CarmillaD: Es verdad, me había olvidado de eso. Pero el viejo director también fue el que hizo desastre en TDA, así que no cantemos victoria porque vuelvan ¬¬ (yo siempre tan positiva). He escuchado rumores de que DxC va a volver, en la quinta temporada o algo así? 0.o

Uuuy… nunca había hecho casi llorar a alguien xD voy progresando como artista xD la mitad lo hizo la canción, pero bueno… agarro lo que me llega xD

Part IV

It's just simple kissing

No one has to ever know

What she doesn't know won't hurt her

As long as I don't let it show

-It Sucks, Skye Sweetnam

What Gwen really felt like was like all these things were happening in her life without her control.

First it had been Courtney becoming friends with her. She found it strange, to say the least, the way the brunette had decided she didn't hate her anymore; she just knew that from a moment to another she had started being nice to her, asking for her opinion, including her in her life. She still found it unsettling whenever Courtney was friendly to her nowadays, but, to the Goth's surprise, she had found herself liking her too.

Then it had been Duncan coming back and deciding he liked her, as more than friends this time, and forcing her to cheat on her new friend too.

Lastly, it was herself. These days, she was jumpier than the time she had taken Cody's epipen. She was looking around the corners and over her shoulder, even when she wasn't doing something she was supposed to, and jumped whenever somebody said her name.

She knew it was just a matter of time until the rest of the contestants found out, and condemned her for yet another scandal that was only partly her fault. She knew the people in Playa de Losers must have already known; Leshawna must have been disappointed in her. Bridgette must have been furious, and taken Courtney's side through everything, and Geoff, her former friend, must have been using this to create more slander and get more ratings for that damned show of his. DJ must have been shaking his head.

Gwen knew she must have been causing havoc in their viewing audience, and that all that was left was for her to be eliminated so there could be a repeat of last season's Aftermath bloodbath.

She knew Chris must have known, because he knew everything that went on around there.

But the absolute worst was that Courtney didn't know.

"Courtney?"

Gwen's voice came out strangled. She had just walked into first class, empty except for the brunette sitting to a table, holding her head in her hands, eyes closed in an expression of pain. Gwen felt her world fall to pieces. She knew. She knew. Ohmygod, Ohmygod, she knew.

"Courtney?" she called again, even though all her senses were telling her she was digging her own grave.

Great, she couldn't even control her own body now.

This time, Courtney looked up. "Oh, Gwen. Hi." She smiled, "I just have a major headache," she explained, pain shooting briefly through her features to illustrate her point, before her face lightened up again, shrugging off her affliction. "Come, sit down," she motioned to the seats in front of her. "Help me do this quiz."

Having gone from extreme fright to a wary relief, Gwen didn't quite register the last words spoken nor the magazine on the table, and could only produce a delayed, "…Oh."

Courtney looked at her and furrowed her brow. "Are you okay?"

Survival instincts kicking back in, Gwen snapped to action and started nodding profusely. "Yeah! Yeah, I just gotta go do… something now."

"Okay," Courtney nodded, and went back to reading her magazine while absent-mindedly massaging her temples.

Gwen couldn't help but stare at the girl. She looked so serene, tapping the end of a pencil against her lips, her biggest worry being a quiz in a magazine and a headache produced by several days on the plane. She was undeniably different this season; more likeable, freer, it seemed like her heart was a lighter place. She was singing more, and even thought it could have been just practice for the challenges… Gwen genuinely didn't think so. No, she thought Courtney sang because she was happy. And of course, all of this was making it harder to see the hypocritical, vicious girl that would justify her boyfriend wanting to cheat on her.

Gwen couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she hadn't noticed Duncan sneaking out behind her back. How could it be that she wasn't even suspecting? What had happened to the extremely jealous and possessive girl that had accused her of stealing her boyfriend last season, back when Duncan and her truly were just friends?

Where was all that suspicion now that it would actually come in handy?

Courtney had looked up again and set down her magazine. "You sure you're okay?" she asked, and before the other girl could answer, she went on with a catious tone, "You know if you have a… problem… you can talk to me," she assured. "...if you want."

Her offer rang in Gwen's mind. In that moment, she wanted to take the opportunity she was granting her and ask her,

Why are you friendly to me? Why do you suddenly trust Duncan so much? Or just, Why are you so different?

