jacob had been livid when the pack had returned to La Push where I was being kept 'for my protection' according to Jacob and Sam. Paul, Quil, and Jared had all been in a celebratory mood, fresh off their kill of a vampire they'd been hunting for months. Sam had been much more reserved, but Jacob had been nearly uncontrollable. It had taken an alpha order from Sam to finally calm him. Sam had explained to me that although they'd been able to destroy Victoria, her companion had gotten away. The pack had been able to see in Jacob's thoughts that his rage was a result of fear, a near panic that the young vampire that had escaped would seek retribution for the loss of his creator. He had later told me that he felt that he'd failed me in some way. For weeks the wolves had scoured the town, the forest, and the surrounding mountains and beaches seeking out Riley's scent. Eventually over time Jacob and the rest of the pack had accepted with a certain degree of caution that he was not returning.
My memories of those days were still so vivid, but they no longer brought on the feelings of unease.
If Jasper or Peter had any thoughts about what I'd just disclosed, neither voiced them.
"Bella I don't know how you can be so calm?" Char moved to sit close to my other side.
"I've had time to come to terms with much of this. Besides, Jasper is helping me." I leaned my head against his chest.
"But I'm not projecting anything baby. So how?" Jasper asked clearly confused.
"You don't have to Jazz. If I don't keep it together, neither will you." I answered truthfully. I'd always been quite adept at keeping my emotions in check, or rather shutting them down completely, but this was different. I wasn't shutting down, I was merely determined that I wouldn't let the memories overwhelm me.
"Bella, you don't always have to be the strong one." There was no scolding in Jasper's words. They were more like a plea as he wrapped his muscular arms around me effectively pressing our bodies entirely together.
The closeness of his body, although cold was anything but uncomfortable. I found myself wanting to be closer, cursing the layers between us. At that moment I'd have given anything for our earlier privacy as a symphony of emotions rolled through me. Comfort, contentment, delight, desire, longing......all intertwined.
"Reign it in you two. We're not finished here. You can crawl all over each other when we are." Leave it to Peter to ruin a moment. "These wolves Bella, they're dangerous; apparently to our kind in particular."
"Yeah that's the thing." I gnawed at my lower lip nervously. "Vampires are, well sort of their natural enemy...But..." I raised my hand to stave off being interrupted "There is a treaty between them and the Cullen's'. So long as the treaty isn't broken they can co-exist."
Jasper had only nodded in agreement at my explanation. I imagined that Carlisle had filled him in on the Quileute's and the terms of the treaty when he and Alice had joined the family.
"And how much contact do you still have with them?" Peter had a contemplative look on his face, his tone serious.
"Physically......none since I've moved here, but I usually speak to Jacob on the phone every few days. Why?"
"Whose Jacob?" Peter questioned.
I'd mentioned Jacob's name last night to Jasper, and how he'd saved me after Edward had left. At the time there had been no questions asked however I wasn't at all surprised to see Jasper paying rapt attention, awaiting my answer to Peter's enquiry.
"In regards to the pack, or to me?" I asked.
"Both I suppose."
"Jacob is my closest friend in Forks, without him I don't think I'd be here now. Not just because he's part of the pack, but because he was the only one that was able to help me crawl out of the depression I was in. Honestly, he was my sun when everything around me was so dark" I took a shuddering breath. Speaking of Jacob and all he'd done for me was the one thing that could crack the calm facade I'd been maintaining. "As for the pack, I guess he'd be the second in command, for now."
"For now?" Peter quirked an eyebrow.
"He is meant to be alpha, once he's ready. Jacob is barely 18, he's still very much a boy."
"You miss him." Jasper's whispered. It was a statement rather than a question, but his tone held no accusation.
"I do, very much. I can't begin to describe what he means to me, we share a bond. I love Jacob, like a sister for her brother" I felt the need to reassure him. "It's not like us Jazz, not how I love you." I kept my eyes locked with his, letting everything I felt for him flow through me; knowing he would feel it.
Seeming to get his bearings Jasper unwrapped his arms from around me and stood. "I think we've had enough of this for today." His voice was authoritative. "So as much as I generally enjoy your company." Jasper addressed both Char and Peter. "I would like some time alone with Bella."
Seeing disappointment settle across Char's face I offered up an invitation for later in the evening. "How about tonight you both come over and we'll watch a movie, or something." Looking towards Jasper, I hoped he wouldn't be too upset with me making plans without first consulting him. I was pleasantly surprised to see a smile gracing his chiseled features.
"Sounds wonderful Bella!" Char's disappointment vanished, her earlier radiance reappearing. "Come Peter, lets give these two some privacy." She pushed her husband towards the door, giving him very little opportunity to argue.
"Bye Jazz, Bella.........don't do anything I wouldn't do." His raucous laughter following him out the door.
Once Char and Peter had left the silence in the room was nearly deafening. Jasper seemed to be frozen. Moving to stand behind him I placed one hand on his shoulder, while resting my face against the tense muscles in his back.
"I'm sorry if I upset you." My words muffled against his back.
"Upset me? Bella you've only proved today everything I've been saying." Jasper turned, his hands grasping my shoulders lightly as he held me away from him. "You are the most amazing woman I've ever met. Your strength, your ability to forgive, the passion with which you love with your whole heart. It never fails to astound me. Even the kindness you showed Char today, after everything you've been through and knowing what her diet is."
"She seems......lonely." I shrugged.
Despite my relative discomfort with her diet, I found myself genuinely liking Char and enjoying her company. She reminded me of the three female members of the family I still ached for. I could see hints of a tenacious and stubborn spirit so much like Rosalie. A protectiveness and genuine love for those she considered family similar to Esme. Char's acceptance and sheer friendly nature were reminiscent of the one Cullen I missed above all others.......Alice.
"Still so modest my Bella." Jasper chuckled, running his cold hands that had been resting on my shoulders down my arms.
I looked down, a blush staining my cheeks as I shook my head. I'd never done well with compliments. Nevermind the fact that his propensity for that particular endearment was enough to make me weak in the knees. As a general rule I have never been the type to swoon, but without fail every time 'My Bella' fell from his lips; I turned to jello.
"Anyway, we've both had an emotionally trying time, and I don't know about you but I could use a nap." Jasper drawled with a spark of mischief in his beautiful eyes.
"You don't.......ohhhhhh." It sank in slowly. "Yeah, umm I'm feeling a little worn out as well." Faking a yawn I grinned. "But not too worn out." I was quick to add, emphasising the 'too'.
Jasper laughed loudly before bending to wrap his long fingers around my waist, only to toss me over his shoulder and dash at a little less than vampire speed towards the stairs leading to his bedroom.
Squealing in surprise, I couldn't help but dissolve into a fit of giggles at his silliness. It was refreshing after the morning we'd had.