A/N: I think this is my longest chapter yet! But, it will probably mean not updating for a few days. I have to save up some time again. Every time I finish a benchmark, I let myself write some more. Thanks for reading! SJ

Totalbooknerd13: She is about to leave for three weeks... ;)

prnamber3909: I don't think he minds, most of the time. :)

rebecca di silva: Thanks so much. I hope you enjoyed it!

The Devil Wears Westwood: Awww, they've learned their lesson. They make time now. :)

jthornestudent: Thanks, I hope it lives up to expectations.

sushi: I appreciate it. I am truly flattered. Hope this chapter tides you over. Thanks again!

I trace a finger up and down his arm from his shoulder to his wrist and back again. He shivers a little at the light touch, a smile still playing at the corners of his mouth. "Aren't you tired, Ames? Tomorrow isn't going to be an easy day." He adjusts himself on the pillows so he holds me closer to him, his head resting softly against mine.

"I know, but if I go to sleep…" I can't bring myself to say that I'm scared the same nightmare will play itself out again, not to mention that my trip will no longer be something we're preparing for, but something that must be navigated and completed. Never had two weeks passed so quickly.

He runs his hand through my hair, pulls back a little so he can look me in the eyes. "It'll be over before you know it. And you'll be home safe with us again." He says it as if he is convincing himself of his words as well as me. "Won't it be nice to get away for a bit? And you'll have all that time with Brie."

"I'm looking forward to seeing Kriss and Elise," I confess. "And I hope to see the Newsomes. Running from place to place will be bad enough, but showing up unannounced is so awkward and delicate to arrange. I have school schedules and personal schedules for the next three weeks from every province. We will be coordinating hundreds of people all at one time."

He runs a palm over my much more pronounced bicep and makes an appreciative noise. "With these new arms, I think you can handle anything. Training with Georgia is agreeing with you,"

I stifle a laugh and flex my arm, "I'll be able to drop anyone who awkwardly grabs me from behind. Woe to the person who tries it." I prop myself up a little on my elbow, let his hands run over my bare back. "Aspen asked me if I want to conceal and carry again." I think back to Maxon training me to shoot, and how to hide a holstered weapon. How eventually the attacks on the palace became an unpleasant and painful memory. After the treaties were brokered, I gradually dropped the habit. And I was happy to. Very few people even knew that I had the skill.

He brushes my now-serious face with his palm, "What did you say?"

"I think you know. That I needed to talk with you."

"And?"

"I hate the thought, Maxon. Though, I'm almost as good of a shot as you. I can go head-to-head with Aspen, and I'm better than Georgia. I am also truly horrible at defending myself with my hands. It makes sense."

He cocks his head, "But?"

"A gun? On my person twenty-four hours a day. Isn't that giving in to fear? Isn't that admitting that everything is falling apart? The last thing I want Brie to see is me strapping a holster to my thigh." I switch to a false voice, mocking Gavril's stage presence, "Our lovely Queen wears a black dress with matching jacket, and in her pocket? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that is a Baby Browning .25."

Maxon's face is sympathetic as he cradles me in his arms. "I've had mine within hands reach for the past six months. But that doesn't mean you have to do the same. Aspen and his team, including Georgia, will be there for you and Brie. And in the palace, your guards are everywhere. If they had to choose, they would definitely pick protecting you over me."

That last statement brings a half-smile to my face, "That is true. I do-"

"Inspire loyalty, I know, love," he chuckles softly and kisses my forehead. "And you certainly do."

My muscles finally release the tension in my back and I relax fully. An involuntary yawn contradicts my assertion that I have absolutely no interest in sleep. I doze against his chest, waking ever so often to assure myself that he is still there.

The absence of his warmth ultimately wakes me. After a moment of confusion and general bleariness, I see him,
dressed except for his coat, sitting at the breakfast table. He holds his coffee mug and works through the folders from last night. Aspen's reports are certainly thorough. I stifle a sigh and slip into my robe. No use denying reality. Despite my best efforts, departure day is upon us. It seems like a lifetime ago when I enjoyed these trips. I push the melancholy feelings aside and refuse to give them a voice. Now is the time for my brave face.

