This was my idea, but snowAry was the one that really created half of the dialogs:D I couldn't help myself, and a clueless Aizen can be really funny … even his majesty, the royal badass Aizen has to learn the basics of computer science
Note: F1 is a "shortcut" for Help. We have this joke … only the computer geeks can really understand its meaning … or the ones that pressed F1 by mistake :D
Question: What screams a programmer while he's drowning?
Answer: F1!
Told you it's only for geeks. Sorry :D
Note nr2: For those who think Aizen is OC, I have an explanation. He is bitter and wants revenge from Soul Society and Ichigo. I bet that after 5 years spent in prison you would be the same. Anyway … during that time he kind of lost his "touch". Don't worry he'll be the manipulative bastard we all know, but a sarcastic one.
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To break is all I know
Chapter 2: Computer science! F1 Captain!
For the high school seniors, the forth year was an agglomerated period, because they had, apart from the BIG final exams and admission in university, the usual homework, the constant bickering of under evaluated teachers and even extracurricular activities.
Our villain was no exception of this rule. However the madman gave no importance to his studies, for various reasons (like the fact that he is a freaking villain), at least until that day ….
11:00, Wednesday, the Computer science course.
A small and fat man, that resembled an overweighted balloon, was trying to explain to his students what the importance of computer science was. The lecture was plain stupid, and Aizen kept on thinking if the man was planning to stop in the near future. His stomach emitted the annoying noise that alerted its user of its emptiness.
"Our subject is called Computer science and most of you may believe that it includes only software." the teacher mimicked an X with his hands "Wrong"
"But teacher" interrupted a boy "Computer science is by definition a subject that studies the algorithmic part" another classmate silently agreed with a nod, while the other continued "We learned last year all there is to know about graph theory and before that we studied the data structures and different algorithms on them"
With a smile of his own, the teacher mocked his students "You will never learn all there is to know, especially about a vast subject like graph theory. If I were to tell you all I know about some pretty interesting problems we encounter in a graph … you will have to skip dinner and even your beauty sleep"
A girl giggled at the comment, and another one muffled a snicker.
"Anyway … let's get down to business" said the fat man smirking at everyone "This semester we study the internal structure of the computer. I bet you all know how it works, but you do not understand why it works. It's a delicate subject, because it requires massive amounts of information and even some notions of physics. I would say elementary notions of physics, but I'm afraid they are sometimes more advanced than a high school teacher's training"
The whole class, except Aizen, shuddered in fear hearing the words that ensured a hard year, and an even harder exam.
"But don't despair" continued the teacher nonchalantly "I'm not a physics teacher, so it's not my duty to teach you these things. They are way too complicated. So first of all let's start the computer and see if you remember the basics in computer science, and then we can go on with our real matters"
Andy, the class representative, a slim and tall guy that lacked elegance and beauty, took the responsibility to distribute the seats, and ironically our antihero was chosen to be his partner. At least he could use the stupid human to do his bidding, which was, in this case, to use the piece of metal in Aizen's place.
Now that he had the possibility to study the object, it looked foreign, and even if Soul Society had advanced technology, their prototype system was totally different. In other words Soul Society and the human world evolved in parallel, without touching or interacting in any way.
"Hello" Aizen heard a voice from behind, which belonged to the class representative "My name is Andrew. I already know your name, but I thought it would be appropriate to introduce myself" and he waved warmly at him.
Aizen mimicked a pleasant simile that melted the other's heart in a puddle the moment he saw it. "Thank you" his smooth and gentle voice echoed, leaving Andy struck in place.
The boy was trying to recollect his thoughts and words (and reconsider/doubt his orientation), a blush appearing on his face, near the cheekbones. He stammered something undecipherable, and left through the door in a hurry.
'This is bad' thought Aizen, as other students were pressing the start button. He copied them, but when a blue screen appeared, which magically transformed in another screen with a flower on it … a photo of a flower … any logic was lost. Finally, realizing that this object cero-ed by Grimmjow was a mystery, Aizen reluctantly asked for help.
Imagine the teacher's utter amazement, when a senior high school student came at his desk and asked politely if he could show him how to use the computer.
"You are kidding, right?" asked the fatty, thinking that Aizen was mocking him, or was doing a stupid dare.
However Aizen looked serious enough; the teacher sighted loudly, attracting unwanted attention towards the ex-captain and said just as loud, so the others could hear. If it was done intentionally or not did not matter, because from now on Aizen will become the back sheep of the class.
"Look. I will ask a freshman to attend you in … learning how to utilize a computer" Mr. Fat teacher scratched his chin thinking and then came with an idea, lights metaphorically appearing in his eyes.
"You're in the soccer team, right?"
"Yes" he nodded, hoping that he will excuse him, because he was busy with training, but no … his idea was pointing elsewhere.
