A/N: A big thanks to chy3 for rec-ing me on her lovely fic In The Ruins. You are too sweet. Thanks to all my lovely readers! Last chapter was record breaking in reviews! yay! Many people asked about/mentioned the "rib cage hat" and yes, it was recently used on True Blood, but my dear friends the credit should go to Buffy, where I borrowed it from. (woot! Buffy!) I also personally love all the hate that is being spewed at Jimmy and Renee, keep the creative death-sentences coming. ;)

Thanks to nowforruin my twilighted validation beta.

Forewarning: This is unbeta'd. Any and all mistakes are mine! (If anyone is interested in helping me out in the beta department, please let me know!)

Warning: adult content and violence. **Mention of physical and sexual assault. **

Disclaimer: all recognizable characters and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, the rest is copyrighted 2010 ElspethGordie

xoxo

Chapter Fifteen: Crushing

Alice brought me home after our massive confessional girl time. She spent the night and hung out all day Sunday, messing around in my room, and doing a little homework, while Charlie worked. We decided that the sooner the better was the best route in telling Charlie.

My stomach had been fluttering all day, but I dismissed it as nerves.

That evening during dinner, I pushed my food around my plate while Charlie kept leaning over his shoulder to see the game that he left playing on the TV. I didn't know why he didn't just take his plate over to the couch instead of giving himself a crick in his neck. Alice stayed for dinner, and held most of the conversation. We discussed small inconsequential things about school, friends, and shopping. Charlie tried to ask about the party last night—I gave him the bare bones, minus the break down.

Alice kept trying to get me to tell Charlie. Her subtly faded throughout the evening. It started with nods and winks. It progressed to kicks to my shin, and lead-ins with really awkward pauses.

I felt so guilty. I knew that I should tell him. I should have already told him. I shouldn't have waited. He had the right to know. And now Alice was here. I could do this.

But no matter what I couldn't go back to Forks. I wanted to stay.

I pushed more cold mash potatoes around on my plate. Alice gave me an encouraging smile. I took a deep breath, and wished there was a shot for courage. No, not the liquid kind—pregnant, remember?

"Dad, what did Renee tell you happened last year, last May?" I had to know what he knew. I could feel myself cracking; I didn't know if I could hold it together with the short version.

He coughed uncomfortably, and I continued to stare at my plate. "Renee said that you broke up with your boyfriend, and had a rough time over it."

I snorted. "I broke up with Jimmy, yea. But that was nothing. That was nothing." My voice hardened, but somehow a tear slid silently down my cheek. I roughly brushed it away and chanced a look at Charlie.

He glanced aside, tears made Charlie uncomfortable.

"Bella, tell me what happened."

I crossed my arms over my stomach, a facade of strength but that somehow didn't stop the word vomit. "Dad, I don't want you to freak out, that's probably why Renee didn't tell you anything either. But I think you deserve to know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I really want to stay. I can't live there anymore."

His eyes focused on my face clearly preparing himself for the worse. He didn't know that the worse was more horrible that he could imagine.

"Bella, you are always welcome here. This is your home now, for as long as you want."

I nodded, like it happened to someone else I recounted in monotone. "At a party after school at the beginning of May—I got roofied."

He breathed in sharply, face twisting in pain. He was a cop, a detective; he knew exactly what could happen to teenage girls—the purpose of Rohypnol.

"Someone handed me a drink. I didn't see who." I tried to remain separate; I tried not to think, but I couldn't hold it back any longer. My strength weakened.

The sour taste of stale beer. The smell of puke and disinfectant. The swirl of smoke, hovering, never allowing anything to be clearly seen.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you mother tell me?" He was standing now, hands clenched on the table, his meal totally forgotten.

I ignored his question. If I stopped it would never come out. Tears silently coursed down my sheet-white face.

The music loud and blaringly indecipherable. The flashing colors, of moving bodies. The groping, touching, grabbing of innumerable hands.

"I remember everything. I knew exactly what was happening, but I couldn't do anything to stop it." I met Charlie's pleading eyes. What he was pleading I couldn't tell. Did he want me to stop? Did he want me to go on?

I tried to control my breathing, I was beginning to hyperventilate. I hadn't even gotten to the worse part… I didn't know if I could. This was so much different than telling Alice, I was causing my daddy pain. I could barely stand it.

A ceiling fan, whirling around, around, around, around. The wall sharp against my hands. The world, as if it were on a tilt-a-whirl. Some freaking merry-go-round for the insane. Hands. Pulling, tugging, everywhere.

He reached out for me, trying to comfort me, calm me down.

