As usual everything Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.
A/N So Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. Unfortunately life got in the way of my writing time. Hopefully there won't be such a delay between chapters again. Occasionally it may be unavoidable that it takes me a little longer to post updates but I can guarantee you that they will come. I won't ever abandon this story.
Once again a million thanks to my beta Georgia Dawgette. She has amazing insight, and her ideas add much to this story! As always thanks to those that have read, reviewed, added this story as a favorite, etc. I know I'm horrible at answering reviews but I do read every single one and hopefully throughout this week I will get to replying to them. I love reading everyone's thoughts, comments, ideas, etc. Also they really give me the incentive to buckle down and write.
BPOV
I couldn't be sure I'd heard him correctly. Had Jasper really said Alice would be here tomorrow? To say I was stunned would be putting it mildly. For the past two years I'd longed to see Alice again; to hear her angelic voice just one more time. The only thing that had stopped me from begging Jasper to let me speak with her when she'd phoned earlier was the guilt I'd felt as soon as he had told me who was calling.
Only a moment ago I had told Jasper that I needed to see Alice, and now that he was telling me her arrival was imminent I didn't know how I felt about it. I just wasn't able to resolve my affection for my friend and the desire for her to be happy with my complete inability to ever give Jasper up now that we'd found each other. I could only hope that Jasper's assurance that Alice had accepted us as a couple was accurate.
Focusing my attention back on Jasper, I quickly realized from the pain filled look on his face that I was hitting him with a barrage of my rapidly fluctuating emotions. From panic to excitement, elation to fear; they ran the gamut. Where was that annoying cheerleader that had taken up residence in my psyche when I needed her, telling me this was what I wanted, what I'd been waiting for. Why couldn't she chill me out this time?
"Sorry Jazz." Now, to top it all off I felt horrible that Jasper had to experience everything I just did. "I'm killing you here aren't I?"
"No, no........It's alright darlin'. I probably shouldn't have sprung it on you like that." He was noticeably cringing at the effort to reflect calm onto me. "After telling me you wanted to see her, I was somewhat under the impression this would be welcomed news."
"It is!" I was quick to assure him. "It's just so.........sudden." Jasper engulfed me in his powerful arms, my face buried against his shoulder, while I allowed the feel of him against me combined with deep breaths to calm me.
Leaning back while keeping his arms around me Jasper arched his eyebrow "You okay?"
"Yeah........yeah, I think so." I nodded my head with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, hoping to convince the empath staring down at me. Truthfully though I wasn't entirely sure that I was okay. As much as I mostly trusted in Jasper's love for me, I couldn't help but worry about what Alice's arrival could mean for us. I knew I couldn't possibly measure up to her perfection, and he had chosen to be with her once before. What if next to her he saw me for what I was.......plain, ordinary, human.
JPOV
After guiding Bella into the living room, we settled ourselves against the overstuffed cushions of the sofa; Bella shifted her body so that she could stretch out comfortably, her head resting in my lap while she closed her eyes. A soft sigh of contentment escaped from between her alluring pink lips. I noticed that the overcast skies from this morning had turned nearly black, making it appear as though it was evening rather than only mid-afternoon. Although not close enough for human ears to pick up, I could hear the faint rumblings of thunder, a storm was definitely brewing. It felt almost prophetic in a way. Alice was only the tip of the iceberg. If I was being realistic, I'd have to admit that I had known from the second Bella re-entered my life that our being together meant putting her on a collision course with Edward. As much as I fought against it, I knew Alice had merely confirmed my own realization that Bella would eventually have to resolve her past with my brother. I could only hope that when the day came that Bella and Edward were again face to face, that my inadequacies next to the golden boy wouldn't be glaringly obvious to her. Not only was Edward her first love, he also didn't carry half the baggage or scars that I did.
What I hadn't been able to anticipate was Bella's reaction to the news that Alice would arrive tomorrow. All in all it had gone fairly well, aside from the near panic attack that is. I was relieved albeit, somewhat perplexed, when the myriad of emotions that had seemed to rocket from her vanished as rapidly as they'd appeared. It amazed me that she was able to control them to the point that I could barely detect that she was feeling anything.
"Bella?" I looked down at the stunning creature resting on my lap as I began to run my fingers through her thick curls.
"Mmmhmmm...." She mumbled.
"May I ask you something darlin?" Bella's ability to either control her emotions, or block me outright from feeling them was perplexing. It was similar to walking into a room blindfolded. Gauging the emotional climate of my environment had become second nature to me, and although most of the time I'd rather not experience the range of feelings around me, it was somewhat disconcerting to find that I couldn't always use my ability around the one person whose emotions I wanted to be aware of. It seemed to only occur when Bella was distressed; as if some invisible, impenetrable wall came up around her during those times.
"Of course Jazz." Bella's dark lashes fluttered against the creamy slope of her cheeks as she opened her eyes, chocolate pools staring up at me expectantly.
