A/N: Thanks to all of my wonderful readers! And thank you to those of you who have reviewed! Reviews absolutely tickle me pink.

Sorry for the wait... my beta has been rather busy. If anyone is interested in being a part-time beta, could you send me a pm? I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks to MsWDarcy for beta-ing this chapter! *muah* And many thanks and hugs to nowforruin! *double muah*

Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **

Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie

xoxo

Chapter Fourteen: Confession

"So, Bella. You having fun?"

I looked up at Jasper, and quirked my eyebrows. "I'm surviving."

The party had been better than expected. Rose bought this cream-cheese veggie pizza that I couldn't stop eating. The cake was good too, but not as good as Charlie's. Alice was true to her word and kept it small. In fact the only people that came were Rose, Jasper, Emmett, Edward, and Alice. Angela couldn't make it. She had to baby-sit her younger brothers while her parents were out.

Everything had been easy and comfortable, and surprisingly a lot of fun. I hadn't laughed this much in a long time.

I leaned into the couch, silently watching Edward across the room. He looked delectable. He glanced up, like he could feel my gaze. The instant out eyes connected my heart began to race. He smirked. I didn't know what to do with him.

Breaking me from the impromptu staring contest, Jasper shuffled his feet and cleared his throat. "Just so you know…you're good for Alice."

I was confused, jerking my eyes away from Edward. "What do you mean?"

He looked down at his cup, and swirled around the punch, before looking across the room at Alice and Emmett laughing over something, and Edward still gazing intently at me. I was taking a break from catch phrase, and had sat on the other end of the couch from Jasper.

"She doesn't have that many friends."

"What?"

"Well, she's friends with Rose, me, and Emmett. Edward, of course. But girls at school tend to shy away from her."

"But why? She's nicer than anyone I know."

"I think people misinterpret her enthusiasm, and she intimidates them."

I hadn't talked much to Jasper one on one. He was obviously good friends with Edward, and had been for a long while. Since he hadn't reacted to Alice's flirting, she had slowly let it dwindle, thinking that he didn't notice her.

Seemed he had noticed her.

"I didn't know you knew her so well."

He laughed, and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck, his eyes darting quickly back to Alice. "She's kinda hard not to notice."

I grinned. "Maybe you should tell her that. I know she notices you."

His eyebrows flew up. I winked.

"Birthday-girl! Come over here!" Alice giggled.

Picking up my punch, I shrugged at Jasper, and answered her summons.

"Jasper, you too!"

She gathered everyone in a circle, boy-girl. I sat with Edward on one side and Jasper on the other. Next was Alice, then Emmett, Rose, and back to Edward again.

"Everyone got a glass?" We nodded. "Okay, never-have-I-ever? You know how to play."

Emmett laughed… yeah, we all knew how to play. I had played it at home. Everyone takes a sip of their drink if they have done whatever the person states they haven't. Bree tried to get me drunk the first time I played it. Unbeknownst to her, I switched my drink with ginger ale after one round. Not that I took a lot of sips. It was rarely something I had done.

We were obviously not drinking. I never liked it much, and I definitely didn't trust it—I didn't want to loose control. Not that I would drink anyway. Plus, Dr. and Mrs. Cullen were in the other room. Even if my friends weren't straight-laced, they weren't stupid.

Alice fidgeted in her seat, raising her glass. "Never-have-I-ever gone skinny dipping."

Emmett and Rose took a drink. Rose blushed furiously. Jasper glared at Emmett. Rose gasped, "Not together!"

And surprisingly Edward took a drink too. He shrugged. "I wanted to know what it felt like."

Alice, disgusted, pointed at Edward. "Oh you are so cleaning out the pool before I use it again."

I laughed, but could still hear Edward mumble. "It was years ago."

Emmett went next. "Never-have-I-ever broken Mrs. Turnbill's front window with a rock."

"Uh! That's not fair." Alice took a drink. I giggled.

Rose's turn. "Never-have-I-ever streaked around Mrs. Turnbill's house."

Emmett guffawed, as both Jasper and Edward took a drink. Alice looked like her bottom lip was going to fall off from pouting. "Come on guys, the point is to find out stuff about each other—not show how much dirt you know."

