Chapter 13

A/N: Thank you for the love and all the reviews on this story so far. I do read every single one and they always make my day. I love hearing what you all like and what you think, so thank you! You're all amazing and they mean a lot. I hope to be updating a lot more regularly now, as long as life permits me to do so. I also really hope you all like this chapter as much as the last one!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters. Any situations or people I have created are figments of my imagination and are intended to bear no resemblance to any real persons or their lives. Any actual resemblance is purely coincidental.

Olivia had stood frozen for what seemed like many moments, but was probably only seconds. Unable to pull herself away, but unable too, to believe what was in front of her. The woman that she loved and she had believed loved her, who she'd begun to open up to, made so many great strides with, was in this moment committing the ultimate betrayal. Not just kissing someone else, but someone of the opposite sex. Alex had told her many times that she had no interest in men, but standing witness to what was unfolding she'd questioned it. After seeing enough to make her stomach flip and her eyes water, she quietly retreated from the doorway without her girlfriend ever knowing she'd been there.

"BEN.. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" pulling away, the blonde shoved him away from her, seething with anger.

"You know you felt something."

"So?! It doesn't matter what I felt or didn't feel. I have a girlfriend! You knew that. You just had dinner with her, for God's sake! Why would you walk up in here, my mother's house, of all places, and do what you just did?!"

"You're not denying it, so you did feel something."

"OH MY GOD.. YES...ALRIGHT?! Yes, I did. I felt something. But after the history we've had, I'd expect that. Why does it matter? You still haven't told me why you're here. I mean, I know Mom used to like you an awful lot, but I'd never suspect her as one to invite my old flames over for dinner."

"I work for her."

"You work for her? Doing what?"

"I'm her assistant."

"My mother has an assistant? She has plenty of people around here doing shit for her as soon as she snaps her fingers, are they not her assistants too?"

"Where are you getting that from? I think you have some made up idea in your head about your mother, Alex. She has Elena to do the cooking, but I do most everything else."

"I have the wrong idea of my mother? I grew up with her, you didn't. It's not too complicated, she has a chef and a man who wants to act like a little boy and be her bitch. I am a lawyer, you know. What I don't understand is why you'd want to work for her."

"I need to make a living. She pays well. And she's a nice lady."

"Of all the ways to describe Katherine Cabot, nice wouldn't be on my short list."

"I'm not you."

Alex scoffed, "Clearly."

There was a lull in the conversation between them and the tension was palpable. Alex didn't know how long they'd been in the kitchen or if people were wondering where they'd gone, and she didn't really think she wanted to answer if they did.

"Listen, Ben.. what just happened here, we need to forget about it, okay?"

"You can tell yourself you're going to, but I know you."

"Unfortunately."

"Oh shut up. You can play that hard assed shit in court, but not with me, and not with anyone who actually gives enough of a shit about you to know you. You're not like that Alex, so I suggest you stop trying so hard. You're gonna push everyone who ever cared about you away from you."

"You don't need to preach to me, I'm quite aware of that. I hate myself every day. I've already lost the one person who meant everything."

"Al, what happened to Raye was not your fault."

"You heard?"

"Of course I did. I work for your mother and it was everywhere. It's not like people don't know you're one of the top ADA's around. All kinds of people heard."

"Lovely. It's nice to know that when I was hidden away in grieving others were like vultures feeding off of me."

"Oh don't be so dramatic. Not everyone is against you, you know."

"I doubt that."

"I don't, you have one person standing right in front of you who's on your side and cares about you and you can't even see it. Raye cared about you too, and it's really not your fault."

"It is! You can't talk about Raye, you didn't know her, and I haven't seen you in years so for you to stand there and say you care about me is bullshit. You don't even know who I am now. If Raye Anne really cared, she'd be here right now."

"You have to stop beating yourself up like that."

"You know, everyone needs to fuck off telling me what I need. When my heart beats inside their chests, they can talk."

"I agree that people judge when they don't know, but Alex it's gonna eat you alive if you do that forever. I'm not saying you can't grieve, but you can't take everyone down with you, when all we're trying to do is help you. I'm just saying, I'm here and I care. I'll give you my number and if you need to talk, pick up the phone. It shouldn't matter what history we had."

"Thank you."