I cross the room to the table, and bypass the teapot for the coffee decanter. Maxon pretends to be focused on the file he's reading, and doesn't look up as he jokes, "Rough night?"

Raising an eyebrow, I pour myself a cup and mix in cream and sugar until the color bears more of a resemblance to hot chocolate. I tap my spoon on my cup and reply in mock frustration, "Someone kept me up all night."

"Hmm. Didn't seem like you minded, love." I color a little, and he finally makes eye contact and flashes a smile at me. My blush makes him grin wider; I think he enjoys that I can still get a little bashful.

So, I sit and change the subject,
"Where do you think we should go after Kent? I was thinking Columbia to see Kriss?"

"Either that or Sota. I know you're not as close to Bariel. That may be a good thing. Just don't save Carolina for last."

I take a long sip of coffee. Hopefully, despite our preparations to the contrary, this trip won't be that eventful. "Was the decision ever made about whether we are doing remotes from the provinces or sending footage back to Gavril for clips on the Report?"

"Both, sorry love. I was supposed to tell you. And, I'll do this week's with clips. So, you're off the proverbial hook." He reaches out his hand across the table and I take it in my own. I do find that a relief-Gavril always edits the clips in my favor.

I take a bite of muffin and try to exude quiet confidence. But Maxon knows me too well. Thankfully, other than a glance of concern, he says nothing about my nervousness and returns to his reading, rubbing circles with his thumb across the back of my hand. I find myself staring out the window, watching the dark sky lighten with swirls of color. Wordless.

Our companionable silence is interrupted by Mary's knock at the door. The clock on the bedside table confirms that she is punctual as always. At our signal, she enters, followed closely by Mia and Ruby. I nod at each of them, trying to smile warmly as they quickly curtsy, "Good morning." It's not their fault I'm on edge.

"Ladies, if you will excuse me," Maxon shrugs into his jacket and grabs his reading material. I stop him to adjust his tie. "I love you," he whispers as he kisses my cheek. "I'll be back before you leave."

I whisper an "I love you, too," and watch a little longingly as he exits into the common room. I turn to my morning helpers and stride toward my dressing area. "Okay, ladies, we've got some work to do!"

Before I could blink, I was dressed in my black suit again, this time wearing a red silk blouse and matching pumps. There's just something about a beautiful pair of red shoes to make me feel a little more confident. Mary had twisted my hair into a chignon that should make it until late this evening. I look professional and capable, but somehow the delicate floating pearls in my ears and around my neck soften anything that might be construed as edgy.

Mary dismisses Ruby and Mia, and asks if I need anything else.

"I think it may be time to ready Abrielle. But, I'm warning you that she is overly excited for this trip." It's really all she would talk about for the last two weeks. Cal was sick of her mentioning it, especially since he wasn't allowed to come along.

"I think she'll be begging for the next time before she even makes it back to the palace," laughs Mary. "But we'll manage. You've been busy lately, and as much as she adores her aunt, she loves her mother more."

I nod, keeping the tears that spring to my eyes at bay. It wasn't a reproach, just a reminder to be patient with my little girl. And one that I definitely need with my nerves twisted so tight. Before I can say anything else, the bedroom door springs open and Brie bounds in chased by May.

"Gotcha, little chicken," May exclaims, sweeping her charge up into her arms.

Brie crows happily from May's arms, "Mama! You're still here!" I hold out my arms and she practically leaps into them.

"Of course I am, baby. I'd never leave without you." I nuzzle my face into her damp strawberry blonde curls and move her to my hip. "Well, I know you had a bath. Did you eat breakfast?"

May laughs at that, "Too excited. We tried, though."

I show her the muffins left over from my breakfast and she giggles as she nibbles one, looking slyly at me and her aunt. May's eyes dance as she watches my daughter. How much she has given for my family. I wonder if she and Evan would be married with their own children if not for helping with our little ones. I realize again I couldn't do this trip-or any other parts of my job-without her. My exuberant hug surprises her, but she hugs me back, her ever-present smile directed at me, "What's that for?"