Rose rolled her eyes. "Bella is learning new stuff."

My eyes were wide, and I nodded. I leaned closer to Edward. "Streaking, huh? Poor Mrs. Turnbill." Wish I was Mrs. Turnbill.

He laughed. "She had it coming."

"You are so going to have to tell me that one."

"Later. My turn. Never-have-I-ever been asked out by Mike Newton."

We three girls scowled at Edward and took a drink. I so had to get Alice and Rose's stories. That douche had to get the picture after so many rejections. Come on, he was more of an idiot than I thought.

Finally it was my turn. I had been trying to think up a good one, but my mind was still blank. Whenever I had played it at home, each round had to do with something sexual. "Uh, never-have-I-ever… um…"

"Oh my gosh, Izz. We did it last night! Can you believe that?" I shifted the phone to hold it against my shoulder, as I poured myself a bowl of cereal.

"He was way better than Riley. I know we've only been going out for a month, but I think I'm in love." This was the fifth time Bree had been in love since Riley. It hadn't ended well, and she had been serial dating. No one was good enough for her. The moment she dropped a boy she had a new one on her arm. She was the new queen bee. As a junior she ruled…perhaps because her best friend didn't want the crown.

Yea, I didn't want it. Being Jimmy's girlfriend automatically put me at the top. But I didn't like it. It was easier t bequeath my throne to Bree, who reveled in it.

"His arms are soo musclely! I could just lick them all day."

I groaned. "TMI, Bree. We discussed this—TMI."

"Uh, I thought you'd want to live vicariously. You and Jimmy are waiting." She said it like it was dirty and sighed dramatically. "I don't know why you want to wait. Orgasms are so worth the sweatiness."

"I'm just not ready. And Jimmy understands."

"I know. I know. You're in looooooove."

That's what I told her, but he'd been really pressuring me since last year. He told me that if I really loved him, I'd show him, because we were going to get married one day anyway. Once he even threatened to dump me. I told him fine. The next day he came to my door with a bouquet of roses and his cocky smile begging to take him back. Just last week, when we were making out, he tried to start taking off my clothes. When he wouldn't stop I pushed him away, and got out of the car to walk home. He said he was sorry. I knew he was. He was a teenage boy. He couldn't help it.

At least he wanted me.

"What are you doing for Homecoming?"

"Jimmy's getting a limo, and the usual."

"Oh the rest of us are going to Seattle for the weekend, after the dance! It'll be great. You have to come."

I poured milk into my waiting Cheerios, and took a bite. "I don't know Bree. I have to talk to my mom."

My mom walked into the room, and cocked her head at me. She must have heard the end of the conversation. I shook my head at her. I didn't want to go. I just hoped to use her as an excuse.

"Hey, I got to go."

"Okay. I'll give you the juicy details later!" I groaned again. TMI.

"Bye."

I hung up my cell, to find my mother's inquiring face directly across from mine. "So, what do you need to ask me?"

"Nothing. I don't want to go anyway."

She patted the table. "Well, if your not going you can still tell me."

I sighed, and got up to get her a bowl of cereal. If I didn't feed her, she would forget to eat altogether.

"A bunch of people are renting hotel rooms in Seattle for Homecoming weekend." She raised her eyebrows. I took a bite, and pointed at her with my spoon. "See, bad idea. Teenagers, hotel rooms, strange city. It's a mixture for temptation and debauchery."

Her face slowly lit up like it was her birthday. "You should so go."

"What?"

"It sounds like fun! You're only young once." She looked into her cereal and mumbled. "I should know."

"But mom, it's not like girls and boys are going to sleep separately!"

"So?"

"There'll be sex and drinking!"

"Are you being safe? Still on that birth control I got you last year?"

I hid my face in my hands. "Mom!"

"I don't see why you shouldn't go."

I swirled around my mushy Cheerios, appetite completely forgotten. "This is so mixed up. You're supposed to say no. I'm sure all the other kids are lying to their parents to let them go."

"I'm just progressive, Izzy."

I went to Seattle for Homecoming weekend. It was exactly as I predicted.

I couldn't say no once Jimmy found out my mom said it was okay. Not that I told him. She told him herself. I swear she was trying to kill me.