She smiled at him, giving in and letting him win the war of words in this conversation, but she knew he was wrong. Their history did matter, and it always would.

The drive home from her mother's was silent, and Alex was grateful. She didn't want to speak or think of her mother anymore for a very long time. They hadn't gotten around to talking through anymore of their issues besides the one of Alex being gay, but she didn't particularly care. Something told her Katherine would never change, and if she did, her daughter wouldn't be alive to see it.

Becoming suddenly bothered by her thoughts in the silence, the blonde reached over turning the knob on the car stereo so the speakers came to life and began humming and singing along to the music. Only miles later, when the brunette next to her in the passenger's seat reached over and roughly turned the music off, was she aware of how much her girlfriend's mood had apparently shifted.

"Hey! I like that song."

"I don't care."

"Obviously."

"Would you fuck off? I really don't wanna talk to you right now or deal with your smart assed shit."

"Olivia. If you don't wanna talk to someone, you don't start a conversation with them by acting like a bitch. I'm not being a smart ass at all. You're in this mood, so get out of it. This is my car, if you don't wanna be civil, you can get out and walk home."

"Yeah, it's always about you, isn't it?"

"What the fuck are you talking about? Where the fuck is this coming from?"

"I think you know, and if you can't figure it out, then you shouldn't be a lawyer."

"No, Olivia, I don't know, and thank you for insulting my intelligence. Everybody needs that."

The rest of the drive, and the duration of the next several weeks, was full of a whole lot of nothing between the two women. Tension you could cut with a knife, nasty looks, hurtful exchanges, if any at all. They spent their time avoiding each other, Alex not understanding Olivia and Liv not understanding why it wasn't so obvious to her. Maybe they didn't know each other as well as they thought. Going from being so connected to sleeping in separate rooms apparently clarified that fact.

Both of them were living on autopilot, going to work, doing their job, but their minds and hearts not really being in it. The team could sense something was going on, but they never would intrude upon personal business of one another. If someone wanted to talk, they would.

Working late for the first time in a long time, Alex had forgotten how much long late nights took out of someone. Incredibly tired, yet immersed in what she was doing at the same time, she startled when her phone vibrated loudly against her desk. Pushing the home button to activate the screen, she scanned through her already read messages before noticing who the unopened one was from.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

She hadn't actually thought much about him since going to her mother's, and had actually almost forgotten that she had kissed him in her kitchen. Until he'd texted her.

"Working."

"Am I disturbing you?"

"It's a welcome distraction."

"...You go from trying to fight against everything I said to you and hating my guts to me being a welcome distraction?"

"One, I don't hate you, two I didn't say you were the welcome distraction, merely that your conversation was."

"Don't play semantics with me. Same deal. And I'm glad to know you don't hate me."

"Whatever. Lol."

"The ADA uses shorthand in conversation? Shocking."

"Oh shut up. I'm not completely uncool you know.. hahaha. ;)"

"LOL now you change it."

"I just realized this entire conversation has been about me."

"Not much has changed since high school then, has it? :P"

"Oh FUCK off ;) What exactly is it that you're doing that has you so bored you had the urge to text me?"

"Nothing. I can't sleep."

"I'd give anything to be sleeping, but I probably won't be able to once I'm actually home. It's hard to sleep when Liv isn't next to me."

"She working late too?"

"Probably. We haven't been doing all that well lately."

"Aw, I'm sorry. Why?"

"I'm actually not sure. We don't really communicate anymore."

"Maybe you should?"

"I should probably try harder, yeah.. but it's her problem too.. she hasn't made effort at all."

"...I don't really know what to say to that."

"I'm just about done here, you wanna go for coffee and talk? I'm exhausted, but I know I won't sleep."

"Are you aware of what time it is?"

"Completely. My phone is so smart it tells me. 1:00 am. ;) You wanna go or stay home on your ass staring at the TV til you finally crash?"

"You're probably more interesting."

"I'd hope so."

"I'll meet you at the shop on fifth in 10 minutes?"

"Ten four."

Picking up her coat, she wasn't even sure what they'd talk about that night. She didn't care, he'd been a welcome distraction from her work, and made her smile when she needed it. All she wanted, was to feel that somebody cared, and sitting in an office pouring over legal papers, she'd received that validation for the first time in a long time.