Chapter 18
A/N: Alright, so a lot of my stuff is really emotional and heavy so it's time for a little "fluff" in this chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks as always for all the support and love!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Law & Order SVU or any of its characters. Any additional characters or situations I've created are fictional and intended to bear no resemblance to actual persons.
Olivia broke concentration from the paperwork on her desk, feeling as if she were being watched, and the blonde ADA, beautifully pregnant, came into view in front of her.
"Why hello there, Ms. Cabot. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
She smiled. "I believe the pleasure is mine, detective. I came over to see if you'd like to take a lunch break?"
The brunette smiled a smile that reached all the way to her eyes, making the laugh lines around them crinkle. "I would love to. I'm sure Cragen won't mind, but I'll just let him know."
She poked her head around Cragen's office door, getting the OK from the older man to step out. As they walked to Alex's car, Olivia felt her dainty hand slip into her stronger more masculine one and smiled.
"Thank you for the flowers you sent over earlier. They're lovely."
"I'm glad you liked them."
"I'm impressed you remembered my favourite flower."
"Of course I did. I may have fucked up a lot, Liv. But I don't forget that quickly."
"I'm happy to hear that. I love how well we've been doing lately."
"I do too. Thank you for allowing me another chance to prove myself to you. God knows you don't owe it to me."
She smiled wordlessly, wanting to turn her attention to a lighter topic of conversation. "Where did you wanna go for lunch?"
"I thought we could stop at the grocery store for a couple things and make something at my house. If you want."
"That sounds perfect."
The short drive to the store had the women sitting in comfortable, companionable silence. Upon their entrance into the supermarket's double glass doors, they walked lazily, without worry or stress, Olivia carrying a small grocery basket on one arm and holding Alex's hand with her own free one. They talked about everything and nothing at the same time, long minutes going by like seconds that they never wanted to end.
"God, I forgot how much you make me laugh, Al."
The younger woman smirked. Nobody on their team would expect that the tough assed ADA had a funny side, but Liv brought out a lot of things she didn't know she had in her. "I forgot how much I just enjoy your company."
"Me too."
Stepping into Alex's made Olivia feel slightly uneasy and awkward. This had once been a place they had shared most of their time in; now, the detective felt as if she were an object without a place or purpose, and against her will her mind wandered to the possibilities of what could have gone on within the four walls of the house since she had ceased to remain a part of it.
Alex had made her way into the kitchen, setting their groceries on the counter, and rummaging through cupboards and drawers for cutting boards, frying pans, utensils and all that they would need. They had decided on salad, and a Puerto Rican variation of arroz con pollo-a personal favourite of both of them. The blonde suddenly noted the house had fallen extremely quiet, and realized the older woman hadn't followed her into the kitchen. Poking her head out of the partition separating the kitchen and living and dining areas, she saw that Olivia was still frozen in her spot by the front door. As if her mind was off in a far away world, she had a look about her that indicated to Alex she was taking in everything at once while at the same time allowing her brain to fog over with nothingness.
"Liv? Are you okay?"
Her voice seemed to lift the trance she was in probably just as fast as it had come.
"Hmmm? Oh, sorry. Yeah. Just a little distracted."
"I see that. If there's something on your mind, I'd be more than happy to talk it out. We've been doing really well lately, I'd hate to have a lack of communication show itself again now."
The detective could feel her heart swell to triple its size within the confines of her chest at how hard Alex was trying to make things right and to show her she still cared.
"It's no big deal. Just a little weird for me being here again is all."
The ADA made her way from the kitchen, eventually coming to be as close to Olivia as her pregnant stomach would allow her, taking both of her hands.
"Listen to me. If you're having an issue, with anything, no matter how big or small I need you to be able to feel like it's okay to talk to me. We can't get anywhere if we hold things in and don't talk. Look where that got us the first time. If you feel weird being here, we can leave."
"No, no no. We already bought food. I'll get used to it. It's just gonna take a little time."
"Well we have all the time in the world to work it out." A smile played upon her lips before she spoke again. "We'd better get going on this food, huh? Peanut is getting impatient with me and I'm sure you don't have too long before you have to get back to work."
"Actually, when I popped in on Cragen to ask for a lunch break, he told me I could just go home and have the rest of today off. We weren't very busy. They'll call if something comes up."