The weekend went exactly how I thought it would. Difficult and stressful and awkward. Well, parts were fun. We went out to dinner, and to the hotel pool.

The worst part was Saturday night. I told him no again, and he threw a fit. He stormed out of the room.

I spent the next few hours watching some movie on Lifetime, and trying to drown out the headboard banging and cries of ecstasy from Bree in the next room.

It's not that I thought sex was bad or gross. I just wasn't ready. I was only seventeen. Part of me didn't think I'd ever be ready.

Jimmy returned a little after midnight completely wasted.

"Hey Baby." He sloshed towards me. "Come here baby."

I tried to smile at him, but I hated when he got this way. When Jimmy was sober he didn't like it when he didn't get his way. When he was drunk, he really didn't like it.

He crawled up on the bed next to me and pulled me into his arms. I tried to stay as still as possible. I hoped that he would fall asleep.

He reached up for my face, placing it between his hands before he gave me a slobbery kiss. I tried to pull away, but his hands held my face in place, as he shoved his tongue in my mouth. I stayed still not kissing him back.

He chuckled. "You're such a cold fish, Isabella."

His mouth went to my neck as his hands moved lower. I tried to push him away, but he was too heavy.

"Come on, baby. You know you want it." He thrust his groin into my thigh. "You know I want it."

"Jimmy, you're drunk."

His hands started to tug my shirt up, exposing my stomach. I tried to wiggle out from under him.

"Yea, see I know you want it."

"Jimmy, don't. Stop. You're drunk."

He ignored me, focused on my shirt. I tried to hold it down, but he was too strong, and ripped it.

"Jimmy, stop!"I pushed his chest away from me as hard as I could. His face twisted up with anger. He raised his hand. In a last attempt to get away, I pulled my knee up as hard as I could and nailed him in the balls.

"Owww!" He groaned, and rolled away from me.

I jumped up from the bed, grabbing my phone, and purse. I was getting the hell out of there.

"Bella?" I looked up to see Edward's concerned emerald eyes pouring into mine.

Never-have-I-ever had a boyfriend who treated me with respect. Had a mother who acted like one. Had friends who liked the real me. Never-have-I-ever wanted to have sex.

Never-have-I-ever felt as safe as I do right now.

"Uh, uh, never-have-I-ever worn red, white, and blue on the Fourth of July."

Edward quirked an eyebrow at me, as everyone laughed and took a drink.

"It's the Fourth of July, Bella. How could you not wear red, white, and blue? It's like un-American." Emmett looked at me incredously. Rose smacked him upside the head.

"My mom is a little on the weird side. If you ever met her, you'd understand."

Jasper just shook his head. "It's a shame Bella. Next year you are going to be decked out in red, white, and blue. And we're gonna sing 'Proud to be an American' all day long."

Alice rubbed her hands together. "Shopping!"

"It's the end of September, Ali."

"You can never plan too early."

I got up to calm down, and refill my cup. I felt a fluttering in my belly like I had butterflies. The flashback had shaken me more than I expected. Then again, since the nausea had dissipated I'd been feeling this butterfly feeling. It had been two weeks since I ran to the toilet.

Ignoring the oddity, I rejoined the group as Jasper raised his glass. "Never-have-I-ever… kissed a girl."

Alice literally melted on sight, and stared at him longingly. Emmett and Edward both took a drink as expected and Rose too, but what surprised everyone was me.

Rose snorted. "Oh, Bella. Do tell."

"My friend was really drunk, and well…she was happy to see me."

Edward and Jasper had identical surprised looks on their faces, and Emmett let out a hoot.

Alice and Rose simultaneously rolled their eyes. "Boys."

We went for several more rounds. And despite the lack of alcohol it got funnier. I always had a hard time coming up with one, but surprisingly it was Rose who had the hardest. It seemed like the only thing she hadn't done was attend Comic con, or visited alien museums. Weird, I know.

But what was funnier, was that Edward had done both of those things. Yes, even the alien museum.

If felt like hours, but it couldn't have been that long when Alice finally said what everyone was dying to know.

"Never-have-I-ever done the dirty deed."

Everyone giggled as both Emmett and Rose took a drink. Edward scrunched up his face, obviously pissed, but took a drink too.