"Earlier in the shower............" I hesitated.
"Uh huh." Bella prompted me, pulling herself into a sitting position and facing me.
"I could feel everything you were Bella, until I was in there with you. Then there was........nothing. It was as though your body was there but everything else just shutdown." Bella looked down at her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Then in the kitchen after you realized how your emotions were affecting me, everything seemed to shut off like a switch, and I could feel nothing from you." I tilted her chin up so that she was looking at me. "Baby how are you doing it? How are you blocking me?" I asked, knowing it was possible that she wasn't even aware of the answer.
With a sigh Bella began speaking. "I guess it was too much to hope that an empath wouldn't pick up on that huh?" She appeared almost sheepish.
"Just a little." I confirmed with a grin, not wanting her to feel as though she was being put on the spot.
Standing up, Bella tucked her hands into the front pockets of her hooded sweatshirt before beginning to pace slowly back and forth in front of me.
"I-I don't know how to put into words what I became after you all left." Bella sighed, shoulders hunched, face angled so that she was staring at her feet. "It was..........bad, really bad Jasper." She whispered.
A sharp jolt of her grief and loss, enough to nearly cause physical pain coursed through me. I could only imagine that this was merely a fraction of what she'd felt right after we'd left.
"It was horrendous. I couldn't function, Jazz. I didn't talk to anyone. I barely slept or ate. I stopped living.......because........because my reason for living at that time was gone. When you all left you took everything with you including my future, or rather the future I'd thought I was going to have with Edward, with your entire family. Charlie didn't know what to do with me; Rene was ready to have me committed." She explained.
"Bella......" My voice trailed off when she put up her hand to stop me. I wanted to tell her again how very sorry I was, how I knew that there was nothing I could ever do to make up for what my weakness had caused. Bella, of course would attempt to assure me that I wasn't the reason behind Edward's decision to leave. She was wrong, so wrong though. Before the party I'd felt how content Edward was, or as content as Edward could ever be. Bella had brought my brother back to life, and I'd been there to witness how quickly that life had been extinguished out of him when we left. For as long as I existed I would carry the guilt of all the pain I'd caused not only my family but more importantly, Bella.
"I learned after awhile that if I concentrated I could shut it all off. All the hurt, all the pain, everything. Like a switch, I could shut it all off and at least pretend to live a little again. The downside was that by closing myself off emotionally to the bad stuff, I essentially also blocked out the good stuff. It's gotten better, but there are still times that I do it, although not usually consciously."
Bella stopped in front of me, tears pooling in her eyes. Wiping the palms of her hands over her eyes to swipe the tears away she apologized. "Sorry, I just .........it brings all those memories back."
Softly grasping her hips in my hands I pulled Bella between my legs. Resting my forehead against the flat plane of her abdomen I sighed. "You never need to apologize for what we did to you darlin' and I'm not sure I can ever apologize enough for the part I played in all of it."
Sinking to her knees in front of me, her warm palms cupped my face. "Jasper, I already told you I never blamed you. Besides, everything that happened brought us to this moment; right?"
I nodded mutely.
"When I left Forks I had decided to put my past where it belonged, behind me." She began.
"Guess I made that a little difficult huh?" I asked.
"That's the thing Jazz, you didn't. I don't look at you and see my past......" Bella's voice trailed off, a slight blush staining her cheeks.
"What do you see Bella?"
"My future." She stated simply. Two words had never held more power than the ones she'd just spoken.
Pulling her onto my lap I buried my face in the veil of her hair. No other words were needed as we held each other. I lost track of how long we sat, our bodies entwined murmuring quietly to each other; exchanging gentle caresses and soft kisses. I did however know that because of this amazing woman I felt at peace, a tranquility like I'd never before experienced in my entire existence settled over me. Not even with Alice had I ever felt this level of contentment. Hearing that Bella saw me as her future, I was able to forget for a moment the hurdles we had ahead of us.
A loud knock on the door broke us from the bubble we had encased ourselves in for the afternoon.
"Hope you're decent." Peter's voice carried from just outside the still closed door as the handle turned. "To damn bad if you're not cos' we're getting wet." He grumbled as he and Char stepped into the entry way.
"Awww look at you two, so cute together." Char gushed as she took in Bella and I with our arms still wrapped around each other.
Peter looked at his wife as though she'd grown another head. "Who are you and what the fuck have you done with my wife?"
"Peter..........Bite. Me." Char fixed him with an icy glare.
"Ah there you are sugar." Peter laughed as he wrapped an arm around Char. Bella giggled; obviously amused by the never ending show that was Char and Peter.
"We brought you Chinese Bella." Peter snatched the bag out of Char's hand, making a show of offering it to Bella. "A peace offering if you will." A charming grin plastered on his face.
"Sucking up?" I asked, looking at him over my shoulder.
"Of course." Peter answered truthfully. "Is it working?"
"That depends." Bella shrugged her slight shoulders.