"Well that's a nice surprise. You know I hate to be rushed anytime I'm with you."
They headed into the kitchen, Olivia busying herself washing lettuce, chopping vegetables and making dressing for their salad, Alex heating pans on the stove to begin the cooking of the arroz con , they got into a comfortable rhythm, their conversation in sync with their movements. Once Olivia's salad had been prepared, she set it aside, waiting for Alex's own culinary masterpiece to finish. The sight of her barefoot and pregnant cooking in the kitchen for the two of them was beautiful and arousing all at the same time.
Positioning herself carefully behind the blonde so as not to disturb or distract her culinary excellence, she placed a hand on either side of the younger woman's now larger-than-life baby bump just as the child took it upon him or herself to move, causing violent movements against her hands.
"Oh my God! That's so cool!"
"Try telling me that in the middle of the night. Keeps me awake."
"I don't doubt it. How's the search for a name going?"
"Still haven't found one I liked, for either sex. If you have any suggestions, feel free to let me know. The way it stands, my child will be nameless for the first few hours of life."
Silence fell upon the kitchen for what seemed like long moments. Alex stirring and agitating her now heavenly smelling mixture, Olivia lost in thought, not breaking her position behind the other woman.
"Cooper."
It took Alex a moment to pull away from her cooking and realize something had been said.
"What?"
"You don't have a name. What about Cooper? For a boy, I mean. Ben always figured it would be, didn't he?"
She smiled. "Yeah, he did. Cooper...Cooper Cabot." She let the name linger on her lips a while before coming back to the present moment. "I like that. A lot."
Long after their lunch had finished cooking and been consumed, they sat at Alex's dining table, talking, laughing, reminiscing, each moment of communication seeming to slowly again solidify what had been broken.
"Al, there's something I want you to know. I-"
"Hold that thought, I'll be right back." She hadn't wanted to seem rude, but in the same moment Olivia had felt she had to share with her, Alex had to share something, too, and she couldn't-rather, didn't want to hold it in any longer.
After a mere two minutes had passed, the brunette was relieved to see Alex had come back and had taken her position at the table.
"I'm sorry. What is it you wanted to tell me?"
Taking a sip of her Coke, she imagined it being spiked with rum, so as to give her the courage to go on that she was no longer able to find in the liquid poison that had nearly claimed her existence.
"Well, I uh, I know you feel things have been going on the right track again lately. I'm finally finding myself being able to open up and trust again. Granted, slowly, but I'm doing it. You're taking all these little steps to prove yourself to me, and I appreciate that immensely. Despite everything that happened with you and Ben, I know his loss was and is hard on you. I'm sorry I'm here and he's not. I'd never try to take away from your child knowing who he was, but I wanted you to know, that if you want or need me to, I'll be there to help you parent and raise him. And if he feels the desire to do so as he grows up, he can call me Mom. But I will leave that open to him, and to you."
"Liv, that is the sweetest thing. I would be ecstatic for my child to be able to have you around as a second mother or parental figure. It's actually funny you should say that, because I have something I need to tell you too."
"You do?"
"I know that I've made mistakes. A lot of them. I still feel like if I'd done a better job of keeping my head out of my ass, Raye would still be here. I messed up. I probably did a lot of things to make her feel hurt that I never saw, and I know I have hurt you, and many others, too. The thing is, through everything, you've made me want to be a better person. You have so much forgiveness, despite saying how much you don't trust and have been hurt. I want you to know that I love you. And, if you'll let me, I'd like to make a commitment to you. That you are the only woman I want to have my heart. Whether we get married or we don't, is something I will leave up to both of us to decide. Right now, I just want to promise you that through the good times, the bad ones, and anything in between, I'll walk through it with you. I've learned from what I've done, and my biggest mistake was failing to see greatness when it slapped me in the face."
As she finished her vow to the older woman, she placed the little black box she'd been discreet in hiding atop the table, sliding it to the other side. Watching her long fingers tremble and fumble in attempt to open it made her smile in anticipation of the reaction that was coming. Her smile became wider when the sparkle of a white gold diamond ring elicited a girlish squeal of delight from the usually ever so composed detective, and her heart became overwhelmed with love and appreciation watching her slip it on her finger while a single tear fell from her eye.