Technically I was no longer a virgin.

Technically I had had sex.

But did it count?

I raised my glass, but let it hover, not taking a sip. I could feel the blood drain from my face. A sweat broke out on my upper lip. My mouth suddenly dried, and I licked my lips trying to replace the moisture.

"That's it, baby. You know you like it."

I felt bile rise up in my throat.

All five sets of eyes looked at me in slight bewilderment and concern.

I stood up quickly, holding my hand to my mouth. Rushing to the bathroom, I threw up in their toilet, until I was dry heaving.

I deserved to be a virgin. I wanted to be a virgin. I wished I was a virgin.

He didn't have a right to take that away from me.

I shouldn't be able to drink to that stupid little game. I should be able to laugh, and snicker at Emmett and Rose's not so hidden blushes. I should be able to tease Alice and Jasper for the way they glowed.

I leaned my cheek against the cool porcelain seat.

"Bella?" A tiny hand lightly brushed my hair out of my face.

"You wanna talk now?"

I nodded. It was time.

OoOoOoOo

The party quickly ended once I returned from the bathroom. No one said anything. They were kinder than I deserved.

Edward offered to clean up, after Emmett, Jasper, and Rose left. He wanted to talk to me, but he was more perceptive than he knew, because he gave me a look that said we were going to talk later, but he would leave me alone with Alice for now.

She led me back to her bedroom, crawling up onto the bed. She grabbed a pillow to hold, and handed one to me. I placed it on the bed, and lay back on it with my legs hanging off the side.

For a moment I felt a sense of déjà vu. We had been just like this the last time she asked.

"What do you want to know?"

She grabbed my hand, and squeezed gently. "Everything."

"Well you know parts. I dated a boy named Jimmy for over two years. From the middle of my freshman year, to half way through second semester last year." I stared at the ceiling as I talked, subconsciously counting the glow-in-the-dark stars she had stuck there. She had forty-seven little stars, and thirteen big ones. "I thought he loved me like I loved him. But I guess there were warning signs that I didn't see, or couldn't see."

I was a stupid, naïve little girl who had no business dating. Why my mother encouraged it I'll never understand.

"He was really popular, and my friend Bree said he liked me. She always wanted to be popular, and once Jimmy and I started dating she got her wish.

"I thought we were going to wait, until we were older, maybe marriage. But because I wouldn't give him sex he got it elsewhere."

Alice gasped. "The little jerk. I outta rip his head off." That was the least of his transgressions.

"I found out last spring. He begged for forgiveness. He said he loved me. But how could he? The only reason I found out is because I walked in on him and his latest conquest.

"So, I dumped him."

Alice leaned on her side, propping her head up on one arm. "You go girl. Nobody treats my new best friend like that!"

I laughed. I'm glad I had her approval—no one else had agreed with me. At least no one at home. Even my mom thought I should forgive and forget. She said, and I quote "You can't deny true love."

Bull shit.

"So what happened next?" Ali's eyes were wide, and encouraging.

"He didn't give up. I would get notes in my locker, a barrage of text messages and voicemails. He came to my house, and followed me around town.

"If he couldn't have me, then no one could." I flipped on my side so I could face her.

"That's when he changed tactics. No one was really nice to when we broke up, but as soon as he said the word everyone was more than mean. He made my life a living hell.

"Boys would sneeze 'slut' as I walked past, or trip me on my way down the aisle between desks. Girls would corner me in the bathroom and ruin my clothes, or just harass me. There were rumors going around that were just awful.

"At the beginning of May there was this party at Mary Jackson's. We used to be friends before Jimmy and I broke up, at least I thought so. I went to the party. I wanted to prove that what they were doing didn't bother me."

I sat up, and Alice mirrored me so that we were sitting Indian style again across from each other.

She leaned forward on her knees and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry that they were so awful Bella. You didn't deserve any of that." I didn't let her hold me too long. I didn't want to cry yet. I didn't want to think. Thinking brought the flashbacks, and I couldn't deal with them right now.

I sighed, and sought her face. Her little mouth was in tight in a line, her jaw ridged. "Do you want to hear the rest?"

"Bella, if you don't want to tell me that's fine, but I'm here to listen."