If she had, Courtney might've tried to play it cool, denying the claims and saying she had always been friendly, and always trusted Duncan, defensive like it was expected for her and like it was her instinct to do. On the other hand, maybe she would have found it in her to open up to Gwen, like she was forcing herself to slowly learn to do, and say,

"Yes, I am different. See, I'm trying to change myself... I'm trying to change because everybody hated me."

At this last statement, Gwen would have tried to protest, but Courtney would have stopped her. "I know people think I'm ruthless and careless. The public didn't let me ignore that for very long," she would have said, with a straight face so it would be clear that she wasn't indulging in self-pity. "That's why I'm trying to show them I'm really a good person."

Enraptured by the confession, Gwen might have gone to sit next to Courtney at some point. Encouraged by this, the brunette would have continued:

"The only person who loved me through all was Duncan," she said, smiling at a memory only she could see, as Gwen was automatically overcome by guilt. "Because he knew the real me. Now I'm trying to show that person to everyone else."

Hearing how she talked about Duncan, Gwen might have gotten a hold of what she was really doing, and she might have gotten the sense to stop it. To go to Duncan and break things off, then go to Courtney and tell her the truth, and get back the control of her life.

But things did not happen that way.

Gwen said, "I'm fine." And retreated towards the door.

Courtney nodded, knowing something was up but also that digging deeper would be intruding.

She went back to her magazine, and Gwen left.

Boldness is a mask for fear, however great.

-John Dryden

A few days later, Gwen closed the door to the Confessional, the only place where she felt safe these days, and looked to both ends of the hallway. With her heart on her throat, she started making her way to the first class section, praying that she wouldn't find anyone on the way.

The last few days had been Hell for her, ever since what she'd been fearing had finally happened.

"You know what you are? You are the new Heather!"

The other contestants' harsh words rang in her ears.

Normally, Gwen could handle people saying mean things about her. She had to live with people talking behind her back all the time in her high school, and she had always gotten through it just fine.

The problem was when the things they said were true.

"Did you forget how heartbroken you were when she kissed Trent?"

Gwen peeked her head inside the room, and was relieved to find only Courtney herself in there, singing, as it was her custom as of late. Her pleasant voice and the fact that she was in a safe place immediately put Gwen at ease.

She approached the brunette, who appeared to be cleaning the windows with Kleenex. "What are you doing?" She asked her, raising an eyebrow.

"There were yucky dirt stains on the windows," Courtney explained, wrinkling her nose at the window, before turning to her with a smile, "It only makes sense we should take care of the place we occupy so much, right?" She winked at her, and Gwen realized this was more of a statement than a service.

"I sure don't expect Chris to," she agreed.

"Exactly."

Gwen drifted to another section of the room and they stayed in silence for a while, until Courtney asked, "Hey do you know where Duncan is?"

Gwen managed not to jump at the question; she had been training herself for situations like these over the past few days. "Haven't seen him since last night," she replied easily, especially since the brunette currently had her back to her.

Then something occurred to her and she added, "Sorry if I kinda... absorbed him last night," she apologized, as if she truly were just a good friend reporting to her friend what she'd been doing with her boyfriend who was only her best friend, and nothing more.

Courtney had already once confronted Gwen with suspicions of her wanting to steal Duncan, so it was best to play it safe. But the brunette looked at her with a sweet smile, and said, "It's okay," her way of saying everything was forgiven and that she trusted Gwen completely.

Gwen forced a smile in return. (It was getting easier.)

If she had been paying more attention to Courtney and hadn't been so caught up in her own worries, she might have noticed how the other girl's tone was just a little too upbeat.

After a moment, Gwen spoke, "Um, I'm gonna look for him. Maybe he's off doing something illegal," she chuckled, careful not to sound too eager.

"Okay," Courtney accepted, smiling at her. When she turned her face back to the window, away from the Goth's sight, her smile promptly relaxed into an icy cold expression, that had nothing to do with the yucky dirt stains on the window.

"And, I'll tell him you're looking for him."

Courtney simply nodded.

Gwen was about to leave, when,

"I don't think you're the new Heather, by the way."

The Goth stopped in her tracks and felt her blood run cold. She whipped her head back to the other girl, her heart rate having increased dramatically. Courtney had left off the Kleenex and was looking out of the window, leaning on the window seats nonchalantly.