"I will ask your captain to assist you. She's pretty good at computer science, better than an average senior. Please be at 3 o'clock back here …"
Aizen fought with his anger and ego in order to keep his "gentle" appearance on his face. And somehow he knew that his patience will be tested at these computer science private classes.
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"So let me get this straight" said Karin while gesturing towards the unidentified piece of metal "You have no idea what is this object?"
"It's a computer" stated Aizen watching her like a hawk with his intense brown gaze. He tried to act like a calm and gentle soul, but in a corned of him mind, he knew the girl won't buy it.
"Let's me rephrase that Samaki" she cracked her knuckles "You had never used a computer?"
Aizen was slowly getting impatient with Karin's antiques, and now he was really rethinking if Grimmjow was worse than her. At least he had the decency of bowing before his unlimited god-like power … but his captain was just too stupid to realize just how insanely dangerous his person was.
"No" he answered reticently.
"You really did NOT touch a computer in your entire life?" repeated Karin, still unsure if she had ear issues, or if her brain was not receiving the correct information from the peripheries.
Aizen was at his limit, so he cracked a false smile, hoping that it will be enough to creep her out. Karin glared at his face, but didn't back down; she was enjoying every second of mockery directed at her gatekeeper, and to give up such a rare chance of pure fun, was impossible.
"No" growled the man "Can we move on?"
The young Kurosaki was having the time of her life. First her father didn't assault her in any physical way that morning, then Yuzu cooked her favorite combination for breakfast, toasted cheese with bread and milk and in the end, Samaki was a retard.
"Sorry" the girl's face brightened up coming with an ingenious plan and another way of screwing with the clueless male.
"Please … do tell me that you know where babies come from!" her sly smile could put to shame even the infamous Espada, but Aizen didn't budge responding her scandalous question with one of his own.
"I do" his smooth and seductive voice amplified its qualities "If you don't know … I can show you. That's if you passed the stork level, of course"
Karin's face took a dark shade of red, but quickly revised her composure, mumbling grudgingly "You think you're such a smartass"
"I never said I'm an ass"
Karin shot in his direction a murderous glare, fighting with the killing instinct; that man was a real pain in the ass … and a pompous bastard with a god complex.
'He thinks he's so smart' thought the raven girl, while her interlocutor walked towards a computer and took a seat in front of it, on the comfy, black chair 'I guess I can take my revenge during the preaching'
Aizen saw an opportunity and mockingly said "Ok teach … where do we start?"
Karin was about to snap at him, but in the last moment an idea came in her sarcastic mind. She occupied the chair besides Aizen, and began the lesson in a monotone and dull voice "Please start the computer"
Aizen searched for the button that was usually pressed in order to start the computer. Thank god he saw a demonstration in class, or the bitch standing near him would have another motive to make fun of his lack of knowledge. However the girl found a way to piss him off … again.
"Good" she grabbed a candy from her backpack and hand it to him sweetly "You deserve a candy"
With an expression that could only mean trouble, Aizen slapped her hand away and suddenly snapped "Are you fucking with me?" his usually calm and confident eyes mirrored an unusual anger and the girl felt a string of fear rise in her gut. Aizen made no secret in showing her how evil and dangerous was his presence.
She backed away from instinct, almost falling from the chair. Her blue eyes found the madness hidden in his brown orbs, but maybe the misogynistic part manifested, pushing her forward till their nose touched.
The brown haired ex-captain stared her dead in the eye, while the girl slowly approached.
"I am not afraid of you" she said emphasizing every word in order to assure him of their truthiness "I can clearly see that you are malefic and harmful, but I'm no pushover either. You will stay here and listen to my rant for as long as it takes to make you understand how this thing works" Karin pointed at the box of aluminum "And you will listen, and learn, and be a good boy" she moved even closer, her eyes boring holes in his brown ones "And as a bonus request … please stop acting like a lunatic"
Aizen's poker face did not let loose the flow of emotions sweeping his being. However it did not mean he was not feeling them: anger, hate, surprise, attraction were just the ones he could name. On the outside, he smiled at his soccer captain.
"I never intended to scare you, captain" his sweet and ego-brushing voice was in place, covering for his earlier burst of anger.
It unnerved him that he revealed his façade from the first moment he met her. She didn't see through it, he let her see through it.
In a swift motion, the Kurosaki was back in her seat "You are full of shit Aizen. Really full of shit"
He hadn't realized that Karin used his surname, instead of his fake first name, just like she hadn't realized how strange his name sounded coming from her lips, or the fact that she knew this name from somewhere else.
"Why thank you captain" which meant 'you're a bitch' in Aizen's language.
Karin sighted as a sign of stress, but thought that their previous fight should be forgotten, since computer science will not enter her gatekeeper's head with only a flick of her wrist. How much she wanted to be in a different world … maybe Harry Potter's; at least there she could make illusions a reality.
