A/N: Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that it's taken me this long to update this story for y'all! I haven't been writing in forever. Just got internet connection back and the moving craziness is now pretty much over so hopefully I will be posting more regularly again. As always, thank you SO much from the bottom of my heart for embracing my work so quickly and loving it so much. All the favourites, follows, reviews and views mean so much to me. I am extremely open to and grateful for feedback and ideas, and anybody who would like to collaborate on anything I would probably be very open to that too. I hope this chapter is on par with what you expected! :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own SVU or any of its characters, and any extra characters that have been created are figments of my imagination baring no intended resemblance to any real persons.

Kathy Stabler wasn't quite sure who she even was anymore. This fact was cemented and solidified as she allowed her body to disentangle itself from another, coming down from an orgasm given to her not at the hands of her husband, but another man. Sometimes she felt guilty, but not in his presence. When she dressed herself, got into her car, went home to her husband and allowed herself to continue going on in a marriage she didn't want, she sometimes felt guilt and shame creeping into her conscience. While she was with him, this mystery man that she hid from everyone, she was a different person, and she hated that she loved who that person was. In those moments, she loved being a bad, cold, heartless bitch.

Looking at the woman now stretched out beside him, he allowed his eyes to travel for the millionth time down her naked form, then once again to her face and into the depth of her eyes. He always made eye contact with her before he spoke to her. He had a feeling that that was one of the things that he did that captivated her. Between that and his thick Spanish accent, it was evident that she had a hard time resisting him.

"How was that?" A smirk crossed his face, in part because she still looked as if she hadn't fully come down from her state of euphoria, and because he already knew the answer without her having to speak.

"Do you even have to ask anymore?" she laughed lightly as she turned to face him. "You were amazing, as always."

As much as he loved their sex, and their light and flirtatious moments thereafter, he once again felt the need to bring up what was on his mind after every single encounter.

"When are you going to leave him? You need to leave. I will not place second to a man who does not love you, preciosa."

A smile crossed her lips as she heard him utter his favourite and most used term of endearment. Not knowing much Spanish at all when they'd met, he'd taught her a lot since. Even if he hadn't, it wasn't hard for the average American to recognize the similarity of this term to its English synonym and assume its meaning of "precious."

Sighing deeply, she allowed herself to be pulled from the many thoughts muddled in her brain. She really didn't want to talk about this right now, but she knew he wouldn't let up until he had an answer he believed.

"Luis, you know I really love you. I don't feel like I have to continuously tell or prove it to you anymore. I do want to leave him, and I will. I want to be with you. Forever."

In spite of the disservice they were doing to her husband, Luis knew he loved her, and knew she was different. Their story would be different, their love wouldn't fail. But he also wouldn't be played and sit around in wait for the love he wanted and needed, to break his heart.

"You need to stop telling me what you want to do, and do it. I will not wait forever, for you to be my forever. Leave him. Tonight. If you do not do it now, you never will."

Despite how much she hated to admit he was right, she knew he was, and resigned herself to that fact.

"Okay. Fine. I will. I will go home and tell him. I'll tell him everything and make it known that I want, that we need, a divorce."

"You promise?"

"I do."

"Gracias mi amor."

Smiling, she turned and walked away with less confidence than she felt she was going to need.

As he remembered back to that night sitting alone on what would have been their anniversary drinking what he knew to be a little too much, he couldn't help but feel angry all over again. Kathy had come home after sleeping with a man he knew and had known nothing about for longer than he'd like to admit, and told him with what seemed like confidence, ease and apathy that she was in love with someone else. That she had failed to be faithful to him, and now wanted to run into the arms of the man that had no right to have her. In all of his shock and grief he had forgotten to be angry. Anger had come later, and it had stayed a long time. He still felt it now, rearing its head when he wished it wouldn't. Their divorce had been ugly, and they'd fought each other every step of the way. Even if he was an aggressive individual at work and at times in his personal life, he had always said should divorce or break up happen he'd want to end it amicably. This made him laugh thinking of it now. You just don't know what will happen until it's thrown upon you, and divorce he now knew, brought out the worst in people. Surprisingly, he didn't hate her. What he hated, was that she'd taken his kids, and filled their head with shit in attempt to turn them against him. Now, he had to watch while some bastard played Daddy to his kids and wait for every second weekend to roll around to get his chance to be in their lives. When he did have that chance, they didn't open up. Didn't talk to him, and at times, he felt, didn't love him.

Olivia had been able to bring him out of all he was feeling. He opened up to her, and she could see his side of what had gone on. She knew nobody deserved the hurt that his wife had caused and was as shocked as he had been. It surprised him how open he was and was able to be with his emotions around her, telling her he loved her all of the time and even getting sappy on occasion. Sitting alone now, taking swig after swig of beer he became bitter. Why did the only woman he would probably ever love again, have to be gay? Why was everything that was good, all his peace, always ripped from him. He didn't know, couldn't understand, and maybe no longer could give a fuck.

