- Thanks to 003chan - that first class charming smile is for you :-)

- I took out the Star Trek 2009 reference, or say, I disguised it

- There's reference to Star Trek V (it took the boys quite some time to finally go on holiday).

- I don't know who it was that called McCoy's daughter Joanna, (it is not mentioned in the series or movies, is it?) but I've read enough fanfiction to know that's her name, thanks to all you writers!

o0o

He was in the turbo lift, he could hear the humming noise, it was calming. He was still cold, but cold was better than burning, or vomiting, he decided. So there was an improvement.

He opened his eyes to find himself staring at the golden Starfleet emblem on a golden background. Or yellow. He'd always wondered why they called that hideous color of the bridge crew's uniform gold. It was a dirty and ugly yellow. He wasn't vain or anything, but still he was happy that he could wear blue.

That emblem kind of looked like an arrow, he thought. A shiver went through him, an icicle, that's what it looked like, cold and sharp, and dangerous. He stopped himself; better not think of anything like that. He concentrated on the sounds around him. There was the sound of the turbo lift, the sound of the Enterprise's engines, that he normally didn't hear anymore, and there was a regular thumping against his left ear.

That was nice, regular was good, it gave him something to focus on. He tried to count the thumps, somehow thinking they were too fast, although he didn't know why. How am I supposed to know how fast they should be? In his head,he could hear himself arguing with somebody.

- "You're a doctor, are you not?"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

- "I must know! Tell me!"

"I don't know. It sounds alright."

- "That's not the answer to my question."

"What is your question?"

- "How can you be so dumb? I need the answer!"

"An apple in the morning - doctor's warning."

- "You're not cooperating. It's your own fault."

There was a sudden sharp pain under his right eye. He drew in a breath suddenly, more out of surprise than out of pain. The rhythm of that noise stepped up, someone was also saying something and he felt himself being shifted. Wait, what's happening?

- "I will get what I want." The other voice became louder.

"Roast apple at night - starves the doctor outright."

- "You asked for it. You derserve no better."

That voice in his head suddenly became very real, it became a dark figure standing beside him. He couldn't see its face, but saw a long, shining and very sharp looking icicle in its raised hand.

"Eat an apple going to bed - knock the doctor on the head."

He pressed his eyelids together so that he wouldn't have to see, what he knew was coming. First he felt a rush of air and then that icicle was rammed into his right eye. There was a burning pain at first, then cold. Icy cold. Somebody let out a scream. My god - shut up!

He was moving, or rather, being moved. The light around him changed. It was quite dark now, and warm also, warmer than on the bridge or the turbo lift. The noise to his left had stopped, he missed it and opened his eyes again to search for it. There was only very soft light in the room and he was lying on a bed. Jim was there also, sitting on the bed and talking to him. He could hear Jim calling him by the nickname he once had given him. Sorry Jim, I promise to listen to you, later. I just have to sleep for a while, I think.

He closed his eyes. It would have felt all calming and nice and cosy if not for some annoying wetness that somehow had appeared on his face and made him feel cold again. He opened his eyes once more and saw Jim reaching out a hand towards his face. He stopped breathing. No, please don't!

But Jim only wiped at the wet under his eye, and made it all better, actually.

"-lly Bones, it is like paradise. You know, white sands and turquoise water. Always sunshine and blue skies with fluffy white clouds ... And then there are the Risan women, of course."

"Risa?" Bones rasped. What happened to my voice?

Jim smiled, one of those first class charming smiles, he usually saved for the damsel in distress, but it was directed at him. "Yeah. Or we could go to someplace back on earth. You know, I've been to hundreds of different planets, but I've actually never been to Yosemite."

"Yosemite?"

"Oh, Bones. I've heard it's wonderful. We could go camping in the wilderness. With a campfire and all, toasting marshmellows, telling stories, or singing songs or - well, just having a good time ..."

"Jim, did I throw up on you?"

He is back with me. Jim almost cried in relief. "Yes, but you just returned the favor," he said gently.

"Oh, right. I remember that ..." Bones' eyes were drooping again.

"Bones, stay with us." Jim took Bones' hands in his and gently squeezed and shook them.

When Bones had had that ... break down, or whatever you wanted to call it, on the bridge, Spock had caught him, and held him up so that he wouldn't suffocate on his own vomit.

