A/N: As always, thanks for reading, whether you fav, follow, review, or not. Another shout-out to KC for her wonderful characters!
Athenachild101: Got it. Feeling a little silly, now. :) I think in the next few chapters, I'll try to provide more clarity without a list. If that doesn't do it for you-let me know, and I'd be happy to!
prnamber3909, piepie1289, TheSelectionFangirl, & Maxon's Rose: Thank you all. Maybe the story is coming together? :)
And, on with the story...
I struggle to sleep, but finally doze. When I open my eyes, I see Maxon sitting at the breakfast table-still dressed in yesterday's clothes. His elbows are on the table, hands support his head. It's still too early for breakfast, and he doesn't even have a mug of coffee yet. He suddenly looks broken framed by the balcony doors.
He doesn't speak, even as I go quietly to him, and rest a hand on his shoulder. "Maxon?" But he does place a hand over mine.
He finally lifts his head. "I haven't done such a good job of protecting you, have I, America?" His eyes focus somewhere out the window. "All we've accomplished, and the people who came to my birthday parties, joined us for holidays, mourned my parents' passing, and celebrated our wedding are planning..." He trails off. "I need to know what they're planning."
The helplessness in his expression and voice scares me more than his statements. Last night, after I emptied my tears, he had silently led me back through the palace to our room, tucked me gently into bed and then held me as I fell into a fitful sleep. I didn't even pay attention to how anguished and deceived he must feel. Our illusion of safety had crashed to the ground last night, and maybe it is our fault for trying to create one. There is really no such thing as complete security.
"How long have you been dealing with this alone, Maxon?" I ask quietly, making sure my tone is caring instead of accusatory. My stern reaction from last night was more from needing to feel some sort of control while so much slipped from my grasp.
He glances at me, and then to the cribs on my side of our bed. Griffin and Barrett continue to slumber, unaware that in one night their world has irrevocably changed. "For about six months, love. Aspen's team intercepted some unusual chatter, and we've been following up. We had to be sure. I didn't want to worry you for nothing, and I needed you to continue as if nothing was out of the ordinary."
"I'm sorry I reacted so strongly last night. I just, I just had to feel like I was doing something. I know that you and Aspen were already thinking about increasing security. In fact," I look at him, not able to control my surprise, "the construction for May. It took so long. They're still in and out all day." He nods, as I suddenly understand the delays and material mis-orders and the myriad of mistakes that have plagued the project. "One of Aspen's security teams." I think of the other changes that have taken place over the last few months. "The additional kitchen help?"
"Yes, America. I'm sorry I kept it from you, but I think I'd do it again. The construction crew and the new kitchen help are highly trained and expressly charged with protecting you and the children. The only thing we hadn't thought of was training you and the children and the existing help in self-defense. That really is a flash of brilliance. We are so concerned with protecting you, sometimes I forget you are more than capable of protecting yourself." He looks up at me, flashing a weak smile. "Aspen and I met after you fell asleep. He has some ideas about the training, and is already vetting a team. I never suspected I'd think we're lucky to have one of your exes hanging around."
"I'm surrounded by yours," I smile back. "And I wouldn't have it any other way. Remember, Aspen isn't an ex any more, he's part of the family." I muse, Kota can't handle being my big brother, and as weird as it is, Aspen stepped right in. "I don't know what I'd do without Marlee, and even Kriss and Elise. Your mother was right, Maxon. They are my support team." I rub his neck with my other hand. The knots of tension don't surprise me. "Have you slept at all tonight?"
He shakes his head, "And I probably won't, love. I can't." He doesn't need to explain. I know that until this new threat is contained, my rest will not be as easy, either.
"It's a good thing the little boys have started to sleep through the night. I was already thinking of moving them to the nursery. But that means we'll need additional help there. I can't in good conscience do that to May. Four on one and she doesn't have any of her own, yet."
I get a wry smile from him. "Those odds with our children are definitely not in her favor," he agrees. "A good excuse to hire more help. But, I'll miss having them in here with us." His eyes turn to their cribs and then back to me, "How did my mother handle this constant anxiousness, Ames? I don't know how to bear it."
"I don't know, but we'll learn. Though, I think I understand your father a little more, and that is a little disconcerting."
We both stop talking. The silent seconds turn to minutes, and eventually Maxon stands and pulls me to him. The familiarity of the embrace calms us both, but the peace is tenuous. "Are you sorry you married into this?" he asks sadly.
I respond quietly, but firmly, knowing he's not trying to hurt me and meaning every word. "Don't ever say that again, Maxon. I have never regretted one moment of our life together, and I'm not going to start now." I wrap my arms even tighter around his waist. Hard to believe I've spent nearly half my life loving this man. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I'm surprised my teenage-self isn't looking back.
A quiet knock at the door signals our breakfast tray has arrived. Griffin, ever the more wakeful one, stirs a little. Maxon goes to rub his back, to see if he can coax him into a deeper sleep. I open the door to Mary, placing a finger unnecessarily to my lips. She quickly and quietly unloads the tray, waving away my thank you and closing the door behind her in less than three minutes.
My stomach rumbles loud enough for Maxon to hear it across the room, and his smile is genuine as he stifles a laugh. I have always had a special relationship with breakfast, and it doesn't look like it will be ending anytime soon. "Why don't you take a quick shower, and I'll fix your plate. By the time you get out, your coffee will be cool enough to drink."
He looks a little unwilling to leave, but agrees to the suggestion. I fill our plates with eggs, blueberry muffins, and bacon. Pour juice from the decanter. When I hear the water turn off, I fill his coffee cup and sit to enjoy my tea. He re-enters the room in just his robe, water glistening on his hair. Despite the pressures of running a fledgling country, there isn't any gray in the blonde. A hint of a furrow is always between his brow, and light laugh lines appear around his eyes, but rule generally agrees with him. His profile is still slim and muscular, though he has filled out a bit since our wedding. And, honestly, I have, too. Four children and fifteen years have given me curves and softness in areas where I was all angles before.
He sees me watching him, and his smile reaches his eyes this time. As he drops a kiss on the top of my head and seats himself, I ask, "Why such a big smile?"
"I just caught the most beautiful woman in the world looking at me. That should be enough to make any man smile."
"Enough. Eat your breakfast," I reprimand, but he knows I'm laughing, too. It's the only thing keeping me from crying right now.
"Seriously, Ames, I just decided that I wasn't going to let them drain the happiness from my moments with my family. My father turned inward as the rebels got bolder and more active. He tried to beat me into courageousness as the attacks became more frequent, and pushed Mother far away, though he deeply loved her. I want Calix, Abrielle, Barrett, and Griffin to know that the situation is grave, but that their father believes we can move through and past this latest obstacle. I want you to know that I'm going to pull you all closer to my heart. Not push you away from it."
My eyes shine with tears that I won't let fall, as I recognize the power in his words. It's time to put aside the mourning for the life we had just two short days ago. It's time for me, America Schreave, Queen of Illea, to take my place beside my husband and ensure our work is not in vain.
Together, we will not fail.