Opening her eyes, she could see through the fog of still half slumber that her lover was still asleep next to her, and was happy when she noticed she seemed to be sleeping in peace. For the first time in many months, she hadn't woken up in fits of hysteria. They had decided to spend most weekends together at Alex's house if they could. She had more space, and knew that Olivia really had no use for or attachment to her apartment. It was rarely even stocked with a full order of groceries as she spent most nights at the precinct.

Almost as if sensing the older woman's wakefulness and what was going on inside her mind, Alex stirred beside her. She smiled as she looked over at her, noting her still dishevelled mop of long blonde hair. No doubt a result of the night before.

Alex's breath caught in her throat as she took in the naked silhouette that was Olivia Benson. Walking slowly and seductively towards the bed they now called theirs during the times they spent together, she began stripping herself of what little lingerie she was wearing. The blonde knew these actions all too well and loved that her girlfriend had such ability to tease and arouse her by doing pretty much nothing at all.

"Stop staring, it's rude." she half smiled as her lover willed herself to close her jaw that she knew would be dropped to the floor if it could go that far.

"Oh, shut the fuck up. You know you do things to tease me on purpose."

Laughing, the brunette made the rest of the way to their bed, and having no hesitations took the dominate role, assuming position over top of the younger woman.

"I don't think so." As much as she loved the power Olivia had over her and her body, she got intense pleasure simply from having that same power over her. Seeing no hesitation within the depth of her partner's eyes, she took it upon herself to take the control that she wanted, flipping them over so she was now the one dominating interactions between them.

"Oh, I see how it is. Tough assed ADA wears the pants?"

"Well, right now as you can plainly tell I'm wearing no pants, but yes in some instances she does. And you love it."

"I do."

As much as the detective loved that they could and often did talk and laugh and joke before and after sex, the desire that was building within her was winning over everything. As Alex's long hair fell down and brushed against her face, she reached a strong hand up to caress the blonde's cheek and gently pulled her face down so their lips could meet and connect in a hungry, passionate but loving kiss.

"Mmm. I love you." She smiled against Olivia's mouth before moving her assault elsewhere, becoming aroused and excited at the thought of dominating her so completely that she would eventually lose all control.

Moving her lips down her neck, nipping at the soft and warm skin that was exposed, she began possessively leaving her mark. Even if she was extremely good at pressuring people into things when it came to her job, and could make damn near anyone crack in court, she'd never pressure Olivia. She did however, get intense pleasure and satisfaction out of seeing marks after they were made, left by her that let the whole world know to back off, that she was taken.

Olivia was always amazed at how little it took, how little the ADA had to do to arouse her, or make her feel loved. Often, she felt as if she were out of her own body while Alex made love to her. Like it was a whole new and different experience that was only shared between them.

"Mmm, I love you, too. I love when you do that."

"Oh, you ain't seen nothin' yet."

Just this statement and the way she said it, was enough to make Olivia come undone, and she knew so.

The assault continued down her entire torso, and back up again, before Alex claimed one of the other woman's taut nipples in her mouth. Sucking it and kissing gently the soft skin that surrounded it until she couldn't take anymore.

"Baby. Please, I need you." Her tone was desperate, and the younger woman knew she was having extreme difficulty containing and controlling her desire and need for release.

"No patience, detective, no patience. I just may have to punish you." Her tone was playful yet seductive at the same time, and she knew without doubt was doing a number on her girlfriend's insides.

Wasting no more time, and knowing that her lover's need for release was growing by the second, she willed her mouth to move quickly down between the legs of the older woman, claiming and stimulating her clit with what most would assume was expertise or years of experience but in reality simply came naturally because she loved her and wanted her, with every fibre of her being each time she made love to her.

"Oh my God."

She smiled against her lover's sex.

"I love making you feel good."

"Hmm.. I know you do baby. I'm gonna come soon if you keep that up."

"Is this how you want to come?"

"Is this how you want me to come?"

"Liv, while I love having power over you, I would never deny you what you want or need and I live to make you happy. It's about both of us, but right now it's all about you. So what do you want?"

Despite the level of trust and amount of love she had for this woman, she blushed a little.

"I don't know."

"I think you do."

When Olivia said nothing, she answered for her.

"Do you want me to use something on you?" The question was answered by a nod that Alex almost didn't notice.

"The strap on?"

She nodded again, turning an even darker shade of crimson.

"Honey, why are you so embarrassed every time we talk about these things? It's me, and we've done this a million times. I have every intent of eventually becoming your wife, so you should start getting more comfortable with these conversations."

Olivia felt her throat constrict and heard her heart pounding harder in her ears at the blonde's words. She wanted to get married. To be her wife. This admission was not a new one, she'd said so many times prior, but in this moment, it was all she needed to hear to have any embarrassment or hesitation fall away.

Getting up off the bed, Alex went in search of the toy she needed, and after finding it, crawled back into bed.