Kirk had only registered how very wrong everything had suddenly become, when Bones had thrown up, screamed and whimpered all at once. Jim hadn't been able to do anything then. Bones' own mind was torturing him, his own private nightmare, from which there was no escape for Bones and to which Jim had no access to. Even if he torpedoed that scout ship with Delihan and the Romulans on it, it wouldn't help Bones a bit. Jim hated feeling helpless, he hated it more than losing a fight, more than having to admit a defeat.

And he hated seeing Bones hurt so much. In part, he knew it was also his fault. Bones, ever the psychoanalyst, had spelled it out for him. Coward and liar. Jim was sure that McCoy had said it only because he was angry, hurting and scared, but in fact, he had been right. Of course, Kirk had been afraid of telling Bones what had happened on the planet. If he'd told him in sickbay, when he'd woken up, Bones wouldn't have had that shock of remembering on the bridge, in front of the whole bridge crew.

Then there was still the thing with Admiral Nogura and that order. Of course it was the recommended therapy, but it could only be therapy, if the patient didn't reject the whole method, otherwise, it was a violation of personal rights, nothing less. Bones thought of this as punishment, well he couldn't blame him. Sure as hell, Starfleet didn't treat him as an innocent victim, although that's what he was. Jim had made him repeat that down on the planet and - now look how I'm treating him. I won't make him do something that he doesn't want. Kirk decided for himself.

"I am here with you, Jim. In Spock's quarters, right?" Bones said, opening his eyes again, for Jim's sake, looking at the emblem on his chest.

"That is correct, Doctor." It was Spock standing with his arms behind his back. "Is the temperature comfortable for you?"

"It is actually, although I think normally I'd say it's hot as hell in here."

"You are suffering from the aftereffects of a shock, Doctor, that is why you feel cold."

"Yes, thank you, Spock. I know. I am a doctor, remember?"

"Are you alright?" Jim wasn't sure what to do next. He'd given the Romulans one hour. They still had over 30 minutes, but he needed to be on the bridge then. Bones needed help and he needed his friends, and most of all he needed time.

"Right now? Yeah. But ... I don't think I can get around this mind meld, can I, Spock?"

"Doctor, I'm ready when you are. At the present moment, I think you aren't, therefore, I can wait."

"But Spock, Starfleet Command ordered you!"

"Yes. I believe the correct human expression would be: To hell with Starfleet Command."

McCoy let his mouth fall open. I never thought I'd hear it. But he sobered quickly. If Spock didn't comply, then he would get in trouble. And Jim also. "But I thought Admiral Nogura, ..." He looked at Jim for help. But found him just nodding thoughtfully.

"Forget Nogura, Bones. Please, just think of yourself for once." He said, smiling gently.

God, and he'd called him a coward and a liar. And he'd called Spock, what? A mind sucking leech. He had got himself mind raped and now they had to pay the price. Why had he insisted on walking in the opposite direction of Spock? He had just been in one of his irrational moods, again. If he had stayed with Spock, nothing would have happened.

"I'm sorry, I wandered off, Spock. That stupid cactus wasn't interesting at all, I was just being my usual irrational self." Bones looked at some shelves in Spock's quarters, just a bit to the left of Spock's face.

"Doctor, I believe we have established that none of this was your fault. If anything, I have to apologize for persuading you on the bridge, that the Meriahn are polite and friendly people. It seems that your human instinct was better than my judgement, which was based on the false assumption, that the Meriahn are unable to lie."

There was something on the shelf that caught his attention. A skull? But not humanoid, it was some kind of cat, big cat, a lion? He remembered Spock saying once that he'd had a pet as a kid. "Now, Spock, it wasn't their impolite prime minister, it was ... that other guy." He couldn't bring himself to say the name. He shuddered and saw that skull suddenly look at him with Delihan's eyes staring out of its black holes above the sharp fangs in its mouth.

He breathed in sharply. No, no, no. This is not real. Think of something else. Focus on something. Like a sound. There had been a regular sound before.

"HEY, Bones! It's alright. Nothing is here. You're okay." It was Jim again. He had pulled him up into a sitting position, with his back against the wall, and he was now lightly slapping his face.

"Jim, I ... I'm sorry," was all he could say. This had to stop. He couldn't function this way.

"Quit apologizing, Bones." Jim let go of Bones' face and took his hand again, careful not to touch his bandaged wrist.

"Jim, I want Spock to do that mind meld, now." He wasn't exactly sure why he told Jim and not Spock.

"You don't have to, Bones. Really. I'll think of something." Jim said quickly.