I jerked back violently. "Don't touch me." His face contorted in pain, confused with my reaction. "Just don't touch me." I whispered.

Ripping, tearing, shredding of fabric. A blow against my face, whipping my head to the side smacking it on the floor. Grasping, shoving—penetrating.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to push away the images. "I have flashbacks."

The sharp pain—that never stopped.

"I love you, dad, I do. But don't touch me." A dainty hand was silently rubbing my back.

He nodded, slowly sitting back down in his chair. I caught his eyes incredulous.

"Bells, did you go to the police?"

"Of course I did!" My jaw clenched, my emotions violently switching to rage. "They didn't believe me."

Dad lost it.

"What? How could they not believe you!" The vein in his forehead began to bulge and his face flushed like an overly ripe tomato. Part of me wondered if I should have eased him into this part of the story. I should have known that he would take the failure of the Forks police department personally.

He continued to rant incoherently, but I didn't hear any of it—I was trying too hard to keep the memories at bay.

"The physical proof disappeared from the hospital. It was my word against his."

Scrubbing until it felt like my skin would fall off. Throwing the bottle of strawberry scented shampoo across the room. Lying in the tub under the daggers of water, wishing I could die.

"Who?" He demanded.

"Dad, there's nothing you can do."

"Like hell there isn't. Was it him? Was it the mayor's son?"

"It doesn't matter."

"He ought to be hung for this! Just wait till I get my hands around his scrawny neck."

I sighed. I was exhausted. I hadn't even told him the worse.

Dozens of pink lines set up too organized on my bathroom sink. The shame in my mother's eyes.

I had promised Dr. Cullen that I would. I had promised Alice that I would. I would keep my promise. Charlie told me I could stay no matter what. I hoped I could hold him to that.

Alice had stayed silent through everything. We had forgotten she was present. I wasn't giving him the details that I gave her. But I didn't know if he could bear any more. She reached over and grabbed my hand, giving me support. I looked up at her, and saw the tear tracks that she shed for me.

"Is there more?" For a dad, he was perceptive, but sometimes I forgot he was a detective, at his best under pressure. If this wasn't pressure, I didn't know what was.

I shrunk into my seat.

"Whatever it is, we can work through it. Together." He had moved to the seat next to me close, but careful not to touch me.

"I'm pregnant."

And I cried. I cried for all the times that I had kept it inside. I cried for all the things I couldn't tell my dad, for all I couldn't face myself—even though I thought about it all the time. I cried, and mourned my innocence, stolen from me at what was supposed to be the best time of my life. And I cried for my baby. The precious life, who couldn't be blamed for the way it was conceived.

I hiccupped as I tried to breathe steadily, and I noticed I was not the only who cried. My dad sat in front of me broken. His own tears streaming down his face. He looked defeated, and I couldn't stand it.

"Daddy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Baby, it's me who should be sorry. I should have been there. I should have protected you. It is my job to keep you safe. And I failed." His voice cracked.

He sat next to me, head in his hands, crying—my daddy was crying.

The violence, the rage, the victory in his eyes. He won.

"Bella, I'm sorry." The tears that had never really left began to slide down my face again with strength. I didn't know if he was apologizing for, but he cared, and that's all that mattered.

He looked like he was going to throw-up. "I know you didn't say it, but I know that it happened without your consent."

I nodded. His face flushed again, even though he tried to maintain control. A few more tears slipped down his permanently etched face. I had placed those lines there, in seconds, and they would always remain.

"I'll take care of it, honey. That bastard will pay for what he's done to you."

I looked over at Alice, who had stayed with me through everything just like she promised. She gave me a slight nod.

"There's more." I breathed deeply. "I'm keeping the baby."

OoOoOoOo

Charlie took it better than I expected. I expected him to rage, to demand that I wouldn't ruin my life. To force me to look into abortion, or at least adoption. But he didn't. He nodded, and cried.

He took it much better than mom.

I was sitting at home watching reruns of Top Model. I hadn't gone back to school. I had good grades, and my teachers sent home papers and projects to complete instead of exams. Even if they didn't believe me—didn't believed I was raped. They still thought that I was beaten up and mugged, so they were sympathetic. Enough to keep me from school and protect their precious all star quarterback from further "vindictive lies," as the assistant principle so kindly put.

I was glad that I didn't have to go back. They were dead to me. I would finish out high school, but I would no longer give them another second of my time or damn effort. I was never going to win any of my friends back, so why bother.

Mom wanted me to finish my last year of school in Phoenix with my dad, but I'd hadn't even gotten a "get well" card from him. Typical.