Olivia watched as the blonde methodically rubbed lubricant over the rubber phallus and was mesmerized by the movement of her delicate and well manicured hands.

As she watched her again rise from her position on the bed and position the toy comfortably, she was overwhelmed by the amount of love she could feel for just one human being. In such a short amount of time, not even a year, she'd been able to break her open so easily. At first it had scared her, but now it had begun to feel like home. All the nights she had spent discussing her therapy sessions, crying on her shoulder, were healing to her. Granted, she'd skipped a few appointments, but they were making so much headway within their relationship she would never tell Alex this. She didn't want to take two steps back at such a crucial time.

"Are you ready baby?" Alex resumed her position over top of her girlfriend, toy now in place.

"I don't think I remember a night where you've ever looked as beautiful as you do right now."

The blonde smiled warmly down at her before her expression turned to a smirk.

"Well you'll remember this one for the rest of your life. I'm gonna give you a night that you'll never forget."

"Hello? Earth to Olivia."

The detective was forcefully pulled from her sweet recollections of the previous night by the voice she loved so much, and wondered how long she'd been trying to get her attention.

"Hmm? Sorry I was distracted."

"Clearly. I asked if um, if we could.. if you could drive me to the cemetery. To Raye-Anne's grave."

Olivia wasn't expecting something so serious and heavy to come from the younger woman's lips, and was nothing short of shocked. It hadn't been a year, but had been long enough and Alex hadn't once mentioned going to visit the grave site of her only daughter. She had just assumed that maybe that would be something she'd never be ready for.

"Are you sure?"

"No. But I have to go."

Most of the drive to the graveyard was spent in silence; one that was not eerie, but comfortable and companionable. Olivia squeezed Alex's hand every now and then, thinking she probably needed the reassurance.

Once they parked the car, it was decided, even though Alex put up a fight against it, that they would part ways and she would go to the cemetery by herself first and decide after some time to herself is she needed or wanted Olivia there. The blonde had reluctantly obliged, and now sat facing her daughter's tombstone.

Unsure of what to say or do, she was surprised when she found her voice somewhat naturally and quickly.

"Hey baby. I know I haven't been up here yet, and I'm sorry. If you're watching me like you said in your letter you left behind, you know this is a hard thing for me to do, and that I still haven't accepted it. I don't know that I ever will."

She made marks with her fingers in the dirt as she spoke, feeling awkward and exposed even though nobody else was there.

"You know if you're with me always, that Liv and I have started a relationship and have something great. I know you always liked her. She misses you just as much as I do. You've probably seen that she has some problems with drinking, and facing what her mother did. I hope that you will watch out for her. For us. The only thing that could completely heal us, is if you were still here. I feel guilty for the times that I'm happy and I hate myself for the other times when I have to fake that I give a shit. Real and true happiness, ended the day I had to lay you in the ground. I know you're not here to speak for yourself, and I love you but you have to know, that I'm so angry at you. I question every single day, why even if I did things wrong, if I wasn't a perfect parent, why the fuck did you have to hurt me so bad by ending everything without giving me even an inkling of a chance to save you. If I could have saved your soul, mine wouldn't be dead!"

Unable to control the emotions that overwhelmed her, she allowed herself time to be out of her own body. To cry, yell, and scream as much as she needed to. She knew it probably was killing Olivia to watch her like this from a distance, but she didn't have will or energy to care and she knew that Olivia had promised to come down only if she asked.

After what seemed like hours, she had enough composure to be considered once again in normal state, and just sat staring off into nothing. Her voice came out raw and hoarse when she found it again to speak.

"I miss you so much. I could never ever replace you, but I need you to know that lately I'm consumed by thoughts of having a child with Olivia. I'm not sure if she's ready, but I'll never be ready if I don't know that in some way you know, and it's okay."

She sat for a while longer, her heart heavy and her words failing her, before getting up and heading back to the car where her lover waited anxiously.

"Are you okay?" she turned in her seat, making sure Alex was aware she had her full and undivided attention.

"No."

"What's wrong?"

She could feel her palms sweat, but knew she needed to get off her chest what had just happened.

"I told Raye something. I don't know if you're gonna be okay with it, or even like it."

The admission was met by silence, and taken as her cue to continue.

"I told her, that I wanted to have a child with you. I didn't know if you were ready, but I was consumed by thoughts of it. That I would never be okay unless I knew she knew, and it was okay."

Olivia's heart pounded at the confession her girlfriend had just made. They had gone through so much together in such a short time, still had a long way to go. Were they ready for a baby? The thought of being a mother terrified her, but she knew Alex would make a great one.

"So was it?"

The blonde raised an eyebrow quizzically. "What?"

"Was it okay.. with Raye-Anne?"

Alex did up her seat belt without responding to the older woman's question, and drove away from the cemetery in pensive silence for some time before noticing that in one section of the dark grey skies clouds had parted, and through them a rainbow was now visible.

Smiling to herself, she knew she had found her answer.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think it was."