"Oooooonnnnnn?" Peter stretched the word out.
"Well, on whether or not there are spring rolls in that bag." Bella answered as though it was the obvious answer.
"Uh think so." Peter looked to Char for confirmation. She nodded as she chuckled at the exchange taking place between Bella and Peter.
"Then it's working." Bella untangled herself from my arms, standing to greet Char with a hug. As I watched the two women take Bella's dinner into the kitchen, I couldn't help being pleased at how they had seemed to become fast friends.
"Ok something's up. Spill it Jazz." Peter turned towards me as soon as Bella and Char had left the room.
"Alice will be here in the morning." I sighed. There was no point beating around the bush, hiding shit from Peter was damn near impossible.
"You're shitting me right?" He looked incredulous. "Your ex-wife AND your girlfriend.........in the same house? Priceless."
"My ex-wife who happens to be Bella's best friend." I added.
"Dammit man, your girl is your ex-wife's best friend and used to be with your brother. When the fuck did your life turn into a daytime TV drama?" Peter laughed loudly.
It all sounded so sordid when broken down to what the circumstances really were. I shouldn't have been shocked that Peter would be the one to point out the obvious connection between all the parties.
"Glad you find this so amusing. Laugh it up fucker!" I tossed a cushion at his head, missing when he bent at the waist to brace his hands against his legs. My obvious annoyance only fuelling Peter's reaction to what he found to be a hilarious situation.
"What's so funny?" Bella asked, balancing a plate of food in one hand as she walked across the room to rejoin me on the sofa.
"Nothin' baby, Peter is just having a moment." I glared at my brother, hoping he'd take the hint that I did not want him bringing up this particular topic of conversation in Bella's presence.
"Peter." The warning in Char's voice loud and clear. "You promised to play nice!"
"Why does everyone always assume I'm the one not being nice?" Peter asked indignantly, throwing himself into the arm chair.
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck....." I said, wanting to get a rise out the man that was quickly becoming the bane of my existence.
"Yeah, yeah! Fuck you Jazz." Peter huffed while the rest of us chuckled at his expense. "Thought we were supposed to be watching a movie or something."
The remainder of the evening passed uneventfully. Peter and Char curled up in the arm chair while Bella and I stretched out on the sofa with her back resting against my chest, as we engrossed ourselves in a movie marathon. Bella had been rather amused with Peter and Char's choice of movies, although Char had laid the blame solely at Peter's feet for the theme of tonight's films.
"What? Vampire movies rock, they're hilarious! How they think this shit is even half assed believable is beyond me." Peter had defended his choice rather enthusiastically.
Char and I had merely shrugged, well aware that engaging Peter in an argument on the subject would be futile.
BPOV
Today had been tumultuous to say the very least. I'm uncertain if there has ever been a time when I have felt so many different emotions in such a short span of time. Mentally and emotionally I was exhausted; physically I wasn't doing a whole lot better. Peter, bless him had brought quite the assortment of vampire movies for us to watch. It was perfect! For the first two movies I laid on the sofa, my back pressed against Jasper's chest while one of his muscular arms was casually draped across my hip, as I'd listened to the three real life vampires in the room comment and critique the Hollywood versions. Observing, and at times joining in on the easy going camaraderie of Jasper, Peter and Char had been just what I needed. A light ending to a day heaped in enough drama to nearly drown me.
By the time Peter slipped Fright Night into the DVD player I could barely keep my eyes open. The hypnotizing beat of the rain and low rumbles of thunder, combined with Jasper's feather light caresses up and down my arm interspersed with soft kisses against my temple, made it nearly impossible to fight the heaviness of my eye lids. I was fairly certain Jasper used his gift to force me to end my battle to remain awake.
"Sleep now sweetheart." Jasper whispered in my ear, and it was the last thing I heard before I allowed sleep to overtake me.
I stretched my body out and burrowed myself deeper under the blankets. I somewhat recalled Jasper carrying me to his bed, where he'd removed my jeans before crawling in beside me. It never ceased to amaze me how Jasper could consider himself a monster, yet show me such tenderness and care. He did not see himself clearly at all. I could only wish that he would see in himself what was so obvious to me.
I wasn't quite ready to start the day. On one hand I was beside myself with anticipation to see Alice again, but on the other was the apprehension I felt over how she would react to actually seeing Jasper and I together. Needing to feel the security of Jasper's touch, I patted the bed beside me disappointed to feel nothing but the coolness of his sheets. I immediately felt foolish over my disappointment that he wasn't there beside me, after all he didn't sleep. It's not like I could expect him to do nothing other than watch me sleep, and wait for me to awaken.
Sitting up, I wiped the sleep from my eyes. Swinging my legs over the side of the bed I decided that I'd have a quick shower before seeking Jasper out downstairs. That's when I heard it. A sound, that until very recently, I never thought I'd hear again. The tinkling giggle that sounded like bells ringing.
"Alice......." I choked out a whispered sob.