I hadn't been paying much attention to anything. I went through the motions and finished up my projects, but my fifth week sitting on the couch catching up with all possible seasons of Top Model made me think back.

I stared at the vapid skinny bitches on TV complain about the most insipid things. They had nothing to complain about. Just look at them. If someone is that beautiful, they should just suck it up and deal. Live my life, then you can complain.

Getting up from the couch I wandered into the kitchen to get a glass of water. As I stood by the sink I glance at the Hello, Kitty calendar my mom had their. It was June fourteenth. Only thirty-seven days since the incident.

Incident—who am I kidding. Assault and rape. Say it like it is, Isabella.

Thirty-seven days. Oh crap.

I was late.

I grabbed a sweatshirt and my keys, and flew out the door.

I had to get to a pharmacy that would not recognize me. I could go to the drugstore downtown, but I knew that I would not be welcome there. I set my mind to drive to Port Angeles. They had a Walgreens not too far from the movie theater.

I turned the radio off the moment I jumped in my truck. I loved my truck. It was old, and red, and rusted. But it suited me just fine. Plus it had driven Jimmy crazy. He thought it was an eye sore and should be sold for scrapes. I loved it even more now that it was the one thing that I had held out over. He had controlled every other aspect of my life, but gosh dang it I put my foot down with my truck, and I was proud.

The truck, it was the last thing that Charlie did for me, before he left. He set it up with a friend of his on the Reservation. The day I turned sixteen was the day that Billy turned the keys over to me. I hadn't even known until my birthday. Billy Black told me that Charlie squared everything with him a while ago. I didn't even know what to say when I called to thank him.

I arrived in Port Angeles two hours later. I could get there faster; I just had nothing else to do, so why rush? I didn't really want to know yet.

I didn't have to look far in the store. The tests were extremely easy to find. The irony of it all was the fifty or so boxes of condoms located directly adjacent. It was like they were laughing at me.

Hmm, wouldn't that have been a good idea. No one thinks their rapes through these days.

Looking at them made me want to hurl.

I grabbed ten different boxes from the shelf. Pregnancy tests, not condoms. Lord knows I wouldn't need those any time soon. Pregnancy or no pregnancy.

Not that I'll ever want to be around men in any capacity ever again, and I was pretty sure you need one in order to use a condom. And that would never be happening. Now, I wasn't swinging for the other team. I'd quit playing all together.

I really tried to ignore the fact that I was buying pregnancy tests. But I bought them, threw in a few bottles of water for the drive home. I knew I would have to pee later, might as well prepare.

SunnyD just wasn't my style.

The drive home was much quicker than the drive to the pharmacy. I swear I even drove at least ten under the speed limit, but those damn tests haunted me from the passenger's seat. I managed to arrive home in only an hour, somehow cutting my travel time in half. My subconscious must have been in more control that I thought.

Walking into the house my hands began to shake.

"Isabella? Is that you?" Mom called out as I entered. Who else was she expecting? Wait, don't answer that.

"It's me." My hands were trembling so badly that I hand to clench them to my sides.

"Where were you? I was worried." She didn't sound that worried.

"I went for a drive, Mom. Clear my head."

I raced upstairs to my room before she could find me, and ask what was in the bag. I didn't want to bother her if I didn't have to.

Maybe I was just late. That happens to girls all the time. Bree habitually missed periods. I heard somewhere that stress can effect your cycle. Hopefully I just spent fifty dollars for no reason at all.

Then again ever since I was fourteen I had never missed a period. I didn't even get that two to three month grace period after your very first one. I've been every twenty eight days for four years.

I had drunk all three water bottles on the way home, and my bladder felt like it was going to burst.

I entered my bedroom, throwing my hoodie on my purple bedspread, and ripped open each box. I neatly set each stick on top of the box with the instructions opened next to each. I told my hands to stop shaking. There was no reason to be nervous or freak out until after the tests.

Without further ado, I moved everything into the bathroom.

Five minutes later I stood staring at dozens of pink lines lined up on my sink. They were too organized. But there they sat, in a row, all saying the same thing.

Positive.

I was pregnant.

My mom found me an hour later sobbing hysterically in a fetal position on my bathroom floor.

"Isabella? What's wrong? What is it now?" She stopped in the doorway, and stared jaw dropped at the little row of sticks lined up on my sink counter top.

"Izz, what did you do?" She looked at me, shock on her face.

I pulled myself off the floor, haphazardly wiping my face. "What did I do?" My voice raised an octave. "I was raped. I didn't do anything."

"Weren't you on birth control?"

I guffawed. "Why would I be? I didn't have a boyfriend. I wasn't planning on having sex. I was a flipping virgin for goodness sake."