"So … at least you know how to start a computer"
"I do not understand why you have to make such a fuss over a useless piece of metal?" asked the villain, genuinely curious, hoping for an answer that will cover the subject.
However Karin's temper resurfaced, talking him by surprise … for the second time.
The girl rose from her seat, snarling dangerously at her companion "You know what. We're done"
"We're not a couple … we cannot be done"
Our little firecracker was trying not to punch, kill or knock out the red haired retard. Moreover every little comment he made was getting her over the edge. She didn't mean over the edge in that sense, more like spilling the water over the edge.
"You know what … go to hell. I'll be more that happy to see you next year, repeating the 12-th grade…" she grabbed the blue bag that belonged to her brother "because you failed your computer science exam"
She was abruptly stopped by Aizen's smooth voice "It's not my fault that you're a lousy teacher"
"Than I guess it's not my fault you're a lousy student" she attacked right back, not staying in defense for too long. It was impossible to stay in defense with a man like Aizen
"Look" pacified the read head "I will try to pay attention to whatever nonsense you have to say about this box, if you stop the sarcasm" he was bored by the constant bitching, and truth to be told, Karin was really tiring when trying.
The girl thought for a second and finally decided to truce "Ok. I guess we would better start" Karin said while retaking her seat "Let's start with the base." she rapidly took a teacher's stance, proud and conceit with a drop of inflexibility typical at university professors.
"What is that?" asked Aizen pointing at the keyboard … he did not know that its official name was keyboard yet.
Karin sniffed loudly, but in the last moment decided against an ironic statement "It's a keyboard" she was about to explain to him how it worked when connected to a computer, when the man had to ask:
"What's a keyboard?"
"Are you trying to be stupid?" growled the girl at him.
Aizen gritted his teeth together releasing a screeching sound of some sort. The girl took it as a form of annoyance, and continued with the questions, ignoring the death glares coming from her companion. If looks could kill, Karin would have been six feet under from the moment she kicked the ball at the ex-captain.
"What's this?" and she made a nonchalant gesture at what we call the "mouse"
Aizen studied the object in total silence and when he was absolutely sure he got something right regarding the thing, he answered confidently.
"It's made of plastic"
…
"Anything else?" she asked again, hoping for useful information
"No"
"This thing made of plastic is called a mouse" her hands turned the object over, pointing at the laser on its bottom "this red light is a light-emitting diode, a LED usually said in common language. When I'll show how it works when connected to a computer, I'll also detail the inner structure"
A rose eyebrow was the only clue Karin got before another pearl left the red head's mouth "That doesn't look like a mouse. It still looks like a piece of plastic to me"
After two seconds of debating on her following actions, Karin decided on breaking the truce, even if that meant a broken promise. She could live with this pretty easily, since her conscience was practically zero.
"And I presume you lived under a rock till now?"
"Are you trying to be funny?" smiled Aizen sweetly at her, the corner of his lips turning upward in an amusing smirk. Another killing leer replaced the fake look of guileless in his eyes.
"No" she answered seriously, looking at him, dead in the eye, not afraid of the receiving harmful glare "Now let's continue. I'll repeat so even a moron like you would understand"
She presented the keyboard with a wide gesture "This is the KEYBOARD it's very IMPORTANT . It has BUTTONS … little square things that you press. Look …" and she slowly pressed the D key probably demonstrating how it's done "You push the button down, and when you're finished, you release it like this" and she took her finger off the key "and it returns in the same position it was prior to the pressing" her eyebrows went upwards indicating surprise "It's like magic"
Aizen twitched in a nervous tic; it was the only sign of annoyingness the ex-captain had shown since the beginning of Karin's speech, but it will not be the last … definitely.
"Useless" he mumbled under his breath, in a silent whisper
When hearing just how not impressed was the gatekeeper by her discourse, she used a different strategy to attract his attention.
"There are things that the human mind cannot comprehend. So we created a tool that can simplify the process"
However Aizen was not impressed by this, as a matter of fact he was surer than ever of the humans' pathetic nature. They were a bunch of idiots that wasted their time building boxes that could implement the things they were not able to do. To use an object with this intention was pathetic, indeed. Somewhere in his mind, the thought of hypocrisy struck him, but too far to be considered even conscious.
"The computer has many utilities" said Karin, happy that at least she was not interrupted by her sarcastic companion. He was standing by her side, listening to her rant, which came as a big surprise. She continued, eying him suspiciously "You can edit a text, you can send messages anywhere around the world, you can watch movies, listen to any kind of music you like, and other things that are too complex for your underdeveloped intellect"
"Somehow I doubt that"
Karin continued nonchalantly, ignoring the red head's attempt of irony.
