Tainted Hearts
Chapter 11

A/N: This chapter is mostly just a filler chapter, and I apologize that it's quite short. Thank you guys for following, reading and appreciating my stories.

Hopefully the next instalment will make up for the length of this one.

Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order SVU or any of its characters. Any new and fictional characters or situations I have created are figments of my own imagination and are not intended to intentionally bear resemblance to any real persons or their lives

It had been several months since Olivia had brought her to rehab. As much as she knew she needed to go, she hadn't wanted to. Serena was not one for facing demons and owning up to mistakes. If she were, she wouldn't be an addict in the first place, would she? Isn't that why everyone shot up, drank, smoked.. to get away from something, to be numb? This was her explanation for her own actions anyway, and she was beginning to learn that in life, you can't speak for or blame others, but have to look at yourself. As much as she didn't hardly know her daughter, this rehab was no joke. It was intense, and old wounds were being ripped open every day. Realizations that she had been a less than satisfactory mother, and even human being, were hitting her like a sledgehammer. She was, through all of the happenings and emotions, beginning to forge meaningful and potentially lasting relationships with other people and learning how to be grateful for support. Most of all, she was learning to be grateful to her only child, for calling her out on her shit, making her want to be a better person, and being there to bring her to where she needed to be, even when she hadn't deserved another breath.

"You okay today, Serena?" Rhielle sat down opposite her at the table; one that much resembled cafeteria tables, with its long tabletop that seemed to stretch on forever, benches snaked along either side. If you really thought about it, this rehab facility, and perhaps every other one, was a lot like high school. There were different groups of people, their different issues and problems seeming to draw them to each other. There were nice people, bitches, and ones who really didn't open up at all. Those ones probably weren't ready to be here, but who ever was ready to admit that their whole life had gone to shit, pretty much all of their own doing?

Turning her attention back to the dark skinned woman across from her, her stomach grumbled as she caught sight of Rhielle's lunch tray.

"Yeah, I guess. Emotional session today, but that isn't something that doesn't happen pretty often now that I'm clean and able to actually feel. I broke down and they kept tryin' to pry every god damn thing they could out of me."

The younger girl's teeth shone pearly white against the dark complexion of her skin as she smiled.

"Hey, they do it to us all. Being a newbie is hard. Trust me, you're not the first to have a breakdown, and you won't be the last. There's people who've broken down worse than you could ever imagine in here. These walls hold a lot of secrets that'll never be told."

"I can imagine." Serena had had trouble opening up when she'd first arrived at Blue Havens Recovery, but Rhielle had been one of the first to open her up and then to even befriend her. The girl was much younger than she was, a baby at not even twenty three, but she'd been through way more than anyone at that age should have to go through, and was probably even more mature than Serena herself. Even though their lives were not exactly the same, they were parallel in so many ways that it was eerie for both of them. The way they felt and the things they had experienced while in the midst of addictions, Serena believed they had a soul connection, and probably would for the rest of their lives.

Rhielle had been sexually, physically, verbally and emotionally abused by her father beginning at a young age, and was told never to tell anyone what was going on. Her mother being a long time sufferer of a severe mental illness, had committed suicide when she was still in school, leaving her alone to battle her own life, and fight her own demons. As much as she had wanted to come out on top and be one of the people who wasn't a statistic, one of the ones who rose above their fucked up environment to success and who everyone talked and raved about, she had fallen victim to the harsh realities of the world. Gotten into things with people she believed cared for her, but didn't want to do anything but use her and leave her for dead. They say the devil tries to get you at every corner, and this was certainly the case for her. Becoming a runaway that nobody cared to look for, having no one in her family capable of loving another person or even attempting it, she became very good at looking for what she presumed to be love, but now knew was lust, seeking the wrong kind of attention from the worst kind of people, and hiding when she needed to be seen the most. It was only in recent months, coming to Blue Havens, that she was beginning to see there was more to life. There were people who felt the same way she did, and feeling that they had been robbed of something, being angry, showing emotion, this was all okay. People here not only respected, and appreciated her for her struggles, but could relate to her and understand and lift her up on dark days.

"I just wanted to say thank you." She looked away from the brunette opposite her as she swallowed a bite of her food. Although getting better at being open, she still hated when emotion overwhelmed her in front of other people. As messed up as it sounded, she hated not being in control. Her addiction and promiscuity, she had been able to, for a time, control these things having control over her. When, what, who, and how much, these things were all up to her and in losing her addiction to begin the fight of sobriety, she felt uncertain about everything and had yet to realize that really, life could be as wonderful as it could horrible.

Serena leaned in closer, a puzzled look on her face. "What're you thanking me for?"

"Well, you know a lot of my story. You know I never had a Mom, or a family at all. I didn't know what love actually was, before I came here. I came here before you, but you've really let me lean on you when I need somebody other than therapists to hear me. You've walked my walk, and you've really become like a mother figure to me. I know you've had struggles with your own daughter, but if you can be what I need when I need it, I'm sure every day here is a step closer to that with her too. You do have the heart and capacity to love, Serena. I know you do. You and I both just have to learn to stop running away. We need to face the things God placed in front of us to make us stronger, instead of trying to bury ourselves in things that'll make us weak."