"Because, Heather was never in love with Trent," she went on calmly, as if she hadn't noticed the panic in Gwen's face. Then she looked at her, and, as if the sight of her had been funny, she smiled a little smile that in another situation would have been affectionate instead of eerie. "And you do have feelings for Duncan, don't you?" she said slowly, taking a step closer every few words.

Her words and her tone had a strange patronizing twist to them. Gwen got an uncanny sense of dread as the other girl approached her, and she suddenly had the sense to start stammering in her defense. "C-Courtney, I-I can explain, it's… it's really not what you think, I didn't mean for it… it just happened and-"

Courtney held up a hand and chsst-ed her. "But it didn't happen like you think…-"

The brunette repeated the gesture, a little louder this time. "Don't mock me, okay?" she calmly requested, and Gwen knew for certain in that moment she would never get through to her. If the girl was stubborn in her normal state, scorned she must be impossible.

"I know exactly what this is all about," the girl assured, as her black eyes shone with something indescribable.

(-)

Courtney stood and stared. She felt the strange sensation that she had gone through the threshold leaving her soul and her heart at the other side of the door. The two people in front of her couldn't see her, involved as they were in each other.

It was hard to explain the surreal feeling that overcame her in that moment. She had anticipated this moment, this discovery for so long; imagined it for so long, feared for so long, pictured it, that now that it had actually happened….

It just didn't seem true.

Suddenly it all connected in her mind in one single second. The rumors flying about, the piteous glances the other contestants occasionally gave her, the jeering smiles Chris directed her, that couple of times she had walked in the room and people had stopped talking. The time she had heard kissing noises coming from the Confessional and thought nothing of it, just walked the other way remembering to drop by later.

And in that very moment, she was paralyzed. She was completely clueless as to why she had gone to the cargo hold in the first place. All she could think of was all the times she had pictured this scene, and how she had assumed that in this situation she would barge in and start yelling at the both of them, as it was only expected of her.

But what she had really witnessed herself doing was taking two steps backwards and closing the door soundlessly, eyes locked on the two people inside until the scene was blocked from her sight.

Then, she simply walked away.

(-)

As Courtney saw the memory play out in front of her eyes, she continued to look down at Gwen unfalteringly, as if she was recalling something that didn't affect her at all. Her gaze was unforgiving and overpowering.

Gwen was visibly attempting to shrink onto herself, looking genuinely sorry. Sorry she had been caught, that is.

"I'm just here to tell you one thing," Courtney started, and the other girl looked up, ready for her punishment. "You can keep him."

"What?" the Goth asked in recoil, and immediately kicked herself for not sounding bashful when saying that and sounding eager even though she wasn't.

"Like you hear," Courtney stated, and Gwen was surprised to see a smile of satisfaction peeking at the corners of her lips, as if she was actually enjoying this. "Do me a favor, and keep his lying ass."

Gwen stared at her. "You can't mean that," she said quietly, trying to sound appeasing.

"Oh, but I do," came the brunette's snappy reply. "I want you to keep him Gwen!" she exclaimed, and Gwen found herself a little relieved now that she was finally yelling. This soon faded, however, when Courtney approached her, beginning to corner her. "I want you to keep him for the rest of your lives. I want you to marry him!" she yelled, gesturing wildly.

The door opened unexpectedly to reveal the rest of team Amazon, but Courtney didn't seem to care, as she went on, "I want you to go and have a bunch of kids and buy a house with a white fence and a backyard and a fucking little GOLDEN RETRIEVER!"

Gwen stared at her with wide eyes as she stood and took it. It was an outburst, but there was nothing that indicated pain in Courtney's face; it was all just anger and rage. She just didn't look broken-hearted, only severely annoyed.

Courtney took a step closer and Gwen finally hit the wall. "I want, you two, to get your happy ending," she stated genuinely, and then her eyes narrowed into slits, "just don't ever bother me, again."

She pulled her face back. "Okay?" she lightly pinched Gwen's cheek, a gesture that could have been friendly in another context. "teamie?"

Then she turned around and quietly left the room, where Cody, Sierra and Heather jumped out of the way of the quietly steaming CIT, walking out with destination to God knows where.

Nothing to say here dada-di-dum-dum.

~The Lighthouse