"These are what we call the peripheries. There are three kinds of peripheries: in(I), out(O) and in/out(I/O). The keyboard is an 'in' kind of peripheral" he was about to ask why, when Karin answered his silent question "You can enter whatever text in whatever retarded language you use just by pressing the keys."
Aizen bit his tongue down in order to stop the flow of obscenities coming out, being incredibly pleased, when only a hiss escaped. However Karin continued with her harsh and unmerciful discourse.
"This is a mouse, which has content, unlike your brain" the antihero rubbed his hands in despair "And this is the screen … and look" she pointed at the flower decorating it "it's colored" her voice acquired a childish tone in order to accentuate Aizne's retarded nature.
"Stop talking like that"
Growled Aizen dissatisfied with the girl's way of teaching and way of talking; he was so annoyed, that he even thought of a good way to kill her.
"Don't complain. I'm trying to make things easier for a retarded prick we all know"
"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself; I know that deep inside you are not a prick"
With a glare and a flick, Karin continued. It was a Kurosaki main feature to avoid the things you don't like, or something that it's unimportant for your future development.
"Here it's the real magic. When you move the mouse … look at the cursor" she said turning towards Aizen that was staring equally at her "I said look at the screen, moron!"
The prick was resting his head on the hand, and had a bored look on his face that expressed, apart from total boredom, a hint of sadistic intent. His eyes were barely ajar, but she could distinguish the brown patterned behind them. He was that far gone, that he suggested an outrageous thing.
"Make me" his soft smile turning into a grin.
If Karin had been one of those filthy little whores that decorated the high school in a bright and disgusting color, she would have blushed like an idiot and maybe even respond, but she wasn't so she … slapped him over the head, ignoring his comment.
'What the hell is going on' though Aizen, checking her figure for the first time 'I said … it doesn't matter'
His eyes traveled lower studying the gray skirt required to be worn by the female students. It was the only thing that gave up her gender; apart from that … nothing. She had no bust, her legs were sinewy and lacked femininity, her face was plain, her eyes were dark blue, shaped like a trapeze, and over all these flaws, she had short black hair, barely reaching her ears. If it wasn't for the 100 years of Shinigami experience, he may have mistaken her for a guy. An honest mistake, judging her boyish, totally male appearance.
"Are you done day dreaming?" asked Karin, waking him up from the unwanted daze.
She was wearing that insufferable smirk and her hands were currently resting on her hips. He couldn't be sure if 'hips' was the correct term, since her square figure didn't let any curve appear and thus no hips.
"No, I'm not done daydreaming."
"Too bad" Karin continued like nothing happened "When you move the mouse, the cursor will move the way you previously moved the mouse … well in the same direction"
"You're the worst teacher I have ever had" 'in 100 years of existence' wanted to add Aizen "And your teaching style is utterly and unalterably chaotic"
"Now …you see these two buttons … they are really big, so even an incompetent like you should see them"
Aizen was surer and surer that Karin had removable earplugs. This was the only logical explanation for her temporary deafness; deafness that coincidently appeared when he was being ironic and just as coincidently followed by a rude remark regarding him.
"The left button is for open. With the left button you open folders, files, hyperlinks, anything. The right one … it's usually for proprieties. In the normal usage, we say click to the left click and right click to the right click"
Meanwhile Aizen was counting the seconds, deciding if the time was passing slower than usual, or wasn't passing at all, being stuck in place by his boredom.
"Let's recapitulate "snapped suddenly Karin, waking the man from the pleasant slumber "This is the computer, this is the start button, blah, blah, blah"
Aizen rose an eyebrow saying "I wrote the blah, blah, blah" he even mused if there was any sense to what she had said "I'm terribly bored and I didn't learn anything useful"
Again she didn't give a flying fuck 'bout his words and the antihero began to create a diabolic plot in which she was hanged by her throat, without …
"What's that?" asked Karin impatiently making chaotic gestures towards the mouse.
The man had two choices: answer seriously, which from computer science's point of view meant 'don't answer', or make fun. It wasn't a tough choice, so Aizen smiled sweetly (sadistic) in her direction and said just as sweetly.
"The content of your head"
….
"AIZEN!"
At least this time she heard him. He was 100 percent sure she heard his reply; and that the whole school heard hears … not reply, because that was a scream combined with a yell, a shout and an overdose of roaring.
Conclusion: Don't ignore Aizen.
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Something I cannot add in my story plot, but ….
"I guess you had to dye your hair red … too bad it's not pink Samaki."
"I really want to kill you captain"
"I will not be the first or the last"
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A/N: Till next time … and don't forget I do not own Bleach (thank god I don't or Karin would have a harem of villains)
YEAH! Karin is the best character in Bleach! I was afraid I was the only one that thought so … happy I'm not :D
Anyway for now I'll keep the chapters light and humorous :)