"Just because," I say. Wondering if there is another way I can thank her that she will accept. She tends to reject most of my attempts. Like me, she is nearly impossible to spoil because she doesn't really want anything. "Thank you for watching the boys while I'm gone."

"Ames, honestly, I may have to charge extra for the especially tall one. He doesn't do well when you're gone. Whines a lot. Pouts." She tries to wipe the grin from her face but fails miserably.

"I'll take that under advisement," I say breezily, and weep muffin crumbs off of Brie's chin. I notice Mary waiting in the background. Brie will be her charge for the trip, and though Mary has been around since long before she was born, Brie doesn't really interact with her for extended periods of time. Over the last two weeks, Mary has been helping Brie prepare for the day, all except for this morning. I turn my attention to a very excited four-year-old, "Would you like Miss Mary to do your hair?"

"Oh, yes, Mama! Like yours?" Her blue eyes shine with energy.

"Maybe not just like mine, but something beautiful, I'm sure." And Mary didn't disappoint. Twin French plaits tied with pale violet satin ribbons appeared as if by magic, taming Brie's wild-ish locks. She gingerly touched them as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. Mary looks satisfied. "Thank you, Miss Mary."

"You're welcome, Princess. Are you ready to put on your dress?" Brie nods enthusiastically and Mary carefully slips it over her head. The dress is sleeveless, made from a lightweight fabric and requiring a light white long sleeve sweater. The high waist is accented by a flower instead of a sash, and it hits two inches below her knee. Netting underneath the skirt helps hold it stiff, but it shouldn't wrinkle or be uncomfortable for the plane ride. The color almost exactly matches her hair ribbons.

"Oh! A twirling dress!" Brie squeals as she sees it in the mirror and immediately begins to twist in circles.

I see Calix haunting the bedroom door, ready for school. At that moment his resemblance to Maxon makes me ache. His blonde hair flops over his brow, and he runs his fingers through it. I refuse to believe that he'll be nine soon. And then ten. And before we're ready, nineteen. While Mary and May fuss over Brie, I join my oldest by the door. "Morning, Cal." I pull him close. "Practice your declensions last night?" I resist straightening his hair.

"Of course, Mama. Why wouldn't I?" He hugs me quickly and takes a step back. He is quickly catching up to me in height.

I shoot him a fake-serious look and reply, "I don't know. Why wouldn't you? I know my son is appreciative of the education he is able to receive, and he would never squander it." Cal squirms a little, and I make a mental note to follow up with May. I change the subject, "How did it go with Paige at the rifle range?"

He beams, "I got my first bullseye!"

"Way to go! You'll be as good as Daddy in no time." He stands a little straighter at that. "You know I'll miss you, right?" He nods. "We'll try to call every night, but we can't promise we'll be able to, okay?" He nods again and looks away. I hug him quickly, "But I'll think of you every night."

"Mama, I need to leave for school."

"Okay, say good-bye to your sister." I give him a look that says "Be nice." And I didn't need to worry. He complimented her dress, and even called her Princess Abrielle before he hugged her and told her he would miss her. Yes, definitely growing up.

Whines from the direction of the nursery catch my attention. I have no idea how Barrett and Griffin have slept through the chaos of the morning. Paige appears with one boy in each arm. Griffin is completely dressed and alert. So Griffin didn't sleep through all the noise. But, Barrett is rubbing at his eyes. Paige gives each a little pat and sets them down on the rug. Griffin toddles for Cal and Barrett looks around, like he is trying to wake up and can't quite figure out where his jammies went. He is definitely my child.

Just when I think the room can't get any louder, Maxon walks back in through the common room door. Every single one of them freezes, and then makes a bee-line for their father. Maxon barely makes it to the couch before he collapses under a bundle of arms and legs. So, that's how he'll go. Hugged to death.