"Watch your tone with me, young lady." She crossed her arms like she meant business. She'd never acted like a mother before; I didn't know why she tried to start now.

"Watch my tone? I'm pregnant and you want me to watch my tone? What the f—"

"Isabella!"

I pushed past her into my room. How is that important to her right now? Her seventeen year old daughter is pregnant by a rape. I crawled onto my bed, and pulled the covers around me. I grabbed my teddy bear from when I was little, that was propped up at the foot of my bed, and hugged him to my chest. He was the only him that could touch me.

I sat there in silence for several minutes. My mom hadn't moved from the bathroom. In my peripheral vision she was checking and rechecking each test. I had seen them all. Finally satisfied, or probably dissatisfied, she came into the room, not saying a thing.

I needed her. She's my mom.

"Mom. What am I going to do? How can I have a baby? I'm still in high school."

She moved towards me, slowly. "Baby, maybe you should talk to Jimmy."

My head snapped up. "No! I've never speaking to that bastard again." How could she ask that? She did believe me, right? That he raped me? That was not consensual?

She sighed and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Isabella, we should think about an abortion then."

"What? Kill the baby?"

"It's not a baby yet, honey. And it would be better for you. Easier."

"Killing is okay because it's not a baby yet? Because it's easier?"

"Izz."

"Don't call me that! I hate that." I held the teddy bear tighter to my chest. "I'm not having an abortion."

She stood up, looking down on me. I don't know why but she looked ashamed of me. Disappointed somehow.

I couldn't understand why.

"Honey, we'll talk about this tomorrow. Why don't you get some rest."

She left the room, shutting the door quietly behind herself. I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. I had a right to be upset.

The moment she left me they came—the tears. I was hurt and still hurting. I had bruises that were still fading.

I wanted my mom. I needed her to hold me and comfort me. I needed her to tell me everything was going to be alright. I needed to be my mother's baby for a little bit.

Alone, I cried myself to sleep for the first of many nights.

OoOoOoOo

Charlie took it much better than expect. Much better than mom. He accepted my decision. I said I was keeping the baby, and he never once offered the alternative.

He cried for a while, longer than I expected. But then again, I'd cried for three months before I came to Phoenix. He learned that his little girl wasn't a little girl any more, and hadn't been for a while.

Alice's mom came and picked her up not to long after dinner. She patted my hand and said she'd see me at school tomorrow.

"Ali?"

She turned to face me from the kitchen doorway.

"Thanks for… everything." She smiled softly. "You've been a real friend."

"You would do the same for me." She said quietly, and left to meet her mother outside.

I turned to face Charlie, distraught with my news. "I'm sorry, Daddy."

"Bells, you have nothing to be sorry for. I should be the one apologizing."

I stood up to begin cleaning up our hardly touched dinner. I pack away the leftovers in the fridge, and rinsed off the dishes before placing them in the dishwasher. I moved quickly and deftly through the kitchen. I couldn't help but feel Charlie's eyes on me. His tears had dried, but he had a haunted quality about him, like he was waiting to wake up from a nightmare.

I turned bracing myself for my next apology. The guilt was becoming unbearable. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Dad. I planned on telling you as soon as I got here, but then everything was going so well, and I just wanted to feel normal for a little while longer."

He nodded, but kept his eyes on me—no, on my stomach. I protectively placed my hands on my middle, gently rubbing the bump that had grown over the last few weeks.

My flowy tops hid my pregnancy rather nicely. Fortunately the current style was favorable to hidden pregnancies. In a month there would be no hiding.

"What's the plan, Bells?" Charlie leaned forward in his chair, resting his clasped hands on top of his thighs.

I sighed. I knew what I wanted to do, but as for a plan? I had no idea. "I don't know, Dad." I wiped my hands once more on a dish towel and made my way back to the table. "I hadn't thought further than coming here."

His eyebrows scrunched up. "Don't misunderstand this honey, but why are you here? It seems that you would need your mom?"

That had obviously been my first choice—to be with mom. But in that town, under that scrutiny, with her disapproval, it wasn't going to happen.

Then again, look how Charlie responded. He trusted me, he believed me, he wanted me. Mom didn't give me any of those things. Yea, I wanted to be with my mom while I was having a baby, but Charlie was the more steadfast of the two, ironically.

I always thought that the hero was the one who stayed. Mom stayed when Charlie left. I understood why he left. But he still did—even if my mom had been the one who cheated. He left me too.

But here he was opening his house, and heart to his wayward daughter. He wanted to champion for me. He wanted what I wanted. He never once had said something against keeping the child that was thrust upon me unwillingly.