We sat silent for a second. I knew whether I told her or not she would still be my friend.

"I think I want you to know." She squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile, eyes twinkling.

"Someone handed me a drink, I don't know who. It was laced with roofies." She squeezed my hands tightly, like she didn't know what she was doing. I squeezed back.

"I didn't drink enough to make the night blackout, but it was enough that I was out of it. I found my way to an empty room. It had a pool table, but no one was there.

"Somehow, Jimmy found me.

"He beat me up, then—he raped me."

Tears were streaking down Alice's face. Mine were dry. I felt dead inside.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. I'm so sorry." She closed her eyes for a moment, biting her lips together. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It was my fault. I was stupid. I shouldn't have been there. They were awful at school, with adults around. I should have known that they would be worse."

Alice opened her eyes, jaw locking again. She gripped my hands tightly. "Bella, this was not your fault!"

I shook my head. I was stupid; of course it was my fault.

"How could you think it was your fault? Bella! You were drugged. You were raped. You are not responsible. He's responsible. Everyone at that party is responsible. You are not!"

I looked at her pleading, trying to make her understand. "I shouldn't have been there. I put myself in their hands. I let it happen! I was warned for goodness sake! Bree told me to watch my back that Jimmy wasn't going to let it go."

"Damn it, Bella." She jerked her hands out of mine, grabbing my face so that she could make me look her in the eye. "Nothing you say is going to make me think that it was your fault. It was his. And I should castrate him for ever making you think it was your fault, let alone what he did to you!"

I let a breath slowly leave my mouth. "That's not the end of it." She instantly clammed up, waiting for me to continue. But the tension in her body did not leave.

"Someone took me to the hospital. A male intern touched me. It took them forever to calm me down. When then did they got a female doctor to come and do a rape test on me. They let me take a shower, and my mom came to get me. The police came to our home to get a statement.

"It didn't go very well. The evidence at the hospital had mysteriously disappeared. It was my word against his. Our break up had been very public, and it was obvious that the law enforcement did not believe me.

"Jimmy is the mayor's son. And Mayor Crawford owns the police force. Jimmy fabricated an alibi and some other kids said that I was probably mugged on the way home, that's why I was brought into the hospital.

"My word against his. Everyone believed him."

The tears had started again, and I watched as Alice cried for me, the injustice of it all. "Bella, does Charlie know? Something has to be done. People were paid off, evidence was stolen. Maybe he could do something?"

I shook my head. "Once the evidence is gone there is nothing to prove what I say."

She shook her head, not believing. "You should tell Charlie. I'm sure he'd do something. We can't let him get away with this! What if he does it to some other girl?"

I hadn't thought of that. I guess that's self-centered of me. But he was so obsessed with me for so long, that it never entered my mind that another girl could be at risk. I couldn't let what happened to me happen to someone else.

If Charlie could keep it from happening to another girl, I would have to trust him. I would have to eventually anyway.

"Alice, I haven't told you everything. There's more."

She looked at me confused. "More? Bella, how can there be more?—OH MY GOSH." The light bulb went on in her brain. "Bella, don't tell me that—Oh My Gosh."

I looked down at hands intertwined in friendship. "I'm pregnant."

Alice burst to her feet and began pacing the room. "That bastard! I'm going to castrate him! I'm going to rip off his balls with my bare hands and feed them to a dog! On top of everything else! How dare he go on breathing! If I ever see him, he'll be lucky if he gets away with this life! That son of a bitch! I hope who ever his mother is regrets the day she gave birth to him! I swear if I ever meet him I'm going to pull out his ribcage and wear it as a hat!"

It was a rather impressive rant, if I do say so myself. And creative.

"Alice! Calm down!" I waved my hands at her, trying to get her attention.

"How can you ask me to calm down? I ought to fly up there right now and cut off his penis while he sleeps!"

"Alice!"

"I'm okay, I'm okay." She let out a guttural groan of frustration. She came back to the bed, where I still sat, and plopped next to me. "Charlie needs to know."

"I know." She put an arm around me and I managed to lean my head on her smaller shoulder. "I just don't want to hurt him."

"It's going to hurt no matter what."

"I know."

"I'll come with you."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

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