"No, you don't understand. I - I just want to have some control over my thoughts again, Jim. I - I c-can't ..." He was beginning to panic, that animal's head had become alive and was now taking a leap, aiming directly for Jim's throat. He tackled Jim, trying to get him out of harm's way, only Jim didn't move. He just put his arms around him, saying something, calling him, while that thing drove its teeth into Jim's neck and shoulder.

Then, there was that sound again. Muffled and regular. He could focus on it. It was a heartbeat. Too fast to be normal, but nothing serious, he decided.

"Bones?" Jim was looking down at him.

"Yes. As I was saying, I don't think I'd like to go on like this anymore."

"Are you not afraid anymore?"

"I am. But I'm more afraid of what will happen if I wait any longer."

Jim nodded, then started to maneuver him into a sitting position again. "No!" he protested, not really knowing how to explain that. Could he say that he wanted to stay cradled in Jim's arms, so that he could hear his heartbeat which was kind of reassuring?

He didn't have to. Jim just stopped his movements and settled him back against his chest.

This was embarrassing already and they hadn't even started.

Spock sat on the edge of the bed now, looking McCoy into the eyes.

"Doctor, you can be assured, my only aim is to repair damage that Delihan caused to your mind."

He just nodded. On the one side of his face he felt the fabric of Jim's uniform, on the other he expected to feel hot fingers reaching into that messed up mind of his, wanting to help, but still causing pain.

But the pain never came.

o0o

Jim sat in silence as he watched Spock remove his fingers from McCoy's face and straighten himself. He didn't look tired, as Kirk would have expected, he looked confused and angry, well for a Vulcan at least. He looked a bit disordered, that's what it was. Bones was sleeping. He was actually sleeping quite peacefully, slumped in his arms.

"Spock?" Kirk prompted.

"Captain, the doctor is just resting. I believe he won't wake up for approximately another hour."

"Well, ... did it work?"

"Yes, Captain. Of course, he will still have the unpleasant memories of the attack and the aftereffects, but he will have "control over his mind again," just as he wished."

Jim let Bones glide back onto the bed, then stood up to face Spock.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Captain. It was just very ... distressing to witness what Doctor McCoy went through. Secretary Delihan is not a practised telepath, that's why he caused such extensive damage. I believe that he did not do that on purpose, he was only lacking the experience, and he was desperate himself."

Kirk waited. Somehow he felt, that asking Spock about what it was that Delihan had wanted, was not appropriate at this moment.

Spock looked close to composed again when he resumed speaking. "Captain, Delihan wanted the cure for the Vulcan flu."

Kirk raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Uncertain. However, I believe he has family on that Romulan ship."

"That is highly unlikely. The Meriahn have had the politics of splendid isolation since they met alien races, they do not travel to other worlds."

"He tried to "convince" Doctor McCoy to give him the information by activating memories of his own daughter, Joanna."

Kirk looked at Spock in surprise. He didn't think that Bones had ever told Spock about his daughter. It had taken Kirk a lot of prodding and a lot of whiskey to get Bones to tell him about her. Being forced to share his memories of her with a total stranger must have been very painful for Bones.

"Why didn't he just give him the information, then? I mean, Bones would have been happy to help anyone who was suffering from a disease that he had a cure for. You know him, Spock, even if he didn't have a cure, he'd work day and night until he'd find one. Meriahn, Klingon or Romulan, it wouldn't matter. All they had to do was ask."

"As I said, Captain, Secretary Delihan was untrained. Doctor McCoy couldn't possibly understand his "question". He fought him, Jim. And quite effectively, as I may say. I do not think that Delihan got what he wanted."

So your precious secrets were safe, Admiral, Kirk thought. Spock was scrutinizing Bones' sleeping form. "What is it, Spock? There's something you're not telling me." Kirk felt a bout of fear creep up inside of him. "Bones is going to be alright, isn't he?"

"Captain, I discovered something that the Doctor was hiding from me, and I believe from you also, deliberately."

Kirk stared at Spock. Well, he'd figure that Bones wasn't always telling them everything, all the time. For a man who always made him talk about his problems and feelings, he was sure close-lipped when it came to himself. "Surely, it is nothing of importance, Spock? Let him have his secrets."

Spock nodded. "It is nothing that would risk the ship's safety, I believe."

"Well, then just let it rest."

Spock nodded. Kirk took one last glance at his CMO, then looked at Spock. "Stay with him, Spock. I'll be on the bridge to solve our "situation" with the Romulans."