Hopefully, in answer to LucyJasper, the baby should be coming in the next few chapters, unless I get a new idea of something else to add before then, which is quite unlikely, or if anyone else thinks I shouldn't bring the baby in just yet. Sorry for how bad this is, I feel the need to apologise every time for some reason, sorry about that. Proof reading is terrible by the way.
Jac walked down the corridor, eventually finding somewhere where she assumed she wouldn't be disturbed; a cupboard underneath the stairs. She sat on the floor, drew up her knees as close to her chest as possible with her bump, and put her chin on her arms that were crossed over them. And she left the tears roll freely down her face, not knowing why she was letting her feelings out all of a sudden, so blamed it on her hormones.
She thought about her mother, how she had failed at being someone to protect her, support her and love her. Instead she was the one who hurt her, along with her partner, she was the one who had made her feel bad about herself, even when she got high results, even the best in her class, her mother told her it wasn't good enough, and she was the one who ignored her for days, didn't come home after work some days, so Jac would have to look after herself. Of course the teachers never caught on anything was wrong, why would they, they don't care about what happens outside the four walls of their classroom. Only when she was 12, and her mother didn't come back, did the teachers realise something was wrong. After about a week of school, things were getting harder for Jac, she didn't have money to buy anything and teachers started to realise something was going wrong. She was questioned, but she didn't mind about being alone, it was much better than being with her mum and partner, however they figured it out she was put in care, much to her dismay.
But now, she was partly thankful for her mother treating her like that, even after everything she went through as such a young age. She realised that she would be a great mother, because she wouldn't be able to put someone through that. She gone through that, she had been there and knew what it was like. It seemed ridiculous for your own mother to be able to do something like that, and she knew she would never be able to. She placed her hands on her bump and smiled slightly, although the tears were still running thick down her face. But maybe she couldn't.
Her thoughts were interrupted when all of a sudden she heard voices outside and people walking past. She muted her cries and hoped they would walk past without realising anyone was in here. When she thought they were gone she let out a sigh, not realising she had been holding her breath as well. She heard the thump of someone walking up the stairs that were above her, and guessed that they were looking for her, when you didn't want to be missed you were, and when you wanted to be missed, you weren't.
She sat for several moments, in peace, thinking about her child, their child, her and Jonny's child, before she was interrupted by her phone ringing. It made her jump, and she couldn't get it out of her pocket, until it had rang about 4 times. Once she had managed to get hold of it, she looked at the screen and sighed. It was Sacha. She knew that he had rang her, and was probably stood outside the door, to have some conformation that she was the one hiding in the cupboard.
She looked to the door after rejecting the call, waiting for it to open, and sure enough, the door handle moved and the door creaked open a bit, well more than a bit, enough for Sacha to get through. He closed the door quietly, and she was grateful that he hadn't made a scene and that it was only him who was here, she guessed Mo was the one who was upstairs looking for her.
She looked up at Sacha and he smiled at her, she tried to smile back, but it faded and she just let her face fall, not bothering to put a front up in front of someone who knew her so well and would be able to see through it anyway.
Sacha squished into the small space next to Jac. Seeing as the cupboard was so small they both felt slightly squished, but neither really minded, they were close, and nothing would happen, they were best mates.
"So, what's up?" Sacha asked. He knew something was up, and he really wanted to help, he hated seeing her like this.
Jac shrugged. Sacha waited for an answer, knowing it would take several moments for Jac to get out what she wanted to say. "All of this family stuff... I can't do it... what if I can't look after our baby... and all these Christmassy stuff... it freaks me out."
Sacha sighed. "I already told you. You're going to be a great a mum, there's nothing to worry about. You shouldn't worry about this sort of Christmas either; yours don't have to be like this. It can be just you the baby and Jonny." He placed his hand on her bump; he was one of the few that didn't count in the 'no-one is to touch this bump' rule.
He looked to her face and saw the tears that were welling up. He knew she had already been crying from the smudges of mascara that were around her eyes, and pulled her into one of his bear hugs, which was quite difficult in the small space and seeing as she was pregnant.
"You do know that Jonny really does love you and he is going to help. He won't just leave, and you have loads of people who will help if you ever need it. Jac, why are you so worried about this?"
She rested her head on his chest and took a big sigh. "My mum," she mumbled into his jacket, so was barely understood by Sacha.
"You are nothing like her, and you know that. I know you're worried that you won't love this little one, but you have loved him or her, since the moment you found out you were pregnant, which is so much more than your own mum has ever done. You know what it's like and you won't let that happen to someone else, you won't let another person be put into the system and you won't let someone else feel like they don't matter."
"No-one else agrees with you." She knew it was a lame excuse, but it was still true. So many people didn't believe she could do this, she had heard the whispers around the hospital and had tried to ignore them, but she couldn't.
"No-one else knows you as well as I do though. No-one else knows even half of what you have been through, and no-one else knows the real Jac Naylor. That under that ice exterior is a woman who is afraid and scared and worried. I know that, and I know you will be fine."
He looked over at Jac, who had regained her previous position of having her knees drawn up to her chest as best possible. She was looking at him, making sure that he was genuine, and wasn't just saying all this to make her feel better. She smiled a bit and nodded. He was right, and she knew it. She had known it, just needed someone else to prove it was true.
"How about we go back out there and we finish today, get it over with. It will put your mind at rest that you can do Christmases like any other person."
"I don't think I can though. Christmas is just embarrassing for me, and I never feel welcome, no matter how hard they try. I really wish I wasn't here Sacha, Christmas is just full of things I would rather forget."
"I don't want to be here either, but we can't stay in here for the rest of the day can we," he replied, which gained an annoyed look from Jac.
"Fine, but only because it's you."
Sacha stood up, and awkwardly helped Jac up. They stood in the small space while Sacha tried to locate the door handle in the jumble of things that were in the cupboard. He had just found it when the door opened, and Mo's mother appeared, almost hitting Sacha in the head with the door in the process. She looked shocked, to say one thing.
"What are you doing in th cupboard? Jac are you alright? You look like you've been crying."
"I'm fine, thanks," Jac said smiling, just before Mo appeared behind her mum.
"Jac, can I have a word. And Sacha, lunch is ready in the kitchen if you want to help yourself," Mo said, indicating for Sacha and her mum to leave.
That just left her and Jac.
This was really hard to write for some reason, I knew where I wanted to go with it, I just couldn't seem to get there. And it changed a lot while I was writing it. Sorry for terrible writing skills, please review if you wish, thanks for reading xx