"Because mom wants me to get an abortion. She doesn't believe my version of the events—she believes his."

Charlie's face went red again, and I could see his pulse in his forehead. He muttered a few expletives under his breath. Quietly, strained, he replied. "I believe you, Bella." He took a deep breath. "We'll figure things out."

OoOoOoOo

For the first time in my life, Charlie hovered. He took everything harder than I foresaw. He followed me around for the rest of the night, and even tucked me into bed. He insisted on taking me to school on Monday.

I understood his protectiveness. If it was even a tenth of what I felt for my tummy… I was going to be obscenely protective. Poor kid.

On the way to school on Monday, I awkwardly fidgeted in the passenger seat.

"Dad, you don't have to do this. Emmett could have taken me to school."

He harrumphed.

I stared out the window. The ranch houses went by, and we turned on to a larger thoroughfare, passing the flat top businesses surrounded by palm trees, and tropical fruit trees. I still found it nifty that there were grapefruit and orange trees around—because honestly how is that not cool?

Ironically, I felt lighter than I had in weeks. There was so much to deal with. I was pregnant. My future was uncertain, but I was no longer alone. I had Alice and Charlie on my side.

I breathed deeply, hoping he'd see the reason in my argument. "Dad, I really appreciate you taking me to school, but you have work, and we both know you can't do this everyday. Emmett can take me. I'll be fine."

He turned and raised one eyebrow. I didn't even know he could do that. I was impressed.

"Come on, Dad. You know that Emmett would probably be the first to punch someone who bothered me."

He grunted.

"He gets the whole no touching thing. He basically acts like a barrier between me and everyone else at school anyway."

He grunted again, but this time without as much force.

"My friends are really great, dad. They don't know anything, but they look out for me. You have nothing to worry about."

He did the eyebrow thing again. I just rolled my eyes. He worried, now more than ever.

My cell phone buzzed, indicating I had received a text. I looked at it surreptitiously.

It was from Alice.

Where r u? Em said he didn't pick u up. Is everything ok? –A

I replied quickly.

Yea my dad wanted to take me. Ill b there soon. –B

I didn't know what I had done to deserve such great friends. I felt the need to pinch myself sometimes to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

Speaking with Alice reminded me of our conversation last night. I couldn't sleep so I got on facebook. Alice was waiting. She told me her dad cornered her the moment she got home, asking about me. But she didn't tell him anything—she wanted to talk to me first.

I was blown away.

I explained that I told him I was pregnant. She told me to hold on. I looked through her picture albums while I waited, surprised to find a few from my birthday party—before the break down—up already. When does she find the time?

When she got back, she said Dr. Cullen wants me to go see an OB/GYN. Alice volunteered to go with me.

I hadn't even thought of it. I felt ashamed because it was only responsible to go to a doctor. I needed to care for my baby better.

Alice said that Dr. Cullen had a doctor in mind for me—a female. She gave me the number, and made me promise to call.

The only thing about doctors was that they cost money. I needed to talk to Charlie about it.

"Uh, dad. Alice got a number of a female OB/GYN from her dad that he thinks I should see." I tucked a stray hair behind my ear.

Charlie's eyes got wide. "Of course, I hadn't even thought of it."

I fiddled my fingers, trying to think of a way to bring up money or insurance. "Mom doesn't want me to use her insurance."

"What?"

"I have some money saved up, but not enough for doctor's visits, as well as everything else."

"Whoa, wait, Bells. You're on my insurance, always have been." He glanced over at me. "I never really trusted your mom's. It should cover everything."

I sighed in relief. I hated taking money from him, but it was a weight off my chest nonetheless.

We pulled up to the curb of the school, and Ali and Edward were waiting out front.

"Bella?" I turned towards him. "Call me. Any reason, okay?"

I nodded. "I love you, dad."

"Love you too, Bells."

I got out of the car, to meet Alice's beaming face. Alice quickly grabbed my bag from me handing it to Edward. His mouth twitched as Ali told him to carry it. She swiftly laced her arm through mine, and pulled me into the building.

A/N: A forum for Untouchable has been started at Twilighted! Go and check it out! A link is in my profile page!

My blog is also pretty cool too: http : / / elspethgordie . xanga . com /

Reviews are better than beating Renee over the head with an iron-skillet! I bribe too. Review = crazy. awesome. teaser.

Rec's

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Beyond Time by tkegl: After the Cullens leave Forks, a twist of fate lands Bella in Chicago in 1918. She thinks it's her second chance... a chance to build a life with a human Edward. But when she finds him, he's not quite what she expected... and Bella has some hurdles to overcome to create the future she's hoping for.